Ugg. I'm hating myself so much right now.
Me and my mom... Well, we have been getting into a lot of arguements. First off, the bad thing about me is that I am very forgetful, I lie, and I seem selfish. Alright? I'm telling the truth.
Thing is, I care a lot about my family and my friends. I have a way of putting myself in other people's shoes. That's how I know how to act around someone feeling down, or someone feeling happy.
But Ive been making a lot of mistakes these days, being very forgetful and acting lazy. But I always try to please people around me. I think I'm trying to help people around me, but I feel miserable in the process. I always feel sick unless I'm having fun. The only time I can feel relaxed is when I am taking a shower, or sleeping.
My room is messy, I somehow got beg bugs in my room, my mom got into a big arguement with me, and I somehow have a cavity.
First, Id like to say that shes right for sayingnmy room is messy. I like it messy, but she doesn't. But it hasn't created many problems for me. As a matter of fact, putting things everywhere helps me get organised be cause I can see everything, but I guess that's not enough for it to be justified.
Also, I will admit that I lie. I always try to do that so that I canmake sure my mom doesn't get mad over something I did by mistake. For example, if I ate buffalo wings when she told me not to eat all of them in a few days. I got four out, cooked them, ate, and then wiped the plate and put it in the dish washer. Then if she asks me if I ate any, Id say "no". She has said that it would be better if I tell her the truth first, but whenever I do, I'm met with anger and scolding. It makes telling the truth seem... bad.
Me Nd my mom got into a big arguement the other day as well. But first, I like to say something. Once, I was home after school. My mom was going to have a package returned. I saw the car, but I forgot to place the package outside for him to pick ot up. Unfortunately, I did t know if I should have taken the package out/tell the mailman that we had the package. When she came home and was told that I did see him but didnt get the package to him, she was mad. She was frustrated that she needed to schedual a other day for pick up. So this time, the exterminator came before she got home, but she was just minutes away. I was concerned that they may leave if no one is present in the home. So I decided to open the door. I did t want her to get frustrated again. I opened the door, disregarding the many times she has toldnme not to. Made a mistake with opening the door. So we left to the mall so the exterminators can work on the home, and we began arguing in the car. I bursted into tears and we began getting mad at each other. She almost called the cops and an ambulance on me because of the aggression I was showing (screaming) . I finally cooled off when we were in the mall, and she told me how much I was like my dad. She even told me that I should move to his home because it would be better for me since he "wouldn't care about anything I do." My stomach burned with fury, but I kept it in and just looked away for most of the day. Then, we were having dinner and she wants a coke. We saw that the fountain version coasted less than thecanned one, but she got mad since she didn't want it. "Why would I go here for a fountain drink? If I wanted one, I would have gotten one at the other places." She told me that I was stupid and that she doesn't know how I do good in school if I am so illogical and forgetful.
Then, today I found out that I have a cavity. I told her and we have a appointment schedualed today. Now Ive caused another expense and shes gonna hae me even more. Ugg.
My dad hasn't paid his share of expenses, so my mom has to pay it out of pocket.
I hats myself. What do I do? Ive told my mom I'm sorry more than once, but I feel like she doesn't believe me. I cant say anything more than sorry without crying.