[beyblade story]

prologue

chapter 1
chapter 2
chapter 3
chapter 4
chapter 5
chapter 6
chapter 7
chapter 8
chapter 9


characters
Austin

Evan

Yukio

Daisuke


















season 2
chapter 1
chapter 2
chapter 3
chapter 4
chapter 5
chapter 6


(characters)
Marget

Stacey

Martin

Aargo

Cole(austin son)
Why dont you just edit your first post and add the chapters 2 and 3 some what like this

EDIT : and please check the spelling errors in the 4th line of chapter 1 it is like this-

Jason:"Well if you not going to make this battle interesting we might as well end it"

When it should be -

just put all the chapters in the OP with spoilers. Its more organised that way.
In your chapters, you missed a few spaces, too.
no i didnt i wasnt finish with the chapter
This thread saddens me.

Alright.

First of all. You have too many dialouges. Shorten the amount.
Second. The dialouges are extremely short. Try to extend them.
Third. You don't describe your surroundings enough. Describe.
Fourth. Your grammar, it kills me. Read or at least eat a dictionary.
Fifth. Your characters are very underdeveloped. Please, give them at least a little background

And finally. Your chapters are too short and only contain what I stated above.

Either correct these problems, or quit writing.

I beg of you.

For the sake of humanity.
ok next chapter will have all of that stuff in it

i appreciate the help
this story is better than your old one so keep it up because i like this one
Yeah, you haven't fixed anything...

You should look at some better stories, such as Mine or ChinaBlade's to know what to put in a story...
the plot is better is what i meant.
i'm a amatuer not an expert remember that
here are some errors
Yea i'm-Yeah I'm,", It stand for Aargo- It stands for Aargo,
"Just you wait".Austin began to unlock his beyblade spirit.-"Just you wait," Austin began to unlock his beyspirit,
"Jason dont under-estimate him"-"Jason don't underestimate him,"
and theres some more
Okay, I don't think I saw much more errors but your free to corrct me
Cool story!but too many mistakes
This reads more like a play, rather than a story. Most of it is dialogue Confused
i 4get to proof read my stories when i'm done