World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
[beyblade story] - Printable Version

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+--- Thread: [beyblade story] (/Thread-beyblade-story--54776)

Pages: 1 2 3 4


[beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 16, 2012

prologue

chapter 1
chapter 2
chapter 3
chapter 4
chapter 5
chapter 6
chapter 7
chapter 8
chapter 9


characters
Austin

Evan

Yukio

Daisuke





















RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 16, 2012

season 2
chapter 1
chapter 2
chapter 3
chapter 4
chapter 5
chapter 6


(characters)
Marget

Stacey

Martin

Aargo

Cole(austin son)



RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 16, 2012

season 2 almost done


RE: [beyblade story] - pranzdiv123 - Sep. 16, 2012

Why dont you just edit your first post and add the chapters 2 and 3 some what like this

EDIT : and please check the spelling errors in the 4th line of chapter 1 it is like this-

Jason:"Well if you not going to make this battle interesting we might as well end it"

When it should be -




RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 16, 2012

i didnt think of it
ok


RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 16, 2012

the main index is on page 2


RE: [beyblade story] - TakasuMouce - Sep. 16, 2012

just put all the chapters in the OP with spoilers. Its more organised that way.
In your chapters, you missed a few spaces, too.


RE: [beyblade story] - K!d Death - Sep. 16, 2012

You forgot the spoiler....


RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 16, 2012

no i didnt i wasnt finish with the chapter


RE: [beyblade story] - Hale Tenebrae - Sep. 16, 2012

This thread saddens me.

Alright.

First of all. You have too many dialouges. Shorten the amount.
Second. The dialouges are extremely short. Try to extend them.
Third. You don't describe your surroundings enough. Describe.
Fourth. Your grammar, it kills me. Read or at least eat a dictionary.
Fifth. Your characters are very underdeveloped. Please, give them at least a little background

And finally. Your chapters are too short and only contain what I stated above.

Either correct these problems, or quit writing.

I beg of you.

For the sake of humanity.


RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 16, 2012

ok next chapter will have all of that stuff in it

i appreciate the help


RE: [beyblade story] - beybladefoever - Sep. 17, 2012

this story is better than your old one so keep it up because i like this one


RE: [beyblade story] - DefStamina88 - Sep. 17, 2012

Yeah, you haven't fixed anything...

You should look at some better stories, such as Mine or ChinaBlade's to know what to put in a story...


RE: [beyblade story] - beybladefoever - Sep. 17, 2012

the plot is better is what i meant.


RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 17, 2012

i'm a amatuer not an expert remember that


RE: [beyblade story] - beybladefoever - Sep. 17, 2012

here are some errors
Yea i'm-Yeah I'm,", It stand for Aargo- It stands for Aargo,
"Just you wait".Austin began to unlock his beyblade spirit.-"Just you wait," Austin began to unlock his beyspirit,
"Jason dont under-estimate him"-"Jason don't underestimate him,"
and theres some more


RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 17, 2012

i fixed the mistakes


RE: [beyblade story] - beybladefoever - Sep. 17, 2012

Okay, I don't think I saw much more errors but your free to corrct me


RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 17, 2012

Ok thanks for the help guys


RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 17, 2012


need more characters


RE: [beyblade story] - ElementalDude97 - Sep. 17, 2012

Cool story!but too many mistakes


RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 17, 2012

ok i gotcha


RE: [beyblade story] - sarabscientist - Sep. 17, 2012

This reads more like a play, rather than a story. Most of it is dialogue Confused


RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 17, 2012

this is really good


RE: [beyblade story] - ghost22 - Sep. 17, 2012

i 4get to proof read my stories when i'm done