i will finish a new story on a new thread [beyblade story]

Whoa. Not sure if actual attempt at story... Or trolling.
Anyways, WAY to many grammar and spelling mistakes and other mistakes to explain.
This will probably get closed soon.
To be honest, this makes Grammar Nazis, like me, scream in fear.

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I Have No Idea What I'm Doing With My Life Right Now

chapter 2

Spoiler (Click to View)

''Austin notice it had his name on it and wondered why''.''While opening it up he notice a ticket fell out the note saying meet me in the beypark when you get this message''.Austin ran as fast as he could.hello is anyone here,austin said.

''nothing was said''

''Austin heard a loud BOOM!! and decided to go check it out''.It was two kids battling austin noticed that one kid was hurt really bad.

''LEONE austin ripped his bey stopping the other kid's attack''.Hey what are you doing he's had enough.Austin said out of anger.

He's not finished yet the other kid said.

Whats your name,Austin yelled

Beat me and find out.

Ok your on,austin said

''3..2..1 LET IT RIP''

Go storm striker show him the what true beyblade spirit is ''striker hit leone with a feirce attack almost knocking leone out of the stadium''

I gotta focus cant afford to lose.''striker pumbling leone coming from everywere at once''.Come on i gotta do something.Here goes nothing LEONE special move thunder claw.''Leone flew up coming down with sharp blades''

Lets go the other kid said.Striker you know what to do.''Striker stayed still in the middle of the stadium''.''Leone crashed into striker leaving a big explosion''.''Striker had put a sheild on itself''.I told you it wouldnt work im just to strong.''Leone losing alot of stamina''.

Now what.austin said in a concerned voice.

WIN.

Huh austin said to the kid behind him.I dont even know you and your helping me.

My name is kevin.''Kevin was wearing light blue shorts with a green jacket and wavy hair''.

Ok austin said,LEONE!! ''austin was covered in a green aura using his beyblade spirit''.I will win and show you how i battle.

What ever kid.

NOW LEONE, ''leone using all his speed trying the thunder claw move once again''.

Didnt you learn your lesson the first time.''But this time was different it was much stronger then before but instead of attacking striker leone went for the stadium breaking it up''.''Leone quickly moved on the pieces hitting striker each time''.''Leone used the vacum move to suck striker up in the tornadoe causing the other kid a stadium out''.

Your good.the kid said with a smile.

So whats your name.austin said

They call me lee.''Lee was wearing grey pants with a blue button up shirt short sleeve''.

Well Lee its was a great battle maybe next time we could-- ''austin was cut off''

Look austin there will be no next time and if there is you will be defeated for sure.''Lee walked away in silence''.

Dont worry he is just blowing off steam.You were amazing the other kid said.

You have a nice bey what is it? austin said.

A rock libra.Its not really that strong the kid said in disappointment.

Well if you wanna train you can join me if you-- ''austin was cut off again''

Sure austin i would love that.The kid said.

''Somewhere in the tree's a person had been watching the whole battle but who was it.Austin paid no attention to it''.

Do you have a place to stay austin? The kid asked in excitement.

Umm no how come.Austin said with a curious look.

You could stay with me if you like.The kid said

Are you sure you wont mind.Austin said with a smirk.

No way it will be great.The kid said in excitement.

''Around 7:30 austin began to take a walk outside holding his bey inside his hand when it started to glow austin thought his eyes were playing tricks''.

I thought my first attempt was bad. Do you write on a phone?

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Story
made by SolGloActivatur(or what ever he is now)
Subscribe Here(Non-Beyblade)

chapter 3

Spoiler (Click to View)

''The next day when kevin and austin were in beypark another battle had commenced between two kids one was a girl with brown long hair that wore jeans and and a yellow jacket with blue stripes.The other kid was a boy that wore a hat with his hair sticking out of it and a sweat shirt.''

GO ray aquario the girl said.''Aqaurio created a whirlpool that pushed the other kid bey out of the stadium''.

Lost again one day i will beat you sis.The kid said.

Yea of course she said with a smile.''Austin went up to the girl asking her who she was''.

They call me stacey and im kenny the boy said.''I never seen you around here before''.

Im new around here in this area at least.Austin said being nervous

So you wanna battle.

You know it.Austin said with a chuckle.

''3..2..1.. LET IT RIP''.

Lets go leone.Austin said.

Come on aquario.''But in the distance another bey was launched.Luckly kevin launched his bey hitting the other beyblade causing a big explosion''.

WHOA stacey and austin said. What was that kenny asked.

I dont know but kevin needs help.Stacey said

OH NO KEVIN austin said.Wake up come on kevin.Who did this.''The mask figure was caught running away''.Oh no you dont.GO LEONE!! ''Leone broke down the trees trapping the masked figure''.So you wanna battle huh.

Wait austin im here to help.Stacey said.

Dont forget me lee said from a distance.Lets do this

''3..2..1 LET IT RIP''

Every one combine your special move i want to end this.LEONE special move thunder claw.Austin yelled.

Aquario special move whrilpool.Stacey said.

Striker special move white sword slash attack.Lee said.

''Leone turned aquario's whirlpool into water claws and striker's move creating mutliple leone's in the stadium''

BOOM!!

''Dust was in the air the mask figure was knock out.Austin decided to take him to the hospital''.

Are you serious about this or are you just trolling. I hope you wrote this on your phone if you were serious because if you actually used a computer on it that makes it that much worse. And I thought my story's were bad. Sorry for the negativity but you need to put in effort. And if this is trolling its the worst attempt at it iv ever seen.

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill

chapter 4

Spoiler (Click to View)

Austin wake up,stacey said.Kevin is awake and wants to see you like now.

Ok,austin said while getting up and walking down the hall.You ok buddy.''Kevin had bandages all over his body and a bandaid on his forehead''.

Yea im fine,kevin said while trying to sit up.What happen to that other guy.

We took care of him,austin said.how about some tv.Austin walk towards the tv cutting it on.

tournaments are being held in beypark today around 3:30 pm dont miss it.Only the best will win will it be you. --click-- ''austin turned off the tv''.

You should enter austin,kevin said.

Really what about you,austin said.

I will be alright just go,kevin said.

Ok,austin said while running to the hospital exit.

Were are you going,stacey said.

To the beypark come on,austin said.

Wait before we go lets finish our battle,stacey said.

Aww come on i wanna go before its to late,austin said in a whiney voice.

Come on it will only take two seconds before i beat you,stacey said

What did you say,austin yelled

You heard me,sacey said.

Lets go,austin said.

3,stacey said.

2,said austin.

1 let it rip.''They both said while ripping there beys onto the concrete''.

Leone its time to show them how we battle,austin said.

We will see about that,stacey said.

Special move bubble blast attack,stacey said.''aquario floated in the air spinning above the stadium creating bubbles''.

Whats this,austin said.

Now aquario attack,stacey said.''The bubbles were trying to trap and capture leone getting him a stadium out''.

That wont work im to fast for that,austin said. GO LEONE.''Leone zips through the stadium not getting hit by the bubbles at all''.

Come on aqaurio lets do this,stacey said.

''Austin noticed leone started to glow and floated above the stadium''.Whats this austin said.''A flash of light appearred causing the battle to end in a draw''.

What was that stacey said

I dont know austin said while picking leone up.I gotta go if i want to enter the tournament''.

''Austin ran as fast as he could''.Am i to late.

Yes you are the guard said.

Not again i guess i have to watch the battles austin said while walking over to the stadiums.''Austin noticed a kid with spikey hair and a white shirt with black pants''.Who is that guy.

They call me storm he said.My bey is storm eagle.Who are you?

chapter5

Spoiler (Click to View)

They call me austin he said putting his hand out as if he want storm to shake it.

So are you looking for a battle or what storm said.

Sure if your ready to be beaten austin said.

''3..2..1 let it rip''.

Eagle special move storm strike storm said as ''eagle circled the stadium closing leone inside with no way out''.

No you dont austin said.Leone special move lion roar of thunder.''Leone stood in the middle of the stadium waiting to be attacked''.

Dont tell me you gave up already storm said.Well the battle has to end sometime.Eagle now ''eagle began to spiral goin inside the vortex to hit leone''.

Leone now its time austin said as ''leone started to vibrate giving off thunder waves''.

Is that it because if it is your pathetic storm said.This battle is over time to end this NOW!!

I thought u would never say that austin said.But my special move is not over.

Huh what do you mean storm said.Eagle special move wing slash attack.

Go go leone austin said.

Were did it go storm said.If your trying to hide i will find your leone.''were is it he thought to himself''.

Look up austin said.''Leone was floating above the stadium using the wind sealing it inside a bubble''.

Your about to lose.Your power is dropping fast storm said.Eagle beak smash now.''Eagle attacked the bubble causing it to explode''.

''The dust cleared up eagle was barely spinning.Leone had a stadium out''.

I will just try harder next time austin said.Suddenly austin fell to the ground.''Leone started to glow again''.

''austin wakes up in a hospital''

You ok your hurt pretty bad stacey said.

Yea what happen to you kenny said

I dont remeber hat happen.Were is leone austin said.

Calm down i have leone but leone maybe a little different now kenny said

Its a earth leone how could this be.
Austin said while holding it up to the window.


Do you remember when leone started to glow stacey said.

Yes austin said but it could of been anything.

Well kenny figured out why that was happening stacey said

Well leone used it's forbidden power causing it to change.That only happens when a legendary beyblade meets a trainer it really clicks with.

So your saying-- ''austin was cut off''

Yes leone is a legendary beyblade and its bond with you is really close kenny said.

chapter 6

Spoiler (Click to View)

''Austin began to take a walk outside while holding his bey in his hand tighter then ever''.

How could this have happen.''Austin thought of all his batlles he had and noticed how leone and him were the bestest friends''.

HEY KID the mask figure said.Ripping his beyblade from the tree's.

Ive seen that bey before austin said standing in shock.

Cyber destroyer special move light slash the mask figure said.''Cyber began to break the concrete as if he was making a place for them to battle''.

You asked for it lets go leone austin said ripping his bey.This battle will be a short one.

Cyber destroyer special move light slash the mask figure said.''Cyber went to middle of the stadium shaking the ground breaking it up even more''.

NOO!! Austin said.I almost got a stadium out but i wont LOSE.GO LEONE SPECIAL MOVE LION SMASHING CLAW!!

Leone began to spin really fast hitting cyber harder and harder each time.I WONT LOSE I TOLD YOU!! ''Austin aura began to appear so did leone's''.

AHHH.its over austin said in a dark voice.Leone now special move lion smashing claw.

Leone hit cyber as hard as he could giving him the win.Who are you and what do you want.

''The mask figure took off his mask''.My name is aargo and im the leader of the dark bladers aargo said.I wanted to see how strong you were and your pathetic.

What last time i recall im the one that won austin shouted.

Did you notice i didn't go all out like you did aargo said in a calm voice.

So what a win is a win austin said

Look kid when the time comes to battle you seriously.I will aargo said disappearing in the shadows.

Austin stood there puzzled.What do i do now austin said.

1. Chapters NEED to be longer.
2. Space it out a bit. It's crunched.
3. Put ALL of your chapters in the OP.
4. Fix that grammar. Grammar is a vital part...

Along with some other minor issues, you need to fix all of this...

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Come check out my Youtube Channel here! It's all about video games!

is any1 even reading this

It is a bit hard to read, grammar, spaces between words, pretty much everything else someone has listed. Forums like this are meant to be taken serious, even in your own stories. Maybe you could find a friend of yours to edit your stories, like the format, grammar, etc.

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Spoiler (Click to View)

Sig by: xXJCherzXx

Daisuke Motomiya attached a moderator's notice to this user

Was warned for liking T.K. more then me.

Your not taking any of the help people are giving you. You have MANY mistakes.

I'm not going to go on a rant of what you should do because people above me already did, but seriously, most of the people that did give constructive critisism are amazing writers! (Def, and China)

Just take all the critisism into consideration and use it.

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still posi

ok

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chapter 7

Spoiler (Click to View)

Hey austin you ok stacey said running towards him.

Yea im ok but--.''Austin stopped his sentence''.

But what.What happen are you ok.Stacey said being nervous.

It's nothing.Austin said turning his head.

Austin if something is wrong you can tell mestacey said looking into austin eyes.

Well that guy i just battled he said his name was aargo and he is the leader of a group called the dark bladers or something austin said.

Ok we can stop them together as a team stacey said.

You dont get it austin said. He is coming for me.''Austin began to walk away''.

''It started to rain''.

Well austin were are you going stacey said chasing after austin.

Im going to go train austin said in a serious voice.Because when he comes i will be ready.

You are ready stacey said.

No im not austin replied.

No way im going with you then stacey said.

I dont want to get you guys getting hurt because of me. Look at what happen to kevin austin said.

It was a freak accident kevin said from a distance.

KEVIN! ''Stacey and austin said running towards him''

I overheard the conversation and i wanted to say that its not your fault.''Kevin said looking at austin''. If you wanna train im coming along kevin said.

Dont forget about me lee said walking towards the group.

And you guys know you cant go with out me kenny said.

So what are we waiting for stacey said.

''in the mountains''

This will have to do for now austin said looking outside the cave.

Hey austin can i talk to you for a second stacey said.

Sure whats sup austin said with a smile.

Well i noticed we spend alot of time together and was thinking that we could-- ''Stacey was cut off''.''BOOM,it started to thunder''.

Um im gonna go check on the others austin said in a rush.

Why cant i just tell him stacey said in dissappointment.

I guess ill have to do it in the morning stacey said walking away.

''Morning''

Ok guys lets go austin said.

Hey austin i heard people talking about a team event being held at this place called WBBA kenny said.

Well if you want to enter who will be on the team austin said.

How about Lee,Austin,Stacey and Kevin.Kenny said.

Ok it will be fun austin said.what about training.

We will but later stacey said.

''WBBA''

''Team Leone VS Team Pegasus''.

''First up Kevin and Blaze''.

Good luck you will need it.Blaze said to kevin.

''3..2..1..LET IT RIP''.

you need air quotes for the dialogue.

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Everytime you go up against a blader,

My Shop!!!! | My story 3rd|My Team!!!

Win or lose, you must have the burning desire to win, like us, the Infernobladerz of Chicago, Illinois.

This story needs a lot of work grammar and spelling wise. Also read stories like Defstaminas and Chinablades. They are amazing writers and you could pick up some tips from reading their stories.

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“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

i fixed all gramar problems.if you see any more gramar problems juss quote it and point it out please

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the spelling is pretty good

You need these "" for people speaking example :
"Hello!"
Other than that its fine.

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Trying to get to grips with the new stuff after taking an eight year break from the franchise  :D

It seems that you don't capitalize. Your story is very hard to understand, or at least for me. You left out a lot of spaces. I find it annoying when you have something like "(then he stopped talking)". This is written as:

"Yeah, I'm okay, but-"

You put a - to symbolize a break, or cut off, of a sentence or phrase.

You also have to remember to add quotations, like everyone else has mentioned above.

One question:
What do you use to write this story?


If a phone, or tablet, then you should write it with a computer instead.

If you are using a computer, then use something like Microsoft word for proofreading and editing. Be sure to read it over too, just to make sure the program missed something wrong in the chapter.

Also, remember to make the chapters a bit longer.

Well, Good luck!

Takasu

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|Instagram|deviantART|Music Album|Youtube|RPG Game|Story (Discontinued)|Sprites
TUMBLR

/r/YoutubeLetsPlay

need more characters and beyblade names

i fixed all gramar problems.if you see any more gramar problems juss quote it and point it out please

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the spelling is pretty good

Well in that sentence alone you made 3 spelling mistakes and 3 grammar mistakes so...

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“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

You still missed a few spaces, capitols, and you missed used a lot of quotations. This story needs work.

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|Instagram|deviantART|Music Album|Youtube|RPG Game|Story (Discontinued)|Sprites
TUMBLR

/r/YoutubeLetsPlay

I know i'm trying my best.

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I just need a little help that is all.

Look at all the help you've already got, but yet you refuse to use it...

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still posi

your format seem's a lot like bladeshredder's. interesting. you're using the quotation marks around the action instead of the dialouge. And people say that my first story could kill a grammar nazi on contact.

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Proud leader of Team Tempo Twisters!(powered by Chaos Universe)

[Image: LQCvx.jpg]

HORRAY FOR THE RESIZE BUTTON THINGY!credit to Insomniac for the sig.