World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
beyblade stories - Printable Version

+- World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. (https://worldbeyblade.org)
+-- Forum: Off-Topic Forums (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Off-Topic-Forums)
+--- Forum: Your Creations (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Your-Creations)
+--- Thread: beyblade stories (/Thread-beyblade-stories)

Pages: 1 2


beyblade stories - ghost22 - Sep. 13, 2012

i will finish a new story on a new thread [beyblade story]


RE: beyblade stories - ChinaBladeâ„¢ - Sep. 13, 2012

Whoa. Not sure if actual attempt at story... Or trolling.
Anyways, WAY to many grammar and spelling mistakes and other mistakes to explain.
This will probably get closed soon.
To be honest, this makes Grammar Nazis, like me, scream in fear.


RE: beyblade stories - ghost22 - Sep. 13, 2012

chapter 2



RE: beyblade stories - wtater888 - Sep. 13, 2012

I thought my first attempt was bad. Do you write on a phone?


RE: beyblade stories - ghost22 - Sep. 13, 2012

chapter 3



RE: beyblade stories - Voltage - Sep. 13, 2012

Are you serious about this or are you just trolling. I hope you wrote this on your phone if you were serious because if you actually used a computer on it that makes it that much worse. And I thought my story's were bad. Sorry for the negativity but you need to put in effort. And if this is trolling its the worst attempt at it iv ever seen.


RE: beyblade stories - ghost22 - Sep. 13, 2012

chapter 4









RE: beyblade stories - ghost22 - Sep. 13, 2012

chapter5



RE: beyblade stories - ghost22 - Sep. 13, 2012

chapter 6







RE: beyblade stories - DefStamina88 - Sep. 13, 2012

1. Chapters NEED to be longer.
2. Space it out a bit. It's crunched.
3. Put ALL of your chapters in the OP.
4. Fix that grammar. Grammar is a vital part...

Along with some other minor issues, you need to fix all of this...


RE: beyblade stories - ghost22 - Sep. 13, 2012

is any1 even reading this


RE: beyblade stories - Driger Kai - Sep. 13, 2012

It is a bit hard to read, grammar, spaces between words, pretty much everything else someone has listed. Forums like this are meant to be taken serious, even in your own stories. Maybe you could find a friend of yours to edit your stories, like the format, grammar, etc.


RE: beyblade stories - Tri - Sep. 13, 2012

Your not taking any of the help people are giving you. You have MANY mistakes.

I'm not going to go on a rant of what you should do because people above me already did, but seriously, most of the people that did give constructive critisism are amazing writers! (Def, and China)

Just take all the critisism into consideration and use it.


RE: beyblade stories - ghost22 - Sep. 14, 2012

ok
chapter 7








RE: beyblade stories - kaihiwatari5673 - Sep. 14, 2012

you need air quotes for the dialogue.


RE: beyblade stories - Dual - Sep. 14, 2012

This story needs a lot of work grammar and spelling wise. Also read stories like Defstaminas and Chinablades. They are amazing writers and you could pick up some tips from reading their stories.


RE: beyblade stories - ghost22 - Sep. 14, 2012

i fixed all gramar problems.if you see any more gramar problems juss quote it and point it out please
the spelling is pretty good


RE: beyblade stories - Katniss - Sep. 14, 2012

You need these "" for people speaking example :
"Hello!"
Other than that its fine.


RE: beyblade stories - TakasuMouce - Sep. 14, 2012

It seems that you don't capitalize. Your story is very hard to understand, or at least for me. You left out a lot of spaces. I find it annoying when you have something like "(then he stopped talking)". This is written as:

"Yeah, I'm okay, but-"

You put a - to symbolize a break, or cut off, of a sentence or phrase.

You also have to remember to add quotations, like everyone else has mentioned above.

One question:
What do you use to write this story?


If a phone, or tablet, then you should write it with a computer instead.

If you are using a computer, then use something like Microsoft word for proofreading and editing. Be sure to read it over too, just to make sure the program missed something wrong in the chapter.

Also, remember to make the chapters a bit longer.

Well, Good luck! Smile

Takasu


RE: beyblade stories - ghost22 - Sep. 14, 2012

need more characters and beyblade names


RE: beyblade stories - Dual - Sep. 14, 2012

(Sep. 14, 2012  4:27 PM)kyoya321 Wrote: i fixed all gramar problems.if you see any more gramar problems juss quote it and point it out please
the spelling is pretty good
Well in that sentence alone you made 3 spelling mistakes and 3 grammar mistakes so...




RE: beyblade stories - TakasuMouce - Sep. 14, 2012

You still missed a few spaces, capitols, and you missed used a lot of quotations. This story needs work.


RE: beyblade stories - ghost22 - Sep. 15, 2012

I know i'm trying my best.
I just need a little help that is all.


RE: beyblade stories - Tri - Sep. 15, 2012

Look at all the help you've already got, but yet you refuse to use it...


RE: beyblade stories - Eternal-E - Sep. 15, 2012

your format seem's a lot like bladeshredder's. interesting. you're using the quotation marks around the action instead of the dialouge. And people say that my first story could kill a grammar nazi on contact.