Yo!

Prologue - The Murder

Spoiler (Click to View)

After a long tiring day, I went back home. The cool night breeze brushing onto my face, I walked toward my home on #5 Jomet Drive. I advanced the straight path until there was a fork; I then turned toward the right and started walking down again, vast trees along the way. As I sped down the way faster, eagerly wanting to get sleep, I heard a noise, a very faint noise, one that sounded like a muttering voice. I halted my journey. “Just let it be, let it be.” I said to myself to calm me down. I resumed my journey peacefully, but in the back of my mind, I was still scared. The voyage continued and eventually ended without any more disturbances, which made me feel relaxed. I was now standing in front of my comfy home. As I rummaged my pockets for the keys to unlock the massive black door in front of me, I once again, heard the muttering voice. Now I couldn’t resist my fear and curiosity. You know what they say, “Curiosity kills the cat”. I whirled around and witnessed a young boy holding a knife slowly advancing toward me. Before I knew it, the boy impaled the knife into my chest. Blood splattered everywhere. I was…….dead.

Episode 1- The Right Path

Spoiler (Click to View)

News Flash: A large murder on Jomet Drive! Security blamed?!
“14- year old teenage boy, Xero Frigo, last successor of the Frigo’s, the only son of the late well-known soldier, Rex Frigo, was spotted dead in the front of his doorstep. The suspect left no trace of clues onto who he or she might be apart from a knife which bore the symbols, UL. Security affirms that they don’t just allow anyone go inside the drive. Regardless, however, they were honorable enough to inform us that they didn’t exert much effort on tightening the security. They partly blame themselves for the unstoppable murder. “There was nothing we could do.” groaned chief police, Frank Lorenzon. Although the International Crime Investigation Society, or the I.C.I.S, is taking these recent matters into serious investigation, it only takes a minute or so to make sure you’re safe. This is Bob Freton, putting the News Patrol into an end.”

The television kept flashing images of the boy coated in blood. The viewer of this television, however, groped the remote and turned it off. A man was staring at where the flashy television was, his blue eyes fixed onto it. He then stood up, his cloak billowing in the wind and his ruffled black hair shining brightly in the sunlight, he hissed softly, “Nort, Terra.” A strong gust of wind entered the vast room though the man didn’t seem to mind. After some time, the wind calmed down again. Nothing new occurred apart from two men was inside the room. One was short, dark and skinny while the other was tall, white and muscular. Although both wore the same black cloak the man was wearing. “Master, why have to summoned us?” asked softly the massive man. “Terra…I have a mission for you both to carry out.” answered the man, smirking.

Meanwhile……
My soul was floating up into the air, departing from its body. Was this how being dead felt? Like…a ghost? I didn’t know but I continued floating upwards until everything down there went out of sight. Suddenly, as I turned my head away from the world, the sky turned pitch-black and…I was standing on it. A flight of stairs then materialized before my sight. Following my sixth sense, I walked up the stairs. After what seemed like hours, the stairs perished. I was, once again, standing alone in this pitch-black world. A gold, large door then presented in front of me. I placed my hand upon the shiny knob of the door. My hand then glowed white and eventually, the door too glowed. “What’s happening?” I shouted until the door unlocked itself and my voice faded and turned into an echo, with me deserting the horrible and frightening world.

Episode 2- The new world

Spoiler (Click to View)

I turned my head away from the world of darkness and focused my gaze to the view awaiting me. A flash of blinding white light struck my eyes. I shut them fast, clearly avoiding getting blind. After a while, I felt that the light had gone off. I opened my eyes and saw the most magnificent sight I had ever seen. Flowers of different colors blossoming everywhere, stray animals sniffing them. The sight reminded me of an abstract idea…peace. As I strolled around the place, I bumped into someone. We both fell down to our feet. It was a girl. “Sorry.” We said at the same time. She turned around and ran, her shiny brown hair dancing in the wind.

A brilliant idea came across my mind. “Wait!” I shouted. But she didn’t seem to hear it so I ran after her. “Wait!” I shouted again. She stopped dead in her tracks. She swirled around. Her bright blonde eyes fixed to me. I had just noticed how I towered over her. “Yes?” she asked. “Uh…Er….What is this place?” I asked, eagerly awaiting a response. Instead she said, “Come here.” We walked and walked, turning here and there. Finally, she stopped. We were in front of a vast, golden….temple? “Wait here…” she murmured. She went inside the seemingly mysterious structure. After some minutes, she proceeded from the door. “Go now…Farewell…” she said before she went off running back.

I went inside the temple. “Hello?” I asked. It echoed. “Here.” answered a voice. I followed to where the voice came from. A man sitting on a red cushion, drinking a cup of tea, gestured me to settle down near him. “Sir, where am I?” I asked him as I sat down on one of the cushions. It was soft and very comfortable. “Ah yes, Mr. Frigo. We’ll get to that later. For the meantime, drink a cup of tea.” He said calmly. I took one of the flower-themed cups on the tray and sipped on it. It was very hot but not burning. It was…just right in everything. Flavor, temperature and everything I could think of. As I drank the last drop of the resuscitating tea, I realized something, something…weird.

I gulped the drop and spoke rather confused, “How do you know my name sir?” The man didn’t reply. “Sir, let me repeat it again, how do you know my name?” I said calmly. The man opened his mouth but no words came out. Recognizing what he had done, he closed his mouth. He then sighed. “I guess I have no choice but to inform you anyway.”

Episode 3- The Truth?

Spoiler (Click to View)

“….Your a…warrior, Xero.” He said. It took me a while to take in what the words meant and I said shockingly, “I’m a what?!” “You’re a warrior, a warrior of light to be more accurate.” He repeated with no trace of annoyance. I showed a very confused face which the man saw and he sighed, “Come nearer…” He took a deep breath and said, “You see, you’re in the OverWorld right now. Or what you call it…heaven. The OverWorld is a place where good spirits come to when they pass away. Remember that stairs you took flight on? Well, those were the “Stairs of Decision”. They decide if you are good or bad. If ever, you are evil Xero, which I doubt you would ever be, you’ll be ended up in the UnderWorld, uh…what you know as hell.” He ended.

“What does that have anything to do with me being as warrior or something?” I asked irritated. “It has everything to do with it, Mr. Frigo. We, OverWordians, are in an everlasting war with the UnderWorldians and EVERYONE” he put a big emphasis on the word everyone, “is a warrior in here.” He finished. “But-“I asked but he interrupted. “No more questions. Just go through this door.” He drew a circle motion with his frail hand and a vast door appeared out of nowhere. “And once you’re there, look for Maria.” I hesitated but then I moved towards the door, placed my hand onto the knob and turned to glimpse a final look at the room and I turned the knob and went inside. As a flash of light again showed itself, I felt my insides twisting madly and my head swirling as if it was a top. I regained consciousness, noticing I passed out. I rubbed my forehead thinking of what had happened. "A warrior?" I thought.

---

"You want something to happen? Make it happen."
[Novel] The Andromeda Files : The End Of Eternity

I'm liking it, it isn't character request, and the story is actually readable. Very interested in the next chapter!

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How do I still have 17th most posts here...?

Thanks. Probably accepting requests later on. Oh and....try to find the song reference.

---

"You want something to happen? Make it happen."
[Novel] The Andromeda Files : The End Of Eternity

well nice story reading it im amazed and thinking is it a beystory or something else and if the character is dead than how will the story continue?

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sig by me

"Just let it be"? Is that it? Anyway, way to own your character. This is pretty good so far.

EDIT: Xlr8. I do it all the time in my books. In Andromeda 108, and The Tactician, the main characters die, or nearly do.

Oh you'll see. I have my ways to continue it even if the character is dead.
And its "Let It Be" BTW. Beatles. Old band. LOL. Me friend loves them.

---

"You want something to happen? Make it happen."
[Novel] The Andromeda Files : The End Of Eternity

GHOSTS!
Also I see no song reference lol. I don't listen to music much so yeah. "Just let it be, just let it be" sounds familiar to me, rings a bell from somewhere!

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How do I still have 17th most posts here...?

Hah, I's a winner! (Just finished listening to "Elanor Rigby", so I'm in Beatles Mode right now.) Hopefully, you pull off the "dead character" thing well.

"The Fallen"...Transformers?

Anyways, a little more length would be nice, but the content isn't bad. So, review time!

*Lots of description and transitions-nice job!

*I think you switched tenses multiple times. Was that intentional?

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"Life isn't about how hard you can hit;
it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"
{[YT]} [|BEYBLOG|] (â—ŠSoG-My Bookâ—Š)/<DA>\

intresting. you are dead. and you still had time to write a whole story. wow. cant wait for the next part

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Thanks to Synth for the sig and the avatar
PM me for Mario Kart Wii, Brawl or Pokemon. My Pokemon FC is 2365 6466 0001
Before you read a story, go to Renagade Reviews. If you have a story, then ask us for a review: http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Renegade...#pid729778

“I thought the devil was a goat-man with a curly beard and horns. I was wrong. Now I know the devil has no face… Literally.”
Read my new story Faceless. It's promised to be bigger and better than my last one.
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Faceless...pid1080518

Yo!

Episode 1- The Right Path

Spoiler (Click to View)

News Flash: A large murder on Jomet Drive! Security blamed?!
“14- year old teenage boy, Xero Frigo, last successor of the Frigo’s, the only son of the late well-known soldier, Rex Frigo, was spotted dead in the front of his doorstep. The suspect left no trace of clues onto who he or she might be apart from a knife which bore the symbols, UL. Security affirms that they don’t just allow anyone go inside the drive. Regardless, however, they were honorable enough to inform us that they didn’t exert much effort on tightening the security. They partly blame themselves for the unstoppable murder. “There was nothing we could do.” groaned chief police, Frank Lorenzon. Although the International Crime Investigation Society, or the I.C.I.S, is taking these recent matters into serious investigation, it only takes a minute or so to make sure you’re safe. This is Bob Freton, putting the News Patrol into an end.”

The television kept flashing images of the boy coated in blood. The viewer of this television, however, groped the remote and turned it off. A man was staring at where the flashy television was, his blue eyes fixed onto it. He then stood up, his cloak billowing in the wind and his ruffled black hair shining brightly in the sunlight, he hissed softly, “Nort, Terra.” A strong gust of wind entered the vast room though the man didn’t seem to mind. After some time, the wind calmed down again. Nothing new occurred apart from two men was inside the room. One was short, dark and skinny while the other was tall, white and muscular. Although both wore the same black cloak the man was wearing. “Master, why have to summoned us?” asked softly the massive man. “Terra…I have a mission for you both to carry out.” answered the man, smirking.


Meanwhile……
My soul was floating up into the air, departing from its body. Was this how being dead felt? Like…a ghost? I didn’t know but I continued floating upwards until everything down there went out of sight. Suddenly, as I turned my head away from the world, the sky turned pitch-black and…I was standing on it. A flight of stairs then materialized before my sight. Following my sixth sense, I walked up the stairs. After what seemed like hours, the stairs perished. I was, once again, standing alone in this pitch-black world. A gold, large door then presented in front of me. I placed my hand upon the shiny knob of the door. My hand then glowed white and eventually, the door too glowed. “What’s happening?” I shouted until the door unlocked itself and my voice faded and turned into an echo, with me deserting the horrible and frightening world.

---

"You want something to happen? Make it happen."
[Novel] The Andromeda Files : The End Of Eternity

Well, I can't say anything about this,
but this is quite darn good.

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Let the wings of hope spread to the whole world!

New story :
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Yoku-s-s...ary-Hereos

Haha , im no story critic or anything but its better then most of the stories on here , not to mention its readable nice work

^Yes and you should make it longer like Gods Pawn

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DeviantArt

You should have simply stayed in 3rd tense through out this story because there is no way your character would have known about the 3 black hooded guys unless he found out afterwards. Even so you have told it in 3rd tense when you should have left it out or done the whole story third tense. Besides that it is wel put story. Enough description and things going on. Nice length too. I think that is a good length for a forum story like this as we shouldn't be reading too much on a computer screen and the fact that the internet is so distracting people can't be too bothered reading for too long.

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<-SDC
Team Omega Nova!Poke-Fusion Lab!My story

^This is my problem actually. For my level comprehension that is. Also, it's true that it is not that long because I search the Thesaurus first for synonyms. Why? For a 10 year old like me, I have a small vocabulary unlike you guys. And this searching takes a LOT of time.

---

"You want something to happen? Make it happen."
[Novel] The Andromeda Files : The End Of Eternity

Episode 2- The new world

Spoiler (Click to View)

I turned my head away from the world of darkness and focused my gaze to the view awaiting me. A flash of blinding white light struck my eyes. I shut them fast, clearly avoiding getting blind. After a while, I felt that the light had gone off. I opened my eyes and saw the most magnificent sight I had ever seen. Flowers of different colors blossoming everywhere, stray animals sniffing them. The sight reminded me of an abstract idea…peace. As I strolled around the place, I bumped into someone. We both fell down to our feet. It was a girl. “Sorry.” We said at the same time. She turned around and ran, her shiny brown hair dancing in the wind.

A brilliant idea came across my mind. “Wait!” I shouted. But she didn’t seem to hear it so I ran after her. “Wait!” I shouted again. She stopped dead in her tracks. She swirled around. Her bright blonde eyes fixed to me. I had just noticed how I towered over her. “Yes?” she asked. “Uh…Er….What is this place?” I asked, eagerly awaiting a response. Instead she said, “Come here.” We walked and walked, turning here and there. Finally, she stopped. We were in front of a vast, golden….temple? “Wait here…” she murmured. She went inside the seemingly mysterious structure. After some minutes, she proceeded from the door. “Go now…Farewell…” she said before she went off running back.

I went inside the temple. “Hello?” I asked. It echoed. “Here.” answered a voice. I followed to where the voice came from. A man sitting on a red cushion, drinking a cup of tea, gestured me to settle down near him. “Sir, where am I?” I asked him as I sat down on one of the cushions. It was soft and very comfortable. “Ah yes, Mr. Frigo. We’ll get to that later. For the meantime, drink a cup of tea.” He said calmly. I took one of the flower-themed cups on the tray and sipped on it. It was very hot but not burning. It was…just right in everything. Flavor, temperature and everything I could think of. As I drank the last drop of the resuscitating tea, I realized something, something…weird.

I gulped the drop and spoke rather confused, “How do you know my name sir?” The man didn’t reply. “Sir, let me repeat it again, how do you know my name?” I said calmly. The man opened his mouth but no words came out. Recognizing what he had done, he closed his mouth. He then sighed. “I guess I have no choice but to inform you anyway.”

---

"You want something to happen? Make it happen."
[Novel] The Andromeda Files : The End Of Eternity

DUDE COME ON POST TEH NEXT STORY.
I honestly want to see where this is going, it sounds great! Xero Frigo? Freakin awesome name! I LOVE Xero, and Frigo is SO not generic at all. Keep up the good work!

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How do I still have 17th most posts here...?

this is sooooooo much better than most other stories here. welll done.
EDIT: Wait you're 10!!!!!!

---

Thanks to Synth for the sig and the avatar
PM me for Mario Kart Wii, Brawl or Pokemon. My Pokemon FC is 2365 6466 0001
Before you read a story, go to Renagade Reviews. If you have a story, then ask us for a review: http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Renegade...#pid729778

“I thought the devil was a goat-man with a curly beard and horns. I was wrong. Now I know the devil has no face… Literally.”
Read my new story Faceless. It's promised to be bigger and better than my last one.
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Faceless...pid1080518

^Yes, yes I am. I'm working on the next right now.

---

"You want something to happen? Make it happen."
[Novel] The Andromeda Files : The End Of Eternity

Alright people, I'm almost done with Epi. 3 No, it's not long, it's just that I have school and other stuff to worry about.

---

"You want something to happen? Make it happen."
[Novel] The Andromeda Files : The End Of Eternity

Episode 3- The Truth?

Spoiler (Click to View)

“….Your a…warrior, Xero.” He said. It took me a while to take in what the words meant and I said shockingly, “I’m a what?!” “You’re a warrior, a warrior of light to be more accurate.” He repeated with no trace of annoyance. I showed a very confused face which the man saw and he sighed, “Come nearer…” He took a deep breath and said, “You see, you’re in the OverWorld right now. Or what you call it…heaven. The OverWorld is a place where good spirits come to when they pass away. Remember that stairs you took flight on? Well, those were the “Stairs of Decision”. They decide if you are good or bad. If ever, you are evil Xero, which I doubt you would ever be, you’ll be ended up in the UnderWorld, uh…what you know as hell.” He ended.

“What does that have anything to do with me being as warrior or something?” I asked irritated. “It has everything to do with it, Mr. Frigo. We, OverWorldians, are in an everlasting war with the UnderWorldians and EVERYONE” he put a big emphasis on the word everyone, “is a warrior in here.” He finished. “But-“I asked but he interrupted. “No more questions. Just go through this door.” He drew a circle motion with his frail hand and a vast door appeared out of nowhere. “And once you’re there, look for Maria.” I hesitated but then I moved towards the door, placed my hand onto the knob and turned to glimpse a final look at the room and I turned the knob and went inside. As a flash of light again showed itself, I felt my insides twisting madly and my head swirling as if it was a top. I regained consciousness, noticing I passed out. I rubbed my forehead thinking of what had happened. "A warrior?" I thought.

---

"You want something to happen? Make it happen."
[Novel] The Andromeda Files : The End Of Eternity

I really like the story idea that you have come up with for this. Your writing is also really good, you are able to put in description in an interesting and entertaining way. Like others have said, this is a lot better than most of the other stories in the Your Creations Forum. The only thing that was negative that I noticed was that you missed an "l" in the word OverWorldians in the last paragraph of the third chapter. I'm very impressed with this, because I have been going to other stories and bringing up a list of things to improve, while you only have this one very minor thing.

I really look forward to reading more of this gem which shines out in the somewhat Junkyard that we call the Your Creations Forum.

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Check out my newest stories, Lost in Darkness, and The Arsonists!

Do you like writing? Do you like to read stories? Do you like Beyblades? If the answer is yes to any of these, come visit this site! http://beybladefiction.freeforums.org/

Thanks Swift! I didn't notice that..I'm gonna edit it right now.

---

"You want something to happen? Make it happen."
[Novel] The Andromeda Files : The End Of Eternity

Episode 4: The AKT Guild
"Oh, and what did the old man tell me again?" I thought as I tried to remember what he said. "I think he said something about a girl named Maria?" I suddenly burst out loud. All the people whom I never noticed were there stared at me as if I was a vast and tall tower but I ignored them.......completely. I just sat down at one of those fluffy red cushions which felt exactly like those in the temple until I realized something, something I should have asked myself the moment I emerged from that strange sparkling golden door. I glanced at the sight. It was a vast room filled with spirits like me, pacing around like an impatient kid would do. There were also spirits who wore weird blue vests that were standing behind silver counters where the others lined up. Aside from this, there was nothing, nothing special at all in the room unlike the temple which I felt was....magical and mystical.

I approached a frail old man sitting on a bench in the corner. "Where am I?" I asked politely. "You're in the AKT Guild kiddo." he answered so loudly that made me think he was drunk. "Uh.....and what is that?" I responded. "You're new here aren't 'ya?" he asked with a questioning but piercing look that made me shiver. I nodded as he sighed. "The AKT Guild or the Abyss Knight Training Guild is where you are." he said.

---

"You want something to happen? Make it happen."
[Novel] The Andromeda Files : The End Of Eternity