Poison Serpent SW145SD Article Rough Draft [100% Completed. Just needs Approval]

(Dec. 28, 2010  4:17 PM)tman14 Wrote: I think you should compare yours and Wraith's draft, they are both good but someone should compare them too see which one is at par :\
Ah, the moment of truth.
Could somebody fix my "Grammatical Errors"?

♥ told me a while back that he would do it if he had time, but as you can see he never found time. So I'm asking for pretty much anybody to do it.
Face: Serpent

The Face on this Beyblade depicts Serpens. one of the 88 Constelations in space.

Clear Wheel: Serpent

Weight: 2.9g

The regular release of Serpent is a Green, translucent piece. It has several notches and protrusions. The design features many "Snakes" overlapping each other.

Metal Wheel: Poison

Weight: 29.6g

Poison was first released with Poison Serpent SW145SD. It is predominantly circular, with fifteen small spikes on its circumference. The Wheel is relatively thin throughout. Due to the design of Poison the Wheel’s perimeter is raised slightly, more of the Track below is exposed compared to other Wheels, Similar to with Flame, making it easier for other Beyblades to strike its Track, this mix in characteristics makes it mediocre in all areas and perform similarly to dark.

Track: Switch 145

Weight:4.2g

SW145 has three wings which can be removed and "switched" to have either defensive or offensive properties, however, it performs badly in both areas, better choices for attack would be 85, 100 or CH120 and better defensive tracks would be GB145 or R145.

Bottom: Semi-Defense

Weight: 0.5 grams

Just as the Semi-Flat Bottom has a sharper tip than Flat, so too does Semi-Defense when compared to Defense. Before the release of SD, D was the absolute best Stamina Bottom available, but SD quickly took over the top spot.

SD is not able to wobble as much as D, so for defensive purposes, D should still be chosen over SD if you are trying to add some Stamina to your Defense custom. That being said, WD would be a better choice than D for that situation, and also arguably for Stamina as well because with the even wider tip. With it, it is allowed to circle the stadium in some situations when it is on a larger angle towards the end of a battle, thus outspinning D or SD based opponents. However, sometimes this does not happen, and SD easily knocks over the wobbling WD custom before it topples over itself.

It really comes down to personal preference when deciding whether to use SD or WD because they are so closely matched. For pure Stamina it impossible to tell which would win a given match, but WD would prepare you for more situations by being able to take hits better than SD. Test both and decide for yourself which one works best for what you are trying to do.

Overall

Poison Serpent's only competitive part is SD, which can be obtained from the infinitely more useful Dark Bull H145 SD, there is little to no point in trying to obtain this Beyblade other than for collection purposes.
Bump

Thank You ErazmusG. Joyful_3

When I asked ♥ in a PM he said that all this article really needed was some Grammatical Errors to be fixed. Well, now they are fixed. I think this article is now BeyWiki worthy.

So, What do the Mods and Committee members think?

EDIT: Btw, I have photo's of the Beyblade for the article. I took pictures of it straight out of the package. This was literally right after took it out! Who do I need to send them to?
I'm not diggin the sw145 section

This also seems too informally written.
Gah. I just checked the photos that I had ready for the article. Sadly, they suck. Bad quality. So, I need somebody to take pictures of Poison Serpent for me.

This is what I get for using my phone because I was too lazy to grab a camera.

@SSJFisherman - Was the SW145 section in my Original Draft better?
I have no idea what the original one was like
Explain more in depth how they can be switched, what they look like in both modes(this is very important), and what difference they make
(Jan. 28, 2011  1:03 AM)SSJfisherman Wrote: I have no idea what the original one was like
Explain more in depth how they can be switched, what they look like in both modes(this is very important), and what difference they make
The original is in Spoilers in the first post. And that's a good idea.
I say go with what you have now, and add what I said.
Also look at wraith's draft to see if you missed anything for any section.

I can probably do the pictures
yea im interested in the spin track does it move like capricorn's?
Bump (Again)

I added what SSJFisherman said. Btw, if your wondering what it means by "Guard" it's the rounded part of the wing in the back. I called it the Guard because it reminds me of the Guard of a Sword.
(Jan. 28, 2011  1:21 AM)FlameLibra269 Wrote: yea im interested in the spin track does it move like capricorn's?

Don't ask that here; this thread is for writing the article for BeyWiki.
Ask that and other questions you have about the Beyblade Hobby here:
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Ask-a-qu...read-Rules
It's better, but here's some small edits
(Dec. 18, 2010  2:59 AM)Bey-Heart Wrote: Track: Switch 145

Weight:4.2g

SW145 has three wings which can be removed and "Switched" to have either Defensive or Offensive properties. It is switched by removing the Bottom and pulling the wings down. The wings on this Track are shaped in a pattern that is similar to the blades of a fan. When in Attack mode, the Tip of the wings face Counter Clock-Wise. When in Defense mode, the tips faces Clock-Wise. Although this seems like a good concept, it fails badly in both areas and the difference in performance is negligible. Better choices for Attack would be would be 85, 100, or CH120. Better choices for Defense would be GB145, R145, or 230.

You don't have to use my edits if you don't want to, but you can also make edits to my edits, I don't mind.Joyful_2
(Jan. 28, 2011  1:38 AM)SSJfisherman Wrote: It's better, but here's some small edits
(Dec. 18, 2010  2:59 AM)Bey-Heart Wrote: Track: Switch 145

Weight:4.2g

SW145 has three wings which can be removed and "Switched" to have either Defensive or Offensive properties. It is switched by removing the Bottom and pulling the wings down. The wings on this Track are shaped in a pattern that is similar to the blades of a fan. When in Attack mode, the Tip of the wings face Counter Clock-Wise. When in Defense mode, the tips faces Clock-Wise. Although this seems like a good concept, it fails badly in both areas and the difference in performance is negligible. Better choices for Attack would be would be 85, 100, or CH120. Better choices for Defense would be GB145, R145, or 230.

You don't have to use my edits if you don't want to, but you can also make edits to my edits, I don't mind.Joyful_2
I used you edits anyway as I forgot to mention how to change the modes.
A re-edited version:
Quote:Metal Wheel: Poison

Weight: 29.6g

Poison was first released with Poison Serpent SW145SD. It is predominantly circular, with fifteen small spikes on its circumference. The Wheel is relatively thin throughout. Due to the design of Poison, its perimeter is raised slightly, and more of the Track below is exposed compared to other Wheels, similar to Flame. This makes it easier for other Beyblades to strike its Track, and the mix in characteristics makes it mediocre in all areas and the performance similar to dark.

Quote:

SW145 has three wings which can be removed and "switched" to have either defensive or offensive properties. It is switched by removing the bottom and pulling the wings down. The wings on this Track are shaped in a pattern that is similar to the blades of a fan. When in Attack mode, the tip of the wings face counter clock-wise. When in Defense mode, the tips faces clock-wise. Although this seems like a good concept, it fails badly in both areas and the difference in performance is negligible. Better choices for Attack would be would be 85, 100, or CH120, and better choices for Defense would be GB145, R145, or 230.


You need to add Stamina customizations for SD. I think there is some work still to be done.
Bump

Thank you Ray Joker. Joyful_3
(Dec. 18, 2010  2:59 AM)Bey-Heart Wrote:
Quote:Face: Serpent

The Face on this Beyblade depicts Serpens, one of the 88 Constelations in space.

Clear Wheel: Serpent

Weight: 2.9g

The regular release of Serpent is a green, translucent piece. It has several notches and protrusions. The design features many snakes overlapping each other.

Metal Wheel: Poison

Weight: 29.6g

Poison was first released with Poison Serpent SW145SD. It is predominantly circular, with fifteen small spikes on its circumference. The Wheel is relatively thin throughout. The design of Poison causes it to have a raised perimeter, which, like Flame, exposes more of the Track below than other wheels. This makes it easier for other Beyblades to strike its Track, and the mix in characteristics makes it perform badly in all areas, similar to Dark.

Track: Switch 145

Weight: 4.2g

SW145 has three wings which can be removed and "switched" to have either defensive or offensive properties. It is switched by removing the bottom and pulling the wings down. The wings on this Track are shaped in a pattern that is similar to the blades of a fan. When in Attack mode, the tip of the wings face counter clock-wise. When in Defense mode, the tips face clock-wise. Although this seems like a good concept, it fails badly in both areas and the difference in performance is negligible. Better choices for Attack would be would be 85, 100, or CH120, and better choices for Defense would be GB145, R145, or 230.

Bottom: Semi-Defense

Weight: 0.5 grams

Just as the Semi-Flat Bottom has a sharper tip than Flat, so too does Semi-Defense when compared to Defense. Before the release of SD, D was the absolute best Stamina Bottom available, but SD quickly took over the top spot.

SD is not able to wobble as much as D, so for defensive purposes, D should still be chosen over SD if you are trying to add some Stamina to your Defense custom. That being said, WD would be a better choice than D for that situation, and also arguably for Stamina as well because with the even wider tip. With it, it is allowed to circle the stadium in some situations when it is on a larger angle towards the end of a battle, thus outspinning D or SD based opponents. However, sometimes this does not happen, and SD easily knocks over the wobbling WD custom before it topples over itself.

It really comes down to personal preference when deciding whether to use SD or WD because they are so closely matched. For pure Stamina it impossible to tell which would win a given match, but WD would prepare you for more situations by being able to take hits better than SD. Test both and decide for yourself which one works best for what you are trying to do.

Use in Stamina Customs.

SD has many uses in Top-Tier Stamina Customs. In Takara Tomy Stadiums, SD can be used in the following Stamina Customs.
-Virgo DF145SD
-Burn Bull DF145SD
-Earth Bull DF145SD

Overall

Poison Serpent's only competitive part is SD, which can be obtained from the infinitely more useful Dark Bull H145 SD. There is little to no point in buying this Beyblade other than for collection purposes.

Better. That's all I can see:
1. Accidentally put a period.
2. Accidental capitalization
3. I don't think the capitalization and quoting of snakes were necessary. You are talking about the design, so you could just say snakes.
4 & 5. Awkward wording. Changed and shortened.
6. Dark not capitalized.
7. Should be period and there capitalized, not comma and space.
8. Bolded final sentence to catch readers' attention, similar to Beywiki.
9. Replaced trying to obtain with buying, to make similar with beywiki format.

Yup, that's it. Good job!
Bump

Thank you Ga'Hooleone.
Shouldn't you bold the final sentence to show emphasis? Like in my corrections?
(Jan. 29, 2011  4:15 PM)GaHooleone Wrote: Shouldn't you bold the final sentence to show emphasis? Like in my corrections?
Oops. Lol. I'll fix that right now...
(Jan. 28, 2011  1:30 AM)OkiBlaze Wrote:
(Jan. 28, 2011  1:21 AM)FlameLibra269 Wrote: yea im interested in the spin track does it move like capricorn's?

Don't ask that here; this thread is for writing the article for BeyWiki.
Ask that and other questions you have about the Beyblade Hobby here:
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Ask-a-qu...read-Rules
Well the writer should tell how the spintrack moves so he is asking and suggesting something else that should be put in the report so yes he should post that here.
I thought we decided that my draft was better?
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Poison-S...45SD-draft
Bump

I made a slight edit to the Poison section. Just a tiny detail about the Fusion Wheel that was missing...
Since you both have pretty similar, but also a little bit different drafts, why don't you two collaborate and combine? I think that would be the best option, since I was trying to read which one was better, and couldn't decide.
(Feb. 08, 2011  12:46 AM)SSJfisherman Wrote: Since you both have pretty similar, but also a little bit different drafts, why don't you two collaborate and combine? I think that would be the best option, since I was trying to read which one was better, and couldn't decide.
I was actually thinking the same thing earlier... That would be up to Wraith though. I completely agree to the idea. We would just need Wraith to agree though... He would probably agree, but you can never be certain.