World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

[Fan Fiction]  Story Of Lane's Sister: Athena (BBB OC Story) (Completed Until Further Notice)

Sep. 29, 2021  4:55 AM
 
(Sep. 29, 2021  2:19 AM)GenesisBlader Wrote:
(Sep. 29, 2021  2:02 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: S2 Chapter 14
https://www.wattpad.com/1135425097-story...lade-burst
UnseenBurst ColdFlames13 GenesisBlader

OHHHHHHHHHHH MAH GAWD, athena has a whole HORN sticking out of her head!?!?!?!?!? that's crazy!

this chapter was pretty pog nuggets, but i almost threw up in my own mouth after reading how athena grew a "oddly shaped horn" in her head

Yeah, the whole idea with this chapter was to make you go "HOLY S-". This was meant to be a very dark chapter as it really shows how far deep Athena has gone into the darkness (I think the title explains that enough) and i even included her evil theme as well which i believe is just icing on the cake.

You really don't even want to know how Lane is gonna be like when he reaches full power on his mark.
Oct. 02, 2021  4:08 AM
 
S2 Chapter 15
https://www.wattpad.com/1135686165-story...lade-burst
UnseenBurst ColdFlames13 GenesisBlader
Ratings/Reviews would be much appreciated
Oct. 02, 2021  3:09 PM
 
The only problem I have in this whole fic is that you do lower case I and that bugs me (personally)
Oct. 02, 2021  3:15 PM
 
(Oct. 02, 2021  3:09 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: The only problem I have in this whole fic is that you do lower case I and that bugs me (personally)

If you mean the italics then that is my way of showing their thoughts and what is going on through the characters head. i would usually do "*thinks*" but now i personally just get annoyed now whenever i see that so i changed it up and went with italics.
Oct. 02, 2021  3:30 PM
 
(Oct. 02, 2021  3:15 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:
(Oct. 02, 2021  3:09 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: The only problem I have in this whole fic is that you do lower case I and that bugs me (personally)

If you mean the italics then that is my way of showing their thoughts and what is going on through the characters head. ➡️ i ↩would usually do "*thinks*" but now i personally just get annoyed now whenever i see that so i changed it up and went with italics.

I wasnt talking about that. But now I see that's how you normally type.

I put an arrow pointing to the type of I I'm talking about
Oct. 02, 2021  10:01 PM
 
Chapter 16: Explosive Clash! Cruise Ship Showdown!!
Chapter 17: A Valiant Battle! Aiga VS Phi!!
Chapter 18: Fiery Battles! The Final 4!!
Chapter 19: Exciting Legend Battle!! Athena VS Valt!!
Chapter 20: Golden Superstar: Thunder Zeus!!
Oct. 03, 2021  1:41 AM
 
This series has grown so much. It is very well done and I can’t wait to see even more in the future. Also if it’s not too much to ask Delta, I was wondering if you could check out my Wattpad story I made/am making? It would be a huge honor considering you were basically my inspiration for making it and posting it in the first place. Your support would be greatly appreciated.
Oct. 03, 2021  1:44 AM
 
(Oct. 03, 2021  1:41 AM)HeyStarkEagle Wrote: This series has grown so much. It is very well done and I can’t wait to see even more in the future. Also if it’s not too much to ask Delta, I was wondering if you could check out my Wattpad story I made/am making? It would be a huge honor considering you were basically my inspiration for making it and posting it in the first place. Your support would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much! What's your story called or your WP username, if i haven't followed you already i definitely will.
S2 Chapter 16
https://www.wattpad.com/1137012283-story...lade-burst
UnseenBurst ColdFlames13 GenesisBlader
Oct. 03, 2021  5:58 PM
 
(Oct. 03, 2021  1:44 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:
(Oct. 03, 2021  1:41 AM)HeyStarkEagle Wrote: This series has grown so much. It is very well done and I can’t wait to see even more in the future. Also if it’s not too much to ask Delta, I was wondering if you could check out my Wattpad story I made/am making? It would be a huge honor considering you were basically my inspiration for making it and posting it in the first place. Your support would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much! What's your story called or your WP username, if i haven't followed you already i definitely will.
S2 Chapter 15
https://www.wattpad.com/1137012283-story...lade-burst
UnseenBurst ColdFlames13 GenesisBlader

HeyStarkEagle is the username and the story is Beyblade Burst: Battles Against the World.
Oct. 03, 2021  6:18 PM
 
(Oct. 03, 2021  1:44 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:
(Oct. 03, 2021  1:41 AM)HeyStarkEagle Wrote: This series has grown so much. It is very well done and I can’t wait to see even more in the future. Also if it’s not too much to ask Delta, I was wondering if you could check out my Wattpad story I made/am making? It would be a huge honor considering you were basically my inspiration for making it and posting it in the first place. Your support would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much! What's your story called or your WP username, if i haven't followed you already i definitely will.
S2 Chapter 15
https://www.wattpad.com/1137012283-story...lade-burst
UnseenBurst ColdFlames13 GenesisBlader

nice episode/chapter! athena really showed sisco/disco whos boss and burst him like it wasnt much! now athena is officially back in the pog clan (if she wasnt already), and i really thought that drum would come out with the win in drum vs xhaka but xhaka just narrowly burst him! to me it was pretty epic that two powerhouses were going against each other! next we have valt vs free, and it was actually pretty accurate lol. free actually put up much of a fight and was really giving valt a run for his money! but in the end valto used brave sword and ended the match with a burst! pretty epic! now, if the names aiga (yo ma, aiga!) and phi are used in the same sentence then you already know something epic is bound to happen! i honestly cant wait for the next episode, its a rematch with aiga and phi! 

now to sum this all up, a rating for your head:

Grammar: 5/5 - There actually wasn't anything (that I could see) that was wrong with the grammar, nice!

Writing: 5/5 - Everything kinda flowed and wasn't forcefully put into it! I enjoyed the episode due to this!

Plot: 5/5 - It honestly just feels like im putting 5/5's for no reason, but im not I swear! The plot was great and it moves us to a new location! Nice!

Dialogue: 4/5 - The dialogue was good, but it was kinda 75% battle and 25% dialogue. Now, please dont think I'm calling the story bad, and I kinda feel like a hypocrite because I kinda have 75% dialogue, 25% battle, but there was indeed a good it of dialogue in there! Cool beans!

Battle: 5/5 - Don't think I'm exaggerating (lol), but the battles were awesome and described the details in the battle pretty poggers! I can see the actions in battle pretty easily!

All n' All: 24/25 - This chapter was pretty poggers! Keep it up and I might run out of rating juice for this fanfic!
Oct. 04, 2021  5:27 AM
 
S2 Chapter 17
https://www.wattpad.com/1137451632-story...lade-burst
UnseenBurst ColdFlames13 GenesisBlader
Reviews would be much appreciated
Oct. 04, 2021  6:08 AM
 
It's a pretty good battle, aside from the fact that there were a few spelling errors. It's good nonetheless, maybe 8/10.
Oct. 04, 2021  3:47 PM
 
So there are 5 Arcs in total

Arc 1: The Return: 1-11
- Athena returns to Japan and remakes her bey to continue her "everlasting symphony"

Arc 2: Snake Pit: 12-15
- With Athena under siege by darkness, She and her friends visit the snake pit for answers

Arc 3: Tournament Training: 16-30
- As a refresher from the Snake Pit battles, training for the Sparking Legend Tour as begun and more legends begin to rise

Arc 4: Rebirth Arc: 31-41
- With only a week left until the tournament, Athena and Lane work hard to master new evolutions of their beys

Arc 5: Sparking Legend Tour (Final Arc): 42-52
- Sparks fly and legends rise up as the Sparking Legend Tour finally begins
Oct. 05, 2021  1:42 PM
 
DZ, has Athena battled Gwynn yet?
Or Zac?
Oct. 05, 2021  1:56 PM
 
(Oct. 05, 2021  1:42 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: DZ, has Athena battled Gwynn yet?
Or Zac?

Athena has battled Gwyn a few times in Season 1 but never defeated him. Zac has not appeared yet
Oct. 08, 2021  1:10 AM
 
I haven't read this fan fic in a long time. I just spent some time reading it and only a few things throw me back off. One was grammar. But, the story is overall interesting and intriguing. I love this. I read them all. This is great DeltaZakuro

I can't wait to see how the battles unfold now. Let's see who the Final Four will be!
Oct. 08, 2021  1:48 AM
 
(Oct. 08, 2021  1:10 AM)Ryuga's Son Wrote: I haven't read this fan fic in a long time. I just spent some time reading it and only a few things throw me back off. One was grammar. But, the story is overall interesting and intriguing. I love this. I read them all. This is great DeltaZakuro

I can't wait to see how the battles unfold now. Let's see who the Final Four will be!

The final 4 is Valt, Aiga, Athena and Xhaka
S2 Episode 18
https://www.wattpad.com/1137873414-story...lade-burst
UnseenBurst ColdFlames13 GenesisBlader
Oct. 08, 2021  11:51 PM
 
Chapter 20: Golden Superstar: Thunder Zeus!!
Chapter 21: Rebirth! Valkyrie The Hero!!
Chapter 22: Athenas Shining Flare!!
Chapter 23: Athena VS Zac!!
Chapter 24: Final Stage Of True Power! Adeonas True Awakening!!
Chapter 25: The "Perfect" Defense! Jet Wyvern!!
Chapter 26: Cthulhu's Return!
Chapter 27: Fiery Rematch! Athena Vs Chiki!
Chapter 28: The Battle At Sunset!!
Chapter 29: Decisive Battle: Athena VS Lane!!
Oct. 11, 2021  4:35 AM
 
Thunder Zeus.MW.3S

Thunder Ring (Th) - a right spin ring with a shape similar to Galaxy Zeus. The gimmick is that there are 4 metal balls in the ring that shift outwards to increase momentum

Zeus Chip (Zs) - A right spin chip with a front facing Zeus motif, a greek god of the skies and lightning. The chip features a solid red metal core

3-Stamina Chassis (3S) - a completely round chassis with 4 metal balls that are spread equally around the chassis

Metal Weight Driver (MW)

Owner: Zac The Sunshine

Special Moves: Cosmic Thunder, Rolling Sun
Oct. 12, 2021  3:38 AM
 
S2 Chapter 19
https://www.wattpad.com/1138658180-story...lade-burst
UnseenBurst ColdFlames13 GenesisBlader

Reviews/Ratings would be appreciated
Oct. 12, 2021  7:22 PM
 
New Adeona Evolution Info coming soon
S2 Chapter 20
https://www.wattpad.com/1141169379-story...lade-burst
UnseenBurst ColdFlames13 GenesisBlader
Oct. 14, 2021  4:20 AM
 
S2 Chapter 21
https://www.wattpad.com/1141603444-story...lade-burst
UnseenBurst ColdFlames13 GenesisBlader
Oct. 14, 2021  10:25 PM
 
Question who would win in Athena vs Valt
Oct. 14, 2021  11:08 PM
 
(Oct. 14, 2021  10:25 PM)PikaBeyblade Wrote: Question who would win in Athena vs Valt

It's a close match but Athena at this point would defeat Valt with some effort.
Oct. 14, 2021  11:26 PM
 
Will Athena become #1? also I’d kinda like Valt to be #1 while Athena is champion kinda like Aiga and Valt during sparking- sincerely a valt fan, also we are frowned upon in this community cause of some of us
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