[Fan Fiction]  Close This Thread @“CitrusNinja3”

UnseenBurst Or anyone else who reads this sneak peak for Satsu next bey decode it

Ti enod bmotas tesnus

PinkRose can you date my fan fic

???????????

Chapter 9
Enter Satomb Sunset!!!
Hope you like this chapter UnseenBurst do you mind rating?

Btw ryui was watching this video he was not actually there
Grammar/Punctuation: 2.5/5
Characters: 4/5
Storyline: 5/5
Battles: 4.5/5
Dialogue: 3.5/5

Overall: 18.5/25

Keep up the good work.
(Jun. 20, 2021  7:23 PM)JCE_13 Wrote: Grammar/Punctuation: 2.5/5
Characters: 4/5
Storyline: 5/5
Battles: 4.5/5
Dialogue: 3.5/5

Overall: 18.5/25

Keep up the good work.

Thx dude

So does anyone else wanna sign up for the character contest so far UnseenBurst looks like he's gonna win or @darkred anyone else????

PLEASE lol but does anyone else wanna sign up?
Uh... Never fear, for ColdFlames is here!

(Jun. 20, 2021  7:30 PM)LegendJustice Wrote:
(Jun. 20, 2021  7:23 PM)JCE_13 Wrote: Grammar/Punctuation: 2.5/5
Characters: 4/5
Storyline: 5/5
Battles: 4.5/5
Dialogue: 3.5/5

Overall: 18.5/25

Keep up the good work.

Thx dude

So does anyone else wanna sign up for the character contest so far UnseenBurst looks like he's gonna win or @darkred anyone else????

PLEASE lol but does anyone else wanna sign up?

SO... I have never actually made a fan made character or bey (Except ofc that other fan fiction) but it looks fun so I'm going to try it out lol.

Also can you post more about your system..?

So mine is done but it may be illegal

Name: Austin Murphy

Age: 14

Appearance: Black Hoodie, Blue Jeans and black hair.

Personality: Courageous, Resilient

Beyblade (I'm guessing this either has to be a justice bey or whatever there was before): Savage Aeolus (Balance) Hurricane Loop

Beyblade Appearance: It starts off with four blades that look like Valtryeks blades and are black.

Moves: North Wind: The Beyblade goes on attack. South Wind: The Beyblade hits the wall and twists to reveal one more blade and its in stamina mode. West Wind: It hits the wall and reveals two more blades (If its still in balance which is four blades) and its in defense mode. (Attack): North Cannon: It hits the wall but no blades come out and charges at the opponent. (Stamina): South Spin: It goes in the center and uses loop to stay there. (Defense): West Stand: It goes in the center (Or any where) and defends itself.
(Jun. 21, 2021  2:03 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: Uh... Never fear, for ColdFlames is here!

(Jun. 20, 2021  7:30 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Thx dude

So does anyone else wanna sign up for the character contest so far UnseenBurst looks like he's gonna win or @darkred anyone else????

PLEASE lol but does anyone else wanna sign up?

SO... I have never actually made a fan made character or bey (Except ofc that other fan fiction) but it looks fun so I'm going to try it out lol.

Also can you post more about your system..?

So mine is done but it may be illegal

Name: Austin Murphy

Age: 14

Appearance: Black Hoodie, Blue Jeans and black hair.

Personality: Courageous, Resilient

Beyblade (I'm guessing this either has to be a justice bey or whatever there was before): Savage Aeolus (Balance) Hurricane Loop

Beyblade Appearance: It starts off with four blades that look like Valtryeks blades and are black.

Moves: North Wind: The Beyblade goes on attack. South Wind: The Beyblade hits the wall and twists to reveal one more blade and its in stamina mode. West Wind: It hits the wall and reveals two more blades (If its still in balance which is four blades) and its in defense mode. (Attack): North Cannon: It hits the wall but no blades come out and charges at the opponent. (Stamina): South Spin: It goes in the center and uses loop to stay there. (Defense): West Stand: It goes in the center (Or any where) and defends itself.

Nice I like it 👍

Upcoming chapters
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
(Jun. 21, 2021  6:05 PM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: Wait dude I'll totally do this

Sure I mean you are co owner
I'll make my character when I get home.
(Jun. 21, 2021  6:13 PM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: I'll make my character when I get home.

K

Chapter 10
Clash on the Centrie
To be continued
UnseenBurst Can you Rate It?
Not to be rude but... You should work on your punctuation.. Or get Grammarly or something.. Not to be mean
(Jun. 21, 2021  11:01 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: Not to be rude but... You should work on your punctuation.. Or get Grammarly or something.. Not to be mean

Thanks for your Feedback

But I have been working on my punctuation
(Jun. 21, 2021  11:10 PM)LegendJustice Wrote:
(Jun. 21, 2021  11:01 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: Not to be rude but... You should work on your punctuation.. Or get Grammarly or something.. Not to be mean

Thanks for your Feedback

But I have been working on my punctuation

I saw that lol.
(Jun. 21, 2021  11:24 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote:
(Jun. 21, 2021  11:10 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Thanks for your Feedback

But I have been working on my punctuation

I saw that lol.
Lol but I got to work on my next Chapter
(Jun. 21, 2021  11:25 PM)LegendJustice Wrote:
(Jun. 21, 2021  11:24 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: I saw that lol.
Lol but I got to work on my next Chapter

Okay
Chapter 10 part 2
So this will be short since this is just the battle of Jacob vs Ronin
Who else things that Satsu can be a LOT MEAN lol
I should make one of these because it looks fun
(Jun. 22, 2021  12:15 AM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: I should make one of these because it looks fun

Yeah but it's hard work I'll tell you that
(Jun. 22, 2021  12:16 AM)LegendJustice Wrote:
(Jun. 22, 2021  12:15 AM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: I should make one of these because it looks fun

Yeah but it's hard work I'll tell you that

Just need a name..
Ok here it is:
First name: Ronan.Last name: (REDACTED)
Age:14
Bey: edge piranha
Birthday: July 8th
Old job:the bey police (from metal fight)
Description: he's pretty much like Hyde from turbo but has a love for fish that he never expresses cuz he thinks that people would think he's weak.

I forgot about special moves...
(Jun. 22, 2021  12:29 AM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: Ok here it is:
First name: Ronan.Last name: (REDACTED)
Age:14
Bey: edge piranha
Birthday: July 8th
Old job:the bey police (from metal fight)
Description: he's pretty much like Hyde from turbo but has a love for fish that he never expresses cuz he thinks that people would think he's weak.

I forgot about special moves...

Okay!

(Jun. 22, 2021  12:17 AM)ColdFlames13 Wrote:
(Jun. 22, 2021  12:16 AM)LegendJustice Wrote: Yeah but it's hard work I'll tell you that

Just need a name..

Bey Blade burst flames?

Beyblade burst cold?

Beybade burst 13?
(Jun. 22, 2021  12:36 AM)LegendJustice Wrote:
(Jun. 22, 2021  12:29 AM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: Ok here it is:
First name: Ronan.Last name: (REDACTED)
Age:14
Bey: edge piranha
Birthday: July 8th
Old job:the bey police (from metal fight)
Description: he's pretty much like Hyde from turbo but has a love for fish that he never expresses cuz he thinks that people would think he's weak.

I forgot about special moves...

Okay!

(Jun. 22, 2021  12:17 AM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: Just need a name..

Bey Blade burst flames?

Beyblade burst cold?

Beybade burst 13?

Lol
(Jun. 22, 2021  12:52 AM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: Oh and it's a Left spin attack type.

K

(Jun. 22, 2021  12:51 AM)ColdFlames13 Wrote:
(Jun. 22, 2021  12:36 AM)LegendJustice Wrote: Okay!


Bey Blade burst flames?

Beyblade burst cold?

Beybade burst 13?

Lol

Based on your username lol

(Jun. 22, 2021  12:51 AM)ColdFlames13 Wrote:
(Jun. 22, 2021  12:36 AM)LegendJustice Wrote: Okay!


Bey Blade burst flames?

Beyblade burst cold?

Beybade burst 13?

Lol

Based on your username lol

UnseenBurst can you rate any of my recent chapters? If you don't want to do it it's okay!
Chapter 11
Enter Savage Aeolus!!
UnseenBurst can you rate this chapter?
(Jun. 22, 2021  11:53 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Chapter 11
Enter Savage Aeolus!!
UnseenBurst can you rate this chapter?

Grammar: 3/5. Spotted a couple of mistakes
Story: 3/5. I loved the plot you were going for I wish you dragged it out longer so we could get more information.
Characters: 3/5. Finally, we get some information about the characters tho I wish you got more into it
Dialogue: 3/5. I loved how you used a bit of my Dialogue and mixed it with your dialogue to create a smoothie lol
Length: 3/5. You getting there just get into more important stuff in the story and don't feel like your being rushed take all the time in the world.
15/25 You've amped it up nice I'm proud