(Jun. 04, 2021 5:51 PM)JJustice Wrote: (Jun. 04, 2021 5:36 PM)Lucha Burst Wrote:
Grammar 3.5/5: some things are spelled wrong which makes it a little hard to understand when reading through quickly
characters; 4/5 the characters are good they just seem like different variations of valt to me
Story 3/5 nothings really happened too much yet but it's a pretty solid base
Battle 3/5 the battle was more of a funny battle than a serious one, it was also very short
13.5/20 it's a good base(better than mine) but needs work overall it's not bad
Thanks dude
Chapter 3
Battle of a life Time
Announcer: alright bladers get ready.
Reff: Ready set.
Shun: 3.
Wyton: 2.
Shun: 1.
Shun & Wyton: LET IT RIP.
System charges at Woller.
Shun: Black lighting!!!
System sends a Lighting bolt at Woller.
Wyton's mind: I won't loose never again.
Woller: And I won't either.
Wyton: COUNTER THAT WITH DAWN GUARD.
Woller blocks System attack with its shield.
Shun's mind: What type of defence was that.
Meanwhile.
????: *Poisen's drink* here you go.
Jo: Thank you my name is Jo *drinks*
Jo Dies.
???: That's what you get for destroying my bey HAHAHA
Meanwhile.
Shun: AHH ATTACK.
Shun's auruo fires up.
Wyton: Woller DON'T LET ME DOWN.
@Lucha Burst
@strikegamerv6
How is this chapter?
Mind if I rate this?
Imma do it anyway. Rating Fanfics is a hobby of mine. Hopefully you don't mind.
Grammar: 2/5: A lot of words are misspelled and some lines would benefit with different kinds of punctuation.
Story: 1/5: There's not much of a story, is there? It's just very short battles and people screaming special moves. Also some guy died.
Characters: 1/5: we learn nothing about any of the characters. Our main character Loves blading and has a best friend and they both hate some guy. That's really basic and none of the characters are that likable and are just clones of Valt and Ryui is just a mean kid and nothing else. Then there's a psychopath.
Dialogue: 1/5: The characters either talk about blading or scream special moves. At least have them talk about some other things when they're not battling. The Dialogue also sounds monotone and there's not much emotion in the dialogue.
Length/Pacing: 1/5: The chapters are WAY too short. I can read all of them in less than 3 minutes. The pacing is way too fast. There's not enough time for any of us to get used to something or grasp what's going on. They just jump from place to place and it feels a little awkward.
Total: 6/25: This Story could benefit from Longer chapters and better pacing. No hate I'm just trying to help you improve.
hi
