Thanks dude

---

Chapter 3
Battle of a life Time

Spoiler (Click to View)

Announcer: alright bladers get ready.
Reff: Ready set.
Shun: 3.
Wyton: 2.
Shun: 1.
Shun & Wyton: LET IT RIP.
System charges at Woller.
Shun: Black lighting!!!
System sends a Lighting bolt at Woller.
Wyton's mind: I won't loose never again.
Woller: And I won't either.
Wyton: COUNTER THAT WITH DAWN GUARD.
Woller blocks System attack with its shield.
Shun's mind: What type of defence was that.
Meanwhile.
????: *Poisen's drink* here you go.
Jo: Thank you my name is Jo *drinks*
Jo Dies.
???: That's what you get for destroying my bey HAHAHA
Meanwhile.
Shun: AHH ATTACK.
Shun's auruo  fires up.
Wyton: Woller DON'T LET ME DOWN.

To be continued.

@Lucha Burst
@strikegamerv6
How is this chapter?

Mind if I rate this?

Imma do it anyway. Rating Fanfics is a hobby of mine. Hopefully you don't mind.

Grammar: 2/5: A lot of words are misspelled and some lines would benefit with different kinds of punctuation.

Story: 1/5:  There's not much of a story, is there? It's just very short battles and people screaming special moves. Also some guy died.

Characters: 1/5: we learn nothing about any of the characters. Our main character Loves blading and has a best friend and they both hate some guy. That's really basic and none of the characters are that likable and are just clones of Valt and Ryui is just a mean kid and nothing else. Then there's a psychopath.

Dialogue: 2/5: The characters either talk about blading or scream special moves. At least have them talk about some other things when they're not battling. The Dialogue also sounds monotone and there's not much emotion in the dialogue.

Length/Pacing: 1/5: The chapters are WAY too short. I can read all of them in less then one minute. The pacing is way to fast. There's not enough time for any of us to get used to something or grasp what's going on. They just jump from place to place and it feels a little awkward.

Total: 7/25: This Story could benefit from Longer chapters and bette pacing. No hate I'm just trying to help you improve.

Yeah the battle has just begun the guy was suppose to did and thanks for your feedback

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

BEYBATTLE FOR LIFE preview

Spoiler (Click to View)

Meanwhile over in New York.
????: Now that Jo is dead we can count on you to do the rest who is the next target.
???: Shu Kurinai.
????: Okay I will get the Job done .

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Here is Saber Jackal

I will set it as my PFP so you guys can look at it

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Oop guess I can’t do it welp

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

 
Grammar 3.5/5: some things are spelled wrong which makes it a little hard to understand when reading through quickly

characters; 4/5 the characters are good they just seem like different variations of valt to me

Story 3/5 nothings really happened too much yet but it's a pretty solid base

Battle 3/5 the battle was more of a funny battle than a serious one, it was also very short

13.5/20 it's a good base(better than mine) but needs work overall it's not bad

Thanks dude

---

Chapter 3
Battle of a life Time

Spoiler (Click to View)

Announcer: alright bladers get ready.
Reff: Ready set.
Shun: 3.
Wyton: 2.
Shun: 1.
Shun & Wyton: LET IT RIP.
System charges at Woller.
Shun: Black lighting!!!
System sends a Lighting bolt at Woller.
Wyton's mind: I won't loose never again.
Woller: And I won't either.
Wyton: COUNTER THAT WITH DAWN GUARD.
Woller blocks System attack with its shield.
Shun's mind: What type of defence was that.
Meanwhile.
????: *Poisen's drink* here you go.
Jo: Thank you my name is Jo *drinks*
Jo Dies.
???: That's what you get for destroying my bey HAHAHA
Meanwhile.
Shun: AHH ATTACK.
Shun's auruo  fires up.
Wyton: Woller DON'T LET ME DOWN.

To be continued.

@Lucha Burst
@strikegamerv6
How is this chapter?

Grammar: 3/5 Not that many mistakes (Becuase it's so short)
Story: 1/5. Just a battle no real plot
Characters: 1/5. We don't learn anything about them they just battle
Dialogue: 1/5. feels like they're talking just for talking and they're just battling.
Length: 1/5. Not gonna lie we don't get into anything we just have one short battle that's it.
7/25 The main problem of this chapter was how short it was, It could've been a super good chapter but you made it to short and it was just a battle there wasn't really a point to the battle (Just my feedback not being mean) Also it's a bit violent for a Beyblade fanfic but whatever

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Beybattle for life

Spoiler (Click to View)

Wyton: WOLLER GUARDIAN BREAK.

Shun: SYSTEM OVERDRIVE .

Woller Defense blocks System and System burst.

Announcer: Woah It seems like Woller Defense has gotten stronger from the last battle. And what will System do to get back into the game ooo now this is getting exciting oh wait Wyton won How it’s shun gonna get back now . Let’s look at are other battle WE GOT Satsu Matsuda vs Jacob Kong.

Jacob’s mind: This next win is for you Shun your my best friend and I won’t let you down.

Wyton’s mind: Hmm Shun is strong definitely but he could use a little defense.

Announcer: Okay bladers READY

Referee: Ready Set!

Satsu: 3

Jacob: 2

Satsu: 1

Jacob & Satsu: LET IT RIP

Jacob: Now Saber strike!

Jackal starts attacking like it’s like depends on it.

Satsu: I may be a girl but I’m not defenseless SUNSET LETS SHOW THEM WHAT WERE MADE OF!

Sunset attacks Jackal with all its might!

Announcer: SUNSET IS ATTACKING JACKAL LIKE A BULL CHASING A RED FLAG!

Jacob’s mind: … Woah she is strong I have never met a girl like her ❤️ whatever I will win!!

Jacob: JACKAL NOW!

Announcer: Woah it’s getting windy in here what will Sunset do to get out of this one!

Satsu: Finally SUNSET

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Okay so I’m gonna be spdoing something new I’m going to animate something or a bit of this fan fic it will take some time but I will do it

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Chapter 6 preview
BOND

Spoiler (Click to View)

Satsu: COME ON!!

Jacob’s mind: … We have to win. Come on Jackal.

Jackal: Jacob…

Jacob’s mind: Huh Jackal..

Jackal: Why do you play beyblade?

Jacob’s mind: Well because I love battling people and meeting new friends

Jackal: Okay then why are you not having fun.

Jacob: …

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Chapter 6 preview
BOND

Spoiler (Click to View)

Satsu: COME ON!!

Jacob’s mind: … We have to win. Come on Jackal.

Jackal: Jacob…

Jacob’s mind: Huh Jackal..

Jackal: Why do you play beyblade?

Jacob’s mind: Well because I love battling people and meeting new friends

Jackal: Okay then why are you not having fun.

Jacob: …

For a minute I thought this was a chapter I was like

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Chapter 6 preview
BOND

Spoiler (Click to View)

Satsu: COME ON!!

Jacob’s mind: … We have to win. Come on Jackal.

Jackal: Jacob…

Jacob’s mind: Huh Jackal..

Jackal: Why do you play beyblade?

Jacob’s mind: Well because I love battling people and meeting new friends

Jackal: Okay then why are you not having fun.

Jacob: …

For a minute I thought this was a chapter I was like

Lol okay

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Okay I’m having a character Contest winners will be announce on June the 23 so hurry up!

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Okay I’m having a character Contest winners will be announce on June the 23 so hurry up!

Oh you're ripping a page from my book eh? (JK JK JK)

---

Name: Remington Aoikai (Remi for short)

Age: 14

Bey Name: Rebel Raboot (attack type) Zenith High Destroy'

What bey looks like: It has 4 blades and between the blades has rubber for wicked strikes

Personality: He kinda acts like a regular teen rebellious and kinda rude but he only shows his true self (Sensitive caring and protective) to his most true friends and his bey he will do anything to protect his true friends and deep down inside he's just a misunderstood softy.

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Okay I’m having a character Contest winners will be announce on June the 23  so hurry up!

Oh you're ripping a page from my book eh? (JK JK JK)

---

Name: Remington Aoikai (Remi for short)

Age: 14

Bey Name: Rebel Raboot (attack type) Zenith High Destroy'

What bey looks like: It has 4 blades and between the blades has rubber for wicked strikes

Personality: He kinda acts like a regular teen rebellious and kinda rude but he only shows his true self (Sensitive caring and protective) to his most true friends and his bey he will do anything to protect his true friends and deep down inside he's just a misunderstood softy.

Okay your registration into the character contest has begun

---

Also RABOOT POKÉMON

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Oh you're ripping a page from my book eh? (JK JK JK)

---

Name: Remington Aoikai (Remi for short)

Age: 14

Bey Name: Rebel Raboot (attack type) Zenith High Destroy'

What bey looks like: It has 4 blades and between the blades has rubber for wicked strikes

Personality: He kinda acts like a regular teen rebellious and kinda rude but he only shows his true self (Sensitive caring and protective) to his most true friends and his bey he will do anything to protect his true friends and deep down inside he's just a misunderstood softy.

Okay your registration into the character contest has begun

---

Also RABOOT POKÉMON

Raboot my fave

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Name: Griffin Maximillion

Also Known As : Mysterious Prodigy
Divine Hero


Hair Color: Gray

Eye: Golden

Gender: Male

Birthday: ????????

Age: 15

Occupation: High School Student
Blader
True World's Number 1 Blader (self-proclaimed)


Appearance: Griffin is a tall and slender young man who has a pale skin complexion, gray messy hair, and golden eyes. His attire consists of a white collared shirt with a red tie, long indigo pants, a black belt with a G-shaped buckle, and black boots. Griffin also wears a long jacket with a very unique design. Primarily indigo, it features white and yellow highlights. However, on the inside, it is plain white instead. The jacket also possesses a golden emblem of a hero, possibly Gilgamesh, on the back of it.


Personality: Griffin is a very intelligent student who comes from a wealthy family. Despite this, Griffin is shown to be a friendly and sociable individual who has a lot of charisma, gaining the admiration of boys and girls everywhere he goes. As a blader, he is an incredibly strong blader who shows good sportsmanship to other bladers especially those weaker than him. Though Griffin might seem like a kind-hearted person, he is actually not. He is actually an egoistic narcissist who has a god-complex, looking down on regular people and bladers alike. He thinks that he's better than everyone and that secretly calls others "trash" behind their backs. The only reason he acts nice is that his father wanted to promote his Beyblade organization to other kids with him being the role model. But despite him being a blader for his dad, Griffin desires to be the true "World's Number 1 Blader " by never losing to everyone again.


Beyblade: Plasma Gilgamesh Comet Null (?????? System) (Right-Spin Stamina Type)


Special Moves: Divine Loop
Plasma Crash
Hero Counter

Chapter 6 is out hope you like it

Spoiler (Click to View)

Jacob: W-well I'm just worried I made a promise to shun.

Jackal: understandable so you want to win for your friend?

Jacob: Well yes!

Jackal: Okay but remember to have fun!

Jacob: Thank you and I will!

Satsu: SUNSET!! LET'S SHOW THE! WHAT SEE MADE OF!!!

Jacob: JACKAL SABER RAGS!

(Sunset attacks Jackal with everything but some how Jackal used his Tip and it's height lowered)

Hanami: WOW Jackal seems to have a power boost!!

(Meanwhile)

Lui: LUINOR

Rantaro: RAGNURAK

(back to the battle)

Satsu's mind: wow someone who can handle my power Sunset it's been a while since we had a battle this long and fun!

Sunset: Yes I have missed battling strong opponent 's this Jacob guy seems interesting!

Satsu: well where gonna have to break his dream. ONLY DASH

(Sunset speeds up and attacks Jackal with only one of its blades)

(Jackal burst)

Jacob: ... N-no

Satsu: well that was in while it lasted! Sorry dude try again next time.

Jackal: Jacob... Don't beat yourself up remember we had fun!

Feedback anyone?

---

Okay your registration into the character contest has begun

---

Also RABOOT POKÉMON

Raboot my fave

Same dude

---

Name:  Griffin  Maximillion

Also Known As :   Mysterious Prodigy
                Divine Hero
                                 

Hair Color:  Gray

Eye:  Golden

Gender:  Male

Birthday:  ????????

Age:  15

Occupation:  High School Student
                        Blader
  True World's Number 1 Blader (self-proclaimed)
             

Appearance:  Griffin is a tall and slender young man who has a pale skin complexion, gray messy hair, and golden eyes. His attire consists of a white collared shirt with a red tie,  long indigo pants,  a black belt with a G-shaped buckle, and black boots. Griffin also wears a long jacket with a very unique design.  Primarily indigo, it features white and yellow highlights. However, on the inside, it is plain white instead.  The jacket also possesses a golden emblem of a hero, possibly Gilgamesh, on the back of it.


Personality: Griffin is a very intelligent student who comes from a wealthy family. Despite this, Griffin is shown to be a friendly and sociable individual who has a lot of charisma, gaining the admiration of boys and girls everywhere he goes. As a blader, he is an incredibly strong blader who shows good sportsmanship to other bladers especially those weaker than him. Though Griffin might seem like a kind-hearted person, he is actually not. He is actually an egoistic narcissist who has a god-complex, looking down on regular people and bladers alike. He thinks that he's better than everyone and that secretly calls others "trash" behind their backs.  The only reason he acts nice is that his father wanted to promote his Beyblade organization to other kids with him being the role model. But despite him being a blader for his dad, Griffin desires to be the true "World's Number 1 Blader " by never losing to everyone again.


Beyblade:  Plasma Gilgamesh Comet Null  (?????? System) (Right-Spin Stamina Type)


Special Moves:  Divine Loop
                              Plasma Crash
                              Hero Counter

Wow your registration to the can fiction has begun

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

---

So far Dark red and @strikegamerv6 have entered anyone else

---

So can anyone date my recent chapter?

JCE_13 USN UnseenBurst PinkRose Anyone?

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

---

So far Dark red and @strikegamerv6 have entered anyone else

---

So can anyone date my recent chapter?

JCE_13 USN UnseenBurst PinkRose Anyone?

Plot: 1/5 A lot of random things happened and I couldn't really see the point to the chapter
Grammar: 4/5 Didn't really spot any mistakes but that could just be me
Length: 2/5 Could be longer and add more detail
Characters: 1/5: They kinda seemed plain
Dialogue: 2/5: Kinda had a point but at the same time didn't
10/15 You can improve you've got this just listen to the feedback

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Chapter 7
Justice

Spoiler (Click to View)

Shun: buddy it's okay we lost the Japan Regional Tournament nothing see wow that did not come out well.

Jacob: ...

Shun: Have you ever heard of Vlad aoi?

Jacob: Well yes he created dynashi beys!

Shun: Correct! and where is he now?

Jacob: The battle cruise why?

Shun: Well have you ever tryed creating your own system?

Jacob: that's not a bad idea come with me to the work shop

Shun's mind: yes something to distract him from that loose

(Shun has a flashback)

Jacob: NO

Hanimi: unfortunately you are eliminated from the tournament Sorry Kid. BUT SATSU IS MOVING ON TO THE SEMI FINALS!!!!!

(End of flashback)

(At the work shop)

Jacob: so what will be the name?

Shun: Justice!

Jacob: Cool Justice Beys!

Shun: Okay let's get making!

Shun's mind: I want a hey that's creative hmm Four blades for sure but it's a stamina type but I want something out of the tip that allows it to Go fast!
Jacob 's mind: Hm I want a bey with 3 blades but will be able to brush off my opponents attack so I want an attack type and with wicked special moves!!

(2 hours later)

Shun & Jacob: FINISHED!

Jacob & Shun: Haha

Shun: what's your bey called?

Jacob: Jax Jackal what's yours?

Shun: Soler System

Jacob & Shun: TIME TO BATTLE!!

Jacob & Shun: 3 2 1 LET IT-

(Jacob does a hand stand)

Jacob & Shun: RIP

(Jackal used it's power and starts attacking)

Jacob: Jackal Jax Power!!

(System dodges it in time)

Shun: COUNTER AND NOW USE SOLER CENTER

(System goes to the center and starts sending a year wave through our the stadium)

(Both beys burst)

Jacob: GG and anyway wanna discuss about that Team?

Shun: Sure!

UnseenBurst how you like this chapter and please rate it!

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Chapter 7
Justice

Spoiler (Click to View)

Shun: buddy it's okay we lost the Japan Regional Tournament nothing see wow that did not come out well.

Jacob: ...

Shun: Have you ever heard of Vlad aoi?

Jacob: Well yes he created dynashi beys!

Shun: Correct! and where is he now?

Jacob: The battle cruise why?

Shun: Well have you ever tryed creating your own system?

Jacob: that's not a bad idea come with me to the work shop

Shun's mind: yes something to distract him from that loose

(Shun has a flashback)

Jacob: NO

Hanimi: unfortunately you are eliminated from the tournament Sorry Kid. BUT SATSU IS MOVING ON TO THE SEMI FINALS!!!!!

(End of flashback)

(At the work shop)

Jacob: so what will be the name?

Shun: Justice!

Jacob: Cool Justice Beys!

Shun: Okay let's get making!

Shun's mind: I want a hey that's creative hmm Four blades for sure but it's a stamina type but I want something out of the tip that allows it to Go fast!
Jacob 's mind: Hm I want a bey with 3 blades but will be able to brush off my opponents attack so I want an attack type and with wicked special moves!!

(2 hours later)

Shun & Jacob: FINISHED!

Jacob & Shun: Haha

Shun: what's your bey called?

Jacob: Jax Jackal what's yours?

Shun: Soler System

Jacob & Shun: TIME TO BATTLE!!

Jacob & Shun: 3 2 1 LET IT-

(Jacob does a hand stand)

Jacob & Shun: RIP

(Jackal used it's power and starts attacking)

Jacob: Jackal Jax Power!!

(System dodges it in time)

Shun: COUNTER AND NOW USE SOLER CENTER

(System goes to the center and starts sending a year wave through our the stadium)

(Both beys burst)

Jacob: GG and anyway wanna discuss about that Team?

Shun: Sure!

UnseenBurst how you like this chapter and please rate it!

COPYRIGHT!!! JK you've got full permission to reference my fanfic lemme get my rating machine...

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Chapter 7
Justice

Spoiler (Click to View)

Shun: buddy it's okay we lost the Japan Regional Tournament nothing see wow that did not come out well.

Jacob: ...

Shun: Have you ever heard of Vlad aoi?

Jacob: Well yes he created dynashi beys!

Shun: Correct! and where is he now?

Jacob: The battle cruise why?

Shun: Well have you ever tryed creating your own system?

Jacob: that's not a bad idea come with me to the work shop

Shun's mind: yes something to distract him from that loose

(Shun has a flashback)

Jacob: NO

Hanimi: unfortunately you are eliminated from the tournament Sorry Kid. BUT SATSU IS MOVING ON TO THE SEMI FINALS!!!!!

(End of flashback)

(At the work shop)

Jacob: so what will be the name?

Shun: Justice!

Jacob: Cool Justice Beys!

Shun: Okay let's get making!

Shun's mind: I want a hey that's creative hmm Four blades for sure but it's a stamina type but I want something out of the tip that allows it to Go fast!
Jacob 's mind: Hm I want a bey with 3 blades but will be able to brush off my opponents attack so I want an attack type and with wicked special moves!!

(2 hours later)

Shun & Jacob: FINISHED!

Jacob & Shun: Haha

Shun: what's your bey called?

Jacob: Jax Jackal what's yours?

Shun: Soler System

Jacob & Shun: TIME TO BATTLE!!

Jacob & Shun: 3 2 1 LET IT-

(Jacob does a hand stand)

Jacob & Shun: RIP

(Jackal used it's power and starts attacking)

Jacob: Jackal Jax Power!!

(System dodges it in time)

Shun: COUNTER AND NOW USE SOLER CENTER

(System goes to the center and starts sending a year wave through our the stadium)

(Both beys burst)

Jacob: GG and anyway wanna discuss about that Team?

Shun: Sure!

UnseenBurst how you like this chapter and please rate it!

COPYRIGHT!!! JK you've got full permission to reference my fanfic lemme get my rating machine...

I'M SO SORRY I WANTED TO PM YOU BUT YOU HAD IT DISABLED

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Chapter 7
Justice

Spoiler (Click to View)

Shun: buddy it's okay we lost the Japan Regional Tournament nothing see wow that did not come out well.

Jacob: ...

Shun: Have you ever heard of Vlad aoi?

Jacob: Well yes he created dynashi beys!

Shun: Correct! and where is he now?

Jacob: The battle cruise why?

Shun: Well have you ever tryed creating your own system?

Jacob: that's not a bad idea come with me to the work shop

Shun's mind: yes something to distract him from that loose

(Shun has a flashback)

Jacob: NO

Hanimi: unfortunately you are eliminated from the tournament Sorry Kid. BUT SATSU IS MOVING ON TO THE SEMI FINALS!!!!!

(End of flashback)

(At the work shop)

Jacob: so what will be the name?

Shun: Justice!

Jacob: Cool Justice Beys!

Shun: Okay let's get making!

Shun's mind: I want a hey that's creative hmm Four blades for sure but it's a stamina type but I want something out of the tip that allows it to Go fast!
Jacob 's mind: Hm I want a bey with 3 blades but will be able to brush off my opponents attack so I want an attack type and with wicked special moves!!

(2 hours later)

Shun & Jacob: FINISHED!

Jacob & Shun: Haha

Shun: what's your bey called?

Jacob: Jax Jackal what's yours?

Shun: Soler System

Jacob & Shun: TIME TO BATTLE!!

Jacob & Shun: 3 2 1 LET IT-

(Jacob does a hand stand)

Jacob & Shun: RIP

(Jackal used it's power and starts attacking)

Jacob: Jackal Jax Power!!

(System dodges it in time)

Shun: COUNTER AND NOW USE SOLER CENTER

(System goes to the center and starts sending a year wave through our the stadium)

(Both beys burst)

Jacob: GG and anyway wanna discuss about that Team?

Shun: Sure!

UnseenBurst how you like this chapter and please rate it!

Plot: 4/5 Plot was pretty good Justice beys seem cool.
Grammar: 3/5 I caught a bit more mistakes than last time
Length: 2/5 Could be longer and add more detail
Characters: 1/5: The characters need more lifelike give them flashbacks and tell us what they're doing while they're talking or something
Dialogue: 2/5: Same thing with characters
12/15 You did better than last time and I really liked this chapter just listen to this feedback and you'll be fine

---

COPYRIGHT!!! JK you've got full permission to reference my fanfic lemme get my rating machine...

I'M SO SORRY I WANTED TO PM YOU BUT YOU HAD IT DISABLED

bro chill I was kidding

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Chapter 7
Justice

Spoiler (Click to View)

Shun: buddy it's okay we lost the Japan Regional Tournament nothing see wow that did not come out well.

Jacob: ...

Shun: Have you ever heard of Vlad aoi?

Jacob: Well yes he created dynashi beys!

Shun: Correct! and where is he now?

Jacob: The battle cruise why?

Shun: Well have you ever tryed creating your own system?

Jacob: that's not a bad idea come with me to the work shop

Shun's mind: yes something to distract him from that loose

(Shun has a flashback)

Jacob: NO

Hanimi: unfortunately you are eliminated from the tournament Sorry Kid. BUT SATSU IS MOVING ON TO THE SEMI FINALS!!!!!

(End of flashback)

(At the work shop)

Jacob: so what will be the name?

Shun: Justice!

Jacob: Cool Justice Beys!

Shun: Okay let's get making!

Shun's mind: I want a hey that's creative hmm Four blades for sure but it's a stamina type but I want something out of the tip that allows it to Go fast!
Jacob 's mind: Hm I want a bey with 3 blades but will be able to brush off my opponents attack so I want an attack type and with wicked special moves!!

(2 hours later)

Shun & Jacob: FINISHED!

Jacob & Shun: Haha

Shun: what's your bey called?

Jacob: Jax Jackal what's yours?

Shun: Soler System

Jacob & Shun: TIME TO BATTLE!!

Jacob & Shun: 3 2 1 LET IT-

(Jacob does a hand stand)

Jacob & Shun: RIP

(Jackal used it's power and starts attacking)

Jacob: Jackal Jax Power!!

(System dodges it in time)

Shun: COUNTER AND NOW USE SOLER CENTER

(System goes to the center and starts sending a year wave through our the stadium)

(Both beys burst)

Jacob: GG and anyway wanna discuss about that Team?

Shun: Sure!

UnseenBurst how you like this chapter and please rate it!

Plot: 4/5 Plot was pretty good Justice beys seem cool.
Grammar: 3/5 I caught a bit more mistakes than last time
Length: 2/5 Could be longer and add more detail
Characters: 1/5: The characters need more lifelike give them flashbacks and tell us what they're doing while they're talking or something
Dialogue: 2/5: Same thing with characters
12/15 You did better than last time and I really liked this chapter just listen to this feedback and you'll be fine

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I'M SO SORRY I WANTED TO PM YOU BUT YOU HAD IT DISABLED

bro chill I was kidding

Okay let me make another chapter

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Spoiler (Click to View)

Chapter 8 New Memeber
Jacob: So remember when we were kids!

(Jacob has a flashback)

Young Jacob: swun lers prowis that wee wil both create beyblade and a teaw.

Young Shun: I promis wee wil bewome the stronglest!

(End of flashback)

Shun: yeah? What about that?

Jacob: nothing just for old memories!

Shun: oh okay what should the team name be?

Jacob: dude your acting emotionless lol!!!

Shun: umm okay lol but seriously what should the team name be?

Jacob: Ace Vols!

Shun: GREAT!!! And members?

Jacob: dude come with me.

(Jacob drags Shun)

Jacob: where here!

Shun: lol is this a joke! why are we at a ware house?

Jacob: this is Satsu 's ware house from the tournament!

Shun: ... YOU CREEP HIS DID YOU FIND THIS!!!

Jacob: chill she's having her own tournament and she left the address to go here.

Shun: oh well let's go inside.

(They go inside)

Satsu: what are you doing here?

Jacob: We want to invite you to out team!

Satsu: Name?

Shun: Ace Vols!

Satsu alright I'll join if you win in this battle Jacob.

Shun: he warned we evoled our beys to Justice beys!

Satsu 's mind: Justice beys? what is that?

Shun: Bladers Ready 3 2 1

Jacob & Satsu: Let it rip!!!

(Jackal instantly attacks Sunset)

Jacob: JACKAL JAX VORTAGE

(Sunset burst)

Satsu 's mind: i -I didn't even...

Satsu: I will Join on one condition

Jacob: what will that be?

Satsu: help me evolve my hey to a Justice bey!

Jacob: Sure

UnseenBurst how about this

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   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Plot: 4/5 Plot was pretty good Justice beys seem cool.
Grammar: 3/5 I caught a bit more mistakes than last time
Length: 2/5 Could be longer and add more detail
Characters: 1/5: The characters need more lifelike give them flashbacks and tell us what they're doing while they're talking or something
Dialogue: 2/5: Same thing with characters
12/15 You did better than last time and I really liked this chapter just listen to this feedback and you'll be fine

---

bro chill I was kidding

Okay let me make another chapter

---

Spoiler (Click to View)

Chapter 8 New Memeber
Jacob: So remember when we were kids!

(Jacob has a flashback)

Young Jacob: swun lers prowis that wee wil both create beyblade and a teaw.

Young Shun: I promis wee wil bewome the stronglest!

(End of flashback)

Shun: yeah? What about that?

Jacob: nothing just for old memories!

Shun: oh okay what should the team name be?

Jacob: dude your acting emotionless lol!!!

Shun: umm okay lol but seriously what should the team name be?

Jacob: Ace Vols!

Shun: GREAT!!! And members?

Jacob: dude come with me.

(Jacob drags Shun)

Jacob: where here!

Shun: lol is this a joke! why are we at a ware house?

Jacob: this is Satsu 's ware house from the tournament!

Shun: ... YOU CREEP HIS DID YOU FIND THIS!!!

Jacob: chill she's having her own tournament and she left the address to go here.

Shun: oh well let's go inside.

(They go inside)

Satsu: what are you doing here?

Jacob: We want to invite you to out team!

Satsu: Name?

Shun: Ace Vols!

Satsu alright I'll join if you win in this battle Jacob.

Shun: he warned we evoled our beys to Justice beys!

Satsu 's mind: Justice beys? what is that?

Shun: Bladers Ready 3 2 1

Jacob & Satsu: Let it rip!!!

(Jackal instantly attacks Sunset)

Jacob: JACKAL JAX VORTAGE

(Sunset burst)

Satsu 's mind: i -I didn't even...

Satsu: I will Join on one condition

Jacob: what will that be?

Satsu: help me evolve my hey to a Justice bey!

Jacob: Sure

UnseenBurst how about this

Tbh Ima give it a quick rating

Spoiler (Click to View)

So this was really good but it needs to be a bit longer and have a bit more details like maybe try as long as my stories and try working on your grammar a bit more (No offense) but the plot was pretty epic like remembering old memories and trying to make a team and I'm actually exited for the next chapter where we will see Satsu's beyblade evolution but other than that 13/10 great job!!

---

The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Okay let me make another chapter

---

Spoiler (Click to View)

Chapter 8 New Memeber
Jacob: So remember when we were kids!

(Jacob has a flashback)

Young Jacob: swun lers prowis that wee wil both create beyblade and a teaw.

Young Shun: I promis wee wil bewome the stronglest!

(End of flashback)

Shun: yeah? What about that?

Jacob: nothing just for old memories!

Shun: oh okay what should the team name be?

Jacob: dude your acting emotionless lol!!!

Shun: umm okay lol but seriously what should the team name be?

Jacob: Ace Vols!

Shun: GREAT!!! And members?

Jacob: dude come with me.

(Jacob drags Shun)

Jacob: where here!

Shun: lol is this a joke! why are we at a ware house?

Jacob: this is Satsu 's ware house from the tournament!

Shun: ... YOU CREEP HIS DID YOU FIND THIS!!!

Jacob: chill she's having her own tournament and she left the address to go here.

Shun: oh well let's go inside.

(They go inside)

Satsu: what are you doing here?

Jacob: We want to invite you to out team!

Satsu: Name?

Shun: Ace Vols!

Satsu alright I'll join if you win in this battle Jacob.

Shun: he warned we evoled our beys to Justice beys!

Satsu 's mind: Justice beys? what is that?

Shun: Bladers Ready 3 2 1

Jacob & Satsu: Let it rip!!!

(Jackal instantly attacks Sunset)

Jacob: JACKAL  JAX VORTAGE

(Sunset burst)

Satsu 's mind: i -I didn't even...

Satsu: I will Join on one condition

Jacob: what will that be?

Satsu: help me evolve my hey to a Justice bey!

Jacob: Sure

UnseenBurst how about this

Tbh Ima give it a quick rating

Spoiler (Click to View)

So this was really good but it needs to be a bit longer and have a bit more details like maybe try as long as my stories and try working on your grammar a bit more (No offense) but the plot was pretty epic like remembering old memories and trying to make a team and I'm actually exited for the next chapter where we will see Satsu's beyblade evolution but other than that 13/10 great job!!

The dude it means a lot to me

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   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably