[Fan Fiction]  Beyblade Burst: Ugen’s Story

Come, story critic, lilphilyb
Read the story before the summon.

Character Development: B+
Diologue: A
Grammar: A+
Exciting moments: A
Chapter length: A-
Story Juiciness: A

You did great so far. With this story taking place before the dual layer era makes any battle exciting. This gets an 88

Overall score: 88
(Feb. 02, 2020  4:59 AM)lilphilyb Wrote: Read the story before the summon.

Character Development: B+
Diologue: A
Grammar: A+
Exciting moments: A
Chapter length: A-
Story Juiciness: A

You did great so far. With this story taking place before the dual layer era makes any battle exciting. This gets an 88

Overall score: 88

Alright, thank you so much!
Chapter 12: A High Speed Battle! The Beginning of Something New!

Yeah! That seems familiar though, about the samurai stuff. Will Ugen see Lui again because he beat Gabe?
(Feb. 06, 2020  2:14 AM)FreeFafnir64 Wrote: Yeah! That seems familiar though, about the samurai stuff. Will Ugen see Lui again because he beat Gabe?

Good observation. Maybe, but I can’t give anything away yet.
-“Thanks, but is that the reason you fake toy house?” Ugen asked.-

Is "fake toy house" a typo for came to my house?
(Feb. 07, 2020  3:04 AM)Suoh sadboii Wrote: -“Thanks, but is that the reason you fake toy house?” Ugen asked.-

Is "fake toy house" a typo for came to my house?

Wow, that’s an awful typo. Let me fix that now.
(Feb. 07, 2020  3:05 AM)BuilderROB Wrote:
(Feb. 07, 2020  3:04 AM)Suoh sadboii Wrote: -“Thanks, but is that the reason you fake toy house?” Ugen asked.-

Is "fake toy house" a typo for came to my house?

Wow, that’s an awful typo. Let me fix that now.

Yeah. Overall, great chapter! Ugen's story really mirrors Valt's, which really pleased me. Thank you!
(Feb. 07, 2020  3:13 AM)Suoh sadboii Wrote:
(Feb. 07, 2020  3:05 AM)BuilderROB Wrote: Wow, that’s an awful typo. Let me fix that now.

Yeah. Overall, great chapter! Ugen's story really mirrors Valt's, which really pleased me. Thank you!
No problem! I think you are going to like the next story arc as well!
(Feb. 07, 2020  3:31 AM)BuilderROB Wrote:
(Feb. 07, 2020  3:13 AM)Suoh sadboii Wrote: Yeah. Overall, great chapter! Ugen's story really mirrors Valt's, which really pleased me. Thank you!
No problem! I think you are going to like the next story arc as well!

Awesome! Can't wait.
(Dec. 02, 2019  3:47 AM)BuilderROB Wrote: Beyblade Burst: Ugen’s Story

Context: This story takes place around the same time as the first season of Beyblade Burst. This also means that this takes place during the dual layer era. Ugen is a 11 year old male who, at the time of the first chapter, had been blading for six months. His personality is a smart one, although not to the point where you would consider him nerdy. He usually is very confident no matter who he faces in a battle. He usually likes to try and pull off new launch angles as well as moves and pushes the limits. His bey is Urgent Ursa, a left spin attack type. Follow Ugen and his beyblade, Urgent Ursa, for their 51 chapter story.

The Story (Chapters 1-51)
Feel free to post any feedback down below, as well as any ideas for characters and beyblades! Just make sure the beyblade ideas are dual layers!
Let’s go Ugen!!!

And the Final Reveal, Urgent Ursa!!!


[Image: GSV1PQ-KuUvy94P74XgFaaNuFeNIX9dM3CxABz8g...nCPWFp-w7w]
(Feb. 07, 2020  4:39 PM)Dacatman Wrote:
(Dec. 02, 2019  3:47 AM)BuilderROB Wrote: Beyblade Burst: Ugen’s Story

Context: This story takes place around the same time as the first season of Beyblade Burst. This also means that this takes place during the dual layer era. Ugen is a 11 year old male who, at the time of the first chapter, had been blading for six months. His personality is a smart one, although not to the point where you would consider him nerdy. He usually is very confident no matter who he faces in a battle. He usually likes to try and pull off new launch angles as well as moves and pushes the limits. His bey is Urgent Ursa, a left spin attack type. Follow Ugen and his beyblade, Urgent Ursa, for their 51 chapter story.

The Story (Chapters 1-51)
Feel free to post any feedback down below, as well as any ideas for characters and beyblades! Just make sure the beyblade ideas are dual layers!
Let’s go Ugen!!!

And the Final Reveal, Urgent Ursa!!!


[Image: GSV1PQ-KuUvy94P74XgFaaNuFeNIX9dM3CxABz8g...nCPWFp-w7w]
[/Spoiler]
Oh my Gosh! That is so cool!
(Feb. 07, 2020  4:42 PM)lilphilyb Wrote:
(Feb. 07, 2020  4:39 PM)Dacatman Wrote: Let’s go Ugen!!!

And the Final Reveal, Urgent Ursa!!!


[Image: GSV1PQ-KuUvy94P74XgFaaNuFeNIX9dM3CxABz8g...nCPWFp-w7w]
[/Spoiler]
Oh my Gosh! That is so cool!

Thank you
(Feb. 07, 2020  4:39 PM)Dacatman Wrote:
(Dec. 02, 2019  3:47 AM)BuilderROB Wrote: Beyblade Burst: Ugen’s Story
Let’s go Ugen!!!

And the Final Reveal, Urgent Ursa!!!


[Image: GSV1PQ-KuUvy94P74XgFaaNuFeNIX9dM3CxABz8g...nCPWFp-w7w]

Wow, it looks amazing! If I get the money I’d love to get that printed out. PM me details like what material I should get it printed out with and stuff like that’s
I bet I know a member of the club, hope he is apart of this club

(Feb. 07, 2020  4:39 PM)Dacatman Wrote:
(Dec. 02, 2019  3:47 AM)BuilderROB Wrote: Beyblade Burst: Ugen’s Story

Context: This story takes place around the same time as the first season of Beyblade Burst. This also means that this takes place during the dual layer era. Ugen is a 11 year old male who, at the time of the first chapter, had been blading for six months. His personality is a smart one, although not to the point where you would consider him nerdy. He usually is very confident no matter who he faces in a battle. He usually likes to try and pull off new launch angles as well as moves and pushes the limits. His bey is Urgent Ursa, a left spin attack type. Follow Ugen and his beyblade, Urgent Ursa, for their 51 chapter story.

The Story (Chapters 1-51)
Feel free to post any feedback down below, as well as any ideas for characters and beyblades! Just make sure the beyblade ideas are dual layers!
Let’s go Ugen!!!

And the Final Reveal, Urgent Ursa!!!


[Image: GSV1PQ-KuUvy94P74XgFaaNuFeNIX9dM3CxABz8g...nCPWFp-w7w]

Try drawing the spirit of Ursa next

Also, Gaia with a burst finish, Ugen wins? Should it be Ursa with a burst finish?
(Feb. 12, 2020  8:56 PM)Staron Wrote: Also, Gaia with a burst finish, Ugen wins? Should it be Ursa with a burst finish?

It said Gaia burst first, not Gaia with a Burst finish.
Sorry, but will he be in this chapter
(Feb. 12, 2020  9:09 PM)Staron Wrote: Sorry, but will he be in this chapter

He who? You mean Bushi? You’ll have to wait to find out.
(Feb. 07, 2020  4:39 PM)Dacatman Wrote:
(Dec. 02, 2019  3:47 AM)BuilderROB Wrote: Beyblade Burst: Ugen’s Story

Context: This story takes place around the same time as the first season of Beyblade Burst. This also means that this takes place during the dual layer era. Ugen is a 11 year old male who, at the time of the first chapter, had been blading for six months. His personality is a smart one, although not to the point where you would consider him nerdy. He usually is very confident no matter who he faces in a battle. He usually likes to try and pull off new launch angles as well as moves and pushes the limits. His bey is Urgent Ursa, a left spin attack type. Follow Ugen and his beyblade, Urgent Ursa, for their 51 chapter story.

The Story (Chapters 1-51)
Feel free to post any feedback down below, as well as any ideas for characters and beyblades! Just make sure the beyblade ideas are dual layers!
Let’s go Ugen!!!

And the Final Reveal, Urgent Ursa!!!


[Image: GSV1PQ-KuUvy94P74XgFaaNuFeNIX9dM3CxABz8g...nCPWFp-w7w]

Ya mind if you did Bushi's Bey, Inferno Ifrit, I'll give you something to remember when making the design, give a version of Samurai Ifrit, but in beyblade burst style, and make some tweaks.
Chapter 13: Intense Training! The Way of the Samurai!

(Feb. 15, 2020  2:47 AM)BuilderROB Wrote: Chapter 13: Intense Training! The Way of the Samurai!


The beyblade stadium made out of a tree stump reminds me of that one MFB episode. Anyways, great chapter! Smile
(Feb. 15, 2020  4:26 AM)#Fafnir Wrote:
(Feb. 15, 2020  2:47 AM)BuilderROB Wrote: Chapter 13: Intense Training! The Way of the Samurai!


The beyblade stadium made out of a tree stump reminds me of that one MFB episode. Anyways, great chapter! Smile

Thanks! That episode actually inspired that part in the chapter.
Bushi is back. Will he win or lose? And great chapter!
Thank's for bringing him back dude.