Hello!! Im here since you asked for some opinions. I wont be too harsh so I hope you dont mind this — as with opinions from people, you are not obligated to treat this seriously because it your writing is up to you
I think its good so far! You definitely did well with displaying the characters and their personalities. Though, what stands out to me is how stiff the fanfic seems to be — theres almost no punctuation, which makes me read all of this in a quick way rather than dramatize how characters might sound. Adding commas and punctuation can add that affect. As well as that, script-style also has action here and there! For example, you can turn something like “Kai: tacoooosssssss” into “Kai (rolling slowly and muttering in his sleep): tacoooosssssss.” It gives people an idea of what they are doing in the scene, because without elaboration, I imagine theyre inanimate and not moving. I see your story has potential, though! Good job
Call me either Sands/Suns! That one female Beyblade fan
Pfp: Cedric from Arcaea by Nataslyn on Discord
[Status: Lurking]