+- World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. (https://worldbeyblade.org)
+-- Forum: Off-Topic Forums (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Off-Topic-Forums)
+--- Forum: Your Creations (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Your-Creations)
+--- Thread: Fan Fiction Beyblade Burst: Blaze! *HIATUS* (/Thread-Fan-Fiction-Beyblade-Burst-Blaze-HIATUS)
Beyblade Burst: Blaze! *HIATUS* - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
DeltaZakuro 6Jupiter5 TakaraTheLord NamanSpryzen kai editsThis is meh new fanfic bois
rip spelling
AHHHHHH it wont work
i might just be dumb
yeah i was dumb for sure
Spoiler (click to view)
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - kai edits - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 1:17 AM)beykid44 Wrote: DeltaZakuro 6Jupiter5 TakaraTheLord NamanSpryzen kai editsThis is meh new fanfic bois
rip spelling
AHHHHHH it wont work
i might just be dumb
yeah i was dumb for sure
Spoiler (click to view)
Cool fanfic.
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 1:32 AM)kai edits Wrote:(Oct. 30, 2020 1:17 AM)beykid44 Wrote: DeltaZakuro 6Jupiter5 TakaraTheLord NamanSpryzen kai editsThis is meh new fanfic bois
rip spelling
AHHHHHH it wont work
i might just be dumb
yeah i was dumb for sure
Spoiler (click to view)
Cool fanfic.
it cant really be cool if there are no episodes yet
AIGHT GS FIRST CHAPTER
Spoiler (Click to View)
Spoiler (Click to View)
thats the second part of the first chapter the chapters after this will be one long part ARIGOTO GOZAIMASU for reading lol DeltaZakuro
title of first chapter The awakening! Tornado Kimera!
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - DeltaZakuro - Oct. 30, 2020
so far, this story is off to great start. cant wait for more.
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 2:18 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: so far, this story is off to great start. cant wait for more.
thanks so im not gonna spoil it but is evo is brave solomon i made like a backstory soo lets just cal this the bonus chapter valt helped make solomon and thought hmmmmm and made the brave ring the combo is brave solomon 1d Blitz Power 2
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - BurningSands - Oct. 30, 2020
Hello!! Im here since you asked for some opinions. I wont be too harsh so I hope you dont mind this — as with opinions from people, you are not obligated to treat this seriously because it your writing is up to you
I think its good so far! You definitely did well with displaying the characters and their personalities. Though, what stands out to me is how stiff the fanfic seems to be — theres almost no punctuation, which makes me read all of this in a quick way rather than dramatize how characters might sound. Adding commas and punctuation can add that affect. As well as that, script-style also has action here and there! For example, you can turn something like “Kai: tacoooosssssss” into “Kai (rolling slowly and muttering in his sleep): tacoooosssssss.” It gives people an idea of what they are doing in the scene, because without elaboration, I imagine theyre inanimate and not moving. I see your story has potential, though! Good job
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 2:51 AM)XSabxManiacX Wrote: Hello!! Im here since you asked for some opinions. I wont be too harsh so I hope you dont mind this — as with opinions from people, you are not obligated to treat this seriously because it your writing is up to you
I think its good so far! You definitely did well with displaying the characters and their personalities. Though, what stands out to me is how stiff the fanfic seems to be — theres almost no punctuation, which makes me read all of this in a quick way rather than dramatize how characters might sound. Adding commas and punctuation can add that affect. As well as that, script-style also has action here and there! For example, you can turn something like “Kai: tacoooosssssss” into “Kai (rolling slowly and muttering in his sleep): tacoooosssssss.” It gives people an idea of what they are doing in the scene, because without elaboration, I imagine theyre inanimate and not moving. I see your story has potential, though! Good job
ok ill try to elaborate more in my next chapter im making two chapters a day
The golden Bey, Brave Σolomon!
Spoiler (Click to View)
DeltaZakuro @Xsabxmaniacx kai edits guess who the blader is
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - EarthHelios - Oct. 30, 2020
It is good the chapter.
But I want to know one thing: What system is this?
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 3:30 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: It is good the chapter.
But I want to know one thing: What system is this?
super king but its like right before superkig
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - EarthHelios - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 3:34 AM)beykid44 Wrote:(Oct. 30, 2020 3:30 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: It is good the chapter.
But I want to know one thing: What system is this?
super king but its like right before superkig
oh ok.
also are you taking bey request or no
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 3:35 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:(Oct. 30, 2020 3:34 AM)beykid44 Wrote: super king but its like right before superkig
oh ok.
also are you taking bey request or no
ummmmmmmm yeah but when would you like to appear?
btw hikaru and hyuga arent here bc they made their beys during superking in season two which is super king but i add more characters
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - EarthHelios - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 3:36 AM)beykid44 Wrote:(Oct. 30, 2020 3:35 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: oh ok.
also are you taking bey request or no
ummmmmmmm yeah but when would you like to appear?
btw hikaru and hyuga arent here bc they made their beys during superking in season two which is super king but i add more characters
1.Whatever chapter you want to put it in.
2. Ok
3. I suggest you change the combo for Brave Solomon
4. The bey name is: Dark Salamander Operate´ 1B
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 3:41 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:(Oct. 30, 2020 3:36 AM)beykid44 Wrote: ummmmmmmm yeah but when would you like to appear?
btw hikaru and hyuga arent here bc they made their beys during superking in season two which is super king but i add more characters
1.Whatever chapter you want to put it in.
2. Ok
3. I suggest you change the combo for Brave Solomon
4. The bey name is: Dark Salamander Operate´ 1B
oh i thought you meant your own bey i already made plans for souh
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - BurningSands - Oct. 30, 2020
Hey, it looks better now! I can see what the characters are clearly doing rather than just talking. Youre improving
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
and i really like that combo tho on solomon
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - EarthHelios - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 3:43 AM)beykid44 Wrote: and i really like that combo tho on solomon
Blitz Power?
I guess it aint bad but its just maybe add a dash driver to the Power driver
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 3:43 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:(Oct. 30, 2020 3:43 AM)beykid44 Wrote: and i really like that combo tho on solomon
Blitz Power?
I guess it aint bad but its just maybe add a dash driver to the Power driver
its a mod where they put this rubber thing on power and call it power 2 its like unite exept flat
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - EarthHelios - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 3:45 AM)beykid44 Wrote:(Oct. 30, 2020 3:43 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: Blitz Power?
I guess it aint bad but its just maybe add a dash driver to the Power driver
its a mod where they put this rubber thing on power and call it power 2 its like unite exept flat
oh cool
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 3:42 AM)XSabxManiacX Wrote: Hey, it looks better now! I can see what the characters are clearly doing rather than just talking. Youre improving
guess the mysterious blader
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze (request Bey contest) (guess the mysterious blader) - EarthHelios - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 3:46 AM)beykid44 Wrote:(Oct. 30, 2020 3:42 AM)XSabxManiacX Wrote: Hey, it looks better now! I can see what the characters are clearly doing rather than just talking. Youre improving
guess the mysterious blader
Harry
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze (request Bey contest) (guess the mysterious blader) - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 3:47 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:(Oct. 30, 2020 3:46 AM)beykid44 Wrote: guess the mysterious blader
Harry
breh no
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze (request Bey contest) (guess the mysterious blader) - EarthHelios - Oct. 30, 2020
My guess is Rantaro
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze (request Bey contest) (guess the mysterious blader) - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 3:49 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: My guess is Rantaro
bruh i gave a hint in the chapter
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze (request Bey contest) (guess the mysterious blader) - NamanSpryzen - Oct. 30, 2020
beykid44 I like it! The mystery blader is Valt Aoi! Also can you add me with Tornado Zillon?
RE: Beyblade burst Blaze (request Bey contest) (guess the mysterious blader) - beykid44 - Oct. 30, 2020
(Oct. 30, 2020 7:21 PM)NamanSpryzen Wrote: beykid44 I like it! The mystery blader is Valt Aoi! Also can you add me with Tornado Zillon?
hmmmm i gave hints in my secod chapter maybe i ned more details like its combo and moves