[Fan Fiction]  Beyblade Burst: Blaze! *HIATUS*

DeltaZakuro 6Jupiter5 TakaraTheLord NamanSpryzen  kai editsThis is meh new fanfic bois

rip spelling

AHHHHHH it wont work

i might just be dumb

yeah i was dumb for sure

Spoiler (click to view)
(Oct. 30, 2020  1:17 AM)beykid44 Wrote: DeltaZakuro 6Jupiter5 TakaraTheLord NamanSpryzen  kai editsThis is meh new fanfic bois

rip spelling

AHHHHHH it wont work

i might just be dumb

yeah i was dumb for sure

Spoiler (click to view)

Cool fanfic.
(Oct. 30, 2020  1:32 AM)kai edits Wrote:
(Oct. 30, 2020  1:17 AM)beykid44 Wrote: DeltaZakuro 6Jupiter5 TakaraTheLord NamanSpryzen  kai editsThis is meh new fanfic bois

rip spelling

AHHHHHH it wont work

i might just be dumb

yeah i was dumb for sure

Spoiler (click to view)

Cool fanfic.

it cant really be cool if there are no episodes yet

AIGHT GS FIRST CHAPTER

this is the first chapter but only part one


thats the second part of the first chapter the chapters after this will be one long part ARIGOTO GOZAIMASU for reading lol DeltaZakuro

title of first chapter The awakening! Tornado Kimera!
so far, this story is off to great start. cant wait for more.
(Oct. 30, 2020  2:18 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: so far, this story is off to great start. cant wait for more.

thanks so im not gonna spoil it but is evo is brave solomon i made like a backstory soo lets just cal this the bonus chapter valt helped make solomon and thought hmmmmm and made the brave ring the combo is brave solomon 1d Blitz Power 2
Hello!! Im here since you asked for some opinions. I wont be too harsh so I hope you dont mind this — as with opinions from people, you are not obligated to treat this seriously because it your writing is up to you


I think its good so far! You definitely did well with displaying the characters and their personalities. Though, what stands out to me is how stiff the fanfic seems to be — theres almost no punctuation, which makes me read all of this in a quick way rather than dramatize how characters might sound. Adding commas and punctuation can add that affect. As well as that, script-style also has action here and there! For example, you can turn something like “Kai: tacoooosssssss” into “Kai (rolling slowly and muttering in his sleep): tacoooosssssss.” It gives people an idea of what they are doing in the scene, because without elaboration, I imagine theyre inanimate and not moving. I see your story has potential, though! Good job
(Oct. 30, 2020  2:51 AM)XSabxManiacX Wrote: Hello!! Im here since you asked for some opinions. I wont be too harsh so I hope you dont mind this — as with opinions from people, you are not obligated to treat this seriously because it your writing is up to you


I think its good so far! You definitely did well with displaying the characters and their personalities. Though, what stands out to me is how stiff the fanfic seems to be — theres almost no punctuation, which makes me read all of this in a quick way rather than dramatize how characters might sound. Adding commas and punctuation can add that affect. As well as that, script-style also has action here and there! For example, you can turn something like “Kai: tacoooosssssss” into “Kai (rolling slowly and muttering in his sleep): tacoooosssssss.” It gives people an idea of what they are doing in the scene, because without elaboration, I imagine theyre inanimate and not moving. I see your story has potential, though! Good job

ok ill try to elaborate more in my next chapter im making two chapters a day

The golden Bey, Brave Σolomon!



DeltaZakuro @Xsabxmaniacx kai edits guess who the blader is
It is good the chapter.
But I want to know one thing: What system is this?
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:30 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: It is good the chapter.
But I want to know one thing: What system is this?

super king but its like right before superkig
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:34 AM)beykid44 Wrote:
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:30 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: It is good the chapter.
But I want to know one thing: What system is this?

super king but its like right before superkig

oh ok.
also are you taking bey request or no
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:35 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:34 AM)beykid44 Wrote: super king but its like right before superkig

oh ok.
also are you taking bey request or no

ummmmmmmm yeah but when would you like to appear?

btw hikaru and hyuga arent here bc they made their beys during superking in season two which is super king but i add more characters
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:36 AM)beykid44 Wrote:
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:35 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: oh ok.
also are you taking bey request or no

ummmmmmmm yeah but when would you like to appear?

btw hikaru and hyuga arent here bc they made their beys during superking in season two which is super king but i add more characters

1.Whatever chapter you want to put it in.
2. Ok
3. I suggest you change the combo for Brave Solomon
4. The bey name is: Dark Salamander Operate´ 1B
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:41 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:36 AM)beykid44 Wrote: ummmmmmmm yeah but when would you like to appear?

btw hikaru and hyuga arent here bc they made their beys during superking in season two which is super king but i add more characters

1.Whatever chapter you want to put it in.
2. Ok
3. I suggest you change the combo for Brave Solomon
4. The bey name is: Dark Salamander Operate´ 1B

oh i thought you meant your own bey i already made plans for souh
Hey, it looks better now! I can see what the characters are clearly doing rather than just talking. Youre improving
and i really like that combo tho on solomon
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:43 AM)beykid44 Wrote: and i really like that combo tho on solomon

Blitz Power?
I guess it aint bad but its just maybe add a dash driver to the Power driver
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:43 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:43 AM)beykid44 Wrote: and i really like that combo tho on solomon

Blitz Power?
I guess it aint bad but its just maybe add a dash driver to the Power driver

its a mod where they put this rubber thing on power and call it power 2 its like unite exept flat
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:45 AM)beykid44 Wrote:
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:43 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: Blitz Power?
I guess it aint bad but its just maybe add a dash driver to the Power driver

its a mod where they put this rubber thing on power and call it power 2 its like unite exept flat

oh cool
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:42 AM)XSabxManiacX Wrote: Hey, it looks better now! I can see what the characters are clearly doing rather than just talking. Youre improving

guess the mysterious blader
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:46 AM)beykid44 Wrote:
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:42 AM)XSabxManiacX Wrote: Hey, it looks better now! I can see what the characters are clearly doing rather than just talking. Youre improving

guess the mysterious blader

Harry
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:47 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:46 AM)beykid44 Wrote: guess the mysterious blader

Harry

breh no
(Oct. 30, 2020  3:49 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: My guess is Rantaro

bruh i gave a hint in the chapter
beykid44 I like it! The mystery blader is Valt Aoi! Also can you add me with Tornado Zillon?
(Oct. 30, 2020  7:21 PM)NamanSpryzen Wrote: beykid44 I like it! The mystery blader is Valt Aoi! Also can you add me with Tornado Zillon?

hmmmm i gave hints in my secod chapter maybe i ned more details like its combo and moves