[Fan Fiction]  Beyblade Burst Beyjitzu

Chapter 10 is out (This chapter is important for the rest of the story so I recommend you read it)
nice episode man!
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:47 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: nice episode man!

Thx what was ur fave part?
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:48 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:47 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: nice episode man!

Thx what was ur fave part?

favorite part had to be when perseus said Reckless?! Thats how we like it!
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:49 PM)BladeKingX Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:48 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Thx what was ur fave part?

favorite part had to be when perseus said Reckless?! Thats how we like it!

LOL I added that part because I thought it would be cool
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:52 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:49 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: favorite part had to be when perseus said Reckless?! Thats how we like it!

LOL I added that part because I thought it would be cool

LOL alright
Name: Perseus Nakano

Age: 11

Bey: Hydro Poseidon 1A' Flood

Personality: He acts tough but deep down he's really sensitive and only Poseidon knows this about him, he strives to beat all the Blading Legends and become a Legend himself.

What he looks like: He's got lime eyes and a short-sleeved hoodie  he's 4'3
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:57 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Name: Perseus Nakano

Age: 11

Bey: Hydro Perceus 1A' Flood

Personality: He acts tough but deep down he's really sensitive and only Poseidon knows this about him, he strives to beat all the Blading Legends and become a Legend himself.

What he looks like: He's got lime eyes and a short-sleeved hoodie  he's 4'3

good to know!

(Jun. 30, 2021  6:17 PM)BladeKingX Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:57 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Name: Perseus Nakano

Age: 11

Bey: Hydro Perceus 1A' Flood

Personality: He acts tough but deep down he's really sensitive and only Poseidon knows this about him, he strives to beat all the Blading Legends and become a Legend himself.

What he looks like: He's got lime eyes and a short-sleeved hoodie  he's 4'3

good to know!

wait i thought his beyblade's name was hydro poseidon
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:17 PM)BladeKingX Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:57 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Name: Perseus Nakano

Age: 11

Bey: Hydro Perceus 1A' Flood

Personality: He acts tough but deep down he's really sensitive and only Poseidon knows this about him, he strives to beat all the Blading Legends and become a Legend himself.

What he looks like: He's got lime eyes and a short-sleeved hoodie  he's 4'3

good to know!

(Jun. 30, 2021  6:17 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: good to know!

wait i thought his beyblade's name was hydro poseidon

True also why is perceus name his bey name
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:21 PM)LegendJustice Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:17 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: good to know!


wait i thought his beyblade's name was hydro poseidon

True also why is perceus name his bey name

What am I doing. thanks for catching that lemme edit
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:22 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:21 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: True also why is perceus name his bey name

What am I doing. thanks for catching that lemme edit
Np
Anyone wanna rate my recent chapters?
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:30 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Anyone wanna rate my recent chapters?

Sure but can you rate mine?K
11) Taking The World By Storm!!!

12) Upgrade!! Ultra Gear!!

13) Hyper Dragon!! Illustion Fafnir!!

14) Bey Of Harmony!! Peacebringer Pegasus!!

15) World Champions!! Heroic Valtryek!!

16) Spryzen Vs Spryzen!!

(Jun. 30, 2021  6:30 PM)LegendJustice Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:30 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Anyone wanna rate my recent chapters?

Sure but can you rate mine?K

I'll rate yours if you rate mine
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:30 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Anyone wanna rate my recent chapters?

No, I have my reasons. But I can say that it was nice (question 0.5: Did Raina mind catched up with breaking a bey or she just forget that part while the possession finished?(Or she knew it but pretended to not? Would be cool to see a Raina vs [her bey] kinda thing later on, like, inside her mind)
Question: is Beyjitzu(?) A launcher system?
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:33 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: 11) Taking The World By Storm!!!

12) Upgrade!! Ultra Gear!!

13) Hyper Dragon!! Illustion Fafnir!!

14) Bey Of Harmony!! Peacebringer Pegasus!!

15) World Champions!! Heroic Valtryek!!

16) Spryzen Vs Spryzen!!

(Jun. 30, 2021  6:30 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Sure but can you rate mine?K

I'll rate yours if you rate mine

i wonder who the other spryzen's owner is
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:40 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:30 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Anyone wanna rate my recent chapters?

No, I have my reasons. But I can say that it was nice (question 0.5: Did Raina mind catched up with breaking a bey or she just forget that part while the possession finished?(Or she knew it but pretended to not? Would be cool to see a Raina vs [her bey] kinda thing later on)
Question: is Beyjitzu(?) A launcher system?

Ok so basically right after the battle Raina blacked out so she had no idea she broke Doomsizer and Pam kept it from her because Pam didn't want Raina to feel bad. And yes the Beyjitzu launcher is a launching system it's basically a sparking launcher except a tornado comes out (The color of the launcher) with electricity, I hope that answered you're question
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:33 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Chapter 10 is out (This chapter is important for the rest of the story so I recommend you read it)

Grammar: 5/5 your grammar is awesome ummm mid you teach lessons?!! Lol

Characters: 4/5 there awesome and I cried when Raina did not remember when she broke pams bey and geared when his friends wanted to come with him! Also valt wants to stop Raina? Epic!

Dialogue: 4/5 I like the Dialogue like ~at the warehouse~ it’s great but I just felt like something was up

Length: 4/5 your length is Long-average I like it!

All together: 17/19 your doing great just needs a little work 👍🏾
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:44 PM)LegendJustice Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:33 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Chapter 10 is out (This chapter is important for the rest of the story so I recommend you read it)

Grammar: 5/5 your grammar is awesome ummm mid you teach lessons?!! Lol

Characters: 4/5 there awesome and I cried when Raina did not remember when she broke pams bey and geared when his friends wanted to come with him! Also valt wants to stop Raina? Epic!

Dialogue: 4/5 I like the Dialogue like ~at the warehouse~ it’s great but I just felt like something was up

Length: 4/5 your length is Long-average I like it!

All together: 17/19 your doing great just needs a little work 👍🏾

I guess you meant 17/20...
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:44 PM)LegendJustice Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:33 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Chapter 10 is out (This chapter is important for the rest of the story so I recommend you read it)

Grammar: 5/5 your grammar is awesome ummm mid you teach lessons?!! Lol

Characters: 4/5 there awesome and I cried when Raina did not remember when she broke pams bey and geared when his friends wanted to come with him! Also valt wants to stop Raina? Epic!

Dialogue: 4/5 I like the Dialogue like ~at the warehouse~ it’s great but I just felt like something was up

Length: 4/5 your length is Long-average I like it!

All together: 17/19 your doing great just needs a little work 👍🏾

I use Grammarly that's why my grammar's so good on WBO and on my Chapters thanks bro I'm glad you like it
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:46 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:44 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Grammar: 5/5 your grammar is awesome ummm mid you teach lessons?!! Lol

Characters: 4/5 there awesome and I cried when Raina did not remember when she broke pams bey and geared when his friends wanted to come with him! Also valt wants to stop Raina? Epic!

Dialogue: 4/5 I like the Dialogue like ~at the warehouse~ it’s great but I just felt like something was up

Length: 4/5 your length is Long-average I like it!

All together: 17/19 your doing great just needs a little work 👍🏾

I guess you meant 17/20...

No I did not actually

(Jun. 30, 2021  6:47 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote:
(Jun. 30, 2021  6:44 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Grammar: 5/5 your grammar is awesome ummm mid you teach lessons?!! Lol

Characters: 4/5 there awesome and I cried when Raina did not remember when she broke pams bey and geared when his friends wanted to come with him! Also valt wants to stop Raina? Epic!

Dialogue: 4/5 I like the Dialogue like ~at the warehouse~ it’s great but I just felt like something was up

Length: 4/5 your length is Long-average I like it!

All together: 17/19 your doing great just needs a little work 👍🏾

I use Grammarly that's why my grammar's so good on WBO and on my Chapters thanks bro I'm glad you like it

No problem
uh 5x4 is 20 and 5+5+5+5 is 20

(Jun. 30, 2021  6:49 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: uh 5x4 is 20 and 5+5+5+5 is 20
Everyone!! We're having another character contest I want to give everyone another shot at it (Besides I can't make up characters) but Sorry BeybladeManiac0 since you won last time you can't enter again because I want to give everyone a fair shot. There will be 2 winners and both of them will be in Beyjitzu in the Tournament Arc oopsie I said that out loud at least you have a spoiler. Enjoy and may the best blader win!!

Name:

Age:

Personality:

Bey (Describe new parts):

Chip:

Ring:

Disk:

Driver:

Attacks:
(Jun. 30, 2021  5:33 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Chapter 10 is out (This chapter is important for the rest of the story so I recommend you read it)

I've been reading this from the beginning and I have to say, it's lookin good. The only problem in my mind is when it goes from speech to action to speech. It gets really choppy, so try bringing multiple actions into a single sentance. Otherwise though, I can't list all the things you are doing right because there's too many!
Yey, a place to test out my fresh baked character that just came out of the oven, when is the limit day(how long does it last)?
(Also I reccomend follow the USN advice)