World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike

Poll: About this story..

Love it keep on going
16.67%
1
Cool still needs inprovement
16.67%
1
Bad
33.33%
2
Horrible
0%
0
Hey thats me in the story!
0%
0
I wanna be in the story
33.33%
2
Total: 100% 6 vote(s)
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Sep. 25, 2012  1:32 AM
 
This is my first story so if dont like it don't post it thanks some of the characters are inspired by people I have meet through the WBO if you do wind up in it reply what hey u want to have
Chapter 1 (Click to View)
Chapter 2 (Click to View)
Sep. 25, 2012  1:51 AM
 
use quotation marks. read better stories to know how to write. Train for the world championships, and have the tar beaten out of you by a U.S. blader.
Sep. 25, 2012  2:01 AM
 
(Sep. 25, 2012  1:51 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: use quotation marks. read better stories to know how to write. Train for the world championships, and have the tar beaten out of you by a U.S. blader.

what did i say in the op THIS IS MY FIRST STORY
Sep. 25, 2012  2:06 AM
 
read my first story. I am just trying to fix some of your grammar mistakes. no need to use caps on me.
Sep. 25, 2012  2:08 AM
 
Actually, its a pretty good start, other the the fact you're missing the quotations. Here's an example on how the dialogue should be; "Hey Fred, how's it going?" Steve casually asked. "My uncle ate my turtle," Fred replied.
Sep. 25, 2012  2:09 AM
 
(Sep. 25, 2012  2:01 AM)Yuko Ray14 Wrote:
(Sep. 25, 2012  1:51 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: use quotation marks. read better stories to know how to write. Train for the world championships, and have the tar beaten out of you by a U.S. blader.

what did i say in the op THIS IS MY FIRST STORY

He was giving critisism, if you can't take it, then you have no chance as a writer. He was giving helpful critisism too...


Sep. 25, 2012  2:14 AM
 
(Sep. 25, 2012  2:09 AM)Tri Wrote:
(Sep. 25, 2012  2:01 AM)Yuko Ray14 Wrote:
(Sep. 25, 2012  1:51 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: use quotation marks. read better stories to know how to write. Train for the world championships, and have the tar beaten out of you by a U.S. blader.

what did i say in the op THIS IS MY FIRST STORY

He was giving critisism, if you can't take it, then you have no chance as a writer. He was giving helpful critisism too...

i dont want to be a writter im just putting out my thoughts creative writting
but i was fast to go to the defense sorry Eternal-E
Sep. 25, 2012  2:18 AM
 
and yet, I don't se you reading my first story. I told you to do it and you let me down.
Sep. 25, 2012  2:20 AM
 
Ok but basically what eternal e said. Check out chinablade, defstamina and other writers stories (maybe even mine, i dont compare to the aforementioed writers but if you want to, check it out Smile)
Sep. 25, 2012  2:23 AM
 
(Sep. 25, 2012  2:18 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: and yet, I don't se you reading my first story. I told you to do it and you let me down.

i wasnt done editing my post yesh ill read but dont rush me
Sep. 25, 2012  2:26 AM
 
(Sep. 25, 2012  2:18 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: and yet, I don't se you reading my first story. I told you to do it and you let me down.
You cant make him read your story and to be brutally honest, yours isnt one of the best stories on the wbo. Like i said he should check out chinas and defstaminas stories.
Sep. 25, 2012  9:33 PM
 
Chapter 2 added
Sep. 26, 2012  3:58 PM
 
Anybody read chapter 2
Sep. 26, 2012  4:51 PM
 
The chapters, I would not even consider them as chapters.
They are FAR, FAR, too short, and more space between lines is a good idea. They seem a bit "Messy" to me.

Its very confusing, and the dialog is a bit messed up. I can't comprehend who in the world is talking in each line, and the story is all over the place; its hard to understand what is happening.

A few spelling mistakes, hear and there, and I don't know about the grammer; are you writing is past or present tense?

Good luck!
~Takasu

Look at my story for an example:
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Story-Lo...apter-3-Up