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+--- Thread: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike (/Thread-Beyblade-Story-Flash-devouring-strike)
Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Yuko Ray14 - Sep. 25, 2012
This is my first story so if dont like it don't post it thanks some of the characters are inspired by people I have meet through the WBO if you do wind up in it reply what hey u want to have
Chapter 1 (Click to View)
Chapter 2 (Click to View)
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Eternal-E - Sep. 25, 2012
use quotation marks. read better stories to know how to write. Train for the world championships, and have the tar beaten out of you by a U.S. blader.
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Yuko Ray14 - Sep. 25, 2012
(Sep. 25, 2012 1:51 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: use quotation marks. read better stories to know how to write. Train for the world championships, and have the tar beaten out of you by a U.S. blader.
what did i say in the op THIS IS MY FIRST STORY
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Eternal-E - Sep. 25, 2012
read my first story. I am just trying to fix some of your grammar mistakes. no need to use caps on me.
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Driger Kai - Sep. 25, 2012
Actually, its a pretty good start, other the the fact you're missing the quotations. Here's an example on how the dialogue should be; "Hey Fred, how's it going?" Steve casually asked. "My uncle ate my turtle," Fred replied.
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Tri - Sep. 25, 2012
(Sep. 25, 2012 2:01 AM)Yuko Ray14 Wrote:(Sep. 25, 2012 1:51 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: use quotation marks. read better stories to know how to write. Train for the world championships, and have the tar beaten out of you by a U.S. blader.
what did i say in the op THIS IS MY FIRST STORY
He was giving critisism, if you can't take it, then you have no chance as a writer. He was giving helpful critisism too...
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Yuko Ray14 - Sep. 25, 2012
(Sep. 25, 2012 2:09 AM)Tri Wrote:(Sep. 25, 2012 2:01 AM)Yuko Ray14 Wrote:(Sep. 25, 2012 1:51 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: use quotation marks. read better stories to know how to write. Train for the world championships, and have the tar beaten out of you by a U.S. blader.
what did i say in the op THIS IS MY FIRST STORY
He was giving critisism, if you can't take it, then you have no chance as a writer. He was giving helpful critisism too...
i dont want to be a writter im just putting out my thoughts creative writting
but i was fast to go to the defense sorry Eternal-E
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Eternal-E - Sep. 25, 2012
and yet, I don't se you reading my first story. I told you to do it and you let me down.
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Dual - Sep. 25, 2012
Ok but basically what eternal e said. Check out chinablade, defstamina and other writers stories (maybe even mine, i dont compare to the aforementioed writers but if you want to, check it out
)
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Yuko Ray14 - Sep. 25, 2012
(Sep. 25, 2012 2:18 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: and yet, I don't se you reading my first story. I told you to do it and you let me down.
i wasnt done editing my post yesh ill read but dont rush me
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Dual - Sep. 25, 2012
(Sep. 25, 2012 2:18 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: and yet, I don't se you reading my first story. I told you to do it and you let me down.You cant make him read your story and to be brutally honest, yours isnt one of the best stories on the wbo. Like i said he should check out chinas and defstaminas stories.
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Yuko Ray14 - Sep. 25, 2012
Chapter 2 added
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - Yuko Ray14 - Sep. 26, 2012
Anybody read chapter 2
RE: Beyblade Story Flash devouring strike - TakasuMouce - Sep. 26, 2012
The chapters, I would not even consider them as chapters.
They are FAR, FAR, too short, and more space between lines is a good idea. They seem a bit "Messy" to me.
Its very confusing, and the dialog is a bit messed up. I can't comprehend who in the world is talking in each line, and the story is all over the place; its hard to understand what is happening.
A few spelling mistakes, hear and there, and I don't know about the grammer; are you writing is past or present tense?
Good luck!
~Takasu
Look at my story for an example:
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Story-Lonely-Chapter-3-Up