[story]Bob, the Bey Breaker. (chapter 10 is up)

Poll: how's the story?

good
31.25%
5
not the best i've ever read
18.75%
3
around the middle
0%
0
not the worst i've ever read
25.00%
4
terrible
25.00%
4
Total: 100% 16 vote(s)
I decided to make a story. Bob, the Bey Breaker.

Chapter1:
Chapter2:
Chapter 3:
Chapter 4:
Chapter 5:
Chapter 6:
Chapter 7:
Chapter 8:
Chapter 9:
Chapter 10 (Click to View)
Your chapters are way to short. Try to be more descriptive, tell us more about the main character. How old is he? Where does he live? Whats he like? Also describe the mysterious bey some more. Note- i am not trying to be offensive in anyway, i am just giving some constructive critism.
A few things:

1. Longer chapters.
2. Capitalize the begginings of sentences.
3. Use spell check. If you have Windows, put it through Microsoft Office 95 or 10. (Depends on which computer you have) If you have a Mac, put it through the thing on there. (I don't have a Mac, so i don't kno wht it is.)
4. Prologue needs to be longer.
5. Put more effort into it.
6. Describe the characters. What's his full name? What is he wearing? How old is he? Personal things like that.

Try working on these things and overall plot. Right now, it's unclear of what the plot is. If you need help, read my story. PM Me for more tips. Not trying to be mean, I'm just givin some constructive critisism. Grin
~ China
That's good to point out. the reason I diddn't describe the bey too much is because it was spinning at a really high speed and was only seen for half a second. Oh my Gosh i can use peices of that in my story! Thanks beyniac i'll be right on it.
im pretty sure i fixed chapter1
Meh, it could still use some more description on the battles and the special moves.

"EAGLE!"I yelled"SPECIAL MOVE, Poison Drop!" L-Drago got knoicked out of the stadium.

-You didn't describe what the special move does. It says that L-Drago just got knocked out. Also, give your characters, real character. Also explain the surroundings.
Not sure if troll, or serious attempt at a story.

As soon as I saw that "Prologue" was spelt wrong, I stopped (no offense).

Capitalization. Punctuation. Grammar. Dialougue. Sentence structure.

:\
This is a real attempt to a story, but it's my first one.
Grammar Nazi's will faint after reading this.
Ugh! I wanna make the new chapter so bad but spoilers don't work on my phoneCrying. The new chapter will be up sometime... I guess..
(Jul. 09, 2012  2:41 PM)Fantomu Wrote: Grammar Nazi's will faint after reading this.

Amen.
Anyways, there are still a lot of gramatical errors. When you get back on your computer, try working on that.
~ China
(Jul. 09, 2012  2:41 PM)Fantomu Wrote: Grammar Nazi's will faint after reading this.

qft

I died.
I Finished Chapter 2!
Sorry for the double post but I want this story to get good recognition and ppl need to read this to really know what it's about.
Where's the next chapter?
Since you apparently are living in the same house, why don't you ask him?
Because I finished the chapter and diddnt yet post it. He read it, and than downloaded spellcheck ;p
And spellcheck has helped your writing ever sence.
I am really in to this story. I wana see Venom Eagles true power.Stupid
You haven't seen half of it yet! Wait until the end. A couple of the main characters will battle.
Maybe I'll post chapter four early...
Sorry for the double post but... Horray! Chapter four is DONE!
You need to work on your spelling, other then that sounds great.Stupid
(Aug. 14, 2012  9:42 PM)MasterBlader-x Wrote: You need to work on your spelling, other then that sounds great.Stupid

I have no idea how to spell torneyment or techneque.