The Last of Us (accepting character requests!)

Poll: Is this a good story?

Yeah! I want to see more!
50.00%
5
Eh, it's OK I guess...
30.00%
3
NO, You guys suck!
20.00%
2
Total: 100% 10 vote(s)
So here is mine (Author of the dragon bladers and Total Control) and aSadisticPirate's (co-Author of The lifeless blader) bey story, I will write a chapter then he will and so on.


Also, u can request a character (made up bey or real bey).

Chapter 1 by me


Chapter 2 by him.
Yay time for the main plot to come in Grin

By me
Chapter 3

Chapter 4 by him
Chapter 5 by him
Chapter 6 by me
Chapter 7 by me and him
Chapter 8 by me
Chapter 9 by him


ASadisticPirate=Ren
Me=porter
Jake Hagane=Jake Hagane
Just gonna give my opinion, I don't think it's a good idea to have to people working on different parts of a story. You guys have different writing styles, and that could really mess with the story, it'd be inconsistent. In no way am I looking down upon this, just giving a friendly suggestion.
(Dec. 20, 2013  4:57 AM)Ultramarine Wrote: Just gonna give my opinion, I don't think it's a good idea to have to people working on different parts of a story. You guys have different writing styles, and that could really mess with the story, it'd be inconsistent. In no way am I looking down upon this, just giving a friendly suggestion.

I know, but it might turn out well Smile, of course we will show each other the chapter before posting it to make sure that it goes along with the plot and stuffs .
I don't see it as an insult, it's just constructive criticism which is always accepted

Sorry for the double post but does anyone have a character request because I am kinda stumped for ideas.
Sorry for the triple post but I got chap 2 done.
Dude you're on fire with these story's! I sick and not phoning to school today so ill definitely be able to finish chapter 3 for my story today.
Hm. Not bad, really. Just be careful with grammar and spelling and you'd do just fine.
Hmmmmm...

You really need to space out your dialogue. It's easier to read that way and it makes your chapters look longer.

Also, yes, grammar...
Thanks for the advice, my computer crashed yesterday and now my entire microsoft office was deleted so I can't really edit it as much as I would like to.
this story is amazing, and I have a character request, no two, sorry:

1: Name: Jake Hagane
Gender: Male
Bey: Bandit Ifrit ED145UB (Ultimate ball)
Appearance: Medium black hair with grey jacket. Black gloves and wears a belt similar to Gingka's, and wears blue jeans with black boots.
Personality: Very strong and is very short tempered. Very serious while in battle, and hates to be betrayed.
Backstory: Gingka Hagane's son. Was abandoned as Gingka went on a training journey.
Original story: Blurred Light
For any extra info on Jake see my story Blurred Light [Beyblade Story]

2: Name: Moruda Hakano
Gender: Female
Bey: Akuma Fenikkusu (Meaning Devil Phoenix in Japanese according to google translate) B145 (Blade145) WDF (Wide defense flat)
Appearance: Long pink hair reaching down to waist, metallic purple earrings that are shaped like wings. Wears a pink vest overtop of a purple skin tight tank top. Wears a black belt with a golden buckle that has a phoenix carving on it. Wears jean shorty-shorts with chains on around the belt slots. Pink tights that are slightly see through, and metallic pink high-heels.
Personality: Serious when battling. Bad girl when it comes to other things, gets all the guys chasing her, plays hard to get at times, and when in a serious battle against a boy, she takes off her vest to reveal her tank top to distract the opponent. Blushes when she sees someone she likes.
Backstory: Has a criminal record, was a former serial killer, and after being freed from prison she no longer committed murder. The past personality and life being a serial killer was caused by a divorce between her parents during childhood, and was forced to stay with her father she had despised, and was never allowed to see her mother again.

BTW Jake is 15 and Moruda is 15 as well.
(Dec. 24, 2013  1:21 AM)Crax686 Wrote: this story is amazing, and I have a character request, no two, sorry:

1: Name: Jake Hagane
Gender: Male
Bey: Bandit Ifrit ED145UB (Ultimate ball)
Appearance: Medium black hair with grey jacket. Black gloves and wears a belt similar to Gingka's, and wears blue jeans with black boots.
Personality: Very strong and is very short tempered. Very serious while in battle, and hates to be betrayed.
Backstory: Gingka Hagane's son. Was abandoned as Gingka went on a training journey.
Original story: Blurred Light
For any extra info on Jake see my story Blurred Light [Beyblade Story]

2: Name: Moruda Hakano
Gender: Female
Bey: Akuma Fenikkusu (Meaning Devil Phoenix in Japanese according to google translate) B145 (Blade145) WDF (Wide defense flat)
Appearance: Long pink hair reaching down to waist, metallic purple earrings that are shaped like wings. Wears a pink vest overtop of a purple skin tight tank top. Wears a black belt with a golden buckle that has a phoenix carving on it. Wears jean shorty-shorts with chains on around the belt slots. Pink tights that are slightly see through, and metallic pink high-heels.
Personality: Serious when battling. Bad girl when it comes to other things, gets all the guys chasing her, plays hard to get at times, and when in a serious battle against a boy, she takes off her vest to reveal her tank top to distract the opponent. Blushes when she sees someone she likes.
Backstory: Has a criminal record, was a former serial killer, and after being freed from prison she no longer committed murder. The past personality and life being a serial killer was caused by a divorce between her parents during childhood, and was forced to stay with her father she had despised, and was never allowed to see her mother again.

BTW Jake is 15 and Akuma is 15 as well.
We could maybe use the first one but the second one isn't appropriate for the story.
Well I could change the backstory and personality. It's OK if you don't accept it.
The next MEGA chapter is in the OP

EDIT: and please vote in the poll Smile
Ok, since Onyx Privateer hasn't been on in awhile, I guess I'll take this story over.

@Crax do u mind me changing UB to TB?
Sorry I haven't been on wi fi isn't working
this is cool!
(Dec. 29, 2013  1:07 AM)DRAGON KING Wrote: Ok, since Onyx Privateer hasn't been on in awhile, I guess I'll take this story over.

@Crax do u mind me changing UB to TB?

Well I have no idea what TB is, can you tell me first? I don't know too much about Zero-G, just synchrome, parts, and crystal-up.
Thanks!
(Jan. 01, 2014  3:37 PM)Jake Hagane Wrote:
(Dec. 29, 2013  1:07 AM)DRAGON KING Wrote: Ok, since Onyx Privateer hasn't been on in awhile, I guess I'll take this story over.

@Crax do u mind me changing UB to TB?

Well I have no idea what TB is, can you tell me first? I don't know too much about Zero-G, just synchrome, parts, and crystal-up.
Thanks!
It's just a big ball with a with a small ball coming out of it.
(Jan. 01, 2014  5:34 PM)DRAGON KING Wrote:
(Jan. 01, 2014  3:37 PM)Jake Hagane Wrote:
(Dec. 29, 2013  1:07 AM)DRAGON KING Wrote: Ok, since Onyx Privateer hasn't been on in awhile, I guess I'll take this story over.

@Crax do u mind me changing UB to TB?

Well I have no idea what TB is, can you tell me first? I don't know too much about Zero-G, just synchrome, parts, and crystal-up.
Thanks!
It's just a big ball with a with a small ball coming out of it.
Thx 4 telling me. You decide which to use.

O yeah I sed that bcuz I'm using my old account, so I'm Jake Hagane.

I got chap 4 done

I love the new chapter, you were spot on!
Thanks, I didn't know whether or not I had gotten Jake's personality right. Tongue_out
Well you did great, and I liked when you wrote about Porter being the Ash Ketchum of Beyblade.
Thanks, I wasn't entirely sure about adding that in.
I got chapter 5 finished


Did anyone get the JabberJaw reference I made?