The Crimson Winter (A psychological thriller)

Poll: Good enough?

Please publish this!
Eh, could've done better.
This has got to be the worst story in WBO history.
Total: 100% 2 vote(s)
Hello everybody! This is the another shot of mine at a psychological thriller (the other being "Reach Out for The Truth" but that didn't go so well.) Hopefully people get drawn to this kind of genre. Let us begin!

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Pretty good. Look forward to more of this. Sounds like it's going to be just as good, or better, than your other stories.

Just a few really minor points.

First one is really small and it doesn't even really matter. Try not to repeat phrases near each other unless it's for emphasis. It's not important it just sort of disrupts the flow of the reading and the rhythm in the scentences if you know what I mean. I think you only did it once when you said: "I rush against a wall. I put my ear against the wall". I don't think it really counts as critism. I would just try to avoid it. Don't worry if you chose to ignore this one, it's probably just my thoughts anyway.

Put across the idea fully and correctly. This is also a tiny problem. "I don’t think that I’d need to go to school tomorrow either because it’s a snow day. " It mixes the past and present tense. To fix this just say something like: "I don't expect to need to go to school tommorow, due to the heavy sheet of snow outside". It's honestly not a big deal. I'm just trying to really polish this off.

A small typo: "Then, as if amnesia too a visit to my brain and then left, it hit me". I'm guessing it should be "took"

If I had to give you one thing to do for the next chapter it would be proof reading. I'm sure a short re-check of your writing and it would've been perfect.

Other than that, it's amazing. All the boxes are ticked: description, suspense, a great title.

Keep it up! This thriller is definitely gonna thrill.
Thanks man. I've edited the stuff you pointed out and I will make sure to proof-read.
And on that note, NEW CHAP. UP!
Amazing chapter. You can really imagine the thoughts of the main character.

Another typo: "she looks lie the type that stays with a decision."

And a bit of an anticlimatic (though funny) ending to the chapter. I guess the humour makes up for it though.

Other than that it's pretty much perfect. I'm really running out of ways to critise you now. Keep it up!

Oh and how on earth can you write three stories at once?!