The Dimensions of Time

The Dimensions of Time

This was soo stuck on my head...

Chapter One ~ the Hooded Man


Chapter 2 - The Guardian



Chapter 3 ~ The Magic


Chapter 4 - The Origins



Hahaha...now here is a surprise.



Tired......
EDIT: This looked sooooo much longer in my intermediate papers..Uncertain
It is alright... not that very dramatic ending though
I think its pretty good. You set up a great description of the main characters life, but without just simply stating everything in a boring way, I like that. The story seems like it could be really good if you keep putting effort into it and develop the ideas well. Good luck, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
Thanks. I'm thinking of posting in on BF. Anyways, I'll update this weekly. Smile
I need my time to sort out ideas.
looking at the tital, i have the fealing of something with time travel in it or something like that. it's my favourite topic. i hope this lives up to my expectations. nice start, but could be better, though it makes me want to read more.
(Oct. 15, 2011  7:09 AM)Giraton Wrote: looking at the tital, i have the fealing of something with time travel in it or something like that. it's my favourite topic. i hope this lives up to my expectations. nice start, but could be better, though it makes me want to read more.
Hahah. Nice guess. It is related to time. Oh, about the bolded part, I'm going to go back to chapter(s) every time I finish 5 and revise.
Chapter 2 is to come tomorrow.
(Oct. 23, 2011  4:52 AM)BeybladerPotter Wrote: Chapter 2 is to come tomorrow.
YESSS

Chapter 2 - The Guardian
great as always....
chapter 2 seamed a little, i don't know, rushed. could have been a little more serious. there was just something missing.
It is called a cliffhanger make the readers WANT for more, Naruto chapters 559-561 have really made millions of fans go crazy about the wait.
Um....can anybody post full criticism? I need it...Tongue_out.
(I swear that I'm not like those carpy people who fight back when you give criticism.)
Chapter 3 ~ The Magic
Geez, your story is well written.
i can't really say anything bad, but maybe it's too packed together so my eyes are quite sour.
I am not really a good reader, but this story hooked me on!
Actually, I read. But, I do not like to read stories on my PC. I prefer games. Tongue_out
OK, back to the story- Well, I loved it! I would wait for the next chapter!
btw, in your 1st chapter, you have repeated the word 'face' in the paragraph before the dialogues begin. Smile
This seems promising! I noticed a few grammar mistakes, but if you give me a week, most of them will be gone! Keep up the good work!
^Name them. Thanks a bunch!
ah, chapter 3 was perfect, nothing needed to be added. you must like using cliff-hangers in this story.
^Haha...I don't know....Anyways, I might post Chapter 4 tomorrow..It depends.
Harry potter Deja vu in Ch.2.

Hagrid: You're a wizard harry.
Harry: I'm a what...? I can't be
Hagrid: Dursley's didn't tell you nothin'?! *Facepalm*

Jokes aside, it was a pretty good story. It had a plot similar to Harry Potter, so it lacks a bit of originality there. The protagonist seems too... perfect, no interesting twist there, might want to include a flaw in the next chapter. Maybe antisocial and shy person. That normally goes good with smart. Other than that, good length, grammar, cohesive writing devices.
Harry Potter reference? Ugh...Anyway, you have a nice point there. Character development will be there.
I was thinking that during whatever adventure he would go on, he would become all flawed, like a rude awakening...