The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 14, 2011
The Dimensions of Time
This was soo stuck on my head...
Chapter One ~ the Hooded Man
Tomas Louie Tero was very happy to say that his life was perfect; it was normal and simple. Tomas would probably be the last person you’d think complain about life. He had learned how to appreciate life the way it is ever since his parents had died. Tomas was just your typical 14-year old boy who lived with his grandma, Sally Tero, who lovingly supplied everything that the boy needed, food, shelter, everything.
The Teros were just above moderate in financial terms but they were happy nevertheless. Tomas always made his grandma proud; he was such an intelligent and polite boy. He even studies at a very prestigious school for the smartest children…sorry, teenagers in the world. Tomas had won his education there in a nation-wide quiz bee held by the government; the Teros would not be able to afford the tuition fee otherwise.
When Tomas woke up on the peaceful, sunny Monday our tale of wonder begins, there was the shining sun which seemed to gleam brighter than usual; this fine weather indicated that this would be such a great day. Tomas hummed happily as he picked out his signature white jacket while Sally watched the morning news channel attentively while she set Tomas’s breakfast on the shiny glass table. At half past 9, Tomas grabbed his backpack, slung it over his shoulder, waved goodbye to his grandma and then took off.
He got onto his bike and started to pedal. The fresh air breezed and brushed on his face; Tomas had always enjoyed the cooling air that blew every time he rode on his bicycle to go to school. He started to pedal faster and faster, the wind blowing cooler and cooler. Tomas traveled on his bicycle for quite a while, passing a few merchandise stores here and there, and then finally, he had arrived on the university’s parking lot. He took out a silver chain out of his bag and attached it to the bicycle. Tomas then tied the other end to a steel bar on the brick wall.
Dashing towards the entrance, Tomas knew he was in for a wonderful day.
“Good morning!†a guard greeted Tomas gladly.
“Good morning sir!†Tomas replied cheerfully.
Tomas ran up the stairs until he reached the 3rd floor, turned right, walked past a couple of classrooms, and finally, he entered his own room. He sat down on one of the brown armchairs on the far left; near the windows. He laid back his head back on a window and looked upwards at the clock pinned on the wall.
“It’s still 10 o’ clock!†he thought. “Great!â€
He dropped his bag on the floor and chatted with his friends who were already there so he could kill some time. Mysteriously, the hands of the clocked today ticked so fast that now Tomas was in his last class for the day, Physics. He scribbled sentences on the exam paper the teacher had given to them. He wrote, then paused, then wrote again. He then made a final dot, marking the end of his 500-word essay and then he looked around.
“No one is done yet except for me…..†he thought.
He flipped the pages of the paper, returning back to the first page where on top, you could see his name written enormously; he chuckled to himself. Hours passed very slowly but at long last, the bell rang. Tomas got his backpack and ran down the stairs. Not so long after that, Tomas was now found at the parking lot, undoing the chain on his bike when suddenly, a hooded man wrestled him onto the rough cement floor. The man held a staff where at the middle; you would see a minute drawing of a clock and the letters t and g marked on it.
“Who are you and what do you want?!†Tomas shouted, frightened.
“I am……………â€
Chapter 2 - The Guardian
“I am your worst nightmare!†the man chortled as he stood upright and helped Tomas up.
As soon as Tomas was able to stand, he raised an eyebrow as if he were suspecting the man of something…fishy; the man did not seem to notice this though. He just stood there blankly, staring at Tomas, as though his soul has just been sucked out of his mere body’ his eyes were twinkling, his crooked nose twitching and something was forming in his scarred face…astonishment. Tomas, who felt awkwardly shy, opened his mouth to try and form a demand about what happened earlier but failed miserably and shut his mouth back again; Tomas then just stared at the rough cement floor he had just been knocked onto not too long ago.
The overwhelming atmosphere that filled the chilly air seemed to be emitting from the man. Tomas felt like he had been sucked into a realm of confusion, pressure and…curiosity? Why though? Well, maybe because Tomas just did not think that his “so-called†worst nightmare would just be an occult man who randomly knocked you onto the ground, help you up, then say, “I’m your worst nightmare!†with a tone that sounds like an overjoyed child who received 25 gifts for Christmas when you demand for a name.
Then, the man spoke, “Nah…I’m the Time Guardian. You do know about me right and…and your family’s origins? He asked, trembling which seemed to be excitement.
“What are you talking about dude? First of all, I know nothing about Time Guardians or whatsoever. Next of all, what do you care of my family’s origins anyway?†Tomas snorted. “It’s not as if you’re related to us Teros anyway. My grandma and I are the only ones left.†He added.
Shock and anger flashed through the man’s face as he heard these words come out of Tomas’s mouth. It seemed like he was offended…to Tomas anyway. Before Tomas could say anything, the man roared, clearly anger was still flooding in his face, “What do you mean?! You mean… that ol’ Sally has not told you anything about the Time Realm?! This is unacceptable!â€
“This boy….this boy doesn’t know anything?!†was the last thing Tomas had heard from the man before he suddenly vanished into thin air with a BOOM! That hid within the loud roar of his voice.
Tomas was astounded. Never before had he seen a man just vanish into thin air. It felt like…magic.
No…no…it is absolutely impossible. Probably just an illusion…yes…it is an illusion were the calming words that pounded on the inner walls of his brain. Tomas does not know that this short relief of confusion won’t last long because of what’s in stored for him for the next few days.
Chapter 3 ~ The Magic
A few days had passed since the encounter and when Tomas woke up on the day excitement and adventure will arise, Tomas had completely gotten rid of all the thoughts on what the Time Guardian, or the “illusion†as Tomas defined it, said.
Tomas rubbed his eyes as he got up and got dressed for school. As soon as he finished dressing, he headed downstairs. He sat down on one of the brown chairs and silently ate his breakfast. He groped his backpack and opened the door when he realized that there was something missing….someone missing. Where was his grandma? Tomas shut the door and ran up the stairs.
“Normally, Grandma doesn’t go anywhere during broad daylight; she hates it.†Tomas thought as worry and panic started to build up inside him.
Tomas searched and searched, looking inside every room and everywhere inside the house where Sally might be. This went on for hours and eventually, the time slipped out of Tomas’s mind and now he would be late for school if he did not go but he didn’t care; he had to find Sally. Then, as Tomas opened another door, a crazy thought struck him.
“Yes…yes….that might work though it will be stupid but if there’s anything that I have not thought of for grandma’s current location, it’s this.â€
Tomas ran back down the stairs and dashed towards the massive grandfather clock that stood at the corner of the living room. He hesitated again at first but decided to do it anyway.
“Here goes….†Tomas mumbled as he focused on the hands of the ticking clock. “TIME GUARDIAN!!!â€
His roar echoed throughout the room and then it faded. Just then, a bright flash of light flared from the clock and there was a loud BANG! And the clock burst into pieces, scattering smoke and dust. Through the mess made by the explosion, two figures materialized and walked through the destroyed pieces of the clock. As soon as Tomas was able to see their faces, he felt a wave of relief and joy kick away the feelings of worry and panic. It was Sally…and the Time Guardian that Tomas now believed was absolutely real. Tomas walked towards Sally and hugged her.
“Gee Gran…Don’t ever make me worry that much again.â€
Sally, the Time Guardian and Tomas laughed. Tomas then walked towards the Guardian.
“Thanks…Sorry if I…you know…insulted you or anything.â€
“You insult me?! Haha, nice one kiddo! You never insulted me. It’s just that Sally here never told you about –“
“Tell the story later you idiot! Fix my clock first!†Sally snapped.
The Time Guardian sighed as he swished his staff in the air. The smashed particles of the clock gathered around in front of the Guardian and with another swish, all the particles of the clock joined together. As Tomas watched all of this, he couldn’t help but feel excited. Excited for what though? He did not know but that tingling feeling when you’re excited burned inside him.
“So…are we ready to tell the origins now Sally? Eh?†The Time Guardian asked, clapping his hands together.
“Do whatever you want.â€
“Ah thanks. Now come along Tom. Sit on one of the chairs…go on.†The Time Guardian said softly. “Well….let’s start with the very beginning. A long time ago…â€
Chapter 4 - The Origins
The man took a deep breath and began talking.
“Tomas…you see…ugh…how do I put it…..you’re special. Your whole family is special.â€
From that, it seemed that the Time Guardian felt more confident and resumed talking.
“Didn’t you ever wonder where your parents go for work? Didn’t you ever wonder how they died?â€
Tomas felt heavy pain surge through his body as the man mentioned the death of his parents. The death of his parents was really harsh to him. He always came home from school, looking for his parents. But now…they’re gone. But the man is right…the news just broke out but…no one in the family told him how they died or where they worked or what they did for a job. This lack of knowledge about his parents seemed to confuse Tomas. He felt…angry. Angry that he never realized how less he knew about his parents.
“No….no I don’t.â€
“I figured. Anyways, it all started when your great-great-great whatever grandpa found a relic when he was adventuring the ruins in Africa.†The man replied enthusiastically while he stroked his short beard.
“You see, your great-great-great-great grandfather was one heck of an adventurer. He traveled all around the world, searching for treasures and such. So to get to the point, the relic he found was actually a lost key. A key to a world…a galaxy unknown to man…he found it.â€
“Yeah….So what does it have to do with anything?†Tomas interrupted.
“Be quiet boy and just listen to the whole story.†The man snapped back.
Tomas kept silent and just listened.
“Your grandpa didn’t know what to do with it. But somehow…he knew it was special. And so, he tried to figure it out. He knocked on it, he talked to it, he punched it…..he did everything that he could think of to it. But he never tried one thing until the last day of his trip to Africa. He threw it in the gap between the two pillars on the ruins. The relic seemed to vanish and the swirly white stuff appeared. He was curious and jumped in. He did not know that he was being warped into a different dimension….my dimension…the Dimensions of Time.â€
“The what?!â€
“Didn’t I tell to keep quiet? The Dimensions of Time is like…um…a place where there are portals so you could go back or go ahead of time. The thing is, if you enter these portals, you are not…invisible to those in that time slot. Therefore, it is my job to not let anyone go in the portals. In result though, I get to control time…†he said as he made a vertical line with his staff. Then, a swirly portal opened and a vision where he appeared with Tomas’s grandma.
Tomas could not believe his eyes. It was true then. All this carp…well, maybe not carp anymore.
“There you go…proof. Ah…to get to the real point. The Dimensions of Time was not really safe before and I wasn’t only the Guardian. Before me, there were a lot others. The thing is…before, there was no guardian to protect the dimension because everything was peaceful…well, not until Arum came anyway. Arum was just a demon…a stray demon who no one knows where he came from. Arum just suddenly Arum just appeared in the dimension and mixed up the time. Boy that was troublesome to fix according to the books. Those in the early time slot suddenly wore robot suits and those in the future time slots…well…they got turned into dinosaurs. That was when they decided to appoint a guardian to protect the portals. The original guardian was your great-great-great-great grandpa Tomas.â€
“But I thought…â€
“You thought it was impossible for your grandpa to be a guardian when he just discovered the realm?â€
“Yes…..â€
“Haha! All the former guardians before me thought so too! But really, he was picked for the job by the Headmasters of the Elements.â€
“Umm….these headmasters are?â€
“Basically, they are the protectors of the galaxy. Now, your parents died because…†he started, the tone of hesitation clearly flowed through his words.
“They were the next in line guardians. I am supposed to be retired by now. But….a servant of Arum just appeared out of nowhere and attacked the dimension again. I….wasn’t there…I didn’t get to protect Rino and Talna…I’m so sorry boy…I…†the man cried, tears slowly sliding down from his eyes.
Tomas felt pride and sadness build up in his body. He felt proud that his parents died protecting something but…he felt sad….because…they died. The sadness overcame the pride though and Tomas unknowingly shed tears.
“Boy…you’re….the next-in-line. That’s why I’m here. Please do consider it…I…I don’t know what to say anymore….Besides you and your family; I think I’m the next closest to your parents. I’ve been with them for like…forever, teaching them how to control time and training them……â€
“I understand if you do not want to do it…it must be hard for you Tomas since-“ the man was interrupted by Tomas.
“I’ll do it…the least I can do for them is carry on their duties.â€
“You’ll do it?! Seriously?!â€
“Yeah…I’m doing it for them….I don’t like to put their death in vain and…I want revenge on the guy who killed them…and Arum.â€
“Woah woah woah…slow down. Think of revenge later and let’s focus on the training. I understand that you want revenge but Arum is very strong. If you die in the process of avenging your parents, then you’ll just be putting your parents’ death in vain. Don’t be stupid and act wisely.â€
“Well…since we got that all cleared up then I suggest you go to your grandma and bid goodbye because we should really be leaving to start your training.â€
“Yah sure…I’ll go to her…â€
“Grandma…er…um….the Time Guardian told me everything and-“
“And you agreed to go. Goodbye dear. Good luck on your journey and take care.â€
“Yes…goodbye grandma…â€
Tomas turned around and walked back to the Guardian.
“You ready?â€
Tomas nodded and the Guardian took his hand. The Guardian used his other hand and swished his staff upwards. A purple aura engulfed them both and soon enough, they were floating. Tomas felt very excited. Will he be able to do this too? Will I be strong now? He did not know but all he knew was that another portal opened and they soared in it; his great adventure was about to start.
Hahaha...now here is a surprise.
^Yup..That's a drawing of the Time Guardian. I'll make some more for the other characters.
......
EDIT: This looked sooooo much longer in my intermediate papers..
RE: The Dimensions of Time - Kujikato - Oct. 14, 2011
It is alright... not that very dramatic ending though
RE: The Dimensions of Time - SwiftShadow - Oct. 14, 2011
I think its pretty good. You set up a great description of the main characters life, but without just simply stating everything in a boring way, I like that. The story seems like it could be really good if you keep putting effort into it and develop the ideas well. Good luck, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 15, 2011
Thanks. I'm thinking of posting in on BF. Anyways, I'll update this weekly.
I need my time to sort out ideas.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - Giraton - Oct. 15, 2011
looking at the tital, i have the fealing of something with time travel in it or something like that. it's my favourite topic. i hope this lives up to my expectations. nice start, but could be better, though it makes me want to read more.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 17, 2011
(Oct. 15, 2011 7:09 AM)Giraton Wrote: looking at the tital, i have the fealing of something with time travel in it or something like that. it's my favourite topic. i hope this lives up to my expectations. nice start, but could be better, though it makes me want to read more. Hahah. Nice guess. It is related to time. Oh, about the bolded part, I'm going to go back to chapter(s) every time I finish 5 and revise.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 23, 2011
Chapter 2 is to come tomorrow.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - Clefairy - Oct. 23, 2011
(Oct. 23, 2011 4:52 AM)BeybladerPotter Wrote: Chapter 2 is to come tomorrow. YESSS
RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 26, 2011
Chapter 2 - The Guardian
“I am your worst nightmare!†the man chortled as he stood upright and helped Tomas up.
As soon as Tomas was able to stand, he raised an eyebrow as if he were suspecting the man of something…fishy; the man did not seem to notice this though. He just stood there blankly, staring at Tomas, as though his soul has just been sucked out of his mere body’ his eyes were twinkling, his crooked nose twitching and something was forming in his scarred face…astonishment. Tomas, who felt awkwardly shy, opened his mouth to try and form a demand about what happened earlier but failed miserably and shut his mouth back again; Tomas then just stared at the rough cement floor he had just been knocked onto not too long ago.
The overwhelming atmosphere that filled the chilly air seemed to be emitting from the man. Tomas felt like he had been sucked into a realm of confusion, pressure and…curiosity? Why though? Well, maybe because Tomas just did not think that his “so-called†worst nightmare would just be an occult man who randomly knocked you onto the ground, help you up, then say, “I’m your worst nightmare!†with a tone that sounds like an overjoyed child who received 25 gifts for Christmas when you demand for a name.
Then, the man spoke, “Nah…I’m the Time Guardian. You do know about me right and…and your family’s origins? He asked, trembling which seemed to be excitement.
“What are you talking about dude? First of all, I know nothing about Time Guardians or whatsoever. Next of all, what do you care of my family’s origins anyway?†Tomas snorted. “It’s not as if you’re related to us Teros anyway. My grandma and I are the only ones left.†He added.
Shock and anger flashed through the man’s face as he heard these words come out of Tomas’s mouth. It seemed like he was offended…to Tomas anyway. Before Tomas could say anything, the man roared, clearly anger was still flooding in his face, “What do you mean?! You mean… that ol’ Sally has not told you anything about the Time Realm?! This is unacceptable!â€
“This boy….this boy doesn’t know anything?!†was the last thing Tomas had heard from the man before he suddenly vanished into thin air with a BOOM! That hid within the loud roar of his voice.
Tomas was astounded. Never before had he seen a man just vanish into thin air. It felt like…magic.
No…no…it is absolutely impossible. Probably just an illusion…yes…it is an illusion were the calming words that pounded on the inner walls of his brain. Tomas knew nothing that this short relief of confusion won’t last long because of what’s in stored for him for the next few days.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - Kujikato - Oct. 26, 2011
great as always....
RE: The Dimensions of Time - Giraton - Oct. 27, 2011
chapter 2 seamed a little, i don't know, rushed. could have been a little more serious. there was just something missing.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - Kujikato - Oct. 27, 2011
It is called a cliffhanger make the readers WANT for more, Naruto chapters 559-561 have really made millions of fans go crazy about the wait.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 27, 2011
Um....can anybody post full criticism? I need it....
(I swear that I'm not like those carpy people who fight back when you give criticism.)
RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 28, 2011
Chapter 3 ~ The Magic
A few days had passed since the encounter and when Tomas woke up on the day excitement and adventure will arise, Tomas had completely gotten rid of all the thoughts on what the Time Guardian, or the “illusion†as Tomas defined it, said.
Tomas rubbed his eyes as he got up and got dressed for school. As soon as he finished dressing, he headed downstairs. He sat down on one of the brown chairs and silently ate his breakfast. He groped his backpack and opened the door when he realized that there was something missing….someone missing. Where was his grandma? Tomas shut the door and ran up the stairs.
“Normally, Grandma doesn’t go anywhere during broad daylight; she hates it.†Tomas thought as worry and panic started to build up inside him.
Tomas searched and searched, looking inside every room and everywhere inside the house where Sally might be. This went on for hours and eventually, the time slipped out of Tomas’s mind and now he would be late for school if he did not go but he didn’t care; he had to find Sally. Then, as Tomas opened another door, a crazy thought struck him.
“Yes…yes….that might work though it will be stupid but if there’s anything that I have not thought of for grandma’s current location, it’s this.â€
Tomas ran back down the stairs and dashed towards the massive grandfather clock that stood at the corner of the living room. He hesitated again at first but decided to do it anyway.
“Here goes….†Tomas mumbled as he focused on the hands of the ticking clock. “TIME GUARDIAN!!!â€
His roar echoed throughout the room and then it faded. Just then, a bright flash of light flared from the clock and there was a loud BANG! And the clock burst into pieces, scattering smoke and dust. Through the mess made by the explosion, two figures materialized and walked through the destroyed pieces of the clock. As soon as Tomas was able to see their faces, he felt a wave of relief and joy kick away the feelings of worry and panic. It was Sally…and the Time Guardian that Tomas now believed was absolutely real. Tomas walked towards Sally and hugged her.
“Gee Gran…Don’t ever make me worry that much again.â€
Sally, the Time Guardian and Tomas laughed. Tomas then walked towards the Guardian.
“Thanks…Sorry if I…you know…insulted you or anything.â€
“You insult me?! Haha, nice one kiddo! You never insulted me. It’s just that Sally here never told you about –“
“Tell the story later you idiot! Fix my clock first!†Sally snapped.
The Time Guardian sighed as he swished his staff in the air. The smashed particles of the clock gathered around in front of the Guardian and with another swish, all the particles of the clock joined together. As Tomas watched all of this, he couldn’t help but feel excited. Excited for what though? He did not know but that tingling feeling when you’re excited burned inside him.
“So…are we ready to tell the origins now Sally? Eh?†The Time Guardian asked, clapping his hands together.
“Do whatever you want.â€
“Ah thanks. Now come along Tom. Sit on one of the chairs…go on.†The Time Guardian said softly. “Well….let’s start with the very beginning. A long time ago…â€
RE: The Dimensions of Time - TenshouTsubasa - Oct. 28, 2011
Geez, your story is well written.
i can't really say anything bad, but maybe it's too packed together so my eyes are quite sour.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - Xyo - Oct. 28, 2011
It is really good, great work
RE: The Dimensions of Time - Janstarblast - Oct. 28, 2011
I am not really a good reader, but this story hooked me on!
Actually, I read. But, I do not like to read stories on my PC. I prefer games.
OK, back to the story- Well, I loved it! I would wait for the next chapter!
btw, in your 1st chapter, you have repeated the word 'face' in the paragraph before the dialogues begin.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 28, 2011
^Thanks for spotting that.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - TITAN - Oct. 29, 2011
This seems promising! I noticed a few grammar mistakes, but if you give me a week, most of them will be gone! Keep up the good work!
RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 29, 2011
^Name them. Thanks a bunch!
RE: The Dimensions of Time - Giraton - Oct. 29, 2011
ah, chapter 3 was perfect, nothing needed to be added. you must like using cliff-hangers in this story.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 29, 2011
^Haha...I don't know....Anyways, I might post Chapter 4 tomorrow..It depends.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - Taj12 - Oct. 29, 2011
Harry potter Deja vu in Ch.2.
Hagrid: You're a wizard harry.
Harry: I'm a what...? I can't be
Hagrid: Dursley's didn't tell you nothin'?! *Facepalm*
Jokes aside, it was a pretty good story. It had a plot similar to Harry Potter, so it lacks a bit of originality there. The protagonist seems too... perfect, no interesting twist there, might want to include a flaw in the next chapter. Maybe antisocial and shy person. That normally goes good with smart. Other than that, good length, grammar, cohesive writing devices.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 29, 2011
Harry Potter reference? Ugh...Anyway, you have a nice point there. Character development will be there.
RE: The Dimensions of Time - TITAN - Oct. 29, 2011
I was thinking that during whatever adventure he would go on, he would become all flawed, like a rude awakening...
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