World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
The Dimensions of Time - Printable Version

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The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 14, 2011

The Dimensions of Time

This was soo stuck on my head...

Chapter One ~ the Hooded Man


Chapter 2 - The Guardian



Chapter 3 ~ The Magic


Chapter 4 - The Origins



Hahaha...now here is a surprise.




Tired......
EDIT: This looked sooooo much longer in my intermediate papers..Uncertain


RE: The Dimensions of Time - Kujikato - Oct. 14, 2011

It is alright... not that very dramatic ending though


RE: The Dimensions of Time - SwiftShadow - Oct. 14, 2011

I think its pretty good. You set up a great description of the main characters life, but without just simply stating everything in a boring way, I like that. The story seems like it could be really good if you keep putting effort into it and develop the ideas well. Good luck, and I'm looking forward to reading more.


RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 15, 2011

Thanks. I'm thinking of posting in on BF. Anyways, I'll update this weekly. Smile
I need my time to sort out ideas.


RE: The Dimensions of Time - Giraton - Oct. 15, 2011

looking at the tital, i have the fealing of something with time travel in it or something like that. it's my favourite topic. i hope this lives up to my expectations. nice start, but could be better, though it makes me want to read more.


RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 17, 2011

(Oct. 15, 2011  7:09 AM)Giraton Wrote: looking at the tital, i have the fealing of something with time travel in it or something like that. it's my favourite topic. i hope this lives up to my expectations. nice start, but could be better, though it makes me want to read more.
Hahah. Nice guess. It is related to time. Oh, about the bolded part, I'm going to go back to chapter(s) every time I finish 5 and revise.



RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 23, 2011

Chapter 2 is to come tomorrow.


RE: The Dimensions of Time - Clefairy - Oct. 23, 2011

(Oct. 23, 2011  4:52 AM)BeybladerPotter Wrote: Chapter 2 is to come tomorrow.
YESSS




RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 26, 2011

Chapter 2 - The Guardian



RE: The Dimensions of Time - Kujikato - Oct. 26, 2011

great as always....


RE: The Dimensions of Time - Giraton - Oct. 27, 2011

chapter 2 seamed a little, i don't know, rushed. could have been a little more serious. there was just something missing.


RE: The Dimensions of Time - Kujikato - Oct. 27, 2011

It is called a cliffhanger make the readers WANT for more, Naruto chapters 559-561 have really made millions of fans go crazy about the wait.


RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 27, 2011

Um....can anybody post full criticism? I need it...Tongue_out.
(I swear that I'm not like those carpy people who fight back when you give criticism.)


RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 28, 2011

Chapter 3 ~ The Magic



RE: The Dimensions of Time - TenshouTsubasa - Oct. 28, 2011

Geez, your story is well written.
i can't really say anything bad, but maybe it's too packed together so my eyes are quite sour.


RE: The Dimensions of Time - Xyo - Oct. 28, 2011

It is really good, great work Grin


RE: The Dimensions of Time - Janstarblast - Oct. 28, 2011

I am not really a good reader, but this story hooked me on!
Actually, I read. But, I do not like to read stories on my PC. I prefer games. Tongue_out
OK, back to the story- Well, I loved it! I would wait for the next chapter!
btw, in your 1st chapter, you have repeated the word 'face' in the paragraph before the dialogues begin. Smile


RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 28, 2011

^Thanks for spotting that.


RE: The Dimensions of Time - TITAN - Oct. 29, 2011

This seems promising! I noticed a few grammar mistakes, but if you give me a week, most of them will be gone! Keep up the good work!


RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 29, 2011

^Name them. Thanks a bunch!


RE: The Dimensions of Time - Giraton - Oct. 29, 2011

ah, chapter 3 was perfect, nothing needed to be added. you must like using cliff-hangers in this story.


RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 29, 2011

^Haha...I don't know....Anyways, I might post Chapter 4 tomorrow..It depends.


RE: The Dimensions of Time - Taj12 - Oct. 29, 2011

Harry potter Deja vu in Ch.2.

Hagrid: You're a wizard harry.
Harry: I'm a what...? I can't be
Hagrid: Dursley's didn't tell you nothin'?! *Facepalm*

Jokes aside, it was a pretty good story. It had a plot similar to Harry Potter, so it lacks a bit of originality there. The protagonist seems too... perfect, no interesting twist there, might want to include a flaw in the next chapter. Maybe antisocial and shy person. That normally goes good with smart. Other than that, good length, grammar, cohesive writing devices.


RE: The Dimensions of Time - BeybladerPotter - Oct. 29, 2011

Harry Potter reference? Ugh...Anyway, you have a nice point there. Character development will be there.


RE: The Dimensions of Time - TITAN - Oct. 29, 2011

I was thinking that during whatever adventure he would go on, he would become all flawed, like a rude awakening...