Well I'm not allowed to use a computer till my room is clean. I guess you are in luck as I'm almost done.

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Story
made by SolGloActivatur(or what ever he is now)
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Sorry for delay. I am refreshing my memory of the story before I write the next chapter. Again I'm sorry for delay I have been dealing with school as that is important. Check back soon and I may write 2-3 chapters today.

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Story
made by SolGloActivatur(or what ever he is now)
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http://s11.zetaboards.com/PenPad_forums/index/ is a good place to get better.
These can be longer, more descriptive, more dramatic, a better plot, and well... There's over 99999 thinks to fix (metaphorically speaking).

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I am truly sorry you feel that way.I have a good fan base but suggestions/mistake comments are welcome.Not haters as there could of been a lot of other and nicer ways to say that.

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You want nice? Well sorry. But in real life, you don't always get that cherry or pretty icing on top. Frankly, this is an eyesore. I'm very sorry but it is. You have a computer, word processor and an education, no? Tis' enough to formulate a story that isn't, how shall I say it without hurting one's feelings, below the minimum standard?

Everyone has talent, one just needs to put some elbow grease into everything that they do. Every other writer and or GFXer here. Post something you worked on, not some words or layers clumped together.

Peace.
Kujikato~

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Okayyyy I'm just in 7th grade. Math is my thing not Langarts. Sure "in the real world" it won't always be nice. But I'd like to enjoy it while I can. I don't want my childhood being wasted by being picked on by a 9th grader. AND LIST EXACTLY WHAT'S WRONG. DON'T JUST SAY ITS TERRIBLE AS THAT DOESN'T HELP ME. I am sorry for all caps. Please if you need to say something about this post Pm as it is becoming spam. Anyways thanks Kai-V on fixing the pole.

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Story
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We need a character request. Please follow the format.

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Dude, chill. Kujikato's just trying to help. It's good that you go to the site he referred you to, it really helps. I would've written a really long post putting in most of your wrongs, but Kujikato already did. So I'll make this brief and constructive. (As always.)

First things first: The Good Things.

Capitalization - Yep. You got that one.
Concept - Who doesn't? But since it's still not all that through yet, I can sense it turning into a world tournament of some sort and the main character having to break from that tournament to defeat this very evil organization. We all know that's cliché somehow, right? It's basically saving the world again. Even though most stories DO involve saving the world, the way it is executed is different. Be imaginative and creative... break from the norm.

Now: The Bad Things.
Punctuation - Please, please add punctuation. Several of your dialogue (Excuse me, most of it.) end without a punctuation. Punctuation is very important. Why? Because it doesn't make the story look messy and congested with words.
Grammar - I know your pulling some kind of twist to the grammar but you still need to know proper grammar to pull it off. Yes, you use adverbs and adjectives correctly. Good. Check your spelling though and all those other stuff. Prepositions, interjections... utilize the parts of a sentence correctly to pull of your story gracefully.
Also, the universal law...

Dialogue goes like this:

"Hey." Sam said.

"Yo." John responds.

"Wanna grab lunch?" Sam asks.

"I'd love to!" John exclaims.

And so, they went their way off unto McDonalds.

Easy as that.

Spelling - Some mistakes here and there, but a few more tries and checks and it can be good.

Others, I'm too lazy to mention. They'll all get fixed along with grammar and spelling anyway. To give you a visual on what your story should be, I played with your prologue.

Spoiler (Click to View)

In the year of... Oh, what was it? Well, the continents have begun to break, leaving 14 islands from it's splitting. Beyblade rules change and the WBBA lose control over the events. Each island made new rules, new styles, new stadiums, and of course, new beys. Now, let's check on a blader named Wade Moore. (Yes, a name we can actually pronounce) Wade lived on the only island WBBA has conrolled and also on of the safest: Smith Island. This island was known for the people's ability to make Beyblade parts, so they were considered the strongest, even though they use neither special rules nor special cheating skills. Now, in this place where they make beys, there had been accidents. They made a bey that was so dark that it could produce more beys of darkness. These beys controlled other people on other islands, but the WBBA got rid of them before they could spread. They've had weirder accidents where people are transferred into beyblades and became a bey spirit. (Talk about an unsafe work environment.)

Hope you get better. Keep up and higher!

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Great Scott! Signature made by me finally!
"That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me... This One's A Fighter!" Gym Class Heroes Feat. Ryan Tedder, "The Fighter"

Call me Septy, if my name's too long; Read my stories: Shadows of The Condemned, The Lost Birthday and The Crimson Winter

Well thank you. The punctuation problem is i catch myself pressing space twice to puncutate(like on an iphone)Spelling/grammer aren't my best subjects, but thanks for the help.Had i wanted a high level of critque i would have gone to his shop. Anyway I'm posting a new chapter today if I get a character request.Follow the format.

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Sorry for double post though I feel as if this is needed. I need 1 character request(though backups are always nice). I can't write this weeks chapter without one. Please pm me critique not post and make it constructive and not harsh. I will just make it worse for not constructive/harsh.

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Sorry for triple post but tommorow may be my last because report cards

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Subscribe Here(Non-Beyblade)

Character request needed. I'll make up my own if there isn't one at 2:30 pm central.

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Story
made by SolGloActivatur(or what ever he is now)
Subscribe Here(Non-Beyblade)

Everyone, chill out.

Wolf Avenger, quadruple posting just to get a character request (which you have not yet received) = SPAM.

You should continue your story without a request.. Making a character should be an easy basic. So please do so and stop spamming the thread.

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Thank you Insomniac. and I will.

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made by SolGloActivatur(or what ever he is now)
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wade this is not so good its so short needs to be longer and come on you may not have good real life handwriting but you know how to spell

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also i cant pronounce moore
~long silence~





ilied

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Well if there's spelling errors and the bar thing I blame my phone. Stupid auto correct

You shouldn't use your phone...
You should use a computer...

yes wade get a computer and put down your purple iphone

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However by then you will be torn to pieces.

Shut up Hastin. A. Read all the comments B. I can spell. C. No one needs all this personal information about me and it's not for you to expose. D. Did you even read it?
Tell me spelling error. E. Capitalization never hurts.

Edit: Sorry Insomniac. I kindof lost my cool here.

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Story
made by SolGloActivatur(or what ever he is now)
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I realized after my problems, I quit writing. That ends today. I'm currently writing chapter 6(or it's finished) by the time you read this. I am going to make up for the time I've given up. Stay tuned!!!

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Story
made by SolGloActivatur(or what ever he is now)
Subscribe Here(Non-Beyblade)

name: satsuki
bey:flashjupiterf:s
age:13

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YOBLADERSYOBLADERSYOBLADERS