World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
The Bey Islands(chapter 6 is up) - Printable Version

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The Bey Islands(chapter 6 is up) - wtater888 - Aug. 19, 2012

The Bey Islands
Chapter 1 (Click to View)
Chapter 2 (Click to View)
Chapter 3 (Click to View)
Chapter 4 (Click to View)
Chapter 5 (Click to View)
Chapter 6 (Click to View)
Character Suggestions (Click to View)
I will try to post on Saturdays and sundays but it depends on me, my family and mostly you so keep the characters so keep it up!


RE: Story - Voltage - Aug. 19, 2012

Way, way, way to short and terrible grammar.


RE: Story - Cookie Bouquets - Aug. 19, 2012

Dialogue needs it's own line like this:
We were walking down the street
"Yo," I said.
"Hey," He replied.
We walked away.

And the prologue is a little short.


RE: Story - Eternal-E - Aug. 19, 2012

you gotta make the chapter's longer, have dialouge like this
"Hey Jim," Mike said
"Waddup Mike?" Jim asked.

you misspelled bad for bar.
Edit: you beat me to it. dang.


RE: Story - wtater888 - Aug. 19, 2012

Ok thanks. It was a start. Its just midnight but I said I would do this and I really need my brain to rest.


RE: Story - Cookie Bouquets - Aug. 19, 2012

(Aug. 19, 2012  6:37 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: Edit: you beat me to it. dang.

I own the title "Grammar nazi" I see broken dialogue, I post about it.


RE: Story - ChinaBladeâ„¢ - Aug. 19, 2012

(Aug. 19, 2012  6:38 AM)Taylor Swift Wrote:
(Aug. 19, 2012  6:37 AM)Eternal-E Wrote: Edit: you beat me to it. dang.

I own the title "Grammar nazi" I see broken dialogue, I post about it.

Ah, so I must be your 2nd in command. Grin
I post about grammar edits all the time XD
Anywas, read my story for help.


RE: Story - wtater888 - Aug. 19, 2012

No it's swift. I see her edits alot. I've never seen you.


RE: Story - Voltage - Aug. 19, 2012

(Aug. 19, 2012  6:44 AM)wtater888 Wrote: No it's swift. I see her edits alot. I've never seen you.

its china she just changed her username theres no way you have never seen one of chinas edits.


RE: Story - wtater888 - Aug. 19, 2012

Well if there's spelling errors and the bar thing I blame my phone. Stupid auto correct


RE: Story - ChinaBladeâ„¢ - Aug. 19, 2012

(Aug. 19, 2012  6:49 AM)wtater888 Wrote: Well if there's spelling errors and the bar thing I blame my phone. Stupid auto correct

You shouldn't use your phone...
You should use a computer...


RE: Story - Cookie Bouquets - Aug. 19, 2012

(Aug. 19, 2012  6:32 AM)wtater888 Wrote: The bey islands
Prologue: In the year....oh what was it..... Well anyway the continents break leaving 14 islands. Beyblade rules change and the wbba loses control over events. On each island there are new rules, new styles and of course NEW BEYS. Now lets check on a new blader Wade Moore(yeah a name we can actually pronounce).
Chapter 1:
"Don't forget all your gear"said Wade's mother.
"I won't," replied Wade, "Please stop worrying."
"I'm not worrying why do you think I'm worrying," said mother, "Now treat his bey as your partner and your best friend."
"I will mom calm down" I respond, "BYE!"
Wade started his journey in his own neighborhood. I am at the bottom of the chain. I must prove until I can beat anyone. NO ONE CAN TAKE ME AND MY BEY FLAME WOLF!
Fixed.




RE: Story - Voltage - Aug. 19, 2012

(Aug. 19, 2012  6:52 AM)Charlie Scene Wrote:
(Aug. 19, 2012  6:49 AM)wtater888 Wrote: Well if there's spelling errors and the bar thing I blame my phone. Stupid auto correct

You shouldn't use your phone...
You should use a computer...

I made the mistake of using my phone to write my first story and it ended in me writing a completely new story because there was no coming back from that awfulness.


RE: Story - sarabscientist - Aug. 19, 2012

Generally, you should always write on a computer. Since it is easier and has spell check.


RE: Story - wtater888 - Aug. 19, 2012

My computers got a virus. My dad dosent like me using his computer.
Does anyone have character suggestions?


RE: Story - Eternal-E - Aug. 19, 2012

Name-Evan.
Name he goes by- E-man
Age- 12
Bey- cosmic befall 90 MF
Other stuff- he has long black hair that sticks up (like dogi without the weird golden strand) and a scar on his forhead, from training as a child. Average hight for his age.


RE: Story - wtater888 - Aug. 27, 2012

I've fixed this one and I need character requests.


RE: Story - sarabscientist - Aug. 28, 2012

Request: Neku Sakuraba

Personality:
Neku's personality is generally unsociable; he claims he "doesn't get people", and because of this, he usually dislikes interacting with other people. His opinion of others is so low that he tends to see people only for their use. Neku refuses company, as he feels that friends only drag him down, cause him pain when they fail him and make him feel like "unnecessary baggage" to them. Neku sees society as simply an annoyance that forces their values on him, pester him and expect him to do things he doesn't want to do.

Apperance:
Neku is tall and slender, with spiky orange hair in a unique hairstyle and blue eyes. He almost always has his signature indigo headphones on. He wears a sleeveless shirt with a funnel-shaped collar and an indigo stripe outlined with gold going down the middle. He also wears a yellow sweatband on his left arm, and white shorts held up by a loose-fitting belt. He wears black shoes with an indigo stripe outlined in gold, similar to the color and style of his shirt. He also wears his MP3 player around his neck.



RE: Story - wtater888 - Aug. 28, 2012

Great insomniac is away but didn't specify the bey. Post the new characters bey.


RE: Story - wtater888 - Aug. 29, 2012

Insomniac if you are here please post the bey.
Edit: Sorry about double post. I was a newb back then and now I'm correcting my mistakes.


RE: Story - sarabscientist - Aug. 29, 2012

Dude, you could have messaged me. Anyways, here is the Bey name:

Uken Abarukas 999ZR


RE: Story - wtater888 - Aug. 29, 2012

I'm going to randomly pick winners except in Wade Moore's battles. I use random.org for randomization.


RE: Story - sarabscientist - Aug. 29, 2012

MSF-H Reviser Dragooon SA165EWD is the real Bey you wanted.

(Aug. 29, 2012  4:33 AM)wtater888 Wrote: I use random.org for randomization.
rofl XD


RE: Story - wtater888 - Aug. 29, 2012

(Aug. 29, 2012  9:26 AM)Insomniac Wrote: MSF-H Reviser Dragooon SA165EWD is the real Bey you wanted.

(Aug. 29, 2012  4:33 AM)wtater888 Wrote: I use random.org for randomization.
rofl XD

Why is this funny?


RE: Story - sarabscientist - Aug. 29, 2012

I have a very bad sense of humor, forgive me.