First of all, I wanna say a couple of things. I want to thank Bunnii2165 for his Writer's Handbook; it was very useful in the writing of this story. This is my first story, so it's rough around the edges. I acknowledge that. I also know something you guys will probably hate very much...that it's a bunch of words with no action XD I know. There's one battle scene and it's not even that well described, but I have my reasons. Remember, everything has a start. This is only the start, there's more to come and I promise, more beybattles. Everytime I make a new chapter, I'll post it in the OP. And with no further ado...

Chapter 1: The Story of a Boy named Lozen (Click to View)

It all started out normal. I just finished blading with a couple of friends in Madison Bey Garden; a delightful place where Bladers of all kinds hang out. I was on a time limit, though. I needed to head over to the Bey License Center, where you go to become a BeyOrdinator. There are perks to being one, one being that you’re pretty much considered a master. It’s obvious why, though. Becoming one is hard; it takes hard work and determination…who am I kidding? It just takes effort. You can’t slack. You can have as much determination as you want, but without the effort to push yourself through and keep on trying, it’s worth nothing. Which is exactly what I’m about to do.

The test is divided into three parts. The first a written exam to test our knowledge; the second would be a Skills, Technique, and Adaption challenge. Something taught to us not by teachers, nor by anybody else, but ourselves. The third was a mystery. It changed everytime. There was no way to know what they had in store for us.

Considering I’m one of the worst bladers there is, it was a surprise to see this test and know that I could breeze through it. And then I remembered. I’m a BeyMech! Why wouldn’t I know this stuff?

Half an hour later…

The teacher told us to put our pencils down. Mines was down twenty minutes ago; I was just fiddling with it. I did as I was told. Papers were passed up. I saw a few people trying to quick finish the test. It was obvious they were already out. The sad thing is, I didn’t even blink and 10 names were up on the board for people to leave the room. Now sat 15 of us.

We were led into the next room. Now was the STATs (Skills, Technique, Adaption Test). I wasn’t so sure if I would pass this one. Skills and technique is something I don’t have, and I can’t adapt to a situation for anything. Oh well, I’ll just have to tough it through.

We were matched up and placed at several different arenas. On the count of ‘3, 2, 1, Go Shoot!’, all beys were launched. Mines, Ridcor Diehli WD230CWD, was a PURE defensive type bey. The whole beyblade was one I made by myself. Ridcor was a round symmetrical wheel connected by a rim at the top. Diehli was my spirit, a gorilla. I haven’t yet to have it reveal itself to me. Wall Defense 230 is basically 230 with an outer wall, and CWD is Core Wide Defense, an alternation of plastic then rubber and back, starting from the inside. All in all, it was a good combo. Praised by many people; I just don’t have the skill to use it.

My opponents bey did a flower pattern on mines, hitting it nearly every chance it could get. In my mind I chanted “Come on Diehli! Don’t fail me.” But to no avail. With every hit, Diehli was getting slower and slower, wobbling like a stack of books ready to fall. My mind started to break down. How in the world was I losing?! I couldn’t believe it! I lost every single time. That wasn't gonna happen today. A surge flowed through me. Everything then went dark.

I had no idea what happened. All I know was that I heard paramedics, and both me and the other guy was laid out on the floor. Everything was fuzzy. A red fuzz. Was that blood? I touched my head. It was..I strained my mind to remember…but it hurt too much. Wailing voices screamed in my head everytime I tried to think. Tears strolled down my eyes. I felt like I was dying. Slowly, slowly, piece by piece. Life faded away…

Chapter 2: The Other Side of Me (Click to View)

I awoke with an aching pain in my head. Everything was hazy; I could only see what appeared to be a figure standing at the end of my feet. No, wait. Not my feet. A bed. Why was I in a bed? I could’ve sworn I was blading…and what was that wretched beeping sound?! It was annoying me to the point where I wanted to jump out a window.

“Lozen? Are you up?”

The voice was familiar. I couldn’t make out who it was, as my eyes were still adjusting to the brightness pouring in from the windows.

“Where..where am I?” I managed to mumble.
“You’re in the hospital. There was a fatal accident while you were blading.”

As they spoke, I began to realize who it was.

“Orlando! What happened? Why am I in the hospital?”

The sudden excitement sent a painful ache to my head. Orlando then began to explain.

“Well, you were blading in the STATs test at the BeyCenter. The battle was getting boring, sorry to say, because you were getting your butt handed to you. And then I saw your eyes; they were red like Diehli’s. I couldn’t see what happened after that…you blew up the place with a single blow. It was all smoke, and after about 10 minutes it cleared up. The paramedics arrived, and you and the other guy was laying on the floor.”

I took a moment to suck it all in. I couldn’t remember anything that happened during the STATs. Then I realized.

“Wait, is the other guy okay?!”

Orlando didn’t reply for a couple moments.

“Umm…yeah…but he’s like…having more fun…where he is..”

I sat in a dull, frozen silence. The other guy was dead. Heck, I didn’t even know his name. And I killed him.

Orlando started to laugh. “Nawh man. I’m just joking with ya. He was discharged last week. Ha! You shoulda seen the look on your face.”

I stared in disbelief. “You jerk. How you gonna mess with me like that. Wait, last week?”
“Yeah. You’ve been in a coma for two weeks. I’ve been here everyday since.”
“Oh my gosh…I wonder if I passed the STATs…”
“Yeah you did. You’re bey was still spinning when the paramedics came, and wouldn’t stop when they tried to stop it! It’s right next to you, still spinning, actually. They just put it in a glass case, since it wouldn’t stop.”

I took this time to look around the room. Very plain; very dull. Just a chair, a bed, and a chester drawer. The best part is everything was white, except the chester drawer, which was a dark brown. Some hospitality. On top of the chester drawer, sat my Diehli. It was spinning, still! I stared at it, gazing restlessly at it going round and round.

*Flashback Begin*
“Come on Diehli! Don’t fail me!”

I was losing. Slowly; epicly too. He was literally handing me my arse.

“No..nooo….NOOOOO!!! I REFUSE TO LOSE! GO DIEHLI, PARALAX TIME CORRUPTION!”

I don’t remember saying that. I could’ve sworn that I blacked out before this…how am I remembering this? Wait, is that me? How am I watching myself? And then I put two and two together. I’m not remembering this..Diehli is showing me!

Something had taken over my body from when I said that. My eyes turned red; hair stood wildly; clothes tearing apart. Hey, I looked good like that. 5”11, 160 pounds. Baggy jeans, baggy shirt. It truly was me.

A darkness was swirling in the center. BeyCenter was being filled with smoke. An explosion had clearly happened, but no audible sound. My opponent’s bey was being sucked into it. Diehli simply sat in the center, with the darkness around it, yet never touching the bey itself. Seconds passed. Then minutes. The darkness was still there. Nothing was happening. But it spat something out. No, not something. Some THINGS.

I counted the parts. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5.” Five parts. A bey? The bey that was sucked into the darkness! It threw up all the parts. The parts was rusted and eaten at, clearly unable to use again. Oh boy, what have I done?

That’s where I collapsed. The darkness disappeared, and the smoke cleared to show half of BeyCenter collapsed and in a pile of junk. My opponent cried for a couple moments, and fell too. Diehli stayed spinning in the middle. Paramedics then arrived.
*Flashback End*

“Dude!” Orlando snapped at my face. “What’s up?”

“Oh, sorry. I just blanked out.”

Diehli stopped spinning. Clank, clank, clank. The sounds it made as it fell.

“Well it’s about time! It seemed as if it’d never stop spinning!”

I laughed. Orlando laughed too. For no reason at all, we both broke out in laughter. It was ended by a doctor who walked into the room.

“Hello, I am Dr. Vazquez.” She extended her hand out to me.

“Well, hello Miss. You are looking mighty fine today.” I said with a smile. Orlando punched me on the arm.

“Haha, it’s okay Orlando. It’s nice to get a compliment every once in a while.” The doctor chuckled. “I’m only here to explain to you your condition, though. We took several deep brain scans, and something interesting showed up.”

I was puzzled. I went through life and nothing was ever wrong with me. The doctors said everything was fine. No problems, at least that they had reported. And why did Orlando know this doctor? That seemed to be the bigger question on my mind.

“Orlando, how do you know her?”

It’s like I had totally ignored everything she just said.

“Just like you, Lozen. To focus on the less important things while there’s something big going on. Ha, well that’s my sister. The one who I always tell you about?”

Everything just registered in my mind. Orlando was always telling me about how awesome his sister is. He never mentioned she was beautiful…

“You never mentioned she was beautiful…”

It seemed as if the Doctor blushed. “Well, on to more important matters,” she said, brushing the comment aside, “You have another subconscious.”

“Which means…”I inquired.

“You have another mind. A dark and evil one.”

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This is actually a very good start to a story, and I like how it ends with suspense.

This is actually a very good start to a story, and I like how it ends with suspense.

Weee! Thanks

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"I was hanging out" "It was time". Pretty drastic change, there. Might wanna add some transition sentences...

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"Life isn't about how hard you can hit;
it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"
{[YT]} [|BEYBLOG|] (â—ŠSoG-My Bookâ—Š)/<DA>\

"I was hanging out" "It was time". Pretty drastic change, there. Might wanna add some transition sentences...

Altered it. Better?

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"I was hanging out" "It was time". Pretty drastic change, there. Might wanna add some transition sentences...

Altered it. Better?

It still doesn't feel exactly right, but it's much better. Reread your work and do that wherever else you feel it doesn't flow.

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"Life isn't about how hard you can hit;
it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"
{[YT]} [|BEYBLOG|] (â—ŠSoG-My Bookâ—Š)/<DA>\

"I was hanging out" "It was time". Pretty drastic change, there. Might wanna add some transition sentences...

Altered it. Better?

It still doesn't feel exactly right, but it's much better. Reread your work and do that wherever else you feel it doesn't flow.

Alright thanks. Tip taken

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sparta... if you've made the review can u please PM it to me.

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I want to thank Bunnii2165 for his Writer's Handbook

your welcome

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"What is peace, if not an illusion of war?" - Bunnii2165

CLICK THE LINKS IN BLUE!
Team iBlade|The Writers Handbook|Credit to xlr8 & Vintage|Beyblade Shoppe|Renegade Reviews

Sorry I haven't done the story..haven't been feeling it lately. I'll have another chapter up in a few; I'll try to keep up on it.

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This is in deed a good story...

Anyway The start is very good. I am not good at writing but i do know when i see a good sor and this has a very good start.

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Reason behind name: Soul Eater...

Formely known as ToKao

This is in deed a good story...

Anyway The start is very good. I am not good at writing but i do know when i see a good sor and this has a very good start.

Thanks the second chapter should be even better. I took Sparta's tips. Well, I tried to. Lol; you'll see :p

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Second chapter up!

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Not bad, dude. Not too shabby. I actually read it through. Twice. Not something that happens often, mind you. You should be proud of yourself. (Well, we now know who's gonna be one of the next good writers here.)

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I'm done reviewing it. You'll really like your review, man. I have almost no complaints.

Not bad, dude. Not too shabby. I actually read it through. Twice. Not something that happens often, mind you. You should be proud of yourself. (Well, we now know who's gonna be one of the next good writers here.)

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I'm done reviewing it. You'll really like your review, man. I have almost no complaints.

Woahhh. Epic! Thanks, Temporal! That's great to hear, being this my first time ever writing a story.

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Yeah, very few people get a stamp of approval from me, but you definitely deserve one. My review has one tip for you, it's in the spoiler at the end. You'll see it soon.

Thanks a lot I'm waiting in anticipation. I don't know how long I can wait

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