Poll: how is my story

Its great cant wait for the next chapter
Its good i think you should continue
Its ok but you need improvement
you have talent but this isn't going anywhere
you suck
Total: 100% 45 vote(s)
Soon I was grounded so u have to wait for another day for so
(Apr. 19, 2011  1:53 AM)Jetstream Wrote: Soon I was grounded so u have to wait for another day for so

Awwwww, k I can wait. Luv this story!
So, when are you gonna use my character, just asking. And I requested it one year ago and you NEVER used it.
This story isn't a year old I haven't even been here for a ear and yo have to understand its hard to find a place for every request I get
oh, sorry. i just thought you forgot about it.
i honestly understand your situation and im not going to rush a creative mind, when you do they don't want to be creative
Anyway thanks for being patient i am writing the next chapter right now
Chapter 16

I was falling fast and I knew I was dead. I thought about using my bey but realized there was no time. As I was falling I saw Hotaru and the others running towards the tower. Hotaru looked straight at me and I saw the despair in her eyes. Time slowed down and I closed my eyes. Then I heard a shriek that pierced the night sky and then everything went black........
I screamed and ran towards the collapsing structure and screamed as I saw Nico buried underneath tons of metal. I fell to my knees crying and screaming. Christian and Kotori ran towards me and rested their hands on my shoulders. "He died trying to help us" said Christian. Kotori remained silent for a moment and then she said. "He was the bravest person I have ever met." I cried. I would never get to tell him......... "Hey check this out!" shouted Akiko. She was typing into a holographic keyboard as her glasses flashed with multiple images. "Look at the news." She commanded as her high-tech glasses projected a holographic screen a news woman was in a helicopter reporting the scene of the battle between Nico and Viro. The newswoman spoke. "It appears that the battle between these two bladers have caused an explosion destroying the Eiffel tower. It is beleived that this boy is responsible." Said the woman to as the screen zoomed in on Nico. "Police are headed towards the scene now to investigate. We then heard the sirens and ran before the police caught us. We sat in the hotel room and nobody spoke. "We should get out of here before anything else happens" said Kotori while getting up from her bed. "But we have to bury Nico" I said. "Already covered." said Akiko. "The police reports show no signs of a body or a bey....." she finished. "What do you mean no body!" I exclaimed. "I saw him crushed underneath the rubble" I said. "Maybe he's not dead..." said Christian. "Dont fill her head with wishful thinking." interjected Kotori. "Just shut up!" I yelled. I got up and ran out of the hotel room and into the city. "Kotori wait!" yelled Christian running after me. But I lost him in the crowd. I wandered around for hours and eventually it became dark. The lights in Paris were beautiful I only wished Nico was here to see it. I sighed and thought of nico and how kind he was..... "Hello Hotaru." said a voice. I looked up to see Gen."What do you want!" I shouted jumping up. "With the boy dead you are fighting a losing battle you might as well join me" He said walking closer. I then looked down trying to avoid his eyes. He thrust his hand underneath my chin and forced my head up. "Look at me when I speak to you!" said Gen. I slaped slapped him straight in the face. He looked at me as if puzzled like he'd never been struck before in his life. Then his face became contorted with rage. "You stupid girl!" he shouted as he shoved me to the ground. Then out of nowhere appeared Cynthia and Viro. "You should treat master Gen with more respect you little wretch" said Cynthia. "You're going to pay for that!" yelled Gen as he launched his bey. I screamed and attempted to protect myself. Then out of nowhere there was an explosion! And through the smoke I saw a figure standing there "Stay away from her you carp!" shouted the figure and as the smoke cleared I saw that it was......
End of chapter 16
and thanks for making this story is's (and i can't believe i'm going to type this)more than great! sorry i'm eating some frosteds fight now Joyful_2
let me guess its nico
Chapter 17
I sat there on the ground shielding my eyes from the dust and smoke "Nico" I called out expecting to see him with a confident smile on his face, but when I looked up I saw someone I had never seen before. He wore a long white jacket that went down to his calves and had a short-black spiky hair. "You shouldn't treat a lady that way" said the man with a smug look on his face. "Oh and who are you?" said Gen who had regained his cold demeanor. "My name is Musica nice to meet ya" He said. "Are you ok?" said Musica glancing back at me. "Who are you?" I asked even though I had heard his name.
"Like I said my name's Musica and this" he said as his bey flew into his hand "Is my partner Silver Leone" He said holding out a sleek bey with a Silver fusion wheel that was shaped similar to the basalt wheel but it looked like to circular jaws shut together with multiple razor-sharp teeth. (This bey is part of the 4D system it is similar to that of Fang Leone) It had a 230 spin-track AND THE W2D performance tip. He walked over to me and helped mt to my feet. "Hey I'm not done with you!" shouted gen with a crooked smile. Then he Cynthia and Viro all launched their beys at once. "Let it Rip!" yelled Musica launching his bey. Then all three of Musica's opponents shoot towards Leone and held him in place. "Leone change to Multi defense mode!" shouted Musica. At once the top part of his fusion wheel made this 90 degree turn and then Felis, Lillium, and Noctua were forced to back off from Leone. "What the hell!" shouted Gen "What kind of trick is this!" He finished. "Its simple." stated Musica. "Being part of the 4D system my Leone has a two-part fusion wheel so it can change into four different modes." as Muisica finished his sentence Felis came shooting towards Leone. "Special move!" she shouted. "Frost Killer" The bey exploded into snow and ice and then it formed into four tornadoes of snow and ice and spiraled towards Leone. "Special move!" shouted Musica. "Spiral Bullet!" The bey then Created a furious tornado and then the tornado blasted towards Felis easily stopping its attack and launching it into the air Felis then fell and landed on the ground. "My turn!" exclaimed Cynthia "Special Move!": "Shinrin!" A forest grew around the area "I can see and control everything in this forest!" she shouted. Then multiple roots from trees shot towards Leone "Spiral bullet!" shouted Musica his bey shot another tornado out clearing away the entire forest. Lillium then stopped spinning and lay there on the ground. "Special move" shouted Gen. "Ultimate Nightshade!" the bey then let out an explosive black aura that even force Leone back. "Go Vespa!" I yelled launching my bey at Noctua. "Special move!" I yelled "Venom thorn!" Then a giant wasp came out of my bey and launched a barrage of thorns at Noctua but the attack was blown away. "Silver Distortion!" shouted Musica. The bey then flew into the air and hovered there upside-down. I looked up and stared at it in amazement then the bey formed a giant tornado that blew away my vespa and Noctua's attack. "You cant touch my bey like this!" shouted Musica over the screaming winds. The tornado tore up the ground and I could only see Leone floating in the air for brief moments. Noctual was sent flying into the air and landed at the feet of Gen. Gen appeared to not care but in his eyes I saw surprise in his eyes. He then smiled. "It appears that your stronger than I could have imagined Musica." He then burst into a black aura and he and his comrades disappeared .
End of chapter 17
(Musica is a character from another story that is coming soon and I'm going to open a Q and A segment in which you can Pm questions to me and Ill post them here with an answer)
Hell kerbecs youll be happy to know I found the perfect plave for your character hell be in chapter 22 and Draco Your character just doesn't fit I'm sorry hes just not right I need something under a real constellation please dont be mad at me and try again
id like to request a character

name Blade

Bey Hell Fireblaze BD145WB

bey special move hell gate opening smash

appearance a white over coat w/ a white bowler hat white shoes black hair white glasses

age 17

personality calm even in the heat of battle
dang i was for sure but i wonder what happened to nico is he really dead or no
Can't tell you remember pm me your questions and ill post them with answers after each chapter
but ketstream does nico survive because its sort of weird the main person of the story died then another takes his place
Because you all annoy me so much for answer Ill post the next chapter
Chapter 18
Musica had decided to walk me back to the hotel room, I told him I was fine and couild take care of myself but he insisted. "So who are you really?" I asked. "Let me properly introduce myself" he said. "My name is Musica Hamiro and you are?" he said. "My name is Hotaru Ishida". I replied. "Your first name doesn't sound Japanese but your last name does. Where are you from?" I asked. "I'm from Japan but my mother is Italian and Musica is Italian for music" replied Musica. "Were here" I said to Musica. Then Christian and Kotori came out. "Who is this?" she said plainly. "I'm Musica Hamiro" said Musica with a smile. "I see" said Kotori. "What happened!" Exclaimed Christian. "I" I tried to say. "You've been gone for hours!" christian interjected. "Shutup!" I yelled. Christian looked at me in surprise he'd never seen me outburst like that. "Hotaru..." he said. "I left because I don't want to leave untill I know what happened to Nico!" I said. "I was attacked by Gen and Musica came and helped me!" I said. "I'll help you find Nico" said Musica stepping by my side. "Thank you" I said to Musica. "Hey I recognize you!" exclaimed Christian. "You're the famous Musica the greatest theif in Tokyo!" he finished."You forgot I'm also head of the Black Rhythm gang" he said with a smile. "Hotaru you can't go with him he's no good anyway" said Christian. "I'll go wherever I wan't!" I exclaimed "Let's go Musica!" I said grabbing his sleeve and Storming off.
I woke up in a dark room I tried to sit up but something held me down. "Help!" I screamed. "Where am I who are you!!!" I began to go into histerics and began to thrash around I tried to get up but couldn't I wondered what happened to Hotaru and how long I had been in here it could have been days or weeks I'm not sure. I heared a hissing sound and felt whatever weight that was holding me down suddenly lift up. I sat up then got off of the bed I was laying on. The room was pitch-black so I couldn't see my surroundings it felt like it was a fairly small room though. I sat back on the bed waiting for something to happen....
end of chapter 18
The next story Musica's story adventures of the black rhythm will be coming out in a few days
I''m guessing that you've read/seen Rave Master.