The story of Musica adventures of the black Rhythm

Poll: what do you think of my new story?

This story's great and way better than your old one
This story is really good and is just as good as your old one
This story is pretty good but I like your old one better
This story is bad try again
Why do you even try?
Total: 100% 10 vote(s)
I wrote this story based on musica from rave master and its the character musica from Beyblade bound by blood don't worry I won't stop posting on my previous story I hope you guys like it
Chapter 1 Rejected since Day one
I laid down in the grass in my long white jacket on which on the back was a single black musical note, the insignia of the black rhythm gang. We were a band of thieves in which I was the proud leader. We were more than just thieves we were a band of brothers who always stood by each others side. I stared at my bey ,silver leone. The fusion wheel was crafted from a special type of silver which could not break. It began to rain. I got up and began to walk home, which for me was an underground hideout that was owned by the black rhythm. Even in the worlds near perfect economy some of us still struggled. My parents died five years ago when I was eleven years old on may 1st 3020.
I did not cry when I saw them die or when I went to their funeral. They saved my life in the fire that took our home and their lives. I watched as cinders and ash flew into the air as the glowing flames engulfed them. It rained red glowing embers and afterward ash like a black snowfall. It was then that I met the leader of the black Rhythm, Shusuke, he never told me his last name or anything else about him , but I was happy with that. He taught me everything I know today. I learned the many arts of thievery such as picking locks and other important skills. On the way home I stole some bread for some of the younger members of the gang who couldn't stand up for themselves in order to get food. I finally reached the alleyway that contained the secret entrance to our hideout. I groped around the brick wall to find the switch that opened the door. As soon as I stepped in I was greeted by 12 people only 4 people were about my age the rest were 13 or younger. I know that were a small gang but most of the 50 members left after Shusuke died and left me the leader. The only ones who remained were Miko who was 16 like me, Haru who was 15, Elliot who was also 15 (She's kinda weird) , and Ren who was 17 and even though he was older than me he praised the ground I walked on. The younger often just had fun playing with their beys. Miko came over and hugged me. "Im so glad your back" she said with a smile. I had been dating Miko for the past two years and once i turned 20 I planned to marry her. We met around the same time when Shusuke found me. We found her sitting in the streets alone. She laying there with an empty neeedle and looked us both with glassy eyes. Even in those grey stormy eyes I saw someone who needed help and I wanted to be there for her. Whatever she had been on it had been some strong stuff because Shusuke just picked her up and took her back to our Hideout. We found out later that she was trying to OD because her parents left her there to die after realizing that they could not take care of her. I began to stay with her every day through her recovery. I soon fell in love with her and we began to go out. I loved her since day 1 and I always would thats when I heared it there was a loud crash. I ran up stairs to see what was going on and through the window I saw the police with their beys at the ready. One of them had his bey spinning on the ground. "Lightning strike! yelled one of the men. The bey then gathered lightning and then shot at the door in a burst of power. The wall finally gave after two or three tries. I ran back downstairs to see a bunch of debris all over the floor everyone had their beys at the ready. The guy who busted down our door along with the other police men had their beys pointed at us. The 8 younger ones were hiding behind us. "Surrender now!" yelled one of the police men. He then launched his bey down at everyone and it burst into flame. The younger kids cowered in fear and Miko and the others went over to protect them while I stood my ground with silver leone at the ready. "Didn't you hear me you stupid brat! I said move!" yelled the policeman. Then he came down and pushed me aside. "Yeah you tell him Shuda!" shouted on of the other men. The man named Shuda walked up to Miko and grabbed her arm forcing her to face him. "Hey your kinda cute!" he said with with a nasty smile. He attemped to put his other hand on her and she bit him. "Hey!" he shouted. Miko ran off while he gripped his hand. "I'll kill you for that!" he shouted. "Attack!" Shuda's bey intensified its flames spreading fire over the walls and ceiling and the others launched their beys at everyone. I saw as one of the beys hit Elliot's arm and five of the other kids were hit. I saw as one kid , Aaron, get hit in the neck and crumple to the floor I could tell he was dead. Thats when I lost it. "You carp!!" I yelled "Who do you think you are! you just killed an eight year old!" I shouted. Aaron had always thought I was the coolest and wanted to be as good a blader as me he loved beyblade more than anything else, it was ironic that he was killed by one.
I felt my body heat up with rage and I launched silver leone to battle all 15 of the policemen....
end of chapter 1 part one
Very nice story, but one main comment: Paragraphs are your friend. It would be much better if you spaced out the story instead of being just one big block of text, it gets hard to follow after a while, and paragraphing shows the different themes in the story presented during that paragraph. Like one paragraph is about Miko's history, another about Shusuke, etc.
awesome. Great story.
Chapter 1 part 2
Diving into the Inferno
I held Leone at the ready I had to admit I was scared I was a pretty good blader but I knew I wasn't strong enough to battle 15 bladers I would just have to try. "Don't worry we've got your back!" shouted Miko. I saw that she, Elliot, Haru, and Ren stood beside me with their beys held up at the policemen. I also saw the six younger ones also holding up their bey's but even though the younger kids only had lightwheels I appreciated the gesture.

The younger kids of the black Rhythm were an interesting and brave group they consisted of the fraternal twins ,Nari and Ryu they are the oldest of the group, Saiko who was 11 and always overconfident, Nathan who was 10, Anna who was also 10, Chloe who was 9, and Kyoko wha was also 9. They were a group even before they were in the black Rhythm they had always lived on the streets for as far as they could remember. Ryu and Nari being the natural born leaders they are vowed to protect the group until they could find a better situation. Then Shusuke showed up and took them in at first they couldn't accept his death and hated me but they didn't leave because they had nowhere else to go but then they soon began to treat me with the same respect as Shusuke and always followed my lead.

"Thanks guys" I said with a smile I felt better with the gang at my back. We all launched our beys as they all collided and relesed an explosion of magnificent sparks.
"Now!" yelled Shuda all of the policemen's beys formed into a circle with Shuda's bey in the center they then began to circle around faster and faster until they were a blur. "Go leone!" I shouted Leone shot forward and attempted to break the circle but was only sent flying back. "What the hell!" I exclaimed. Then Miko, Elliot, Haru, and Ren joined in but it still wasn't enough. Even with all eleven of the black Rhythm attacking the circle we couldn't get through. "Special Move!" yelled Elliot "Comet strike!" The bey then lit into a small flame and then shot towards the circle and I saw as two of the beys were sent flying back, but the circle only tightened and continued to spin. "LEONE! switch to multi defense mode!" I shouted. The top of the fusion wheel made a 90 degree angle rotation to the left switching to multi defense mode. I then entered the circle repelling each bey in my way then Miko and the others joined in and soon we knocked back all of the beys.

"Thats fine I already finished charging up my special move anyway!" said Shuda. "Flaming Ballet!" he shouted the bey then burst into a flaming cyclone and soon the ceiling and walls caught fire. "Let's go!" shouted Nari and Ryu. The younger kids of the Black Rhythm shot their lightwheel beys forward but they were easily blown into the air by the flaming storm. "Guys I got this!" I shouted to the rest of the gang. Leone then shot forward and collided but not even Leone could withstand the flaming attack. I decided to pull my only ace. "Special move!" I yelled "Beast fang cyclone!" I yelled my bey then made a huge tornado and collided with the flaming cyclone. There was a burst of hot air as the two beys collided and it looked as if nobody would win.

Then both attacks dispersed as both beys could no longer keep up the constant flow of power. "Now Leone!" I yelled and With one attack Leone sent Shuda's bey flying. "Go rock aquario!" yelled Haru and Aquario knocked Shuda's bey ack into the air before it could hit the ground. "Now storm Aries!" shouted Elliot and Aries then passed it to Ren's Dark Unicorno, and as Shuda's bey flew up into the air. Miko's bey Mercury eagle shot up the wall and jumped off. "Metal death smash!" Miko shouted and Eagle responded by shooting off the wall surrounded by a black aura and shot Shuda's bey....towards me.

There was nothing I could do Leone would never be able to block the attack in time. "No!" shouted Miko and her bey flew into Shuda's Pheonix's path. "Special move!" shouted Shuda "Explosion wing!" the bey then collided with eagle and exploded. knocking us all back and I was knocked outcold...
End of chapter 1 part 2
sorry for the rather long chapter I have to get this part of the story out of the way so I can break into the main story line.
Could you use my character in the main storyline?
hey you accepting characters
Is that a yes?

Also, Pheonix suits Shuda.
okay here is mine
name:zora(no one knows his last name)
description:zora is sometimes referred to on the streets as ''The bond between light and darkness''.he wears a jacket split into three sections light,dark,light and dark combined.normally you will find zora meditating or training mentally and physically.zora is 15 and packed full of spirit it may not look like it at first but zora does have emotions he will try at somepoints to try to feel sorry for someone else.zora will risk his life for someone else wether friend,family,or someone he sees potential in.zora is also called''The fire blader'' if you make him mad a dark flame and a white flame appear when they collide zora will be engulfed in the flames and almost nothing can stop him(water cant stop him so dont think about doing that).when zora is about to die his bey reverts to it original form the bey of ice and zoras fire shall be gone and replaced with a blizzard.
bey:Beast Chimaera RSL(ram,lion,serpent has power to change spintrack and fusion wheel also performance tip to these)
desc:under the constalation leone,serpent,or ares(greek) this bey can change to each leone(bezerk attack)serpent(controled attack)ram(defense)its fusion wheel has the rams head on it facing out(defense mode),serpents tail sliding out witch can retract if wanted(controled attack mode),and lions claws sticking out(bezerk attack mode).chimaeras special move is raging claw strike(bezerk mode)this is when the beeyspins around rapidly until heating up to metal melting temperture and then it smashes into the opponents bey.
and if you dont mind musica can he be good not a cop and can you let zora learn more special moves and keep up with your story.
I wont be posting for a little while ive been really busy lately
You read Rave Master too? i loved it with a burning passion.