Chapter 1:The Fiery Zurafa.

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Rou Jackson,a new blader of the new art of Tornado Battling,stood apon the rooftop and viewed his suroundings.There was a tournament going on across the street."This will be fun",he said.
A few minutes later,he was on fire.Literally.He was glowing bright orange flames.His bey,Tornado Zurafa,was also glowing.Everytime he was attacked,that bey was sent fling.In a matter of minutes,he had won the tournament.He smiled.He claimed his beypoints and left with all the other bladers gaping at him.
At home,he set down Zurafa and fell to sleep. A few hours later,his sleep was inturrupted by a loud explosion.He woke up,groggy,and looked to where the explosion happened.A boy,about his age,was standing there with a Tornado Battler.He had blonde hair and brown eyes.He wore a red jacket over a black T-Shirt and jeans.He was an exact opposite of Rou.He smiled."A strong opponent!",He exclaimed."Finally!".He ran over to the mysterious boy and saw that was leaving."Wait!"The boy looked back."Battle me!"Rou exclaimed."Fine"The boy said.He tourned around,took out his bey,and started the count down."3" They raised their launchers"2"They gripped their ripcords"1"Rou pulled his ripcord."Let It Rip!!"

The end.What do you think?Pretty good right?

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WlPaA

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Never would have thought you'd make a fic about XTS beys.

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"It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens, and in the depths of the emerald seas, and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts, that the world which we see is an outed and visible dream of an inward and invisible reality." - Opening narration, The Thief and the Cobbler (original workprint)

Never would have thought you'd make a fic about XTS beys.

Original:check

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WlPaA

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Its going good so far, but you should put the chapters in spoilers and fix the many mistakes like when you use a period or coma (forgot what they're called XD) you need to put a space like this: (example) Bob ate a sandwich. Bob likes sandwiches.

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Spoiler (Click to View)

Sig by: xXJCherzXx

Daisuke Motomiya attached a moderator's notice to this user

Was warned for liking T.K. more then me.

Hi.I'm a friend of Dark Wizard.He asked me to finish his story for hil now that he's gone.


Chapter 2:Clash!Zurafa vs L-Drago!

"Let it rip"! The two beys circled around the Arena.The boys bey was pure white.Pretty average to Rou.Zurafa circled in to strike."Go now,Zurafa"!.Zurafa smashed into the bey with full force.Sparks flew as the two beys remaned in contact.The boy smirked."What's so funny?",asked Rou."It's amusing that you think you can stop me with such petty power."he said."Go now,L-drago!"L-Drago?.But before he could respond,Zurafa was sent flying by an invisible force.The mysterious bey charged with a barrage of attacks.Zurafa wavered.Rou grimaced.L-Drago retreated."Why are you retreating?",Rou Asked."I don't need to waste my time with you",he responded.Rou glared at him."You want power?I'll give you power!!",Rou yelled."Special Move:Zurafa Soaring Meteor Crush!!",Rou yelled.Zurafa flew onto the sky and came back down with a burst of fire that was heading strait for L-Drago.A large explosion from Zurafa cuased a black out.Once the smoke cleared,L-drago wasn't where he was before.He was on the other side of the arena.And the only thing bad about that is the fact that Zurafa was out of power and L-Drago wasn't.


The End.What do you think?

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Never More

Funny Quotes (Click to View)

People are babies that need to be spoonfed these days.

-.- explain.

Guns go pew pew and people go aaahh.

You make AWESOME avatars!

I hope that was sarcastic ...

I often put a drill to my head and pretend that i'm a unicorn.

PkMn Trainer RED would like to battle?

Well then, Insomniac would like to devour your soul.

Just kidding, welcome to the WBO and have fun ;)

It means you're developing an amazing super power that allows you to make hyper sonic jaw pops, launching enemies farther than 60 feet!

It's probably nothing, but you should ask your doctor next time you go. I just hope you use your powers for good and not evil...

You guys should really revise it after words. I recommend using Microsoft Word.

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|Testing Thread|

Spoiler (Click to View)

Goreim Saramanda 230MB

Hi.I'm a friend of Dark Wizard.He asked me to finish his story for hil now that he's gone.


Chapter 2:Clash!Zurafa vs L-Drago!

"Let it rip"! The two beys circled around the Arena.The boys bey was pure white.Pretty average to Rou.Zurafa circled in to strike."Go now,Zurafa"!.Zurafa smashed into the bey with full force.Sparks flew as the two beys remaned in contact.The boy smirked."What's so funny?",asked Rou."It's amusing that you think you can stop me with such petty power."he said."Go now,L-drago!"L-Drago?.But before he could respond,Zurafa was sent flying by an invisible force.The mysterious bey charged with a barrage of attacks.Zurafa wavered.Rou grimaced.L-Drago retreated."Why are you retreating?",Rou Asked."I don't need to waste my time with you",he responded.Rou glared at him."You want power?I'll give you power!!",Rou yelled."Special Move:Zurafa Soaring Meteor Crush!!",Rou yelled.Zurafa flew onto the sky and came back down with a burst of fire that was heading strait for L-Drago.A large explosion from Zurafa cuased a black out.Once the smoke cleared,L-drago wasn't where he was before.He was on the other side of the arena.And the only thing bad about that is the fact that Zurafa was out of power and L-Drago wasn't.


The End.What do you think?

Thanks dude

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WlPaA

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You guys should really revise it after words. I recommend using Microsoft Word.

But you've got to admit it was better than the last chapter

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Its going good so far, but you should put the chapters in spoilers and fix the many mistakes like when you use a period or coma (forgot what they're called XD) you need to put a space like this: (example) Bob ate a sandwich. Bob likes sandwiches.

I don't know how to make spoilers

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WlPaA

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I don't know how to make spoilers

http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-MyCode-Guide

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|| MyBB Code Guide || User Control Panel Guide ||

But still, put spaces after your sentences or comas.

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Spoiler (Click to View)

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Daisuke Motomiya attached a moderator's notice to this user

Was warned for liking T.K. more then me.

You need to improve on spelling and grammar. Especially punctuation. Not to be mean, but go read some other stories, a lot of them have errors and not many veiws. When a story is correctly written, more people like reading it.

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Veteran, just getting back into the sway of things

You need to improve on spelling and grammar. Especially punctuation. Not to be mean, but go read some other stories, a lot of them have errors and not many veiws. When a story is correctly written, more people like reading it.

I have the best spelling in my class....

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WlPaA

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You need to improve on spelling and grammar. Especially punctuation. Not to be mean, but go read some other stories, a lot of them have errors and not many veiws. When a story is correctly written, more people like reading it.

I have the best spelling in my class....

He's just rying to be nice... And it doesn't matter if you have the best spelling or not, he's trying to help. You seriously should take his advice. It will help a lot.

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I Have No Idea What I'm Doing With My Life Right Now

@chinablade, thanks. and dark? seriously man, learn to take constructive criticism. Best spelling in your class or not.

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Veteran, just getting back into the sway of things

@chinablade, thanks. and dark? seriously man, learn to take constructive criticism. Best spelling in your class or not.

Quit spamming......I was just saying.I didn't explode on you like you did.I can take constructive ctritisizim.Isn't the actual AUTHOR aloud to say something about it?
Chapter 3:L-Drago's Will

Spoiler (Click to View)

"Pathetic,"The boy said. Tornado Zurafa RR260SB(Authors Note:Yes.I am making stuff up now)spun there,wobbling like crazy. "L-Drago",Said the boy."Go!"
L-Drago rocketed toward toward Zurafa. Zurafa spun away,but very slowly. It wouldn't make it in time. "L-Drago,"Yelled the boy. "Claw of the storm:Third!"L-Drago spun at amazing speed. Zurafa ran away at an extremely slow speed. It didn't make it. L-Drago made contact. It launched Zurafa into the sky. And it landed before Rou's feet. He bent down and picked up his bey. He had never met ANY blader that could have defeated him so easily. "Who are you you?"I asked him. The boy smiled. "I am Zero Kane,"Zero responded. "And this is my Tornado L-Drago 260XCF!".

The End

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WlPaA

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@chinablade, thanks. and dark? seriously man, learn to take constructive criticism. Best spelling in your class or not.

Quit spamming......I was just saying.I didn't explode on you like you did.I can take constructive ctritisizim.Isn't the actual AUTHOR aloud to say something about it?
Chapter 3:L-Drago's Will

Spoiler (Click to View)

"Pathetic,"The boy said.Tornado Zurafa RR260SB(Authors Note:Yes.I am making stuff up now)spun there,wobbling like crazy."L-Drago",Said the boy."Go!"
L-Drago rocketed toward toward Zurafa.Zurafa spun away,but very slowly.It wouldn't make it in time."L-Drago,"Yelled the boy."Claw of the storm:Third!"L-Drago spun at amazing speed.Zurafa ran away at an extremely slow speed.It didn't make it.L-Drago made contact.It launched Zurafa into the sky.And it landed before Rou's feet.He bent down and picked up his bey.He had never met ANY blader that could have defeated him so easily.'Who are you you?"I asked him.The boy smiled."I am Zero Kane,"Zero responded.'And this is my Tornado L-Drago 260XCF!".

The End

A few things.
1. He's not spamming, he's just telling me thank you and giving you advice.
2. You need to put spaces after the senteces.
3. Many grammatical errors.
4. Needs to be longer.
5. What he said is constructive critisism. I had to deal woth the same type of stuff when I wrote my first story.
I hope this helps. Don't freak out on me. XD

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I Have No Idea What I'm Doing With My Life Right Now

@chinablade, thanks. and dark? seriously man, learn to take constructive criticism. Best spelling in your class or not.

Quit spamming......I was just saying.I didn't explode on you like you did.I can take constructive ctritisizim.Isn't the actual AUTHOR aloud to say something about it?
Chapter 3:L-Drago's Will

Spoiler (Click to View)

"Pathetic,"The boy said.Tornado Zurafa RR260SB(Authors Note:Yes.I am making stuff up now)spun there,wobbling like crazy."L-Drago",Said the boy."Go!"
L-Drago rocketed toward toward Zurafa.Zurafa spun away,but very slowly.It wouldn't make it in time."L-Drago,"Yelled the boy."Claw of the storm:Third!"L-Drago spun at amazing speed.Zurafa ran away at an extremely slow speed.It didn't make it.L-Drago made contact.It launched Zurafa into the sky.And it landed before Rou's feet.He bent down and picked up his bey.He had never met ANY blader that could have defeated him so easily.'Who are you you?"I asked him.The boy smiled."I am Zero Kane,"Zero responded.'And this is my Tornado L-Drago 260XCF!".

The End

A few things.
1. He's not spamming, he's just telling me thank you and giving you advice.
2. You need to put spaces after the senteces.
3. Many grammatical errors.
4. Needs to be longer.
5. What he said is constructive critisism. I had to deal woth the same type of stuff when I wrote my first story.
I hope this helps. Don't freak out on me. XD

Sorry.I have writers block.And I don't freak out on people....

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WlPaA

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Close this thread!!!PLease!!This story is horrible!!!

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WlPaA

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