(Jul. 27, 2012  11:09 PM)T. L-Drago 9207 Wrote: Never would have thought you'd make a fic about XTS beys.

(Jul. 30, 2012  8:43 PM)HellFireMan18 Wrote: Hi.I'm a friend of Dark Wizard.He asked me to finish his story for hil now that he's gone.


Chapter 2:Clash!Zurafa vs L-Drago!

"Let it rip"! The two beys circled around the Arena.The boys bey was pure white.Pretty average to Rou.Zurafa circled in to strike."Go now,Zurafa"!.Zurafa smashed into the bey with full force.Sparks flew as the two beys remaned in contact.The boy smirked."What's so funny?",asked Rou."It's amusing that you think you can stop me with such petty power."he said."Go now,L-drago!"L-Drago?.But before he could respond,Zurafa was sent flying by an invisible force.The mysterious bey charged with a barrage of attacks.Zurafa wavered.Rou grimaced.L-Drago retreated."Why are you retreating?",Rou Asked."I don't need to waste my time with you",he responded.Rou glared at him."You want power?I'll give you power!!",Rou yelled."Special Move:Zurafa Soaring Meteor Crush!!",Rou yelled.Zurafa flew onto the sky and came back down with a burst of fire that was heading strait for L-Drago.A large explosion from Zurafa cuased a black out.Once the smoke cleared,L-drago wasn't where he was before.He was on the other side of the arena.And the only thing bad about that is the fact that Zurafa was out of power and L-Drago wasn't.


The End.What do you think?

(Jul. 30, 2012  11:45 PM)AnsonihArrow Wrote: You guys should really revise it after words. I recommend using Microsoft Word.

(Jul. 28, 2012  2:19 AM)Kai8000 Wrote: Its going good so far, but you should put the chapters in spoilers and fix the many mistakes like when you use a period or coma (forgot what they're called XD) you need to put a space like this: (example) Bob ate a sandwich. Bob likes sandwiches.

(Jul. 31, 2012  6:11 PM)Dark Wizard Wrote: I don't know how to make spoilers

(Aug. 01, 2012  3:01 AM)DrPepsidew Wrote: You need to improve on spelling and grammar. Especially punctuation. Not to be mean, but go read some other stories, a lot of them have errors and not many veiws. When a story is correctly written, more people like reading it.

(Aug. 01, 2012  6:45 PM)Dark Wizard Wrote:

(Aug. 01, 2012  3:01 AM)DrPepsidew Wrote: You need to improve on spelling and grammar. Especially punctuation. Not to be mean, but go read some other stories, a lot of them have errors and not many veiws. When a story is correctly written, more people like reading it.

I have the best spelling in my class....

(Aug. 02, 2012  9:15 PM)DrPepsidew Wrote: @chinablade, thanks. and dark? seriously man, learn to take constructive criticism. Best spelling in your class or not.

(Aug. 02, 2012  11:38 PM)Dark Wizard Wrote:

(Aug. 02, 2012  9:15 PM)DrPepsidew Wrote: @chinablade, thanks. and dark? seriously man, learn to take constructive criticism. Best spelling in your class or not.

Quit spamming......I was just saying.I didn't explode on you like you did.I can take constructive ctritisizim.Isn't the actual AUTHOR aloud to say something about it?
Chapter 3:L-Drago's Will

Spoiler (Click to View)

"Pathetic,"The boy said.Tornado Zurafa RR260SB(Authors Note:Yes.I am making stuff up now)spun there,wobbling like crazy."L-Drago",Said the boy."Go!"
L-Drago rocketed toward toward Zurafa.Zurafa spun away,but very slowly.It wouldn't make it in time."L-Drago,"Yelled the boy."Claw of the storm:Third!"L-Drago spun at amazing speed.Zurafa ran away at an extremely slow speed.It didn't make it.L-Drago made contact.It launched Zurafa into the sky.And it landed before Rou's feet.He bent down and picked up his bey.He had never met ANY blader that could have defeated him so easily.'Who are you you?"I asked him.The boy smiled."I am Zero Kane,"Zero responded.'And this is my Tornado L-Drago 260XCF!".

The End

(Aug. 02, 2012  11:45 PM)ChinaBladeâ„¢ Wrote:

(Aug. 02, 2012  11:38 PM)Dark Wizard Wrote:

(Aug. 02, 2012  9:15 PM)DrPepsidew Wrote: @chinablade, thanks. and dark? seriously man, learn to take constructive criticism. Best spelling in your class or not.

Quit spamming......I was just saying.I didn't explode on you like you did.I can take constructive ctritisizim.Isn't the actual AUTHOR aloud to say something about it?
Chapter 3:L-Drago's Will

Spoiler (Click to View)

"Pathetic,"The boy said.Tornado Zurafa RR260SB(Authors Note:Yes.I am making stuff up now)spun there,wobbling like crazy."L-Drago",Said the boy."Go!"
L-Drago rocketed toward toward Zurafa.Zurafa spun away,but very slowly.It wouldn't make it in time."L-Drago,"Yelled the boy."Claw of the storm:Third!"L-Drago spun at amazing speed.Zurafa ran away at an extremely slow speed.It didn't make it.L-Drago made contact.It launched Zurafa into the sky.And it landed before Rou's feet.He bent down and picked up his bey.He had never met ANY blader that could have defeated him so easily.'Who are you you?"I asked him.The boy smiled."I am Zero Kane,"Zero responded.'And this is my Tornado L-Drago 260XCF!".

The End

A few things.
1. He's not spamming, he's just telling me thank you and giving you advice.
2. You need to put spaces after the senteces.
3. Many grammatical errors.
4. Needs to be longer.
5. What he said is constructive critisism. I had to deal woth the same type of stuff when I wrote my first story.
I hope this helps. Don't freak out on me. XD