[Fan Fiction]  Close This Thread @“CitrusNinja3”

Meet Jacob Kong A boy who wanted to become the BEST blader in the world with his bey Siber Jackel.
together Jacob and his friends will become the strongest there is This is Beyblade 
Info

name: Jacob King Kong (lol yes his middle name is King)
Bey: Siber Jackel
Age: 13
Personality: he is so caring, Brave loves to pull pranks but always make sure that everyone is ok and can be a little lazy
likes: he loves sweets and has a little crush and loves pulling pranks
dislikes: he dislikes bullies and HATES Ryui Kagami
 ep list

Ep 1 
Ep 2
Ep 3
Ep 4
Ep 5
[spoiler]
bond
[/sp
yup here are some upcoming characters

name: Ryui Kagam
bey: amazon Ranson
moves: attack type with 4 blades and a special move that allows all the blade to shoot right out he calls is Amazon beast
personality: he can be pretty mean but he loves sweet and loves being sarcastic
age: 13
Yo I'm done with school

No wonder they hate each other 😆

(May. 27, 2021  6:53 PM)JJustice Wrote: yup here are some upcoming characters

name: Ryui Kagam
bey: amazon Ranson
moves: attack type with 4 blades and a special move that allows all the blade to shoot right out he calls is Amazon beast
personality: he can be pretty mean  but he loves sweet and loves being sarcastic
age: 13

"Loves being sarcastic"hehe I can do some stuff with that...hehe...
(May. 27, 2021  6:53 PM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: Yo I'm done with school

No wonder they hate each other 😆

(May. 27, 2021  6:53 PM)JJustice Wrote: yup here are some upcoming characters

name: Ryui Kagam
bey: amazon Ranson
moves: attack type with 4 blades and a special move that allows all the blade to shoot right out he calls is Amazon beast
personality: he can be pretty mean  but he loves sweet and loves being sarcastic
age: 13

"Loves being sarcastic"hehe I can do some stuff with that...hehe...
mgflip.com/memegenerator
Huh?Why the-

Yo JJustice?

Ok I'm signed in
(May. 27, 2021  7:27 PM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: Huh?Why the-

Yo JJustice?

Ok I'm signed in

what up
(May. 27, 2021  8:06 PM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: Imgflip is pure hilariousness

i know right
Chapter 1
The Big meet
JJustice good job bro

"Ryui! Join me...or DIE!!!!
LOL THx man
Heads up shun's bey has a secret part...!!!!
Yup still don't know what it is so I'mma start hitting the beybade books
Chapter 2 preview
Wyton: WOLLER
Ryui: RANSON
Jacob's mind: PLEASE LOOSE
(Woller burst)
(May. 27, 2021  10:51 PM)JJustice Wrote: Chapter 1
The Big meet

Grammar: 2/5 There are a lot of mistakes to be seen in grammar (But I do the same thing lol)
Story: 1/5 I feel like there is nothing really happening just people talking about a tournament
Characters: 2/5 We don't really learn anything about them other than two of them are friends and they don't like the other person
Dialogue: 2/5: It feels like there talking for the sake of talking there's not really a topic
Length: 3/5 You've gotten better but I kinda wish we got into the tournament and it still feels like your rushing so try slowing down

10/25 I'm not trying to be mean but this needs a lot of work but don't worry you can improve.

You can rate my fanfic if u want but I recommend going over to other people's fanfic and try setting it up similar to how they do it don't copy but try making the format kinda seem a bit better
(Jun. 01, 2021  6:34 PM)Strikegamerv6 Wrote:
(May. 27, 2021  10:51 PM)JJustice Wrote: Chapter 1
The Big meet

Grammar: 2/5 There are a lot of mistakes to be seen in grammar (But I do the same thing lol)
Story: 1/5 I feel like there is nothing really happening just people talking about a tournament
Characters: 2/5 We don't really learn anything about them other than two of them are friends and they don't like the other person
Dialogue: 2/5: It feels like there talking for the sake of talking there's not really a topic
Length: 3/5 You've gotten better but I kinda wish we got into the tournament and it still feels like your rushing so try slowing down

10/25 I'm not trying to be mean but this needs a lot of work but don't worry you can improve.

You can rate my fanfic if u want but I recommend going over to other people's fanfic and try setting it up similar to how they do it don't copy but try making the format kinda seem a bit better

Dude chill I'm not mad your just helping me improve
(Jun. 01, 2021  6:40 PM)JJustice Wrote:
(Jun. 01, 2021  6:34 PM)Strikegamerv6 Wrote: Grammar: 2/5 There are a lot of mistakes to be seen in grammar (But I do the same thing lol)
Story: 1/5 I feel like there is nothing really happening just people talking about a tournament
Characters: 2/5 We don't really learn anything about them other than two of them are friends and they don't like the other person
Dialogue: 2/5: It feels like there talking for the sake of talking there's not really a topic
Length: 3/5 You've gotten better but I kinda wish we got into the tournament and it still feels like your rushing so try slowing down

10/25 I'm not trying to be mean but this needs a lot of work but don't worry you can improve.

You can rate my fanfic if u want but I recommend going over to other people's fanfic and try setting it up similar to how they do it don't copy but try making the format kinda seem a bit better

Dude chill I'm not mad your just helping me improve

Ok lol
chapter 2
the Justice Blader

Lol do people read this
(Jun. 03, 2021  8:38 PM)JJustice Wrote: chapter 2
the Justice Blader

Lol do people read this
 
Grammar 3.5/5: some things are spelled wrong which makes it a little hard to understand when reading through quickly

characters; 4/5 the characters are good they just seem like different variations of valt to me

Story 3/5 nothings really happened too much yet but it's a pretty solid base

Battle 3/5 the battle was more of a funny battle than a serious one, it was also very short

13.5/20 it's a good base(better than mine) but needs work overall it's not bad
(Jun. 04, 2021  5:36 PM)Lucha Burst Wrote:
(Jun. 03, 2021  8:38 PM)JJustice Wrote: chapter 2
the Justice Blader

Lol do people read this
 
Grammar 3.5/5: some things are spelled wrong which makes it a little hard to understand when reading through quickly

characters; 4/5 the characters are good they just seem like different variations of valt to me

Story 3/5 nothings really happened too much yet but it's a pretty solid base

Battle 3/5 the battle was more of a funny battle than a serious one, it was also very short

13.5/20 it's a good base(better than mine) but needs work overall it's not bad

Thanks dude

Chapter 3
Battle of a life Time
To be continued.

@Lucha Burst
@strikegamerv6
How is this chapter?
(Jun. 04, 2021  5:51 PM)JJustice Wrote:
(Jun. 04, 2021  5:36 PM)Lucha Burst Wrote:  
Grammar 3.5/5: some things are spelled wrong which makes it a little hard to understand when reading through quickly

characters; 4/5 the characters are good they just seem like different variations of valt to me

Story 3/5 nothings really happened too much yet but it's a pretty solid base

Battle 3/5 the battle was more of a funny battle than a serious one, it was also very short

13.5/20 it's a good base(better than mine) but needs work overall it's not bad

Thanks dude

Chapter 3
Battle of a life Time
To be continued.

@Lucha Burst
@strikegamerv6
How is this chapter?

Mind if I rate this?

Imma do it anyway. Rating Fanfics is a hobby of mine. Hopefully you don't mind.

Grammar: 2/5: A lot of words are misspelled and some lines would benefit with different kinds of punctuation.

Story: 1/5: There's not much of a story, is there? It's just very short battles and people screaming special moves. Also some guy died.

Characters: 1/5: we learn nothing about any of the characters. Our main character Loves blading and has a best friend and they both hate some guy. That's really basic and none of the characters are that likable and are just clones of Valt and Ryui is just a mean kid and nothing else. Then there's a psychopath.

Dialogue: 1/5: The characters either talk about blading or scream special moves. At least have them talk about some other things when they're not battling. The Dialogue also sounds monotone and there's not much emotion in the dialogue.

Length/Pacing: 1/5: The chapters are WAY too short. I can read all of them in less than 3 minutes. The pacing is way too fast. There's not enough time for any of us to get used to something or grasp what's going on. They just jump from place to place and it feels a little awkward.

Total: 6/25: This Story could benefit from Longer chapters and better pacing. No hate I'm just trying to help you improve.