Chapter 1: A New Beginning
Roy walks into the bey-shop. His grandfather Pops hands out his new bey.”Ulysseys!” Roy screams as he yanks it out of his Pops hands. Roy had been reading about Ulysseys for years now and was ecstatic as he got his first bey. The bey had one sword and surrounded by Ulysseys shield “It’s an attack type!” Roy screamed. He ran out of the shop screaming “Thanks Pops!” He ran out to the bey training area and found his friend, Rual  waiting there with his Stamina type bey Revolve Orion. “Battle me!” Rual exclaimed. Roy accepted his challenge. 3..2..1 LET IT RIP! They both launched their beys and Revolve Orion went straight towards the center. Ulysseys circled Revolve Orion before heading in for an attack. “FOREVER SPIN!” Rual screamed. Ulysseys slammed into Orion but the attack had no use and Ulysseys got flung back into the stadium wall. He tried going back with another attack but the same thing happened and Ulysseys got bursted. “Better luck next time.” Rual exclaimed. Roy was mad he lost but knew this was his first match and he ran off after exclaiming “See you later,” to his friend. Then he began his walk to school to find new people to battle. 

Roy walks into the bey-shop. His grandfather Pops hands out his new bey.”Ulysseys!” Roy screams as he yanks it out of his Pops hand. Roy had been reading about Ulysseys for years now and was ecstatic as he got his first bey. They bey had one sword and surrounded by Ullyseys shield “It’s an attack type!” Roy screamed. He ran out of the shop screaming “Thanks Pops!” He ran out to the bey training area and found his friend Rual  waiting there with his Stamina type bey Revolve Orion. “Battle me!” Rual exclaimed. Roy accepted his challenge. 3..2..1 LET IT RIP! They both launched their beys and Revolve Orion went straight towards the center. Ulysseys circled Revolve Orion before heading in for an attack. “FOREVER SPIN!” Rual screamed. Ulysseys slammed into Orion but the attack had no use and it got flung back into the stadium wall. He tried going back into another attack but the same thing happened and Ulysseys got bursted. “Better luck next time.” Rual exclaimed. Roy was mad he lost but knew this was his first match and he ran off after saying “See you later!” to his friend. He began his walk to school to find new people to battle. 



This is my first fan fiction I dont know if its good but I tried.

Sounds good!

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Join My Team Galaxy Hamsters

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Roy walks into the bey-shop. His grandfather Pops hands out his new bey.”Ulysseys!” Roy screams as he yanks it out of his Pops hand. Roy had been reading about Ulysseys for years now and was ecstatic as he got his first bey. They bey had one sword and surrounded by Ullyseys shield “It’s an attack type!” Roy screamed. He ran out of the shop screaming “Thanks Pops!” He ran out to the bey training area and found his friend Rual  waiting there with his Stamina type bey Revolve Orion. “Battle me!” Rual exclaimed. Roy accepted his challenge. 3..2..1 LET IT RIP! They both launched their beys and Revolve Orion went straight towards the center. Ulysseys circled Revolve Orion before heading in for an attack. “FOREVER SPIN!” Rual screamed. Ulysseys slammed into Orion but the attack had no use and it got flung back into the stadium wall. He tried going back into another attack but the same thing happened and Ulysseys got bursted. “Better luck next time.” Rual exclaimed. Roy was mad he lost but knew this was his first match and he ran off after saying “See you later!” to his friend. He began his walk to school to find new people to battle. 



This is my first fan fiction I dont know if its good but I tried.

Sounds good!

It’s only chapter one I’ll have multiple chapters so yeah but thanks

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BuilderROB please rate this I know it’s only one chapter but still

Sounds good!

It’s only chapter one I’ll have multiple chapters so yeah but thanks

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BuilderROB please rate this I know it’s only one chapter but still

The problem with a rating right now is that there’s only one chapter.

It’s only chapter one I’ll have multiple chapters so yeah but thanks

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BuilderROB please rate this I know it’s only one chapter but still

The problem with a rating right now is that there’s only one chapter.

oh ok chapter two coming out soon

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can somebody give me feedback on the first chapter pls

I like it!

Chapter 2: A Valiant Rival

Roy reached his school, Rale Academy and battled a few kids around there and he beat every single one of them. One of them told them about a legend blader in the school, Murin. Roy exclaimed “Take me there! I want to show Murin the power of my Ulysseys!” The boy agrees and takes him to Murin. Roy gets there and challenges Murin to a battle. Murin is not sure as he does not like to fight weak bladers but he finally agrees after hearing how strong he is from the boy that brought Roy to him. He shows off his Bey, Shield Steelork. A super heavy bey surrounded with pounds of metal that could deflect valiant attacks. Roy showed Murin his Ulysseys. Murin said “Nice bey you got now lets see what you got.” Roy and Murin both prepared their launchers. 3..2..1.. LET IT RIP! Shield Steelork slams onto the stadium and goes flying into the center as it is so heavy . Ulysseys follows Steelork into the center and hits Steelork. This big hit makes sparks fly and Murin exclaims “Not bad Roy, this is fun.” But with the hit the metal of Steelork overwhelms Ulysseys and it bursts. Roy gets angry and he storms off but before he is able to leave Murin shouts behind him “Join the regionals I think you can make it in!” Roy still not thinking storms outside of the school and sits next to the regionals poster. He notices the sign and runs toward the sign up center for the regionals as the regionals are tomorrow. He notices a kid walking in to sign up but he bursts through the door and takes the last spot. He then screams in celebration before running off again to train before the kid behind him gets angry at Roy. He does push-ups, handstands, and sit-ups while grunting as all the kids from school watch him make a fool of himself. He soon notices and secretly scoots himself away from the situation, embarrassed. He goes to sleep and wakes up early in the morning to go to the Regionals and sprints to the regionals while dreaming about him winning the tournament. When he arrived there he found his friend Rual there waiting for him. He exclaims “See you in the finals.” they both agree to fight each other in the finals as they are in separate brackets. He gets called onto the stadium but he sees his first opponent. “It's Murin..” he says dreadfully knowing he's out of luck.

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can anybody read my fan fic and give feedback?

Nice fanfic ready for chapter three!

I’m gonna rate this for feedback:

Grammar: 3/5. No paragraphing, which was most of the two points gone, and a small part was misused punctuation, but eh. Mostly the lack of paragraphs, making this a wall of text.
Story: 3/5. Story at least has a point to it. But it’s really rushed, and it barely focuses on anything for too long, before moving on.
Characters: 2/5. Characters are really one sided, almost no personality.
Dialogue: 2/5. Because the characters are bland, this drags down the dialogue.
Length: 2/5. Now, I don’t care how long or short they are, but for what you’re trying to put into the story, it’s really short, making everything rushed.
Overall: 12/25. This fanfic could use a bit of work, especially with the pacing and length. That’s my two cents.

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Chapter 3: The Regionals!

Roy walks out towards the stadium worried that he would lose it all right then and there. Murin exclaims. “ Tough luck Roy guess you lost it already. “ Murin chuckles and that gets Roy furious. Roy says nothing and they prepare to rip. 3...2...1… LET IT RIP! They rip their beys but Roys launch was shaky of nervousness causing Ulysseys to circle around Shield Steelork and by the time he hits Shield Steelork Ulysseys taps Shield Steelork and falls over. He picks up his bey and says sorry for that bad launch to Ulysseys, angry at himself. Suddenly he sees Ulysseys in front of him. Ulysseys says, “Don't worry Roy, I believe in you just believe in me.” Roy then sees Ulysseys disappear and amazed he takes those words for granted. Then Murin sees Roys aura begin to form as he believes in his partner and Ulysseys believes in Roy. Amazed, he brings out his aura and whispers to himself. “This is gonna be fun.”
They prepare to rip. 3..2..1.. LET IT RIP! Shield Steelork heads towards the center but sees Ulysseys barreling towards Shield Steelork. Murin yells “GET TO THE CENTER STEELORK!” But Ulysseys crashes into Shield Steelork and he gets knocked away from the center. Instead of backing off Ulysseys keeps crashing into Shield Steelork slowly pushing him into the stadium wall. The crowd watches in awe. Murin yells “GET OUT OF THERE STEELORK!” But it's no use and as Steelork nears the wall Ulysseys backs off and swoops back in for a valiant attack. Roy yells “ULYSSEYS!!!” his aura bursts out and Roy yells “SPEAR THROWER!” and Ulysseys barrels towards Shield Steelork and Murin yells “ SHIELD STEELORK! METAL DEFENSE!” Murins aura breaks out but it's no use as the speed and hard hit of Ulysseys spear throw slams Shield Steelork into the wall immediately bursting Shield Steelork. The referee exclaims “Ulysseys wins with a burst finish, Ulysseys goes onto the next round!”
Roy’s eyes widen for a second and he celebrates by jumping up and down as the crowd screams in amazement. Murin falls to the ground mad but happy at the same time. He tells Roy, “You need to get to the finals if I just lost to you. I’ll be rooting for you.” Roy smiles and exclaims “I’ll win this tournament for you!” He points to Rual in the crowd “See you in the finals!” As the celebration continues somebody is taking notes on him in secret but Roy doesn’t know as he is celebrating. He takes out his bey and a dark aura surrounds him and his bey for a second. He smiles and says, “This boy will be fun to play with.”

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I’m gonna rate this for feedback:

Grammar: 3/5. No paragraphing, which was most of the two points gone, and a small part was misused punctuation, but eh. Mostly the lack of paragraphs, making this a wall of text.
Story: 3/5. Story at least has a point to it. But it’s really rushed, and it barely focuses on anything for too long, before moving on.
Characters: 2/5. Characters are really one sided, almost no personality.
Dialogue: 2/5. Because the characters are bland, this drags down the dialogue.
Length: 2/5. Now, I don’t care how long or short they are, but for what you’re trying to put into the story, it’s really short, making everything rushed.
Overall: 12/25. This fanfic could use a bit of work, especially with the pacing and length. That’s my two cents.

Thanks for the feedback I will try to work on it better on chapter four as I already had chapter three scripted out. I mean its just for something to show off to my friends and show off to the WBO but i'll actually try to make it better.