[Fan Fiction] Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (part 7 ongoing)
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(Nov. 05, 2020 1:14 AM)kai edits Wrote:(Nov. 05, 2020 1:14 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: 1. Yeah lol
2. Delta and Alice are getting married
I kinda like shipping two girls together lol
While that happens.
And everyone is on a ship Drum is like crying in the corner because he sees his best friend getting married and he doesnt have a girlfriend lol
(Nov. 05, 2020 1:16 AM)EarthHelios Wrote:(Nov. 05, 2020 1:14 AM)kai edits Wrote: I kinda like shipping two girls together lol
While that happens.
And everyone is on a ship Drum is like crying in the corner because he sees his best friend getting married and he doesnt have a girlfriend lol
Btw drum died lol
Delta: You may be better at blading but Im better at getting girls Drum
Drum: Cries* Please help me.
Delta: Yeet
Drum runs away
End of story of Delta and Drum Friendship
Drum: Cries* Please help me.
Delta: Yeet
Drum runs away
End of story of Delta and Drum Friendship
(Nov. 05, 2020 1:44 AM)kai edits Wrote:(Nov. 05, 2020 1:31 AM)EarthHelios Wrote: Delta: You may be better at blading but Im better at getting girls DrumSo true lol.
Drum: Cries* Please help me.
Delta: Yeet
Drum runs away
End of story of Delta and Drum Friendship
The next thing you know Shu is gonna end his friendship with Valt
Maybe who knows
Hopefully Shu gets his revenge on Lui
can I rate your fanfic?
(Nov. 05, 2020 6:48 PM)SacredXcalibur Wrote: can I rate your fanfic?
Sure
Part 3 chapter 11 Akira and shu vs shun and free!
During training with shu.
Shun breaths heavily.
Shun:is that all you got?
Shu:I just getting warmed up. Spriggan!
Spriggan knocks maiden into the air.
Shun:no.
A aura appears around shun and maiden.
Shun:i-.
Shun laughs.
Shun:spriggan is getting stronger. Maiden! Maidens fusion.
A bright light comes from shun.
Kisara:alright I am back!
Later at the tournament.
Akira:I am still mad you Mary .
Mary:be like that.
Shun:come on free let's have some fun.
Free:let's go shun.
A bright light comes from shun.
Kisara:alright!
3 2 1 go shoot.
Akira:go world Cerberus! Chain impact.
Cerberus hits maiden into the air.
Shu:go spriggan! Crimson rush!
Spriggan hits maiden as it hits the ground.
Kisara:tch. Your pretty strong. I think my body's warmed up now. It's my turn!
Maiden attacks repeatedly.
Free:go fafnir! Mirage claw!
Fafnir knocks spriggan into the air.
Kisara:goodbye spriggan! Maidens breaker!
Maiden slams into spriggan then spriggan is sent flying outside the stadium inside of a hole in the wall.
Akira:go Cerberus! Darkness breaking!
Maiden absorbs the attack.
Kisara:you did well.
Kisara smiles. Maiden hits Cerberus into the air.
Akira:chain turbo.
Cerberus glows yellow.
Akira:finish him off! Chains recollection.
Free:shun watch out.
Fafnir runs in and takes the attack.
Akira:Cerberus!
A huge explosion hits fafnir then fafnir bursts.
Free:thank you shun!
Kisara tights her fist.
Kisara:I will- I will end this with my own hands. MAIDENS ULTIMATE RECOLLECTION!
Maiden slams into Cerberus extremely hard.
Kisara:die Cerberus!
A huge explosion sends both akira and free off their feet.
Free:shun calm down your gonna hurt yourself.
Cerberus is sent flying in the wall outside the stadium.
Kisara:maiden!
Maiden hits the wall and lands into kisara hand.
Free:shun that was a amazing how did you did that?
Kisara unfuses.
Shun:I don't know?
Shun laughs.
Free:you have to know.
Shun grabs her chest.
Free:are you ok?
Shun breaths heavily and collapses on the floor. chapter end
Beyblade Burst Apocalypse
Grammar: 3/5, It's improved but there's still a lot of errors.
Dialogue: 2/5, Its sounds Natural but a bit Monotone.
Characters: 3/5, they've improved a little but not much characters have more than 1 side to them with an exception being Alice cuz she normally seems kind and supportive but then you did that thing where she kicks Lane.
Plot: 1/5, Every episode feels like a one-shot. There's no Noticeable villain, it could use a ton of improvement.
Length: 3/5 too short but still readable.
Total: 12/25
Not bad but could use a ton of improvement,
Grammar: 3/5, It's improved but there's still a lot of errors.
Dialogue: 2/5, Its sounds Natural but a bit Monotone.
Characters: 3/5, they've improved a little but not much characters have more than 1 side to them with an exception being Alice cuz she normally seems kind and supportive but then you did that thing where she kicks Lane.
Plot: 1/5, Every episode feels like a one-shot. There's no Noticeable villain, it could use a ton of improvement.
Length: 3/5 too short but still readable.
Total: 12/25
Not bad but could use a ton of improvement,
Due to personal and with me breaking up with my girlfriend I decided to stop writing this fanfic for awhile
Part 3 chapter 12 the end!
Free:shun wake up. I need you so wake up.
In shun's mind.
Shun:am I dead?
Kisara:yes sadly.
Sarah:shun are you?
Lana:shun why are you crying?
Kai:shun cheer up.
Sad music plays in the background.
Shun:i- I wanted to tell you guys thanks for being for me.
In the real world a year later.
Alice:babe where are you.
Delta:I am right here. I am so happy we got married.
Free walks in the room.
Free:meet a new member of the family Alexa kurenai.
Alexa:nice to meet you all.
Alice:where is shun I thought she will be here.
Tears runs down free's cheek.
Free:she died.
Alice:what how?
Free:her maidens recollection was to strong for her body to handle.
Shun:just because I am down does not mean I am out.
Shun smiles.
Free:shun your Alive.
Free turns around there is no one there.
Free:thank you shun. I know you will come back always.
Free holds maiden and smiles.
Free:you also be with me shun!
Free tears land on maiden.
Chapter end.
(I am trying to make part 4. I am still recovering from my breakup so don't expect more chapters for awhile.)
Free:shun wake up. I need you so wake up.
In shun's mind.
Shun:am I dead?
Kisara:yes sadly.
Sarah:shun are you?
Lana:shun why are you crying?
Kai:shun cheer up.
Sad music plays in the background.
Shun:i- I wanted to tell you guys thanks for being for me.
In the real world a year later.
Alice:babe where are you.
Delta:I am right here. I am so happy we got married.
Free walks in the room.
Free:meet a new member of the family Alexa kurenai.
Alexa:nice to meet you all.
Alice:where is shun I thought she will be here.
Tears runs down free's cheek.
Free:she died.
Alice:what how?
Free:her maidens recollection was to strong for her body to handle.
Shun:just because I am down does not mean I am out.
Shun smiles.
Free:shun your Alive.
Free turns around there is no one there.
Free:thank you shun. I know you will come back always.
Free holds maiden and smiles.
Free:you also be with me shun!
Free tears land on maiden.
Chapter end.
(I am trying to make part 4. I am still recovering from my breakup so don't expect more chapters for awhile.)
Part 3 chapter 13 shun returns!
Free picks up maiden.
Free:I wonder what to do with you.
Akira:who is the next one to be on the throne?
???:I am.
Akira:who are you?
Shun:guess who's back!
Akira starts to cry.
Akira:I thought you died.
Shun:looks like I lucked out of this one.
Maiden flys into shun's hand.
Shun:did my successor learn of her duties on the throne.
Akira:not yet.
Free:akira did you eat the last cookie again? Oh my god!
Shun:long time no see my friend.
Free:I thought you were dead.
Shun smiles.
Shun:good seeing you all. I have work to do.
Shun walks out of the room.
Later.
Shu:this place is so quiet now since shun died.
Shun:shu you think I will keep you hanging
Shu:shun your Alive!
Shun:I lived through worst than a huge explosion.
Shu:why you came back.
Shun:to finish my last match against my best opponents then I will search for stronger ones.
Shu:then let's battle shun!
Shun:right!
Later In shun's mind.
Kisara:shun why did you came back?
Sarah:that is a good question.
Kai:how did you even lived that huge explosion?
Erica:shun's back!
Lana:tch this is boring.
Chapter end
Free picks up maiden.
Free:I wonder what to do with you.
Akira:who is the next one to be on the throne?
???:I am.
Akira:who are you?
Shun:guess who's back!
Akira starts to cry.
Akira:I thought you died.
Shun:looks like I lucked out of this one.
Maiden flys into shun's hand.
Shun:did my successor learn of her duties on the throne.
Akira:not yet.
Free:akira did you eat the last cookie again? Oh my god!
Shun:long time no see my friend.
Free:I thought you were dead.
Shun smiles.
Shun:good seeing you all. I have work to do.
Shun walks out of the room.
Later.
Shu:this place is so quiet now since shun died.
Shun:shu you think I will keep you hanging
Shu:shun your Alive!
Shun:I lived through worst than a huge explosion.
Shu:why you came back.
Shun:to finish my last match against my best opponents then I will search for stronger ones.
Shu:then let's battle shun!
Shun:right!
Later In shun's mind.
Kisara:shun why did you came back?
Sarah:that is a good question.
Kai:how did you even lived that huge explosion?
Erica:shun's back!
Lana:tch this is boring.
Chapter end
Good news beyblade burst apocalypse is back! I will post chapter depending how I feel. I am still heart broken about my break up so bare with me on this one. I don't want you to think "oh this fanfic is trash because Kai edits does not post on it a lot."
Try being in my shoes. I am depressed so I am trying to show you my feeling with my writing.
Try being in my shoes. I am depressed so I am trying to show you my feeling with my writing.
(Nov. 08, 2020 6:38 PM)kai edits Wrote: Good news beyblade burst apocalypse is back! I will post chapter depending how I feel. I am still heart broken about my break up so bare with me on this one. I don't want you to think "oh this fanfic is trash because Kai edits does not post on it a lot."
Try being in my shoes. I am depressed so I am trying to show you my feeling with my writing.
we understand. you don't have to apologize.