[Fan Fiction]  Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (part 7 ongoing)

This is my 999th post fanfic! This a fanfic Is canon! Please pm me if you want collab with me.
Warning this fanfic has violents and JoJo references.
Story 
14 years after shun kurenai leaves bc sol she mysteriously when missing. Akira and Dimitri try to find her but on there way more is revealed about shun's past.
Chapter lists
Chapter 1 
Maiden owner awakens?
Chapter 2
Where is akira?
Chapter 3
Awaken my masters
Chapter 4
Maiden on the run
Chapter 5 
Maiden of destruction returns
Chapter 6 a
Shun vs Dimitri
Chapter 6 b
Maiden new power

Awaken my masters is a JoJo reference
Fanfic crossover/character submissions begin
10/8/2020 to 10/31/2020
Good luck everybody 😁😁😁😁
Chapter 1 maiden is found? Teaser
Dimitri:hey akira look I found something.
Akira:is that-
Shun:yare yare daze maidens time
*time stops*
Shun grabs maiden and runs away

Japanese words
Yare yare daze=give me break
(Sep. 28, 2020  5:22 PM)beykid44 Wrote: ooooooo i like it its cool
This is just the beginning!
Chapter 1 maiden is found? Teaser 2
Dimitri:where is akira she was supposed to be here on our date.
Akira:sorry I am late.
Dimitri:it's fine.
A girl walks by Dimitri then remembers him.
Shun:tch your Dimitri right.
Dimitri:yes I am why.
Shun grabs Dimitri and slams him on the floor.
Shun:what you did to my beyblade.

Who reported this fanfic?
Also shun is maidens owner so maiden powers are still in a affect in shuns body. So like venom and Eddie Brock
Teaser for chapter 5
Shun picks up maiden
Shun:arghhhhhhhhhhhhh maiden
A big flash of light covers the cave.
Dimitri:what was that
Akira:shun where are shun
Shun:maidens time
*time freezes*
Shun:your all weak
*click*
Explosions go off as shun walks away.

Continue from the chapter 5 teaser
Shun:time will now resume
Akira:why the cave is shaking
Dimitri:let's get out of here before we get crushed like a pancake.
One minute later
Shun grabs her bey and puts it on her launcher
shun:valt prepare to lose valkyrie once more
3 2 1 go shoot
Maiden hits valkyrie.
Shun:maiden time
*time stops*
Shun:maiden destroy everything maiden barrier scream.
Maiden glows dark red and hits valkyrie 88 times
Shun:died valkyrie muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda.
Shun:1 second has passed muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda.
Shun:time will resume
Valkyrie is sent flying and cuts valts face a bit and hits the ground.
Preview end
Another teaser for chapter 5
Valt:your good shun
Valt wipes off the little bit of sweat from his cut
And picks up valkyrie and launches valkyrie.
Shun: maidens time
*time stops*
Maiden touch's valt bey
Shun:maiden barrier impact. Time will now resumes
Valkyrie explodes and knocks valt on the ground
Valt:valkyrie no
Valkyrie: valt
Valkyrie snaps in half
Shun:your weak and to think your the number 1 legend. Bye fix your weak bey i will come back to hurt you and valkyrie more.
Shun makes a button clicking motion and valkyrie is breaks even more.
Preview end

BuilderROB can you rate my fanfic?
Chapter 5 teaser
Valt:what power you have shun
Shun:if your not gonna fight your a worthless blader and so is your bey.
Shun walks away
One minute later
Valt:what's wrong with me why did I not attack. Could it be I have feelings for shun.
Akira knocks on valts dorm room door
Akira:valt are you ok?
Valt walks to the door
*time stops*
Shun walks by valt
Shun:well valt this is goodbye
Shun takes valkyrie and throws it out the window.
Beyblade Burst Apocalypse

Grammar: 3/5
Story: 3/5
Characters: 2/5
Dialogue: 3/5
Length: ?/5. If I’m rating it as is now then 2/5
Total: 13/25

The grammar is average, and many mistakes can be seen, such as incorrect use of punctuation and using the wrong form of a word. Characters are one sided, especially Shun who is basically shown to be a super powerful Blader and nothing else. Dialogue is average, barely, and the length is is below average. The JoJo memes are also a bit cringe, and I’d like to know whether or not this takes place in a JoJo universe or not so as to justify the cringe JoJo references.
Here is shun kurenai bio
Name: Shun kurenai
Sexuality:bisexual
Gender:female
Beys:universal maiden 4a xtend plus
Siblings
Step brother Lane
Older brother shu
Little sister akira
Little step brother gwynn
Boyfriend: Dimitri aoi
Special moves:universal big bang,barrier scream,barrier defense,Stardust ignition.
Golden turbo:darkness turbo/stardust turbo
Debut:beyblade burst blazing redo chapter 1
Beyblade burst apocalypse chapter 3
(Oct. 04, 2020  6:24 PM)BuilderROB Wrote: Beyblade Burst Apocalypse

Grammar: 3/5
Story: 3/5
Characters: 2/5
Dialogue: 3/5
Length: ?/5. If I’m rating it as is now then 2/5
Total: 13/25

The grammar is average, and many mistakes can be seen, such as incorrect use of punctuation and using the wrong form of a word. Characters are one sided, especially Shun who is basically shown to be a super powerful Blader and nothing else. Dialogue is average, barely, and the length is is below average. The JoJo memes are also a bit cringe, and I’d like to know whether or not this takes place in a JoJo universe or not so as to justify the cringe JoJo references.
Shun is op now but wait to see Dimitri vs shun.

I don't want to finish this sorry guys.
Chapter 1 maiden owner awakens
Shun:me and maiden was not always like this but some how we bonded closer. Maiden is my beyblade and my very soul. I have a sister she is named akira we were around the same age. I completely changed after my parents died in a car accident. I have no friends. I also look after my sister. I defend my sister no matter what even it takes my life. Maiden and I won't give up. We will beat ever strong blader in the world then I will face aiga and valt to be number 1.
Akira:shun wake up your gonna be late
Shun:akira thank you for waking me up. say akira don't you have a tournament to go to.
Akira:oh I forgot.
Akira runs out of shun's room.
Shun:hmm she really funny some times.
Later at the tournament
Match up
Shu vs akira
In the battle
Shu: go spriggan upper shoot
Akira:go maiden maiden shield.
Spriggan hits maiden and breaks through the shield.
Akira is knocked off her feet and maiden is knocked out.
Shun:akira you ok
Shun rushed to akira.
Shu:I guess she is not a worthy opponent.
Shun picks up maiden.
Shun:I guess I am your opponent shu.
3 2 1 go shoot
Maiden goes into the center.
Maiden:let's go shun
Shun:alright arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh maidens time
*time stops*
Shun:maiden attack spriggan
Maiden attacks spriggan
Shun:I will finish you with this
Maiden hits the wall and goes to its last click before bursting.
Shun: maiden impact
Shun:time will now resume.
Spriggan gets hit by maiden.
Maiden bursts.
Shun:hmm looks like your spriggan is my rival.
Shun:arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Chapter 1 end

Shun current win to lose chart
Win 0 losts 1
Shu is super out of character. He would never say “you’re not worthy”.
(Oct. 08, 2020  7:50 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Shu is super out of character. He would never say “you’re not worthy”.

He is the villain of the fanfic also aiga,valt,drum,lui,etc. 
This is where maidens bond or flare increases like Lane
thats interesting

(Oct. 08, 2020  8:57 PM)kai edits Wrote:
(Oct. 08, 2020  7:50 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Shu is super out of character. He would never say “you’re not worthy”.

He is the villain of the fanfic also aiga,valt,drum,lui,etc. 
This is where maidens bond or flare increases like Lane
(Oct. 08, 2020  8:59 PM)SacredXcalibur Wrote: thats interesting

(Oct. 08, 2020  8:57 PM)kai edits Wrote: He is the villain of the fanfic also aiga,valt,drum,lui,etc. 
This is where maidens bond or flare increases like Lane
You know currently akira is blacked out. So I guess shun is gonna be blading for a bit or maybe something else will happen
kay
(Oct. 08, 2020  9:01 PM)kai edits Wrote:
(Oct. 08, 2020  8:59 PM)SacredXcalibur Wrote: thats interesting

You know currently akira is blacked out. So I guess shun is gonna be blading for a bit or maybe something else will happen

that sounds pretty sweet
(Oct. 08, 2020  9:02 PM)SacredXcalibur Wrote: kay
(Oct. 08, 2020  9:01 PM)kai edits Wrote: You know currently akira is blacked out. So I guess shun is gonna be blading for a bit or maybe something else will happen

that sounds pretty sweet
Here is a bio I wrote
Spoilers a new characters sparks in
Alice kurenai
Age 14
Gender female
Beyblade:rose Pegasus 5a ignition dash
Special moves
Rose sparking,Stardust bloom
Turbo:rose turbo
Boyfriend lane
Older brother shu
Little brother shun
Quotes:sigh I thought you were good sad this battle has to end. Your such a pain shun. Your not good at all so sad.
just a question, how do I make a thread for my fanfic
(Oct. 08, 2020  9:08 PM)SacredXcalibur Wrote: just a question, how do I make a thread for my fanfic

Go to my creation and press post a thread
where is the post a thread button
(Oct. 08, 2020  9:09 PM)kai edits Wrote:
(Oct. 08, 2020  9:08 PM)SacredXcalibur Wrote: just a question, how do I make a thread for my fanfic

Go to my creation and press post a thread

thx
(Oct. 08, 2020  8:57 PM)kai edits Wrote:
(Oct. 08, 2020  7:50 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Shu is super out of character. He would never say “you’re not worthy”.

He is the villain of the fanfic also aiga,valt,drum,lui,etc. 
This is where maidens bond or flare increases like Lane
So? That doesn’t mean it was out of character.
(Oct. 08, 2020  10:10 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:
(Oct. 08, 2020  8:57 PM)kai edits Wrote: He is the villain of the fanfic also aiga,valt,drum,lui,etc. 
This is where maidens bond or flare increases like Lane
So? That doesn’t mean it was out of character.

It’s his fanfic. Nothing really you can do (that’s why it’s called FANfic)
Bro if you don't like it don't read it then. Back on topic.
You guys have until Halloween to submit any character submitions/fanfic crossover.