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[Fan Fiction]  Beyblade Burst: Matrix!

Jul. 03, 2021  7:24 PM
 
Episode 11!
Spoiler (Click to View)
Jul. 03, 2021  7:48 PM
 
(Jul. 03, 2021  7:24 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: Episode 11!
Spoiler (Click to View)

Grammar: 3/5. There are quite a lot of mistakes I recommend using Grammarly that's how my grammar is so good.
Story: 5/5. I loved how you used this episode to introduce Joker and start of the second semifinal match but it feels super serious add some bickering some funny parts to make it more appealing
Characters: 5/5. I love the characters and they all relate to the plot in a good way good job!!
Dialogue: 4/5. You're really good with Dialogue but add more emotion like gasps when something shocking happens and add some movement when necessary
Length: 5/5. It's perfectly long and you added everything you needed which is seriously awesome!!

Total: 22/25. You're almost there you just need a bit more adjusting
Jul. 03, 2021  7:56 PM
 
(Jul. 03, 2021  7:48 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote:
(Jul. 03, 2021  7:24 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: Episode 11!
Spoiler (Click to View)

Grammar: 3/5. There are quite a lot of mistakes I recommend using Grammarly that's how my grammar is so good.
Story: 5/5. I loved how you used this episode to introduce Joker and start of the second semifinal match but it feels super serious add some bickering some funny parts to make it more appealing
Characters: 5/5. I love the characters and they all relate to the plot in a good way good job!!
Dialogue: 4/5. You're really good with Dialogue but add more emotion like gasps when something shocking happens and add some movement when necessary  
Length: 5/5.  It's perfectly long and you added everything you needed which is seriously awesome!!

Total: 22/25. You're almost there you just need a bit more adjusting

alright thanks, this episode was super fun to make imo
(Jul. 03, 2021  7:24 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: Episode 11!
Spoiler (Click to View)
Jul. 03, 2021  8:12 PM
 
Wow, you really went and used every single special move in one episode, huh...

Plot: 5/5. Boy, that was some hype for the first match. Can't wait to find out how the next will turn out.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. You're improving a fair bit, I'll give you that. Good job on showing more character through everyone's words and stuff.
Characterization: 5/5. I just wanna say, you're handling Juudai better than I expected, so props for that. Everyone else was pretty good too.
Writing: 4/5. There's a couple typos here and there, but nothing else notable.
Battles: 5/5. This is the best part of the chapter for me. The battle was cool, and for a second there I thought Bax would win in the third round with a surprise counterattack or something. Overall great job, really looking forward to the next two battles (It's gonna be hard to pick sides in Episode 13...)

Final Rating: 23.5/25. This chapter was sweet, keep up the good work bud.
Jul. 03, 2021  8:15 PM
 
(Jul. 03, 2021  8:12 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Wow, you really went and used every single special move in one episode, huh...

Plot: 5/5. Boy, that was some hype for the first match. Can't wait to find out how the next will turn out.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. You're improving a fair bit, I'll give you that. Good job on showing more character through everyone's words and stuff.
Characterization: 5/5. I just wanna say, you're handling Juudai better than I expected, so props for that. Everyone else was pretty good too.
Writing: 4/5. There's a couple typos here and there, but nothing else notable.
Battles: 5/5. This is the best part of the chapter for me. The battle was cool, and for a second there I thought Bax would win in the third round with a surprise counterattack or something. Overall great job, really looking forward to the next two battles (It's gonna be hard to pick sides in Episode 13...)

Final Rating: 23.5/25. This chapter was sweet, keep up the good work bud.
thanks for the feedback! i was thinking about making Bax have a counter attack but since uriel and bax already battled it would be kinda plain for them two to battle again
(Jul. 03, 2021  8:15 PM)BladeKingX Wrote:
(Jul. 03, 2021  8:12 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Wow, you really went and used every single special move in one episode, huh...

Plot: 5/5. Boy, that was some hype for the first match. Can't wait to find out how the next will turn out.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. You're improving a fair bit, I'll give you that. Good job on showing more character through everyone's words and stuff.
Characterization: 5/5. I just wanna say, you're handling Juudai better than I expected, so props for that. Everyone else was pretty good too.
Writing: 4/5. There's a couple typos here and there, but nothing else notable.
Battles: 5/5. This is the best part of the chapter for me. The battle was cool, and for a second there I thought Bax would win in the third round with a surprise counterattack or something. Overall great job, really looking forward to the next two battles (It's gonna be hard to pick sides in Episode 13...)

Final Rating: 23.5/25. This chapter was sweet, keep up the good work bud.
thanks for the feedback! i was thinking about making Bax have a counter attack but since uriel and bax already battled it would be kinda plain for them two to battle again
OH NO ACCIDENTALY GAVE A SPOILER
Episode 12 Preview!

Uriel: Salamander's a tough opponent to defeat, but I know we can do this!

Uriel: Wait, Ulysses' excess can activate during the match? Awesome!

Uriel: I'll go Matrix and make it to the finals!

Next Episode on Beyblade Burst Matrix!

Ulysses Vs. Salamander!
Jul. 03, 2021  9:51 PM
 
(Jul. 03, 2021  8:15 PM)BladeKingX Wrote:
(Jul. 03, 2021  8:12 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Wow, you really went and used every single special move in one episode, huh...

Plot: 5/5. Boy, that was some hype for the first match. Can't wait to find out how the next will turn out.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. You're improving a fair bit, I'll give you that. Good job on showing more character through everyone's words and stuff.
Characterization: 5/5. I just wanna say, you're handling Juudai better than I expected, so props for that. Everyone else was pretty good too.
Writing: 4/5. There's a couple typos here and there, but nothing else notable.
Battles: 5/5. This is the best part of the chapter for me. The battle was cool, and for a second there I thought Bax would win in the third round with a surprise counterattack or something. Overall great job, really looking forward to the next two battles (It's gonna be hard to pick sides in Episode 13...)

Final Rating: 23.5/25. This chapter was sweet, keep up the good work bud.
thanks for the feedback! i was thinking about making Bax have a counter attack but since uriel and bax already battled it would be kinda plain for them two to battle again
(Jul. 03, 2021  8:15 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: thanks for the feedback! i was thinking about making Bax have a counter attack but since uriel and bax already battled it would be kinda plain for them two to battle again
OH NO ACCIDENTALY GAVE A SPOILER
Episode 12 Preview!

Uriel: Salamander's a tough opponent to defeat, but I know we can do this!

Uriel: Wait, Ulysses' excess can activate during the match? Awesome!

Uriel: I'll go Matrix and make it to the finals!

Next Episode on Beyblade Burst Matrix!

Ulysses Vs. Salamander!

Ok so by "activate mid-battle" you're meaning going on high or low mode during a match?

about the chapter: Nice, ((22+23.5)/2 = 22,75)
Jul. 03, 2021  9:55 PM
 
(Jul. 03, 2021  9:51 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote:
(Jul. 03, 2021  8:15 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: thanks for the feedback! i was thinking about making Bax have a counter attack but since uriel and bax already battled it would be kinda plain for them two to battle again
OH NO ACCIDENTALY GAVE A SPOILER
Episode 12 Preview!

Uriel: Salamander's a tough opponent to defeat, but I know we can do this!

Uriel: Wait, Ulysses' excess can activate during the match? Awesome!

Uriel: I'll go Matrix and make it to the finals!

Next Episode on Beyblade Burst Matrix!

Ulysses Vs. Salamander!

Ok so by "activate mid-battle" you're meaning going on high or low mode during a match?

about the chapter: Nice, ((22+23.5)/2 = 22,75)

i mean it can go high mode during the match
ALRIGHT GUYS I'm gonna do something this weekend where i reveal two episodes!
Spoiler (Click to View)
Episode 13: Blasting End! The Quantum Cup Finale!
Episode 14: Betrayal?! Retaliate Nemesis!
Jul. 03, 2021  10:17 PM
 
A Nemesis evolution, huh? Seems interesting.
Jul. 03, 2021  10:21 PM
 
(Jul. 03, 2021  10:17 PM)PinkRose Wrote: A Nemesis evolution, huh? Seems interesting.

yeah i thought about it and...
Spoiler (Click to View)
Jul. 03, 2021  10:25 PM
 
(Jul. 03, 2021  10:21 PM)BladeKingX Wrote:
(Jul. 03, 2021  10:17 PM)PinkRose Wrote: A Nemesis evolution, huh? Seems interesting.

yeah i thought about it and...
Spoiler (Click to View)

Oh shoot, someone's turning heel...Wonder how Uriel and co. would deal with that.
Jul. 03, 2021  10:34 PM
 
Oh yeah, Nora. I forgot, you can still read it if you want
Spoiler (Click to View)
That second one is a honorable mention (i guess)
Spoiler (Click to View)
Jul. 03, 2021  10:35 PM
 
(Jul. 03, 2021  9:55 PM)BladeKingX Wrote:
(Jul. 03, 2021  9:51 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote: Ok so by "activate mid-battle" you're meaning going on high or low mode during a match?

about the chapter: Nice, ((22+23.5)/2 = 22,75)

i mean it can go high mode during the match
ALRIGHT GUYS I'm gonna do something this weekend where i reveal two episodes!
Spoiler (Click to View)
Episode 13: Blasting End! The Quantum Cup Finale!
Episode 14: Betrayal?! Retaliate Nemesis!

I'm happy I inspired you don't worry I won't stop Smile
Jul. 03, 2021  10:47 PM
 
(Jul. 03, 2021  10:35 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote:
(Jul. 03, 2021  9:55 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: i mean it can go high mode during the match
ALRIGHT GUYS I'm gonna do something this weekend where i reveal two episodes!
Spoiler (Click to View)
Episode 13: Blasting End! The Quantum Cup Finale!
Episode 14: Betrayal?! Retaliate Nemesis!

I'm happy I inspired you don't worry I won't stop Smile

kewl, ima start doing this every weekend
Jul. 03, 2021  11:08 PM
 
(Jul. 03, 2021  10:47 PM)BladeKingX Wrote:
(Jul. 03, 2021  10:35 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: I'm happy I inspired you don't worry I won't stop Smile

kewl, ima start doing this every weekend
You can see that UnseenBurst really cares when he sends support comments. (By this I mean he's determined to help anyone)
Jul. 03, 2021  11:21 PM
 
(Jul. 03, 2021  11:08 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote:
(Jul. 03, 2021  10:47 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: kewl, ima start doing this every weekend
You can see that UnseenBurst really cares when he sends support comments. (By this I mean he's determined to help anyone)

Awww thx guys
Jul. 03, 2021  11:39 PM
 
(Jul. 03, 2021  11:21 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote:
(Jul. 03, 2021  11:08 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote: You can see that UnseenBurst really cares when he sends support comments. (By this I mean he's determined to help anyone)

Awww thx guys

np bro
Jul. 04, 2021  5:22 PM
 
Episode 12!
Spoiler (Click to View)
Jul. 04, 2021  5:24 PM
 
Great! Chapter!
Jul. 04, 2021  5:41 PM
 
Niiiice.

Plot: 5/5. We’re getting closer to the first arc’s climax, and with a hint at a future episode too (but seriously Nora, whyy??).
Dialogue: 4.5/5. I see nothing wrong here, you’re doing pretty well. And for some reason that Meh right in the middle of all the excitement of the match had me laughing hard.
Characterization: 4.5/5. Same as dialogue, nothing wrong. All characters are on point (wonder about that mystery spectator tho...I have a feeling I know who it is).
Writing: 4.5/5. There are noticeably less mistakes than last chapter, good job.
Battle: 4.5/5. The whole battle was great, even if the Burst in the end felt somewhat abrupt and...kinda rushed? I don’t know how to describe that, but still, the battle was pretty well-done.

Final Rating: 23/25. It was a gun chapter, and you did quite well on it. Now imma go and charge up my review juice for next episode (Uriel VS Juudai HYYYYYPE).
Jul. 04, 2021  5:45 PM
 
(Jul. 04, 2021  5:41 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Niiiice.

Plot: 5/5. We’re getting closer to the first arc’s climax, and with a hint at a future episode too (but seriously Nora, whyy??).
Dialogue: 4.5/5. I see nothing wrong here, you’re doing pretty well. And for some reason that Meh right in the middle of all the excitement of the match had me laughing hard.
Characterization: 4.5/5. Same as dialogue, nothing wrong. All characters are on point (wonder about that mystery spectator tho...I have a feeling I know who it is).
Writing: 4.5/5. There are noticeably less mistakes than last chapter, good job.
Battle: 4.5/5. The whole battle was great, even if the Burst in the end felt somewhat abrupt and...kinda rushed? I don’t know how to describe that, but still, the battle was pretty well-done.

Final Rating: 23/25. It was a gun chapter, and you did quite well on it. Now imma go and charge up my review juice for next episode (Uriel VS Juudai HYYYYYPE).
holy heck i didnt know it felt rushed, i tryed to extend it so it didn't feel rushed, PANIC
Spoiler (Click to View)
(Jul. 04, 2021  5:24 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Great! Chapter!

thanks bro
(Jul. 04, 2021  5:22 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: Episode 12!
Spoiler (Click to View)
Episode 13 Preview!

Uriel: Ulysses, we have to find a way to defeat Joker and it's mysterious tactics!

Uriel: Arcane Verdict is all based on luck, and we can't take chances, so we have to find a way to withstand it!

Uriel: We can win this, Ulysses!!

Next Episode On Beyblade Burst Matrix!

Blasting End! The Quantum Cup Finale!
Jul. 04, 2021  7:04 PM
 
(Jul. 04, 2021  5:41 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Niiiice.

Plot: 5/5. We’re getting closer to the first arc’s climax, and with a hint at a future episode too (but seriously Nora, whyy??).
Dialogue: 4.5/5. I see nothing wrong here, you’re doing pretty well. And for some reason that Meh right in the middle of all the excitement of the match had me laughing hard.
Characterization: 4.5/5. Same as dialogue, nothing wrong. All characters are on point (wonder about that mystery spectator tho...I have a feeling I know who it is).
Writing: 4.5/5. There are noticeably less mistakes than last chapter, good job.
Battle: 4.5/5. The whole battle was great, even if the Burst in the end felt somewhat abrupt and...kinda rushed? I don’t know how to describe that, but still, the battle was pretty well-done.

Final Rating: 23/25. It was a gun chapter, and you did quite well on it. Now imma go and charge up my review juice for next episode (Uriel VS Juudai HYYYYYPE).
The plot armor tho
Jul. 04, 2021  7:07 PM
 
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:04 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote:
(Jul. 04, 2021  5:41 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Niiiice.

Plot: 5/5. We’re getting closer to the first arc’s climax, and with a hint at a future episode too (but seriously Nora, whyy??).
Dialogue: 4.5/5. I see nothing wrong here, you’re doing pretty well. And for some reason that Meh right in the middle of all the excitement of the match had me laughing hard.
Characterization: 4.5/5. Same as dialogue, nothing wrong. All characters are on point (wonder about that mystery spectator tho...I have a feeling I know who it is).
Writing: 4.5/5. There are noticeably less mistakes than last chapter, good job.
Battle: 4.5/5. The whole battle was great, even if the Burst in the end felt somewhat abrupt and...kinda rushed? I don’t know how to describe that, but still, the battle was pretty well-done.

Final Rating: 23/25. It was a gun chapter, and you did quite well on it. Now imma go and charge up my review juice for next episode (Uriel VS Juudai HYYYYYPE).
The plot armor tho

Okay I kinda feel dumb for asking this but, what plot armor? I'm not sure who or what you're talking about.
Jul. 04, 2021  7:16 PM
 
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:07 PM)PinkRose Wrote:
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:04 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote: The plot armor tho

Okay I kinda feel dumb for asking this but, what plot armor? I'm not sure who or what you're talking about.
Uriel vs Juudai. I mean, he's going into a special training with hir friends, It's not a big tournament, his prob going to win this for entering another tournament (since his reputation would be higher),... plot armor must be at Uriel's side. (Unless it takes an unexpected turn to the right)
Jul. 04, 2021  7:37 PM
 
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:16 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote:
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:07 PM)PinkRose Wrote: Okay I kinda feel dumb for asking this but, what plot armor? I'm not sure who or what you're talking about.
Uriel vs Juudai. I mean, he's going into a special training with hir friends, It's not a big tournament, his prob going to win this for entering another tournament (since his reputation would be higher),... plot armor must be at Uriel's side. (Unless it takes an unexpected turn to the right)

edit: it's not going to be special training, its just gonna be training before the match and i dont really wanna give him too much plot armor but not to the point where he loses every single match, learns from it, and loses again
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:37 PM)BladeKingX Wrote:
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:16 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote: Uriel vs Juudai. I mean, he's going into a special training with hir friends, It's not a big tournament, his prob going to win this for entering another tournament (since his reputation would be higher),... plot armor must be at Uriel's side. (Unless it takes an unexpected turn to the right)

edit: it's not going to be special training, its just gonna be training before the match and i dont really wanna give him too much plot armor but not to the point where he loses every single match, learns from it, and loses again
well lol, i have an idea
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:37 PM)BladeKingX Wrote:
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:16 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote: Uriel vs Juudai. I mean, he's going into a special training with hir friends, It's not a big tournament, his prob going to win this for entering another tournament (since his reputation would be higher),... plot armor must be at Uriel's side. (Unless it takes an unexpected turn to the right)

edit: it's not going to be special training, its just gonna be training before the match and i dont really wanna give him too much plot armor but not to the point where he loses every single match, learns from it, and loses again
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:37 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: edit: it's not going to be special training, its just gonna be training before the match and i dont really wanna give him too much plot armor but not to the point where he loses every single match, learns from it, and loses again
well lol, i have an id
ok uriel will *** the battle, learn from it, then in the 2nd arc he will ******** ***** and then the ******* **** will arrive and they will compete
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:37 PM)BladeKingX Wrote:
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:16 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote: Uriel vs Juudai. I mean, he's going into a special training with hir friends, It's not a big tournament, his prob going to win this for entering another tournament (since his reputation would be higher),... plot armor must be at Uriel's side. (Unless it takes an unexpected turn to the right)

edit: it's not going to be special training, its just gonna be training before the match and i dont really wanna give him too much plot armor but not to the point where he loses every single match, learns from it, and loses again
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:37 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: edit: it's not going to be special training, its just gonna be training before the match and i dont really wanna give him too much plot armor but not to the point where he loses every single match, learns from it, and loses again
well lol, i have an idea
(Jul. 04, 2021  7:37 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: edit: it's not going to be special training, its just gonna be training before the match and i dont really wanna give him too much plot armor but not to the point where he loses every single match, learns from it, and loses again
well lol, i have an id
ok uriel will *** the battle, learn from it, then in the 2nd arc he will ******** ***** and then the ******* **** will arrive and they will compete

*sigh* i have made my decision, you will be shocked
Jul. 04, 2021  8:32 PM
 
I know Uriel's winning this one, but that doesn't mean it'll be exciting to read. And honestly, before seeing that final post I thought there wad the possibility of him losing this one, then learning from it to improve when the time comes for a second tournament or sonething similar. Either way, this is bound to be interesting.
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