Hmm, not bad. I like what you’re trying to do with Ben, but the change feels a bit sudden for me? If that’s the intended effect, then you’re doing it well, and that asde, the chapter is overall neat, especially with your improvement in writing. Nice.
[Fan Fiction] Beyblade Burst: Kiwami!
I really like Ben’s character, and the fact that he has all the gears. I am really excited to see all the characters interact with the other OCs.
(Aug. 20, 2021 12:52 AM)PinkRose Wrote: Hmm, not bad. I like what you’re trying to do with Ben, but the change feels a bit sudden for me? If that’s the intended effect, then you’re doing it well, and that asde, the chapter is overall neat, especially with your improvement in writing. Nice.
(Aug. 20, 2021 1:00 AM)LJ-Blader Wrote: I really like Ben’s character, and the fact that he has all the gears. I am really excited to see all the characters interact with the other OCs.
I'm glad you guys like Ben, I wanted to make him interesting, but Kiryu made him better!
(Aug. 21, 2021 5:48 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: Light Sawashiro (Sovereign Lucifer)
Spoiler (Click to View)
nice! can't wait for him to be added! 😏👌
(Aug. 21, 2021 5:48 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: Light Sawashiro (Sovereign Lucifer)
Spoiler (Click to View)
The bey parts names match very well with the bey motif (Fallen, Rebel, I assume the blade also matches). And bonus points for making a non-barrier gimmick.
Bonus Fact: Ichiban Aoi: Aviate Icarus (Protagonist) and Light Sawashiro: Sovereign Lucifer (Antagonist)
This is how the first arc will work,
The Battle Ship will reach three destinations for battles.
1) Spain
2) Onigashima Island
3) America.
Plus some chapter titles
This is how the first arc will work,
The Battle Ship will reach three destinations for battles.
1) Spain
2) Onigashima Island
3) America.
Plus some chapter titles
Spoiler (Click to View)
Fiona Dela Hoya (Magenta Fafnir)
And I forgot to tell about the color scheme of these beys
Plus I'm gonna try my best to post Chapter 5 today (Or tomorrow).
Spoiler (Click to View)
And I forgot to tell about the color scheme of these beys
Spoiler (Click to View)
Plus I'm gonna try my best to post Chapter 5 today (Or tomorrow).
(Aug. 25, 2021 12:03 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: Fiona Dela Hoya (Magenta Fafnir)
Spoiler (Click to View)
And I forgot to tell about the color scheme of these beys
Spoiler (Click to View)
Plus I'm gonna try my best to post Chapter 6 today (Or tomorrow).
Nice, and I'd say that drain resembles more Ratchet.
Everything Driver? Lmao, that's a funny one. I'm fairly interested in Fiona's character now, looking forward to when she debuts.
(Aug. 21, 2021 6:06 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: Bonus Fact: Ichiban Aoi: Aviate Icarus (Protagonist) and Light Sawashiro: Sovereign Lucifer (Antagonist)
This is how the first arc will work,
The Battle Ship will reach three destinations for battles.
1) Spain
2) Onigashima Island
3) America.
Plus some chapter titles
Spoiler (Click to View)
Hold up, is my man Griffin about to show up? (Hyped by the Episode titles) 😏😏😏
(Aug. 25, 2021 8:50 PM)Dark red Wrote:(Aug. 21, 2021 6:06 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: Bonus Fact: Ichiban Aoi: Aviate Icarus (Protagonist) and Light Sawashiro: Sovereign Lucifer (Antagonist)
This is how the first arc will work,
The Battle Ship will reach three destinations for battles.
1) Spain
2) Onigashima Island
3) America.
Plus some chapter titles
Spoiler (Click to View)
Hold up, is my man Griffin about to show up? (Hyped by the Episode titles) 😏😏😏
Yup, he's going to show up in Chapter 8.
Uhhhh idk if the character thing is still going, can I put an entry in?
(Aug. 26, 2021 3:05 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote:Okey dokey(Aug. 26, 2021 3:01 PM)The Blacknight Wrote: Uhhhh idk if the character thing is still going, can I put an entry in?
Yeah, you still can.
Name: Mordred Glass
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Relation to past characters: is Ashtem’s son. Was abandoned when the snake pit was legally dismantled a few years after db. Gwyn found him years later, taught him for a year, then gave him to train with Xander and Xavier(now a king). Xavier adopted him, making him a while gwyn named him an aruthurian name as he thought of him as a brother.
Bey: Blitzen drive ou raze (limit break, and the avatar is the reindeer)
Appearance: Black hair, a white camo hoodie, and red ripped jeans. One of his eyes is black, and the other red. He has a pair of green earrings as well. He’s mid height as well. He has sharp teeth like lui or Xander.
Personality: incredible and extreme apathy. He hates his dad. He’s also very good at helping Xavier with politics, as his calm and uncaring nature allows him to assess situations well. When his dad is involved or he gets like really mad(justifiably, not like he dropped his ice cream), his black eye turns red, his resonance hits hits max, his personality shifts to become more cold, but present as well. Like mob from mob psycho.
Skills: gwyn taught him a lot, and he’s at masters level in most subjects, but bachelors and PhD in some. He’s also incredibly strong. Like lifting frees Boulder with one hand strong. He also trains xaviers military, along with Xander and other people. When fully released, his resonance can shatter concrete.
Bey:
Color scheme: red, white, gold, and green
Blitzen: sort of a heavier, more balanced lucifer II, with the rubber lock as well. Is right spin
Drive: an electric part. It’s like king with 7 blades. When it’s halfway to bursting, the ring spins faster than the bey. This dramatically raises attack(obviously), burst resistance(this makes the ring essentially free spin) and defense again spin equalization(though the other bey will gain energy, the energy will be taken from the ring, not the base)
Ou: Ou
Raze: destroy with a rubber driver and a small plastic tip in the middle
Moves:
Explosive burst: a powerful attack out of nowhere, brought on by the raze driver. This can also be used as an evasion.
Limit break: drive: blitzen activates its limit break, sending enemies flying.
Phase burst: blitzen uses raze to quickly move behind an enemy, giving the illusion that it went directly through. Blitzen then uses its drive ability to attack its opponent while they are moving away from each other, sending an enemy away and not giving them room for a counter.
Drive shield: drive prarries attacks with incredible power.
Absolute drive: dread vertical on steroids
Xmas star: almost like valts winged launch, but its trail makes a star. Anything which crosses the star gets hit with an an incredibly strong attack. The longer it is prolonged, the more powerful the attack is
Nicholas: can only be used at full resonance.no one but mordred knows what this move looks like. Everyone who witnesses it gets knocked unconscious, and all cameras at destroyed. The stadium and area around it always obliterated. The opponents bey is either shattered, melted, or it has disappeared.
Uhm idk if this is good, but whatever lol
(Aug. 26, 2021 5:30 PM)The Blacknight Wrote:(Aug. 26, 2021 3:05 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: Yeah, you still can.Okey dokey
Name: Mordred Glass
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Relation to past characters: is Ashtem’s son. Was abandoned when the snake pit was legally dismantled a few years after db. Gwyn found him years later, taught him for a year, then gave him to train with Xander and Xavier(now a king). Xavier adopted him, making him a while gwyn named him an aruthurian name as he thought of him as a brother.
Bey: Blitzen drive ou raze (limit break, and the avatar is the reindeer)
Appearance: Black hair, a white camo hoodie, and red ripped jeans. One of his eyes is black, and the other red. He has a pair of green earrings as well. He’s mid height as well. He has sharp teeth like lui or Xander.
Personality: incredible and extreme apathy. He hates his dad. He’s also very good at helping Xavier with politics, as his calm and uncaring nature allows him to assess situations well. When his dad is involved or he gets like really mad(justifiably, not like he dropped his ice cream), his black eye turns red, his resonance hits hits max, his personality shifts to become more cold, but present as well. Like mob from mob psycho.
Skills: gwyn taught him a lot, and he’s at masters level in most subjects, but bachelors and PhD in some. He’s also incredibly strong. Like lifting frees Boulder with one hand strong. He also trains xaviers military, along with Xander and other people. When fully released, his resonance can shatter concrete.
Bey:
Color scheme: red, white, gold, and green
Blitzen: sort of a heavier, more balanced lucifer II, with the rubber lock as well. Is right spin
Drive: an electric part. It’s like king with 7 blades. When it’s halfway to bursting, the ring spins faster than the bey. This dramatically raises attack(obviously), burst resistance(this makes the ring essentially free spin) and defense again spin equalization(though the other bey will gain energy, the energy will be taken from the ring, not the base)
Ou: Ou
Raze: destroy with a rubber driver and a small plastic tip in the middle
Moves:
Explosive burst: a powerful attack out of nowhere, brought on by the raze driver. This can also be used as an evasion.
Limit break: drive: blitzen activates its limit break, sending enemies flying.
Phase burst: blitzen uses raze to quickly move behind an enemy, giving the illusion that it went directly through. Blitzen then uses its drive ability to attack its opponent while they are moving away from each other, sending an enemy away and not giving them room for a counter.
Drive shield: drive prarries attacks with incredible power.
Absolute drive: dread vertical on steroids
Xmas star: almost like valts winged launch, but its trail makes a star. Anything which crosses the star gets hit with an an incredibly strong attack. The longer it is prolonged, the more powerful the attack is
Nicholas: can only be used at full resonance.no one but mordred knows what this move looks like. Everyone who witnesses it gets knocked unconscious, and all cameras at destroyed. The stadium and area around it always obliterated. The opponents bey is either shattered, melted, or it has disappeared.
Uhm idk if this is good, but whatever lol
Actually.... I was planning something else with Ashtem and it's limit break system right? You must use Kiwami System. Plus this bey is too op (If this bey is in this fic, then antagonist's role would make no sense). Sorry but I cannot accept this entry. You can edit it though.
(Aug. 26, 2021 6:48 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote:Welp can’t say I’m surprised, I made this guy’s bey as a protagonist for another series that was meant to have mfb level power scaling. Tbh, I’m content with just reading it lol, though I’m still a bit confused about the system(Aug. 26, 2021 5:30 PM)The Blacknight Wrote: Okey dokey
Name: Mordred Glass
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Relation to past characters: is Ashtem’s son. Was abandoned when the snake pit was legally dismantled a few years after db. Gwyn found him years later, taught him for a year, then gave him to train with Xander and Xavier(now a king). Xavier adopted him, making him a while gwyn named him an aruthurian name as he thought of him as a brother.
Bey: Blitzen drive ou raze (limit break, and the avatar is the reindeer)
Appearance: Black hair, a white camo hoodie, and red ripped jeans. One of his eyes is black, and the other red. He has a pair of green earrings as well. He’s mid height as well. He has sharp teeth like lui or Xander.
Personality: incredible and extreme apathy. He hates his dad. He’s also very good at helping Xavier with politics, as his calm and uncaring nature allows him to assess situations well. When his dad is involved or he gets like really mad(justifiably, not like he dropped his ice cream), his black eye turns red, his resonance hits hits max, his personality shifts to become more cold, but present as well. Like mob from mob psycho.
Skills: gwyn taught him a lot, and he’s at masters level in most subjects, but bachelors and PhD in some. He’s also incredibly strong. Like lifting frees Boulder with one hand strong. He also trains xaviers military, along with Xander and other people. When fully released, his resonance can shatter concrete.
Bey:
Color scheme: red, white, gold, and green
Blitzen: sort of a heavier, more balanced lucifer II, with the rubber lock as well. Is right spin
Drive: an electric part. It’s like king with 7 blades. When it’s halfway to bursting, the ring spins faster than the bey. This dramatically raises attack(obviously), burst resistance(this makes the ring essentially free spin) and defense again spin equalization(though the other bey will gain energy, the energy will be taken from the ring, not the base)
Ou: Ou
Raze: destroy with a rubber driver and a small plastic tip in the middle
Moves:
Explosive burst: a powerful attack out of nowhere, brought on by the raze driver. This can also be used as an evasion.
Limit break: drive: blitzen activates its limit break, sending enemies flying.
Phase burst: blitzen uses raze to quickly move behind an enemy, giving the illusion that it went directly through. Blitzen then uses its drive ability to attack its opponent while they are moving away from each other, sending an enemy away and not giving them room for a counter.
Drive shield: drive prarries attacks with incredible power.
Absolute drive: dread vertical on steroids
Xmas star: almost like valts winged launch, but its trail makes a star. Anything which crosses the star gets hit with an an incredibly strong attack. The longer it is prolonged, the more powerful the attack is
Nicholas: can only be used at full resonance.no one but mordred knows what this move looks like. Everyone who witnesses it gets knocked unconscious, and all cameras at destroyed. The stadium and area around it always obliterated. The opponents bey is either shattered, melted, or it has disappeared.
Uhm idk if this is good, but whatever lol
Actually.... I was planning something else with Ashtem and it's limit break system right? You must use Kiwami System. Plus this bey is too op (If this bey is in this fic, then antagonist's role would make no sense). Sorry but I cannot accept this entry. You can edit it though.
Kiryu Kazuma I summon you, so uhh... Is there any Wyvern/Deathscyther already? just to know.
Hmmm is Jinnius taken?
(Aug. 26, 2021 9:56 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote: Kiryu Kazuma I summon you, so uhh... Is there any Wyvern/Deathscyther already? just to know.
Nope there isn't. (And you can use Achilles if you want to, cuz GenesisBlader chose Hyperion instead of Achilles).
(Aug. 26, 2021 8:56 PM)The Blacknight Wrote:(Aug. 26, 2021 6:48 PM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote: Actually.... I was planning something else with Ashtem and it's limit break system right? You must use Kiwami System. Plus this bey is too op (If this bey is in this fic, then antagonist's role would make no sense). Sorry but I cannot accept this entry. You can edit it though.Welp can’t say I’m surprised, I made this guy’s bey as a protagonist for another series that was meant to have mfb level power scaling. Tbh, I’m content with just reading it lol, though I’m still a bit confused about the system
Check out the first post. I've explained it there.
(Aug. 27, 2021 5:15 AM)Kiryu Kazuma Wrote:(Aug. 26, 2021 9:56 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote: Kiryu Kazuma I summon you, so uhh... Is there any Wyvern/Deathscyther already? just to know.
Nope there isn't. (And you can use Achilles if you want to, cuz GenesisBlader chose Hyperion instead of Achilles).
(Aug. 26, 2021 8:56 PM)The Blacknight Wrote: Welp can’t say I’m surprised, I made this guy’s bey as a protagonist for another series that was meant to have mfb level power scaling. Tbh, I’m content with just reading it lol, though I’m still a bit confused about the system
Check out the first post. I've explained it there.
I tried that
I’m sry but it didn’t work lol
I'll let you choose the moves. But I can add them if you want. (edit: I updated it)
Character:
.
Bey:
Character:
Spoiler (Click to View)
Bey:
Spoiler (Click to View)