(Jun. 26, 2021 2:36 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: First chapter in progress!
Alright its done! It's going to be 2 parts since I made it kind of long...
Ep 1 1/2
Together We Stand! Blazing Huracan!
**The blader world had just been taken by surprise by the battle known as The Last Spark...**
The Crowd was speechless... It broke out with a HUGE round of applause..
Hector: Alright! That. Was. EPIC!
**Hector stayed in the colosseum after everyone left.**
Hector: That was great. We should have battles just like that.. Right Curse Dragon?
**His bey did absolutely nothing**
Hector: Don't worry. I know what you would say.
**Hector seemed down.**
???: Heya! That was an epic battle right!?
**Hector jumped out of his chair and spun around**
Hector: Aiger Akabane!?
Aiger: That's me!! Anyways wanna battle?
Hector: Of Course! But.. Nevermind.
Aiger: Okay.. Lets go!
**They went down to the stadium in the middle**
Hector: Alright Curse Dragon.. Let's go.
Hector/Aiger: Ready? Set! 3! 2! 1! Let it... RIP!
Dragon zoomed through the stadium...
Aiger: Infinite-
Dragon burst.
Hector: Oh.
Aiger: Hmm... Something was wrong with that battle...
**Aiger picked Dragon up and it broke instantly**
Hector: Well-
Aiger: Oh I see!! This isn't yours!
Hector: What?? I found him though!
Aiger: Where did you find him...?
**Hector fidgeted with his hands**
Hector: Well.. The garbage...
Aiger: I see. How would you like to make your own! I will help as well. Achilles has been begging for an upgrade!
Hector: A bey of my own..? Sure!!
**They left and traveled through the forest**
Aiger: Here we are!
Hector: Where..?
TO BE CONTINUED...
Ep 1 2/2
Together We Stand! Blazing Huracan!
Hector: Where..?
Aiger: My home of course! Come on!
**They headed into the workshop**
Aiger: Okay so-
Naru: Aiger!!! How dare you come home and not tell me??
Aiger: Uh-
Naru: Whos your friend?
Aiger: This is- Uh-
Hector: I'm Hector! **He smiled**
Aiger: Anyway, Hector needs help making a Beyblade. And I was on my way to upgrade Achilles so I thought I'd bring him!
Naru: Upgrade Achilles?? There is no new system out stupid!
Aiger: I'll just make my own!
Naru: WHAT?! You crazy? Being away from home fry your brain??
Aiger: Can't be that hard. **He grabbed a sheet of paper** Just a bit of this, and that, and BAM! **He drew a picture of a new Achilles**
Naru: What's the difference between this and a sparking bey?
Hector: Uh- Excuse me-
Aiger: Everything! Look you see this? **He put his drawing in the computer and it showed Union Achilles**
Nary: See? That's Union Achilles!
Hector: Hey!! LOOK! **He had a drawing of a new type of Beyblade** THIS. Is my idea. See this? **He put it in the computer**
Aiger: ?
Naru: ?
**On the computer was a special Beyblade. It had an extra chip that you could put in the tip for stamina, the middle for defense and the top for attack.
Hector: See? And all others beys can have different types of gimmicks!
Aiger: I see!
**Naru had drawn a new Achilles and put it in the computer. It had blades like union Achilles that could come off, but it was split in half and you could put it on either side to change the attack and weight.**
Naru: How's that Aiger?
Aiger: That's great! Can we print them?
Naru: Yep!
**A few more hours**
Hector: They are done! Meet Blazing Huracan!
Aiger: Meet.. Warrior Achilles!
Hector: What should we call this system?
Aiger: The Blaze Beys
Naru: Sounds great! Now here are parts for them. Aiger, 00 and Xtend+ for you.. And Hector.. 10 and Unite Dash!
**They put their beys together**
Hector: Lets test them!
**Naru rolled the stadium in**
Hectors Head: Hmm Lets try this!
**He put the chip to the top**
**Aiger left his extra blades off**
Naru: Ready? SET!
All: 3! 2! 1! LET IT... RIP!
Huracan sped up as soon as it hit the stadium
Hector: Huracan! ATTACK!
Aiger: Thought so. ACHILLES!**His aura burned up** WARRIOR SHIELD!
Achilles sped to the middle and went on defense
Hector: BREAK THROUGH IT! **His aura burned up as well** HURACAN!! BLAZING STORM!
They clashed in the center. They both flew in the air... Huracan burst, Achilles landed back in the stadium.
Hector: Well. I lost.. BUT THAT WAS AWESOME!
Aiger: That was a good match!
Naru: Woah...
Hector: Anyways, its getting late. I should head home.
Aiger/Naru: Alright cya!
**Hector headed home**
Hector: I'm Back!
Length: 4/5 It’s average long
Characters:4/5 They felt emotionanless like try adding some Like this:
Hector: Anyways, It’s getting late. **heater said tired** I should head home.
Grammar: 4/5 Are you using grammarly cause this is great! I like it but you did forget to use period marks in some of them
Plot: 3/5 lots of random things happened I don’t even know what match in the story happened but beside that it’s great!
15/20 it’s good just needs some work!
"From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably
