[Fan Fiction]  A Beyblade’s Bizarre Adventure Saga (Valkyrie Tendency Ongoing)

(Jul. 14, 2020  5:04 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:03 PM)kai edits Wrote: Why shu 
Is it shun kurenai?
No. It is Shu Kurenai. Hate to break it to ya, but the fan fiction writers here aren’t going to idolize your OCs.

I hate shu kurenai in the anime and in fanfics

(Jul. 14, 2020  5:05 PM)BuilderROB Wrote:
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:03 PM)kai edits Wrote: Why shu 
Is it shun kurenai?

His name in this fan fic is Shu Kurenai. He in this crossover universe is the role of Dio. My fan fic is a crossover of Beyblade Burst and JoJo. Your character would have to have the name Akira Kurenai because Dio Brando never existed in this fan fiction as Shu Kurenai took that role on because this is a crossover fan fic.
So my character name is akira kurenai or shu I'm confused
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:05 PM)kai edits Wrote:
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:04 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: No. It is Shu Kurenai. Hate to break it to ya, but the fan fiction writers here aren’t going to idolize your OCs.

I hate shu kurenai in the anime and in fanfics
Good for you. This isn’t your fan fiction, and if you don’t like certain choices, move along, and stay out of this thread.
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:05 PM)kai edits Wrote:
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:04 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: No. It is Shu Kurenai. Hate to break it to ya, but the fan fiction writers here aren’t going to idolize your OCs.

I hate shu kurenai in the anime and in fanfics

I’m sorry if you don’t like how I portrayed Shu Kurenai in this fan fic, but if you want your character to be the daughter of the character that replaces Dio, this is how it’s gotta be.

(Jul. 14, 2020  5:05 PM)kai edits Wrote: So my character name is akira kurenai or shu I'm confused

Your character’s name will be Akira Kurenai.
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:06 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:05 PM)kai edits Wrote: I hate shu kurenai in the anime and in fanfics
Good for you. This isn’t your fan fiction, and if you don’t like certain choices, move along, and stay out of this thread.
First of all I know that and second idc about what you said it's the fanfic makers choice and third if your gonna act like idc good day sir/ma'am

(Jul. 14, 2020  5:07 PM)BuilderROB Wrote:
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:05 PM)kai edits Wrote: I hate shu kurenai in the anime and in fanfics

I’m sorry if you don’t like how I portrayed Shu Kurenai in this fan fic, but if you want your character to be the daughter of the character that replaces Dio, this is how it’s gotta be.

(Jul. 14, 2020  5:05 PM)kai edits Wrote: So my character name is akira kurenai or shu I'm confused

Your character’s name will be Akira Kurenai.

Oh i get it now I got mad because I thought my character name is shu. Sorry about that. You know that akira kurenai is one of my character in my fanfic(I'm not promoting it so cheetoblader dont say that)
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:09 PM)kai edits Wrote:
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:06 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Good for you. This isn’t your fan fiction, and if you don’t like certain choices, move along, and stay out of this thread.
First of all I know that and second idc about what you said it's the fanfic makers choice and third if your gonna act like idc good day sir/ma'am

I have no idea what you just said.
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:11 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:
(Jul. 14, 2020  5:09 PM)kai edits Wrote: First of all I know that and second idc about what you said it's the fanfic makers choice and third if your gonna act like idc good day sir/ma'am

I have no idea what you just said.

? I was confused can a guy make a mistake

(Jul. 02, 2020  4:47 PM)BuilderROB Wrote: Chapter 9 will be done soon. Until then, here is a drawing of Valt from Part 1 of ABBA:
[Image: 471kjz.jpg]

nigerundayo(run away) valt
Your next line is you cursed Kai edits
Chapter 10: One Final Overdrive
(Jul. 22, 2020  1:58 PM)BuilderROB Wrote: Chapter 10: One Final Overdrive

me after Reading this:*Michael Jordan crying intensifies*
(Jul. 22, 2020  1:58 PM)BuilderROB Wrote: Chapter 10: One Final Overdrive
Awesome story, can't wait for Part 2. Im assuming Toko is Joseph?
(Jul. 22, 2020  5:00 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:
(Jul. 22, 2020  1:58 PM)BuilderROB Wrote: Chapter 10: One Final Overdrive
Awesome story, can't wait for Part 2. Im assuming Toko is Joseph?

I think Toko will actually replace George (Joseph’s Father). A new protagonist that is very similar to Valt in looks will come instead.

Just because I made one I will go ahead and post the summary for Part 2.

Part 2 Summary:
Valto is an 18 year old male who is the grandson of Valt Aoi. Both of his parents died, and so he resides with his Granny Krystal in New York, New York, in 1938. Since he was young, he’s used his smarts and trickery to outsmart bad guys he has encountered, usually a pocket thief or a robber. He owns his grandfather’s bey, which he worked on to evolve it into a bey he calls God Valkyrie. He commonly used God Valkyrie to aid in his trickery. His life is about to change when he gets involved in a situation that will require him to train to become the best blader around.
(Jul. 22, 2020  5:14 PM)BuilderROB Wrote:
(Jul. 22, 2020  5:00 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Awesome story, can't wait for Part 2. Im assuming Toko is Joseph?

I think Toko will actually replace George (Joseph’s Father). A new protagonist that is very similar to Valt in looks will come instead.

Just because I made one I will go ahead and post the summary for Part 2.

Part 2 Summary:
Valto is an 18 year old male who is the grandson of Valt Aoi. Both of his parents died, and so he resides with his Granny Krystal in New York, New York, in 1938. Since he was young, he’s used his smarts and trickery to outsmart bad guys he has encountered, usually a pocket thief or a robber. He owns his grandfather’s bey, which he worked on to evolve it into a bey he calls God Valkyrie. He commonly used God Valkyrie to aid in his trickery. His life is about to change when he gets involved in a situation that will require him to train to become the best blader around.

Interesting! I'm thinking that the bound layer on God Valkyrie would be a good parallel with Joseph's hamon.
Part 2 Chapter 1: New York’s Valkyrie
I can’t wait for the ultimate Blader (ultimate Kars).

Also Jolyne is going to be kind of weird to do seeing as there has not been any female bladers with original beyblades. Nonetheless I still think that BuilderROB can pull it off.
(Aug. 01, 2020  5:41 PM)6Jupiter5 Wrote: I can’t wait for the ultimate Blader (ultimate Kars).

Also Jolyne is going to be kind of weird to do seeing as there has not been any female bladers with original beyblades. Nonetheless I still think that BuilderROB can pull it off.

Maybe Nika
Part 2 Chapter 2: The Bey Expert
Well at least you didn’t put what officer Burns was (that would just be awkward)
So if God is Battle tendencies and original is Phantom blood then that would mean that Cho-z = Stardust Crusaders (yes Achilles is Star Platinum hopefully), GT = DIU, OG Beyblade = Golden Wind?, part 6 = sparking?, part 7 = metal Fury?, and part 8 = Shogun Steel? (Clearly I am confused because there is only 5 parts of burst and 8 parts of Jojo)
(Aug. 21, 2020  10:15 PM)6Jupiter5 Wrote: So if God is Battle tendencies and original is Phantom blood then that would mean that Cho-z = Stardust Crusaders (yes Achilles is Star Platinum hopefully), GT = DIU, OG Beyblade = Golden Wind?, part 6 = sparking?, part 7 = metal Fury?, and part 8 = Shogun Steel? (Clearly I am confused because there is only 5 parts of burst and 8 parts of Jojo)

Part 5 will be Sparking. Parts 6, 7, and 8 will be my own made up, unless there is a System after Sparking.
(Aug. 21, 2020  10:20 PM)BuilderROB Wrote:
(Aug. 21, 2020  10:15 PM)6Jupiter5 Wrote: So if God is Battle tendencies and original is Phantom blood then that would mean that Cho-z = Stardust Crusaders (yes Achilles is Star Platinum hopefully), GT = DIU, OG Beyblade = Golden Wind?, part 6 = sparking?, part 7 = metal Fury?, and part 8 = Shogun Steel? (Clearly I am confused because there is only 5 parts of burst and 8 parts of Jojo)

Part 5 will be Sparking. Parts 6, 7, and 8 will be my own made up, unless there is a System after Sparking.

That’s cool I was thinking 7 and 8 could be Metal fight (especially with all of the MFB memes involved with part 7) but yeah that’s cool (I was just thinking about part 7 and 8 and maybe it could be MFB burst since they are getting their own system but you should do what you want to do Smile )
As a reminder folks, I won't stand for rudeness here. Play nice, bladers. Smile
Time to critique the fanfic critique’s fanfic

Grammar: solid 5/5 (haven’t seen this good grammar in a while)

Length: 5/5

Plot: 5/5 (it’s Jojo’s and I love Jojo’s)

Characters: 5/5 (once again it’s a jojo’s parody, Jonathan best Jojo)

Dialogue: 5/5 (just like actual Jojo’s you feel the dialogue)

How well is it remade: solid 4.5 (it is remade pretty well, I just don’t like how beys are kind of like stands where if the bey takes damage so does the user, we’re not there yet).

Overall:
A well-deserved 29.5 (and I’m not being like oh good story to make you feel better, you actually deserve it). It has good grammar and it manages to tell the story well, which is where most spin-offs tend to fail. Length is just right and the plot and characters are Jojo’s so yeah.
Thank you for the review Jupiter! On that thought, if you would like to CheetoBlader you can critique my story if you would like to.
Grammar: 5/5. While there is a missing period or punctuation mark here and there, but I won’t count that because everything else is good. it’s pretty much perfect in grammar.

Length: 5/5. A nice chapter length, enough to get stuff in without rushing things, and add detail.

Plot: 4/5. While it is pretty good and entertaining, and will keep you at the edge of your seat, I’m assuming the plot is based off of JJBA, so that’s why I took a point off.

Characters: 4/5. Characters are good and all, but same reasons as above for the point off.

Dialogue: 5/5. I think many lines are altered, so yeah. Pretty good.

Overall: 23/25. Really good, but being based off of JJBA just lowers it just a bit, due to being unoriginal. Let me know if that’s inaccurate though. Really good translation into Burst, near perfect. Would write more but I have two art projects to do lol