Faceless (Story) {CHAPTER 6!!!}

Poll: Is this a good story

Pretty good. I'll keep reading
Meh. Not great.
Total: 100% 2 vote(s)
Hello everyone. It's been a long time since I've been on the WBO and it's been a long time since i've written a story. So with the new year I've decided to start on a new story.

Also this story is not about Beyblade. So hopefully you'll be seeing a more exciting and better-written storyline than my other story.

Well, enough of my long winded rant. Go ahead and start reading. Enjoy!

Chapter 1 (Click to View)
Chapter 2 (Click to View)
Chapter 3 (Click to View)
Chapter 4 (Click to View)
Chapter 5 (Click to View)
Chapter 6 (Click to View)
Oh, ur back...

DeX is no longer DeX, but the YC GFX famous Synth XD

Well, CnC...
your vocab is above average here, grammar and stuff is also good. The plot however, isn't defined. What is the aim. The first chapter usually sets the mood for the entire book, the initial mission, the goal. This is more like a short story.

Other than that, KIU pretty good with the suspense and stuff.
You don't seem too happy about me being back XD

Anyway, i get what you mean. I get that sort of critisism. The opening is a new type I want to try out. I dont want to ruin anything so I'll try to explain it without giving away too much. Just in case im gonna put a spoiler in.
So thats why it's a strange opening. I was expecting some comments on it but hopefully later in the story things become clearer. I don't understand you're short story comment really to be honest, but thanks for the critisism anyway. Is there anything I could do to improve the opening without changing the basic concept within it.
Oh, I'm glad you're back -.- just my way of showing emotions in messages I guess Tongue_out

Yeah, I know what that is. I am pretty much doing the first 3 acts of my "egoistic" novel like that.
Finally you're back. Ha. Anyway, nice opening and the way you described the faceless guy was above great. (Though I can't stop thinking about the Slenderman everytime I read it.) Very nice description as well. Keep it up.
Oh ok. I'm glad you get it now.

So is there anything i can do to improve it without changing that concept?

Yeah I may have based the appearance off of Slenderman. But the backstory will be completely different. I guess thoughts of Slender will get people more scared
Yes, there can be flashbacks, extending the length and adding more mystery and suspense to it Wink
Okay, I will think about it. It's a very good idea and i will try to include it as soon as possible.
Quick tip:

Call "Chapter 1" Prologue. Usually, the prologue is set farther in time. It helps establish some type of foundation/background information.
I really didn't think about that. Yes, that's a very good idea. I'll edit that right away
Chapter 2 is out now! I know it's a really long chapter, but hopefully it's exciting. Please feel free to comment. It really helps me out.
Nice. Really great chapter. Not really that long so don't worry. Anyway, I like the way you describe things in here. Lots of words, which I like. The weird mystery of the faceless really maes you read on. Of course, here are more chapters to come so I'll end here. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for commenting, it really drives me on to keep writing. I meant its significantly longer than the other two chapters. I'll try to maintain the same standard of work for my other chapters.
Chapter 3 is finished. I decided to follow up Chapter 2 with a slightly shorter Chapter. Hopefully it's still pretty interesting to anyone who's actually reading. And please if you have anything to say about the story then comment!
This is getting really freaky... Seriously.

I love it, you've improved lots!

You could work on dialogue spacing, as well as the descriptions, they are detailed, but rather, 'list-like.'

I really am nit picking on this Grin

But the plot is creepy, I need moar! MOAR! Grin Great job!

Oh and btw, I kinda got lost, but meh, it's a habit of mine.
Thanks for the comment. I have been told that my descriptions are slightly weary but the dialouge spacing is new so thank you for pointing that out. I will take extra care to work on those two things.

If you think the plot is creepy now just wait! It gets A LOT creepier. If you want more then you're going to get more than you bargained for. Tongue_out

Anyway thanks for the comment. It really does help. Hopefully you'll keep reading. Thanks again.

Don't forget to add in-depth character development and adrenaline-rushing action as well, like a 'death-defying feat' or something on a lesser tone, but still rockin action.
I do have some exciting stuff planned later so just wait Wink. But how can I add in-depth character development specifically?
Chapter 4 is out now! It's creepy (yes, Kujikato it's creepy), it's emotional and I worked hard on it. So please comment.

I did try to make this chapter's description, less 'list-like' and hopefully that shows. Please Kujikato if I didnt avoid list-like description well enough then please feel free to tell me as with character development.

Also if there are any ideas or things I did in particular that really stood out for you please tell me, because then I can try to add more of that.

I can't stress this enough, please comment everyone. Any critism is good critism! So if you have read this story then please comment because at the moment it looks like only two people are actually reading this.

Anyway, hopefully you enjoy Chapter 4!
My name twice in your post? lol...

I did a quick overview, and boy is it freaky. Loving it.

I'll do some more in depth CnC tomorrow afternoon, I'm very busy right now. But as I can see, amazingly scary, sick stuff.
I'm glad you liked it. I tried to really tried to get the fear factor into this one. Hopefully it will get even scarier later on.
Chapter 6 is up. I just want to put out a question to anyone reading.
Should I have chapter names?
Enjoy the brand new chapter 6. Sorry that this chapter is a little late. Hopefully I can release the next one in about a week so look out.