Name:JAMES
Role:main character
Bey:meteo l drago/dragoon LW125 R2F
Special move: wind sabre rush/dragoon moves so fast it becomes invisible then creates a invisible tornado never knowing were its coming from it is almost impossible to dodge
Character description :Aj dosent usually get mad but if he does he will most likely transfer his rage into meteo l dragoon.

Name:Ian
Role:Main character #2
Bey:Hell pegasis BD230 RS
Special move: fire sabre rush/pegasis is launched into the air by the slope of the beystadium starts to ignite a flame in the air then rushes to hit the other beyblade.
Character description :Ian is always calm but is very strong.He is very quiet.
Aj's brother.




BEFORE YOU READ MY STORIE JUST KNOW MY GRAMMAR ISNT THE BEST SO PLEASE EXCUSE MY GRAMMAR.

Chapter 1:Meteor impact?
Aj get up we are going to be late for school Ian said alright I'm up I will get ready.
30 minutes later Aj and Ian were ready they left through the front door.When they were going to the bus stop they heard something when they looked up they saw a meteorite.AJ LOOK OUT!!!Ian Warned Aj.Ian shoved aj out of the way of the meteorite.As it impacted the earth It cracked inside were 2 beys Meteor l dragoon and hell pegasis.Hey ian which bey do you want?said Aj. Hmm... Hell pegasis.said Ian. Alright I will take meteo l dragoon wow not these beys don't seem normal.Said Ian. What the heck do you think it came out of a meteorite.Of course they are not normal they are special.Said Aj.Aj started walking to the bus stop.
AJ WAIT!!!Yelled Ian.What is the matter.Said Aj.Lets test them out! Said Ian.
Uhh...o..k...
3...2...1....GO SHOOT! the beys fell to the pavement.GOO DRAGOON!!GOO PEGASIS!!said Aj and Ian.
A Blue dragon came out of Meteo l dragoon.A red pegasis came out of hell pegasis.The two mythical animals fought clashed when it was all over their beys started glowing.Pegasis started glowing red.Dragoon started glowing yellow.WOW these beyblades are definitely special.
End chapter 1
Honest feedback please

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it pretty good so far when will you put up chap 2

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I like hms, how bout you?
Watch my vids on youtube. channel: Drakio1000

PRETTY GOOD!? Where do you see THAT? No quotation marks, no grammar, not a damn comma/semi-colon anywhere, this is just bad. And really? "AJ doesn't normally get mad, but when he does, he will most likely transfer his rage to Meteo L-Dragoon"? Mary-Sue/Cliche as hell, much?

Both characters have such good beys to start with? That screams mary-sue! Also, you could've incorperated all the extra info into the story if you wanted. And for reference, it's Meteo L-DRAGO. Not L-Dragoon. So I don't have to rant any longer, I'll just second what Temporal said.

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Youtube! l MA Bladers! l FiNal DrivE! l BlueBomberForums! l Dragon Adopters!

Spoiler (Click to View)

Person:"Brad, sign my launcher! Brad, sign everything I own!"
BeyBrad:"Did you see me sign that kid's shoe? He was like 'BRAD, CAN U SIGHN MAH SHOO?!' and I was like 'Yeeeaaahhh... ?'
CyberBlader27: Cant believe I missed Beyblade Crusade 2011... :( LMAO Quotes:

Spoiler (Click to View)

I beat my brother in an anime style way but i then found out that u cant use quick plays from your hand on your opponents turn.

Did you have duel disks? Or were you on motorcycles?

How do you make a evil Scorpio 100df and what parts do you need[/i]

seriously, just stop being so damn lazy.

purple ponies

Name: Seniel hatakashi
Nationality: American
Personality: Energetic, Friendly, Loyal, and Good humored, tempered
Age: 12
Team: none
Bey: Gravitate Pegasus (or spaţiu) AMGB 159 (Armored Magnetic Gravity Bowl) CS

ahem
what are you doing?

Name: Kastu Katsume
Nationality: American
Personality: Energetic, Friendly, Loyal, and Good humored
Age: 15
Team: none
Bey: Lunar Raven (or Corus) AMGB 155 (Armored Magnetic Gravity Bowl) CS

My biggest phobia is... wait for it... Dark Wolf.

Lol
Its to much strength to handle. Lol

Part of the day:

Spoiler (Click to View)

BD145 (Boost Disk 145)
* Weight: 8 grams

BD145 shares a similar trait with its partner Hell, in that, like Hell is one of the widest Metal Wheels ever released, BD145 is the widest Track ever. This Track is unique both because of its width and also its ability to change modes. Changing modes is similar to how it is done with SW145, however this time, instead of removing the changeable part from the bottom and flipping it, it is removed from the top and then flipped. BD145 has two modes:

* Normal Mode

In Normal Mode the "Boost Disk" sits lower on the Track, which causes most Beyblades to scrape the Beystadium floor easily due to the three downward facing protrusions. However, when using a taller Bottom such as RF, this tendency is lessened somewhat, and the wide diameter of BD145, while it is not able to necessarily provide Smash Attack, it assists in "pushing" the opposing Beyblade out of the Beystadium.

* Boost Mode

Boost Mode works exclusively in combination with Hell. The three upward facing protrusions on BD145 go past the bottom of the Metal Wheel into the gaps of Hell itself and unlike Normal Mode, there is absolutely no space between the Metal Wheel and Boost Disk. This mode has proven to be incredibly effective in Stamina, Defense, and even Attack customizations.
Use in Attack Customizations

Somewhat surprisingly, BD145 found use in Attack customizations such as MF Lightning L-Drago BD145LRF. The increased diameter allowed by BD145 makes it easier to strike the opposing Beyblade, and in combination with the high Smash Attack of Lightning L-Drago and the speed of LRF, this combination is deadly.
Use in Defense Customizations

BD145 is the heaviest Track available, and that along with the fact that it almost completely nullifies low Attackers makes it one of the best Defense Tracks available. It can be used in the custom MF-H Basalt Kerbecs BD145CS/MB.
Use in Balance Customization

Along with having great Stamina, the combo MF Hell Bull/Kerbecs BD145CS (Boost Mode) also has good Defense against Attackers which will be partially neutralized by both the wide, plastic "Boost Disk", and the rubber surrounding the sharp tip of CS.

Thank you Beywiki!

...Yup, looks like what I wanted to say has already been said. No grammar, too much dialogue, no description, mary sue, very cliche...

As an alternative, I can help write a chapter for you, or at least fix this one up if you'd like. My hope is that it will teach you better grammar and how to avoid cliches. So, if you'd like, my offer is on the table.

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"Life isn't about how hard you can hit;
it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"
{[YT]} [|BEYBLOG|] (â—ŠSoG-My Bookâ—Š)/<DA>\

PRETTY GOOD!? Where do you see THAT? No quotation marks, no grammar, not a damn comma/semi-colon anywhere, this is just bad. And really? "AJ doesn't normally get mad, but when he does, he will most likely transfer his rage to Meteo L-Dragoon"? Mary-Sue/Cliche as hell, much?

I know I already said what you said on another forum that he posted it on, I just didn't feel like saying it again, because he already saw what I said.

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I like hms, how bout you?
Watch my vids on youtube. channel: Drakio1000

this is SOOOOOOOOOOOO boring!hell pegasus!no such bey!(unless u combine hell carabyx with any pegasus bey)and for starters,i agree with the haters,your thread...
SUCKS BALLS!dont make another thread,please!!!!!!!!!if u do,i will ban u or change your password

this is SOOOOOOOOOOOO boring!hell pegasus!no such bey!(unless u combine hell carabyx with any pegasus bey)and for starters,i agree with the haters,your thread...
SUCKS BALLS!dont make another thread,please!!!!!!!!!if u do,i will ban u or change your password

Wow, this guy means serious business o.O

No, seriously, if you're going to criticize, at least back up your statements. You can make Hell Pegasis, because last time I checked Beyblade is about customizing. Your lack of back up makes it seem like you only insulted his thread because you wanted to join the "bandwagon".

P.S: You're not a mod, so no banning for you You also can't change passwords; not even mods can.

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"Yeah we're all going the same way down. I'm just trying to write it all down." - The Airborne Toxic Event

| Spectrum GFX Team | Beyblade: Redemption | PenPad Forums | Poké-Fusion Lab |

Honest feedback huh?
This story has no plot at all, It bored me too much, there was not much creativity, already using Meteo L-Drago, transferring rage, (you must extremely like ryuuga) and last of all, not word play, no dialogue, and no sentence fluency... Over all, this story is just really bad. And you may have put the disclaimer, but still, the grammar was horrid. This need loads of work.

PS: "Storie" is spelled Story, also need spelling work.

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Pretty good. I am now going to try to make a story.

Pretty good. I am now going to try to make a story.

Please don't unless you really want to write to improve, or have a firm grasp of the English language.

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"Yeah we're all going the same way down. I'm just trying to write it all down." - The Airborne Toxic Event

| Spectrum GFX Team | Beyblade: Redemption | PenPad Forums | Poké-Fusion Lab |

I smell a troll up there. Anyways, I stated how bad it is on Tempo, and I'll tell you again here. DON'T WRITE STORIES ON THE WEB UNTIL YOU LEARN PROPER GRAMMAR.

Or can spell Story. Really, you write like you're three. Also, Honchey. Bandwagon hate is NOT cool, man. Especially when you can't even make yourself seem intelligent while doing so.

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Pretty good. I am now going to try to make a story.

Do not try to advertise yourself. Also, read it. It is in no way "pretty good".

So much for the warning...

Well, they took the words right out of my mouth.

And i guess what's the problem here now: ITS THE ONE WHO COMMENTS HERE.

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Follow me on Twitter: @SynthGraphics

AND you spelt story wrong..

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I was qwertxj3

Spoiler (Click to View)

All credit goes to SDamonCronous for this awesome sig!
Check his shop! http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-SDamonCr...S-Now-Open
[img][/img]
Please click it! It needs your help to grow!
Call me Q3

What is wrong with all of you, you do not have to be ten to criticise this story. It only takes one person to tell him that he cannot spell and that the lack of punctuation is a real nuisance. If nobody else replies, then everybody else agrees, that is all.