OK I have good news and bad news.Bad news is I am not going to be here for a while,so chapter 4 will have to wait.Good news is when Im back,I'll post chapter 4 and 5.4 1 day and 5 the other!!!
Beyblade: Horogium,Master of Time
Poll: Like it?
| Yes |
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16 |
| No |
|
2 |
| Always Will |
|
6 |
| Never Will |
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3 |
| Not sure yet |
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8 |
| Total: | 100% | 35 vote(s) |
(Apr. 01, 2012 2:33 AM)Crax686 Wrote: OK I have good news and bad news.Bad news is I am not going to be here for a while,so chapter 4 will have to wait.Good news is when Im back,I'll post chapter 4 and 5.4 1 day and 5 the other!!!NVM that guys I am back.(WOW I keep making changes unexpectly.)Now for chapter 4 imma post it.(Possibly draft it)
The story continues from the end of chapter 3:
"3!" Asenjo called as both of us readied our launchers.
"2!" I shouted louder as my voice echoed around the area.
"1!"We both yelled with glee.
"Go shoot!!!" We both shouted as we launched our beys.
My Horogium shot into the middle of the stadium as Rumanis tried to attack.Rumanis shot at Horogium.It was dodged.Rumanis tried again.It was dodged again as Horogium shot at Rumanis as soon as the attack was dodged.
"Rumanis!!!" Asenjo cried as Rumanis was being trashed by Horogium.
Suddenly,Horogium stopped and started getting hit by Rumanis.It shot straight into the air,but zoomed back into the stadium.
"Horogium!!!" I called out."Special Move!Reverse Spin Time Counter!!!" Horogium shot at rumanis,sensing the direction in which it was spinning,and Horogium started to spin left!Horogium shot straight at Rumanis as Rumanis tried to escape,but instead,it shot out of the stadium,causing a stadium out.My bey flew back to my hand,while Rumanis was lying on the ground.It was smoking hot.So hot Asenjo couldn't even touch it for awhile.Just then,a shadow popped up out of nowhere,and it looked like it belonged to a familiar person in my life.
"Come on out!" I called out.There was no answer.No reaction
"Come out right now!!" I demanded with anger.
"Hey,no need to be so rude!" A random voice called out.The voice was familiar.The shadow started to move as a shadowy figure emerged from half light,half darkness.It finally,the figure was reflected by the light that was coming into it.
"I-i-it can't be!" I exclaimed in shock."Is that you,Ace!?"
"Yeah!" the figure said with glee.Vulcan and Asenjo both walked forward.
"Ace!It's you!" Vulcan said in excitement.
Asenjo then checked his watch.
"Vulcan,Jake.I gotta go!I'll see ya tomorrow!" Asenjo said as he searched for an exit.
"I gotta go to," I said.I went and searched for an exit.I then saw Asenjo.I started following him.We then found an exit.
"I guess it's just you and me!" Vulcan called out as Ace was standing at the other side of the stadium that me and Asenjo were battling in.
"Were gonna battle!" Ace demanded as he readied his launcher.
"Ok!" Vulcan exclaimed.
"Go Shoot!!!" Vulcan and Ace called out as they launched their beys.Not even a split second the battle was over,Vulcan and his bey lost.Vulcan Phoenix was shattered.Vulcan was on the ground,motionless,unconsious...
Chapter 4:The Familiar Shadow
"3!" Asenjo called as both of us readied our launchers.
"2!" I shouted louder as my voice echoed around the area.
"1!"We both yelled with glee.
"Go shoot!!!" We both shouted as we launched our beys.
My Horogium shot into the middle of the stadium as Rumanis tried to attack.Rumanis shot at Horogium.It was dodged.Rumanis tried again.It was dodged again as Horogium shot at Rumanis as soon as the attack was dodged.
"Rumanis!!!" Asenjo cried as Rumanis was being trashed by Horogium.
Suddenly,Horogium stopped and started getting hit by Rumanis.It shot straight into the air,but zoomed back into the stadium.
"Horogium!!!" I called out."Special Move!Reverse Spin Time Counter!!!" Horogium shot at rumanis,sensing the direction in which it was spinning,and Horogium started to spin left!Horogium shot straight at Rumanis as Rumanis tried to escape,but instead,it shot out of the stadium,causing a stadium out.My bey flew back to my hand,while Rumanis was lying on the ground.It was smoking hot.So hot Asenjo couldn't even touch it for awhile.Just then,a shadow popped up out of nowhere,and it looked like it belonged to a familiar person in my life.
"Come on out!" I called out.There was no answer.No reaction
"Come out right now!!" I demanded with anger.
"Hey,no need to be so rude!" A random voice called out.The voice was familiar.The shadow started to move as a shadowy figure emerged from half light,half darkness.It finally,the figure was reflected by the light that was coming into it.
"I-i-it can't be!" I exclaimed in shock."Is that you,Ace!?"
"Yeah!" the figure said with glee.Vulcan and Asenjo both walked forward.
"Ace!It's you!" Vulcan said in excitement.
Asenjo then checked his watch.
"Vulcan,Jake.I gotta go!I'll see ya tomorrow!" Asenjo said as he searched for an exit.
"I gotta go to," I said.I went and searched for an exit.I then saw Asenjo.I started following him.We then found an exit.
"I guess it's just you and me!" Vulcan called out as Ace was standing at the other side of the stadium that me and Asenjo were battling in.
"Were gonna battle!" Ace demanded as he readied his launcher.
"Ok!" Vulcan exclaimed.
"Go Shoot!!!" Vulcan and Ace called out as they launched their beys.Not even a split second the battle was over,Vulcan and his bey lost.Vulcan Phoenix was shattered.Vulcan was on the ground,motionless,unconsious...
Nice story wel2 you have a basalt 2 also me . Basalt has a spiral staircase of death
I have an character request!
Name: Jake Toshiko
Persona: Happy guy with white hair, black shoes, jeans, white jacket with red stripes and brown eyes.
Bey: Galaxy Susanoow 105 R2F.
Special move: Galaxy Light, a light comes from the sky and susanoow goes through it and get's amazing powers.
Name: Jake Toshiko
Persona: Happy guy with white hair, black shoes, jeans, white jacket with red stripes and brown eyes.
Bey: Galaxy Susanoow 105 R2F.
Special move: Galaxy Light, a light comes from the sky and susanoow goes through it and get's amazing powers.
![[Image: dragonbar_741525.png]](https://vle.dragonadopters.com/dragonbar_741525.png)
Why dont you put the chapters in the OP in spoilers? It would be easier to find the sections to your story.
![[Image: Travel+Edition%2521+Logo.png]](https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-7rJ624jn5qo/UXndII8u90I/AAAAAAAADow/ymAj78XlUqE/w522-h204/Travel+Edition%2521+Logo.png)
It's a good story, but dialogue should go like this:
“Hi Takara!†I shouted.
"Hello Pereko!†she replied.
Also, it's kinda weird, the way each chapter introduces a new character. Try to break the repetivity.
“Hi Takara!†I shouted.
"Hello Pereko!†she replied.
Also, it's kinda weird, the way each chapter introduces a new character. Try to break the repetivity.
![[Image: VOtj1.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/VOtj1.jpg)
(Apr. 30, 2012 4:55 PM)NPB Wrote: I have an character request!The name was taken from the main character.(me!)No,the last name wasn't taken but it would be hard to tell which Jake is which.Is it OK for me to change the name to "Jacob" so that it doesn't get mixed up?
Name: Jake Toshiko
Persona: Happy guy with white hair, black shoes, jeans, white jacket with red stripes and brown eyes.
Bey: Galaxy Susanoow 105 R2F.
Special move: Galaxy Light, a light comes from the sky and susanoow goes through it and get's amazing powers.
(May. 01, 2012 4:47 AM)Fakirs Duck Wrote: It's a good story, but dialogue should go like this:
“Hi Takara!†I shouted.
"Hello Pereko!†she replied.
Also, it's kinda weird, the way each chapter introduces a new character. Try to break the repetivity.
I may be introducing a new character next chapter,and every 2 chapters,I could introduce a new character?
Update:I have openoffice writer,so I can post chapters,and longer ones to!Lower news:I have a lot of school projects now so I may not have the full story finished by next September!
Since you're accepting Beyblades, here's something for your story.
Name: Shin Quetzalcoatl 90WF
Face: Quetzalcoatl
Wheel: Shin Quetzalcoatl (supposed to be the original version of the Quetzalcoatl Metal Wheel that was martyrized in the promo for the original L-Drago 105F Bey)
Track: 90
Bottom: WF
Name: Shin Quetzalcoatl 90WF
Face: Quetzalcoatl
Wheel: Shin Quetzalcoatl (supposed to be the original version of the Quetzalcoatl Metal Wheel that was martyrized in the promo for the original L-Drago 105F Bey)
Track: 90
Bottom: WF
Ok I'm back with more I'm going to post Chapter 5 and bring my story back to popularity! So sorry to bring such a long wait upon you guys
So I'm ready to get my story going again
Hope you still enjoy
So I'm ready to get my story going again
Hope you still enjoy