Beyblade Burst: Dynamite Battle (Rewrite)

SpeedySuomi here again. So, I decided to rewrite the entire story of DB out of pure spite, and I think you know who is gonna appear. But I suppose I'll change everything else and some of my own touches.


Chapter 1 - The Gates of Hell

interesting, this looks like its gonna be good
(Feb. 08, 2022  6:23 AM)SpeedySuomi Wrote: SpeedySuomi here again. So, I decided to rewrite the entire story of DB out of pure spite, and I think you know who is gonna appear. But I suppose I'll change everything else and some of my own touches.


Chapter 1 - The Gates of Hell

This is good, definitely excited for this, hopefully you can make Payne and Rashad better. Also will the legends have more reasons and stuff, like Shu appeared for like 2 seconds, and I'd love to see more Shu, Free and Lui.
(Feb. 08, 2022  6:23 AM)SpeedySuomi Wrote: SpeedySuomi here again. So, I decided to rewrite the entire story of DB out of pure spite, and I think you know who is gonna appear. But I suppose I'll change everything else and some of my own touches.


Chapter 1 - The Gates of Hell


As expected from SpeedySuomi, this is really good!
Chapter 2 - Smoke and Mirrors

Chapter 3 - Now You See Me

"Ranzo: Ooh-wee! ***This place looks louco!***"
I would have used "Que lugar massa!" (which translates to something like "what a awesome place") or "Que daora/maneiro!" (beysically "cool, awesome").
The "louco" feels outta place, I do know what you meant by it, but it just don't fit very well on the half english sentence.
2nd option would be adding "..." between "looks" and "louco" to show he didn’t found the word for that and used the portuguese one.
Also, good job with the expressions, all of them fit well (except the one above) imo
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And about the whole rewrite, I think it is going well.
(Feb. 27, 2022  4:27 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote: "Ranzo: Ooh-wee! ***This place looks louco!***"
I would have used "Que lugar massa!" (which translates to something like "what a awesome place") or "Que daora/maneiro!" (beysically "cool, awesome").
The "louco" feels outta place, I do know what you meant by it, but it just don't fit very well on the half english sentence.
2nd option would be adding "..." between "looks" and "louco" to show he didn’t found the word for that and used the portuguese one.
Also, good job with the expressions, all of them fit well (except the one above) imo
.
And about the whole rewrite, I think it is going well.

Yeah, my bad. I was using DeepL because it seems like Ranzo's part-Brazilian so he'd definitely know Brazilian Portuguese. (I kinda saw this coming from a mile away too)

(Feb. 28, 2022  1:58 AM)SpeedySuomi Wrote:
(Feb. 27, 2022  4:27 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote: "Ranzo: Ooh-wee! ***This place looks louco!***"
I would have used "Que lugar massa!" (which translates to something like "what a awesome place") or "Que daora/maneiro!" (beysically "cool, awesome").
The "louco" feels outta place, I do know what you meant by it, but it just don't fit very well on the half english sentence.
2nd option would be adding "..." between "looks" and "louco" to show he didn’t found the word for that and used the portuguese one.
Also, good job with the expressions, all of them fit well (except the one above) imo
.
And about the whole rewrite, I think it is going well.

Yeah, my bad. I was using DeepL because it seems like Ranzo's part-Brazilian so he'd definitely know Brazilian Portuguese. (I kinda saw this coming from a mile away too)

.
It happens, you can't get most expressions or vocabulary when translating english 
(example: "que massa" = cool, but if you do the reverse you'll get "legal" or "frio" (which is cold))
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Portuguese (br) is just pretty weird, I'm actually glad it is not confirmed which area from Brazil he is from, because you would have a bad time depending on the location. The north-ish is a nightmare to translate lo, too many unique expressions with unique words.
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But at least you only messed up one in idk how many you did, so those are good odds.
Huh, this looks pretty good so far! I'm not usually into canon rewrites, but the way you're doing it cuts on the meaningless filler and puts more emphasis on character depth and mechanic detail, which is quite the good thing. I'll be sure to follow, even if with just a like.