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+--- Thread: Beyblade Burst: Dynamite Battle (Rewrite) (/Thread-Beyblade-Burst-Dynamite-Battle-Rewrite)
Beyblade Burst: Dynamite Battle (Rewrite) - SpeedySuomi - Feb. 08, 2022
SpeedySuomi here again. So, I decided to rewrite the entire story of DB out of pure spite, and I think you know who is gonna appear. But I suppose I'll change everything else and some of my own touches.
Chapter 1 - The Gates of Hell
Spoiler (Click to View)
In the middle of the night, two children walked past a dark forest, filled with dead trees and darkness.
Hannah...?
The blue-haired boy said, seemingly concerned.
What is it, Basara-nii? Don't tell me you're scared again?
Hannah, the girl, replied with a smug tone.
Basara: I-I'm not! But, are you really sure we're going the right way?
Hannah looked at her tablet, then to Basara once more with a smile.
Hannah: Yep! We're on the right track!
She went on ahead afterward, leaving her brother behind.
Basara: Hey, wait for me!
The siblings ran across the forest, with Basara trying to catch her sister.
Basara: I'm telling you, wait up!
While trying to catch her they left the forest they were in and were greeted by something they weren't expecting.
Hannah: This is...
Basara eventually caught up with her.
Basara: Hey, Hannah! Don't go without... telling me.
...
[Basara's Perspective]
This house- no, mansion... is this what I think it is?
Hannah: The rumors were true... this must be the "Gates of Hell"!
Hannah was ecstatic, her eyes lit up just by seeing the old, decrepit mansion.
Basara: I-it does look like it.
Hannah: Well, what are we waiting for?! Come on!
She dragged her brother along with her, running for the mansion.
Basara: Huh? H-Hannah, stop!
Fortunately for Basara, Hannah stopped.
Basara: What if we don't make it out of there? Who's gonna help us?
Hannah looked at her brother with the same expression she had earlier.
Hannah: Don't worry about that, it's gonna be alright! We're in this together, remember?
Basara: But still...
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
From afar, a metallic sound and a blood-curdling scream was heard.
Basara: AH! Wh-what was that?!
Hannah responded with a smile, albeit nervously.
Hannah: Ah- uh... i-it's just some sound effects! I'm sure of it!
Basara: I knew this would be a bad idea, let's just go home!
Hannah: N-no, it's a fake. Definitely!
A person left the mansion, running for dear life and panicking.
Basara: Hirota?!
He stopped to talk with him.
Hirota: Basara?
Basara: W-what happened?!
Hirota: Dude, you better get out of here! This place is genuinely bad news!
He spoke with a distressed tone of voice, trembling in fear.
Basara: Huh?
Hirota: I-I don't want to talk right now, I wanna go home!
Hirota ran away, screaming in terror.
Hirota: Mom!!!
His voice slowly faded away as he walked back into the path where they came from, and silence ensued between the siblings.
This is a big red flag... I really need to get out of here, quick!
Basara: Hey, let's get out of here, shall we?
Hannah swiftly interrupted him with a joyful response.
Hannah: Did you see that? He came out alive and well!
I wouldn't say the same for his mental state though!
Basara: Alive and well?! He's gonna lose sleep for the next few nights! There are monsters in there, we should really go back!
Basara replied, irritated by his sister's remarks.
Hannah: But still, we've come so far to turn back right now. Come on, Basara-nii!
Hannah looked at him with puppy eyes.
Darn you, Hannah...
Basara sighed in dismay.
Basara: F-fine... but we'll have to get out when something-
Another scream came out from the house, and so did another person.
I'm not coming back to this place EVER AGAIN!!!
The boy ran out of the house and into the forest, like with Hirota earlier.
Basara: Okay, that's our cue. Let's leave-
Hannah: I disagree, I'm taking the challenge and I'm going in! This is gonna be fun!
Hannah dashed for the mansion as quickly as possible.
Basara: Ah! Hannah!
Basara once again tried to catch Hannah.
I swear, that girl!
Basara: Get back here! You're going to regret this!
Hannah eventually reached the doors and opened them, with Basara following behind.
Basara: Hannah, come back!
Basara stood behind her as she turned out her flashlight.
Hannah: Woah... amazing.
The mansion's interior was, strangely enough, furnished very well. There were stairs in front of them, which had clean carpets, and even though there were heads of gargoyles & demons made of stone across the pillars, that didn't take away from the elegance of the mansion.
I'm actually surprised, this house is well-made.
Basara: The interior looks really detailed, but this isn't an amusement park though. It's a real haunted house...
Hannah pumped her fists.
Hannah: Which makes it even better! Seeing real demons are going to be amazing!
They walked inside the mansion, and the door instantly shut on their backs.
Basara: The doors!
Basara and Hannah were startled and stared at the doors in shock.
They closed... wait, they closed?!
Basara ran for the door and pulled on its knobs.
Basara: Open up!
Hannah: Y-you're such a wimp, big brother!
Hannah nervously insulted her brother, who was frantically trying to get out.
Basara: Of course, I'd be scared! We're trapped inside a real haunted mansion! How am I supposed to react?!
Hannah pointed her flashlight at his face, and Basara looked at her with a scared expression.
Hannah: Ah!
She jumped back and threw her flashlight on accident, breaking it.
Hannah: T-the flashlight... it won't turn on.
Basara came up to check on Hannah.
Basara: This is all your fault!
Hannah: All my fault?! Why'd you make that face at me then, huh?
Basara: Face?!
Hannah: Yes! You made that face a ghost makes!
Basara raised his tone.
Basara: I'm desperately trying to get out of here, what were you expecting?!
His voice echoed across the room, implying it was empty.
Hannah: Whatever, let's get going. There's no other way out of here.
No other choice, huh...
Basara and Hannah walked up the stairs together and were greeted by a gigantic statue of a demon that was sitting down. Its horns were large, and its wings even more so.
Hannah: Creepy, who could've made this place?
Basara: I don't know, but whoever owned or made this place must be very wealthy.
Hannah: I agree, the statue looks amazing though.
Basara gulped and muttered to himself.
Basara: N-not really.
They gazed at the statue one more time and went to the right.
Why do I feel like... something's glaring at me...
Basara turned around and looked at the statue once more.
Basara: That thing, is it observing us?
Hannah looked back to the statue along with her brother.
Hannah: It must be your imagination, let's keep going.
...
They walked up the stairs and entered an empty corridor.
Hannah: Ghost, ghost~! Come out, come out wherever you are!
Hannah looked around her surroundings nervously.
Hannah: Come on out!
After a moment of silence, she burst out.
Hannah: GET OVER HERE!
At a moment's notice, Basara covered her sister's mouth to shut her up.
Basara: Stop that! Quiet down!
Hannah tried to speak but it was muffled. Basara eventually let go of Hannah though.
Hannah: Jeez, it's because you're such a scaredy-cat, the ghost's starting to become upset! If you wanna see them, then you have to talk with them.
As she was talking, small things in the air approached them.
Hannah: Don't be afraid, open your mind and-
One of them touched the nape of Hannah, greatly startling her.
Hannah: T-t-the ghost is here!
Basara: W-where!?
Hannah and Basara jumped in fear and began to sprint away as quickly as possible.
Basara: Where is it?!
Hannah: I-I don't know!
As they ran, a child's laughter could be heard echoing across the halls.
Basara: Is that it?!
Hannah: It must be!
The laughter they heard became gradually deeper and distorted, akin to that of the devil's laugh.
Basara: That's definitely it!
Hannah: Yeah! But why did you start running all of a sudden?!
Basara: It was your fault this time! You just jumped out of nowhere!
Hannah: We're doing this again?! No! It wasn't my fault!
They continued to run, but they didn't feel anything underneath them.
What the?
...
Everything seemed to slow down for Basara, and when he looked down, he saw nothing but a void.
Basara: A hole?!
The two fell inside of it and slid through what seemed to be a vent reminiscent of the Catacombs.
Basara (screaming): What is this place!?
Hannah (screaming): Why are you asking me?!
As they slid down further and further, skeletal hands began growing out of the walls.
Basara: Dead bodies!
Hannah shrieked in terror.
Hannah: I AM SORRY!
It was like they were in a tomb until they eventually left the shaft.
Basara (prolonged): No!
They landed safely but were met with a pitch-black room.
Where am I...?
Basara: What is... wait, Hannah!
Hannah: Over here, Basara-nii!
Hannah called out to him.
Basara: A-are you alright?
Hannah: Yes! But this house definitely isn't!
Basara checked up on her and looked around his surroundings.
There's absolutely nothing...
He thought there would be nothing until he heard the sound of footsteps.
Footsteps?
They stood there, paralyzed in fear as the footsteps became louder and louder.
Basara: What's happening?
The footsteps kept going, and from the corner of the room, black smoke appeared.
Hannah: Something's coming!
The footsteps were ever closer than before and eventually stopped.
...
Basara: It stopped...
The black smoke stopped moving and surrounded the place it was in, silence came afterward.
Hannah: So we all came here for nothing?
Basara: N-no, there has to be something...
They didn't notice it, but the smoke grew thicker and thicker.
...
And it moved.
...
Forward.
...
Covering the room in darkness.
...
Until.
Welcome, you fools.
A deep, demonic voice echoed across the room, similar to earlier, and laughed loudly.
Basara: The room!
The voice became louder and there appeared a large, demonic face in front of them that gleamed with a red light and accompanied the darkness of the room they were in.
So, do you enjoy being in Hell?
Basara: Huh?
The face had a monstrous smile on its face.
Do you enjoy being in Hell?!
The floor was suddenly unveiled, revealing multiple Bursted and broken Beys, some of which were rusted and had their paint worn down.
Basara: Beyblades?
Answer me.
Basara: H-huh? No! Let us leave!
The figure chuckled at Basara's remarks.
Direct, I like it. However...
The demon approached Basara and stared at him up close, with the same large grin on its face.
This will be the last time I'll be kind to you.
A vortex swirled around the center for a moment and revealed a stadium.
So we're going to have a battle? This is better than I thought!
Basara: A fight with the devil himself, huh? This should be interesting!
You'll regret ever walking into these gates, human.
Basara: Oh yeah? We'll see about that!
Basara revealed his Bey and showed it to the demon, who looked at it.
Basara: I'm gonna beat you down with my Bey, Death Solomon!
The demon gazed at the Bey, before Bursting out into laughter.
Haha! Moron! Do you think a fat Bey like that will defeat my power?
Basara: Fat? This thing packs a punch! You'll be the one who's gonna regret facing me!
Basara had a smile on his face while confronting the 'demon'.
That's what the others said before they met their demise, right here.
It stretched out its hands, or rather, claws.
You'll never defeat the Demon King.
Basara: We'll see about that!
Basara loaded his Bey onto his launcher, locking it in place.
Well then, let us begin.
A Beyblade appeared from the shadows, the demon holding it.
Basara: Thats your Bey?
Yes, now cower in fear... in the sight of Belial!
An awkward silence proceeded before both Hannah and Basara laughed at it.
Basara: Oh my goodness! It's so small!
Hannah: Yes! Those Beys you broke were probably just props!
As they laughed, so did the demon.
I'm impressed that you're still able to laugh in the face of adversity. But your laughter ends here.
This is gonna be a piece of cake!
Basara got into position, and the demon's eyes flashed a purple light for a moment.
Basara: Three!
Two!
(In unison): One... go shoot!
Both Beys landed on the stadium, with Solomon bouncing around as it landed while Belial fell down running without any loss of momentum.
He's quick, but that won't mean anything when I knock it out of this place!
Basara: Come on, Solomon!
I'm going to send you to hell. Now, Belial!
Both Beys circled around the stadium before meeting at the center, nearly missing each other by just an inch.
Basara: Go!
Solomon turned into Belial to hit it, sending it flying towards the edge of the stadium.
Basara: So much for sending me to 'hell'! You're so light!
The demon chuckled as Belial landed back on its feet without any problems at all.
Basara: Huh? Do it again, Solomon!
Solomon turned into Belial again, hitting it into the air.
Basara: There!
Belial landed fine once more, not even losing stamina from that hit or breaking balance whatsoever.
Is that all you can do?
Basara: Grr... don't give up!
Solomon pinned Belial down in the center with a relatively quick flurry of attacks.
Basara: Good, keep on going like that!
You're just wasting your time!
Belial tilted at an angle and disappeared all of a sudden.
He vanished!
Basara: Where are you?
What are you looking at? The beautiful meadows?
The demon caught his attention and saw that Belial was already on the other side of the stadium.
He's stupidly quick!
Basara: How did you- never mind. Get him, Death Solomon!
Solomon approached Belial but it vanished once more, this time being ahead of Solomon by a good margin.
Basara: Stop running away from me!
The demon laughed at him, ignoring his complaints, and only carried on with this game of tag.
These Sparking Beys that you have... this era of heavy, bulky Beys?
Belial kept on speeding up in a pattern similar to a 6-sided star, and instead of seeing a Bey what they saw was just a red streak of light.
It's all over.
Basara: He's going even faster?! That's impossible!
It is, in the hands of the Demon King!
The star gradually began to fade away as Belial approached Solomon, which was pinned in the center.
Now, perish!
Belial slammed against Solomon, engulfed in red light.
Dynamite Bomber!
An explosion was produced and Bursted Solomon, blasting it towards Basara while black claws began to pull Basara and Hannah away.
Basara: H-huh?! No!
The demon laughed at them, and it slowly disappeared as they were dragged away.
Basara: AHH!
Basara continued screaming, but Hannah wasn't heard.
Hannah: Basara-nii, big bro!
Basara: Ah!!..? What?
They looked around and saw that they were outside the mansion, with Solomon's parts being in front of him.
Basara: What just happened again?
Hannah: I don't know, but it looks like we were kicked out of the mansion!
Basara gazed at Solomon, which was lying on the ground.
That demon, he's a strong Blader. But that must mean someone's behind this!
Basara: Hey, Hannah?
Hannah: Hm?
Basara: I think we should go back here tomorrow morning.
[To Be Contnued...]
RE: Beyblade Burst: Dynamite Battle (Rewrite) - DJCAT8608 - Feb. 08, 2022
interesting, this looks like its gonna be good
RE: Beyblade Burst: Dynamite Battle (Rewrite) - beansworth - Feb. 08, 2022
(Feb. 08, 2022 6:23 AM)SpeedySuomi Wrote: SpeedySuomi here again. So, I decided to rewrite the entire story of DB out of pure spite, and I think you know who is gonna appear. But I suppose I'll change everything else and some of my own touches.This is good, definitely excited for this, hopefully you can make Payne and Rashad better. Also will the legends have more reasons and stuff, like Shu appeared for like 2 seconds, and I'd love to see more Shu, Free and Lui.
Chapter 1 - The Gates of Hell
Spoiler (Click to View)
In the middle of the night, two children walked past a dark forest, filled with dead trees and darkness.
Hannah...?
The green-haired boy said, seemingly concerned.
What is it, Basara-nii? Don't tell me you're scared again?
Hannah, the girl, replied with a smug tone.
Basara: I-I'm not! But, are you really sure we're going the right way?
Hannah looked at her tablet, then to Basara once more with a smile.
Hannah: Yep! We're on the right track!
She went on ahead afterward, leaving her brother behind.
Basara: Hey, wait for me!
The siblings ran across the forest, with Basara trying to catch her sister.
Basara: I'm telling you, wait up!
While trying to catch her they left the forest they were in and were greeted by something they weren't expecting.
Hannah: This is...
Basara eventually caught up with her.
Basara: Hey, Hannah! Don't go without... telling me.
...
[Basara's Perspective]
This house- no, mansion... is this what I think it is?
Hannah: The rumors were true... this must be the "Gates of Hell"!
Hannah was ecstatic, her eyes lit up just by seeing the old, decrepit mansion.
Basara: I-it does look like it.
Hannah: Well, what are we waiting for?! Come on!
She dragged her brother along with her, running for the mansion.
Basara: Huh? H-Hannah, stop!
Fortunately for Basara, Hannah stopped.
Basara: What if we don't make it out of there? Who's gonna help us?
Hannah looked at her brother with the same expression she had earlier.
Hannah: Don't worry about that, it's gonna be alright! We're in this together, remember?
Basara: But still...
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
From afar, a metallic sound and a blood-curdling scream was heard.
Basara: AH! Wh-what was that?!
Hannah responded with a smile, albeit nervously.
Hannah: Ah- uh... i-it's just some sound effects! I'm sure of it!
Basara: I knew this would be a bad idea, let's just go home!
Hannah: N-no, it's a fake. Definitely!
A person left the mansion, running for dear life and panicking.
Basara: Hirota?!
He stopped to talk with him.
Hirota: Basara?
Basara: W-what happened?!
Hirota: Dude, you better get out of here! This place is genuinely bad news!
He spoke with a distressed tone of voice, trembling in fear.
Basara: Huh?
Hirota: I-I don't want to talk right now, I wanna go home!
Hirota ran away, screaming in terror.
Hirota: Mom!!!
His voice slowly faded away as he walked back into the path where they came from, and silence ensued between the siblings.
This is a big red flag... I really need to get out of here, quick!
Basara: Hey, let's get out of here, shall we?
Hannah swiftly interrupted him with a joyful response.
Hannah: Did you see that? He came out alive and well!
I wouldn't say the same for his mental state though!
Basara: Alive and well?! He's gonna lose sleep for the next few nights! There are monsters in there, we should really go back!
Basara replied, irritated by his sister's remarks.
Hannah: But still, we've come so far to turn back right now. Come on, Basara-nii!
Hannah looked at him with puppy eyes.
Darn you, Hannah...
Basara sighed in dismay.
Basara: F-fine... but we'll have to get out when something-
Another scream came out from the house, and so did another person.
I'm not coming back to this place EVER AGAIN!!!
The boy ran out of the house and into the forest, like with Hirota earlier.
Basara: Okay, that's our cue. Let's leave-
Hannah: I disagree, I'm taking the challenge and I'm going in! This is gonna be fun!
Hannah dashed for the mansion as quickly as possible.
Basara: Ah! Hannah!
Basara once again tried to catch Hannah.
I swear, that girl!
Basara: Get back here! You're going to regret this!
Hannah eventually reached the doors and opened them, with Basara following behind.
Basara: Hannah, come back!
Basara stood behind her as she turned out her flashlight.
Hannah: Woah... amazing.
The mansion's interior was, strangely enough, furnished very well. There were stairs in front of them, which had clean carpets, and even though there were heads of gargoyles & demons made of stone across the pillars, that didn't take away from the elegance of the mansion.
I'm actually surprised, this house is well-made.
Basara: The interior looks really detailed, but this isn't an amusement park though. It's a real haunted house...
Hannah pumped her fists.
Hannah: Which makes it even better! Seeing real demons are going to be amazing!
They walked inside the mansion, and the door instantly shut on their backs.
Basara: The doors!
Basara and Hannah were startled and stared at the doors in shock.
They closed... wait, they closed?!
Basara ran for the door and pulled on its knobs.
Basara: Open up!
Hannah: Y-you're such a wimp, big brother!
Hannah nervously insulted her brother, who was frantically trying to get out.
Basara: Of course, I'd be scared! We're trapped inside a real haunted mansion! How am I supposed to react?!
Hannah pointed her flashlight at his face, and Basara looked at her with a scared expression.
Hannah: Ah!
She jumped back and threw her flashlight on accident, breaking it.
Hannah: T-the flashlight... it won't turn on.
Basara came up to check on Hannah.
Basara: This is all your fault!
Hannah: All my fault?! Why'd you make that face at me then, huh?
Basara: Face?!
Hannah: Yes! You made that face a ghost makes!
Basara raised his tone.
Basara: I'm desperately trying to get out of here, what were you expecting?!
His voice echoed across the room, implying it was empty.
Hannah: Whatever, let's get going. There's no other way out of here.
No other choice, huh...
Basara and Hannah walked up the stairs together and were greeted by a gigantic statue of a demon that was sitting down. Its horns were large, and its wings even more so.
Hannah: Creepy, who could've made this place?
Basara: I don't know, but whoever owned or made this place must be very wealthy.
Hannah: I agree, the statue looks amazing though.
Basara gulped and muttered to himself.
Basara: N-not really.
They gazed at the statue one more time and went to the right.
Why do I feel like... something's glaring at me...
Basara turned around and looked at the statue once more.
Basara: That thing, is it observing us?
Hannah looked back to the statue along with her brother.
Hannah: It must be your imagination, let's keep going.
...
They walked up the stairs and entered an empty corridor.
Hannah: Ghost, ghost~! Come out, come out wherever you are!
Hannah looked around her surroundings nervously.
Hannah: Come on out!
After a moment of silence, she burst out.
Hannah: GET OVER HERE!
At a moment's notice, Basara covered her sister's mouth to shut her up.
Basara: Stop that! Quiet down!
Hannah tried to speak but it was muffled. Basara eventually let go of Hannah though.
Hannah: Jeez, it's because you're such a scaredy-cat, the ghost's starting to become upset! If you wanna see them, then you have to talk with them.
As she was talking, small things in the air approached them.
Hannah: Don't be afraid, open your mind and-
One of them touched the nape of Hannah, greatly startling her.
Hannah: T-t-the ghost is here!
Basara: W-where!?
Hannah and Basara jumped in fear and began to sprint away as quickly as possible.
Basara: Where is it?!
Hannah: I-I don't know!
As they ran, a child's laughter could be heard echoing across the halls.
Basara: Is that it?!
Hannah: It must be!
The laughter they heard became gradually deeper and distorted, akin to that of the devil's laugh.
Basara: That's definitely it!
Hannah: Yeah! But why did you start running all of a sudden?!
Basara: It was your fault this time! You just jumped out of nowhere!
Hannah: We're doing this again?! No! It wasn't my fault!
They continued to run, but they didn't feel anything underneath them.
What the?
...
Everything seemed to slow down for Basara, and when he looked down, he saw nothing but a void.
Basara: A hole?!
The two fell inside of it and slid through what seemed to be a vent reminiscent of the Catacombs.
Basara (screaming): What is this place!?
Hannah (screaming): Why are you asking me?!
As they slid down further and further, skeletal hands began growing out of the walls.
Basara: Dead bodies!
Hannah shrieked in terror.
Hannah: I AM SORRY!
It was like they were in a tomb until they eventually left the shaft.
Basara (prolonged): No!
They landed safely but were met with a pitch-black room.
Where am I...?
Basara: What is... wait, Hannah!
Hannah: Over here, Basara-nii!
Hannah called out to him.
Basara: A-are you alright?
Hannah: Yes! But this house definitely isn't!
Basara checked up on her and looked around his surroundings.
There's absolutely nothing...
He thought there would be nothing until he heard the sound of footsteps.
Footsteps?
They stood there, paralyzed in fear as the footsteps became louder and louder.
Basara: What's happening?
The footsteps kept going, and from the corner of the room, black smoke appeared.
Hannah: Something's coming!
The footsteps were ever closer than before and eventually stopped.
...
Basara: It stopped...
The black smoke stopped moving and surrounded the place it was in, silence came afterward.
Hannah: So we all came here for nothing?
Basara: N-no, there has to be something...
They didn't notice it, but the smoke grew thicker and thicker.
...
And it moved.
...
Forward.
...
Covering the room in darkness.
...
Until.
Welcome, you fools.
A deep, demonic voice echoed across the room, similar to earlier, and laughed loudly.
Basara: The room!
The voice became louder and there appeared a large, demonic face in front of them that gleamed with a red light and accompanied the darkness of the room they were in.
So, do you enjoy being in Hell?
Basara: Huh?
The face had a monstrous smile on its face.
Do you enjoy being in Hell?!
The floor was suddenly unveiled, revealing multiple Bursted and broken Beys, some of which were rusted and had their paint worn down.
Basara: Beyblades?
Answer me.
Basara: H-huh? No! Let us leave!
The figure chuckled at Basara's remarks.
Direct, I like it. However...
The demon approached Basara and stared at him up close, with the same large grin on its face.
This will be the last time I'll be kind to you.
A vortex swirled around the center for a moment and revealed a stadium.
So we're going to have a battle? This is better than I thought!
Basara: A fight with the devil himself, huh? This should be interesting!
You'll regret ever walking into these gates, human.
Basara: Oh yeah? We'll see about that!
Basara revealed his Bey and showed it to the demon, who looked at it.
Basara: I'm gonna beat you down with my Bey, Death Solomon!
The demon gazed at the Bey, before Bursting out into laughter.
Haha! Moron! Do you think a fat Bey like that will defeat my power?
Basara: Fat? This thing packs a punch! You'll be the one who's gonna regret facing me!
Basara had a smile on his face while confronting the 'demon'.
That's what the others said before they met their demise, right here.
It stretched out its hands, or rather, claws.
You'll never defeat the Demon King.
Basara: We'll see about that!
Basara loaded his Bey onto his launcher, locking it in place.
Well then, let us begin.
A Beyblade appeared from the shadows, the demon holding it.
Basara: Thats your Bey?
Yes, now cower in fear... in the sight of Belial!
An awkward silence proceeded before both Hannah and Basara laughed at it.
Basara: Oh my goodness! It's so small!
Hannah: Yes! Those Beys you broke were probably just props!
As they laughed, so did the demon.
I'm impressed that you're still able to laugh in the face of adversity. But your laughter ends here.
This is gonna be a piece of cake!
Basara got into position, and the demon's eyes flashed a purple light for a moment.
Basara: Three!
Two!
(In unison): One... go shoot!
Both Beys landed on the stadium, with Solomon bouncing around as it landed while Belial fell down running without any loss of momentum.
He's quick, but that won't mean anything when I knock it out of this place!
Basara: Come on, Solomon!
I'm going to send you to hell. Now, Belial!
Both Beys circled around the stadium before meeting at the center, nearly missing each other by just an inch.
Basara: Go!
Solomon turned into Belial to hit it, sending it flying towards the edge of the stadium.
Basara: So much for sending me to 'hell'! You're so light!
The demon chuckled as Belial landed back on its feet without any problems at all.
Basara: Huh? Do it again, Solomon!
Solomon turned into Belial again, hitting it into the air.
Basara: There!
Belial landed fine once more, not even losing stamina from that hit or breaking balance whatsoever.
Is that all you can do?
Basara: Grr... don't give up!
Solomon pinned Belial down in the center with a relatively quick flurry of attacks.
Basara: Good, keep on going like that!
You're just wasting your time!
Belial tilted at an angle and disappeared all of a sudden.
He vanished!
Basara: Where are you?
What are you looking at? The beautiful meadows?
The demon caught his attention and saw that Belial was already on the other side of the stadium.
He's stupidly quick!
Basara: How did you- never mind. Get him, Death Solomon!
Solomon approached Belial but it vanished once more, this time being ahead of Solomon by a good margin.
Basara: Stop running away from me!
The demon laughed at him, ignoring his complaints, and only carried on with this game of tag.
These Sparking Beys that you have... this era of heavy, bulky Beys?
Belial kept on speeding up in a pattern similar to a 6-sided star, and instead of seeing a Bey what they saw was just a red streak of light.
Basara: He's going even faster?! That's impossible!
It is, in the hands of the Demon King!
The star gradually began to fade away as Belial approached Solomon, which was pinned in the center.
Now, perish!
Belial slammed against Solomon, engulfed in red light.
Dynamite Bomber!
An explosion was produced and Bursted Solomon, blasting it towards Basara while black claws began to pull Basara and Hannah away.
Basara: H-huh?! No!
The demon laughed at them, and it slowly disappeared as they were dragged away.
Basara: AHH!
Basara continued screaming, but Hannah wasn't heard.
Hannah: Basara-nii, big bro!
Basara: Ah!!..? What?
They looked around and saw that they were outside the mansion, with Solomon's parts being in front of him.
Basara: What just happened again?
Hannah: I don't know, but it looks like we were kicked out of the mansion!
Basara gazed at Solomon, which was lying on the ground.
That demon, he's a strong Blader. But that must mean someone's behind this!
Basara: Hey, Hannah?
Hannah: Hm?
Basara: I think we should go back here tomorrow morning.
[To Be Contnued...]
RE: Beyblade Burst: Dynamite Battle (Rewrite) - xros - Feb. 08, 2022
(Feb. 08, 2022 6:23 AM)SpeedySuomi Wrote: SpeedySuomi here again. So, I decided to rewrite the entire story of DB out of pure spite, and I think you know who is gonna appear. But I suppose I'll change everything else and some of my own touches.
Chapter 1 - The Gates of Hell
Spoiler (Click to View)
In the middle of the night, two children walked past a dark forest, filled with dead trees and darkness.
Hannah...?
The green-haired boy said, seemingly concerned.
What is it, Basara-nii? Don't tell me you're scared again?
Hannah, the girl, replied with a smug tone.
Basara: I-I'm not! But, are you really sure we're going the right way?
Hannah looked at her tablet, then to Basara once more with a smile.
Hannah: Yep! We're on the right track!
She went on ahead afterward, leaving her brother behind.
Basara: Hey, wait for me!
The siblings ran across the forest, with Basara trying to catch her sister.
Basara: I'm telling you, wait up!
While trying to catch her they left the forest they were in and were greeted by something they weren't expecting.
Hannah: This is...
Basara eventually caught up with her.
Basara: Hey, Hannah! Don't go without... telling me.
...
[Basara's Perspective]
This house- no, mansion... is this what I think it is?
Hannah: The rumors were true... this must be the "Gates of Hell"!
Hannah was ecstatic, her eyes lit up just by seeing the old, decrepit mansion.
Basara: I-it does look like it.
Hannah: Well, what are we waiting for?! Come on!
She dragged her brother along with her, running for the mansion.
Basara: Huh? H-Hannah, stop!
Fortunately for Basara, Hannah stopped.
Basara: What if we don't make it out of there? Who's gonna help us?
Hannah looked at her brother with the same expression she had earlier.
Hannah: Don't worry about that, it's gonna be alright! We're in this together, remember?
Basara: But still...
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
From afar, a metallic sound and a blood-curdling scream was heard.
Basara: AH! Wh-what was that?!
Hannah responded with a smile, albeit nervously.
Hannah: Ah- uh... i-it's just some sound effects! I'm sure of it!
Basara: I knew this would be a bad idea, let's just go home!
Hannah: N-no, it's a fake. Definitely!
A person left the mansion, running for dear life and panicking.
Basara: Hirota?!
He stopped to talk with him.
Hirota: Basara?
Basara: W-what happened?!
Hirota: Dude, you better get out of here! This place is genuinely bad news!
He spoke with a distressed tone of voice, trembling in fear.
Basara: Huh?
Hirota: I-I don't want to talk right now, I wanna go home!
Hirota ran away, screaming in terror.
Hirota: Mom!!!
His voice slowly faded away as he walked back into the path where they came from, and silence ensued between the siblings.
This is a big red flag... I really need to get out of here, quick!
Basara: Hey, let's get out of here, shall we?
Hannah swiftly interrupted him with a joyful response.
Hannah: Did you see that? He came out alive and well!
I wouldn't say the same for his mental state though!
Basara: Alive and well?! He's gonna lose sleep for the next few nights! There are monsters in there, we should really go back!
Basara replied, irritated by his sister's remarks.
Hannah: But still, we've come so far to turn back right now. Come on, Basara-nii!
Hannah looked at him with puppy eyes.
Darn you, Hannah...
Basara sighed in dismay.
Basara: F-fine... but we'll have to get out when something-
Another scream came out from the house, and so did another person.
I'm not coming back to this place EVER AGAIN!!!
The boy ran out of the house and into the forest, like with Hirota earlier.
Basara: Okay, that's our cue. Let's leave-
Hannah: I disagree, I'm taking the challenge and I'm going in! This is gonna be fun!
Hannah dashed for the mansion as quickly as possible.
Basara: Ah! Hannah!
Basara once again tried to catch Hannah.
I swear, that girl!
Basara: Get back here! You're going to regret this!
Hannah eventually reached the doors and opened them, with Basara following behind.
Basara: Hannah, come back!
Basara stood behind her as she turned out her flashlight.
Hannah: Woah... amazing.
The mansion's interior was, strangely enough, furnished very well. There were stairs in front of them, which had clean carpets, and even though there were heads of gargoyles & demons made of stone across the pillars, that didn't take away from the elegance of the mansion.
I'm actually surprised, this house is well-made.
Basara: The interior looks really detailed, but this isn't an amusement park though. It's a real haunted house...
Hannah pumped her fists.
Hannah: Which makes it even better! Seeing real demons are going to be amazing!
They walked inside the mansion, and the door instantly shut on their backs.
Basara: The doors!
Basara and Hannah were startled and stared at the doors in shock.
They closed... wait, they closed?!
Basara ran for the door and pulled on its knobs.
Basara: Open up!
Hannah: Y-you're such a wimp, big brother!
Hannah nervously insulted her brother, who was frantically trying to get out.
Basara: Of course, I'd be scared! We're trapped inside a real haunted mansion! How am I supposed to react?!
Hannah pointed her flashlight at his face, and Basara looked at her with a scared expression.
Hannah: Ah!
She jumped back and threw her flashlight on accident, breaking it.
Hannah: T-the flashlight... it won't turn on.
Basara came up to check on Hannah.
Basara: This is all your fault!
Hannah: All my fault?! Why'd you make that face at me then, huh?
Basara: Face?!
Hannah: Yes! You made that face a ghost makes!
Basara raised his tone.
Basara: I'm desperately trying to get out of here, what were you expecting?!
His voice echoed across the room, implying it was empty.
Hannah: Whatever, let's get going. There's no other way out of here.
No other choice, huh...
Basara and Hannah walked up the stairs together and were greeted by a gigantic statue of a demon that was sitting down. Its horns were large, and its wings even more so.
Hannah: Creepy, who could've made this place?
Basara: I don't know, but whoever owned or made this place must be very wealthy.
Hannah: I agree, the statue looks amazing though.
Basara gulped and muttered to himself.
Basara: N-not really.
They gazed at the statue one more time and went to the right.
Why do I feel like... something's glaring at me...
Basara turned around and looked at the statue once more.
Basara: That thing, is it observing us?
Hannah looked back to the statue along with her brother.
Hannah: It must be your imagination, let's keep going.
...
They walked up the stairs and entered an empty corridor.
Hannah: Ghost, ghost~! Come out, come out wherever you are!
Hannah looked around her surroundings nervously.
Hannah: Come on out!
After a moment of silence, she burst out.
Hannah: GET OVER HERE!
At a moment's notice, Basara covered her sister's mouth to shut her up.
Basara: Stop that! Quiet down!
Hannah tried to speak but it was muffled. Basara eventually let go of Hannah though.
Hannah: Jeez, it's because you're such a scaredy-cat, the ghost's starting to become upset! If you wanna see them, then you have to talk with them.
As she was talking, small things in the air approached them.
Hannah: Don't be afraid, open your mind and-
One of them touched the nape of Hannah, greatly startling her.
Hannah: T-t-the ghost is here!
Basara: W-where!?
Hannah and Basara jumped in fear and began to sprint away as quickly as possible.
Basara: Where is it?!
Hannah: I-I don't know!
As they ran, a child's laughter could be heard echoing across the halls.
Basara: Is that it?!
Hannah: It must be!
The laughter they heard became gradually deeper and distorted, akin to that of the devil's laugh.
Basara: That's definitely it!
Hannah: Yeah! But why did you start running all of a sudden?!
Basara: It was your fault this time! You just jumped out of nowhere!
Hannah: We're doing this again?! No! It wasn't my fault!
They continued to run, but they didn't feel anything underneath them.
What the?
...
Everything seemed to slow down for Basara, and when he looked down, he saw nothing but a void.
Basara: A hole?!
The two fell inside of it and slid through what seemed to be a vent reminiscent of the Catacombs.
Basara (screaming): What is this place!?
Hannah (screaming): Why are you asking me?!
As they slid down further and further, skeletal hands began growing out of the walls.
Basara: Dead bodies!
Hannah shrieked in terror.
Hannah: I AM SORRY!
It was like they were in a tomb until they eventually left the shaft.
Basara (prolonged): No!
They landed safely but were met with a pitch-black room.
Where am I...?
Basara: What is... wait, Hannah!
Hannah: Over here, Basara-nii!
Hannah called out to him.
Basara: A-are you alright?
Hannah: Yes! But this house definitely isn't!
Basara checked up on her and looked around his surroundings.
There's absolutely nothing...
He thought there would be nothing until he heard the sound of footsteps.
Footsteps?
They stood there, paralyzed in fear as the footsteps became louder and louder.
Basara: What's happening?
The footsteps kept going, and from the corner of the room, black smoke appeared.
Hannah: Something's coming!
The footsteps were ever closer than before and eventually stopped.
...
Basara: It stopped...
The black smoke stopped moving and surrounded the place it was in, silence came afterward.
Hannah: So we all came here for nothing?
Basara: N-no, there has to be something...
They didn't notice it, but the smoke grew thicker and thicker.
...
And it moved.
...
Forward.
...
Covering the room in darkness.
...
Until.
Welcome, you fools.
A deep, demonic voice echoed across the room, similar to earlier, and laughed loudly.
Basara: The room!
The voice became louder and there appeared a large, demonic face in front of them that gleamed with a red light and accompanied the darkness of the room they were in.
So, do you enjoy being in Hell?
Basara: Huh?
The face had a monstrous smile on its face.
Do you enjoy being in Hell?!
The floor was suddenly unveiled, revealing multiple Bursted and broken Beys, some of which were rusted and had their paint worn down.
Basara: Beyblades?
Answer me.
Basara: H-huh? No! Let us leave!
The figure chuckled at Basara's remarks.
Direct, I like it. However...
The demon approached Basara and stared at him up close, with the same large grin on its face.
This will be the last time I'll be kind to you.
A vortex swirled around the center for a moment and revealed a stadium.
So we're going to have a battle? This is better than I thought!
Basara: A fight with the devil himself, huh? This should be interesting!
You'll regret ever walking into these gates, human.
Basara: Oh yeah? We'll see about that!
Basara revealed his Bey and showed it to the demon, who looked at it.
Basara: I'm gonna beat you down with my Bey, Death Solomon!
The demon gazed at the Bey, before Bursting out into laughter.
Haha! Moron! Do you think a fat Bey like that will defeat my power?
Basara: Fat? This thing packs a punch! You'll be the one who's gonna regret facing me!
Basara had a smile on his face while confronting the 'demon'.
That's what the others said before they met their demise, right here.
It stretched out its hands, or rather, claws.
You'll never defeat the Demon King.
Basara: We'll see about that!
Basara loaded his Bey onto his launcher, locking it in place.
Well then, let us begin.
A Beyblade appeared from the shadows, the demon holding it.
Basara: Thats your Bey?
Yes, now cower in fear... in the sight of Belial!
An awkward silence proceeded before both Hannah and Basara laughed at it.
Basara: Oh my goodness! It's so small!
Hannah: Yes! Those Beys you broke were probably just props!
As they laughed, so did the demon.
I'm impressed that you're still able to laugh in the face of adversity. But your laughter ends here.
This is gonna be a piece of cake!
Basara got into position, and the demon's eyes flashed a purple light for a moment.
Basara: Three!
Two!
(In unison): One... go shoot!
Both Beys landed on the stadium, with Solomon bouncing around as it landed while Belial fell down running without any loss of momentum.
He's quick, but that won't mean anything when I knock it out of this place!
Basara: Come on, Solomon!
I'm going to send you to hell. Now, Belial!
Both Beys circled around the stadium before meeting at the center, nearly missing each other by just an inch.
Basara: Go!
Solomon turned into Belial to hit it, sending it flying towards the edge of the stadium.
Basara: So much for sending me to 'hell'! You're so light!
The demon chuckled as Belial landed back on its feet without any problems at all.
Basara: Huh? Do it again, Solomon!
Solomon turned into Belial again, hitting it into the air.
Basara: There!
Belial landed fine once more, not even losing stamina from that hit or breaking balance whatsoever.
Is that all you can do?
Basara: Grr... don't give up!
Solomon pinned Belial down in the center with a relatively quick flurry of attacks.
Basara: Good, keep on going like that!
You're just wasting your time!
Belial tilted at an angle and disappeared all of a sudden.
He vanished!
Basara: Where are you?
What are you looking at? The beautiful meadows?
The demon caught his attention and saw that Belial was already on the other side of the stadium.
He's stupidly quick!
Basara: How did you- never mind. Get him, Death Solomon!
Solomon approached Belial but it vanished once more, this time being ahead of Solomon by a good margin.
Basara: Stop running away from me!
The demon laughed at him, ignoring his complaints, and only carried on with this game of tag.
These Sparking Beys that you have... this era of heavy, bulky Beys?
Belial kept on speeding up in a pattern similar to a 6-sided star, and instead of seeing a Bey what they saw was just a red streak of light.
Basara: He's going even faster?! That's impossible!
It is, in the hands of the Demon King!
The star gradually began to fade away as Belial approached Solomon, which was pinned in the center.
Now, perish!
Belial slammed against Solomon, engulfed in red light.
Dynamite Bomber!
An explosion was produced and Bursted Solomon, blasting it towards Basara while black claws began to pull Basara and Hannah away.
Basara: H-huh?! No!
The demon laughed at them, and it slowly disappeared as they were dragged away.
Basara: AHH!
Basara continued screaming, but Hannah wasn't heard.
Hannah: Basara-nii, big bro!
Basara: Ah!!..? What?
They looked around and saw that they were outside the mansion, with Solomon's parts being in front of him.
Basara: What just happened again?
Hannah: I don't know, but it looks like we were kicked out of the mansion!
Basara gazed at Solomon, which was lying on the ground.
That demon, he's a strong Blader. But that must mean someone's behind this!
Basara: Hey, Hannah?
Hannah: Hm?
Basara: I think we should go back here tomorrow morning.
[To Be Continued...]
As expected from SpeedySuomi, this is really good!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Dynamite Battle (Rewrite) - SpeedySuomi - Feb. 14, 2022
Chapter 2 - Smoke and Mirrors
Spoiler (Click to View)
[Several hours earlier...]
A plane traveled across the sky, coming from Brazil. In it was a Blader, with tanned skin and bleached hair.
Japan, eh? The home of Blading...
He grabbed a lollipop and opened it, putting it in his mouth.
Well then... Japan? I'm lookin' forward to havin' a good time!
The plane continued forward to its destination.
[Basara's Perspective]
I still couldn't get over how strong that guy was...
Basara lied down on his bed, gazing at his Bey.
But is he actually a demon? Or is he a person?
Basara gazed at Solomon for a little longer, before resting his arms.
Basara: Am I really sure if I wanna go back there?
Someone opened the door to his room, it was Hannah.
Hannah: Basara-nii, are you going to leave now?
Basara: I don't really know, to be honest with you. I only battled him once but he completely destroyed us.
Basara's grip tightened on Solomon and gritted his teeth.
Basara: But I'm a Blader, I'm not supposed to give up that easily.
He stood up then looked at Hannah with a look filled with determination.
Basara: So I'll go ahead.
Hannah stared at him for a couple of seconds before giving a smile of approval.
Hannah: If you're going, then I'm coming with you too!
Basara nodded his head and packed his things.
Basara: Glad you're with me.
The two left through their house's front door and went on their way, to the Gates of Hell.
I'm not sure what lies ahead of me, but I'm well-prepared!
They walked across the streets, through the same route they went through when they last went there.
Hannah: Did you notice something about his Bey?
Hannah grabbed her tablet and took notes.
Basara: I did, other than its lack of weight.
They passed through a stadium with three people talking loudly.
Basara: It had three blades that didn't stick out prominently, but were thin and sharp. And there was this plate that was poking out on the top...?
Hannah nodded and typed on her tablet.
Hannah: Anything else?
Basara put his hand on his chin, thinking.
Basara: It had a rubber ring on the Driver, so I guess that contributed to its speed.
Hannah continued to take notes.
Hannah: Belial looked like a red flash at times, it was blisteringly quick.
Oi, you two!
The siblings were alerted as someone called them from behind.
(In unison): What?
Mind if I ask ya' a question? Just a minute!
A person with tanned skin and blonde, cone-shaped hair appeared before them, wearing shades on his face and eating a lollipop.
What's up with this guy's hairstyle? It's crazy?
Basara whispered to Hannah, who was looking at the boy with concern.
Basara: Who is this guy?
Hannah: I'm not sure but...
Hannah would check her tablet for information.
Hannah: His name is Ranzo Kiyama, I think?
Basara: Another Kiyama? How many of these guys are there anyways?
Hannah: I'm not sure, but he's been dominating the Blading scene in Brazil.
Ranzo got up close to the two, looking at her tablet.
Ranzo: So, whatcha looking at?
(In unison): Huh?
They both got startled but Ranzo's sudden appearance.
Ranzo: Oh... so you're looking me up, eh? I've really made myself a name then! Fantastico!
Ranzo pulled back and stood up straight proudly.
Basara: It might be rude of me to ask you but, umm... what are you doing?
Ranzo looked at him, his smiling face turning into a serious one.
Ranzo: Let me ask YOU first!
Ranzo pointed towards Basara's face, getting up close to him.
Ranzo: Y'know about this place?
He then pulled out his phone, showing a photo of the Gates of Hell's interior.
The Gates of Hell?
Basara: It's already known internationally!
Ranzo: Ah, so you lot know this place? Great!
Ranzo gave a big smile, satisfied with what he said.
Ranzo: Alright! Até logo, amigo!
Basara: Hey, wait!
Ranzo stopped before running.
Ranzo: What's up?
Basara: Your last name is Kiyama, right? So you've gotta be related to Rantaro and Ranjiro Kiyama!
Ranzo stroked his chin in contemplation.
Ranzo: Ah, minha família! Yeah, Rantaro is my primo! I've been in his care ever since we were little kids, dude's a beast I'm telling you!
He chuckled remembering his family.
Ranzo: But I didn't come 'ere for souvenirs though, I've come here to beat down that Demon King!
Basara and Hannah looked at him with their mouths open, then looking at each other.
Basara: If you're looking for him, I know where to find him. But I must tell you this...
Ranzo stopped chuckling and paid attention to Basara.
Ranzo: I'm all ears, what is it?
Basara cleared his throat, then started to talk.
Basara: Here, the Demon King looks like a shadow but... I think someone's behind this all.
Ranzo: Behind this all? Is this some sort of villain planning to take over the world or somethin'?
Hannah: If he's always secluded in his mansion, then probably not.
There was silence between the three for a moment before Ranzo broke it.
Ranzo: If he's always in his mansion hiding, then that makes it all better!
Ranzo wrapped his arms around the two.
Ranzo: Thanks, guys! Now, what are we waiting for? Rápido!
He pointed to the sky and ran away.
Basara: H-huh? You don't even know where it leads to!
As he ran, Ranzo was gone from his sight.
Basara: Where did he go?!
Ranzo: Behind you!
Basara looked back to see him, running along with Hannah.
Ranzo: You go lead the way, amigo! You already know the way, don't ya?
Basara gazed at him, mouth agape then continued running forward.
[Later on...]
The trio arrived at the Gates of Hell once more, albeit in the daytime.
This place looks really different in the daylight, it's more like an actual mansion instead of a haunted one.
Basara: That still wouldn't change anything though.
Basara muttered to himself, as he stepped forward to lead the group into the mansion.
Ranzo: Woah, a haunted house. This is wasn't what I expected to see first, but this looks like it's gonna be fun!
Hannah called out to Basara from behind.
Hannah: Basara-nii?
Basara took notice of her sister.
Basara: Yeah?
Hannah: Are you going to be fine?
Ranzo wrapped his arm around Basara from behind, grinning widely.
Ranzo: He'll be fine! I'm gonna take care of him!
Basara got off of his grasp.
Basara: What do you mean? I'm the one who's going after him, not you.
Ranzo: Is that so? I'll go first then! You'll go next.
Basara: I-I was the one who was actively looking for him first-
Ranzo cut Basara off instantly.
Ranzo: Calm down, we'll take turns alright?
Basara: Even so, I want to unmask whoever's behind this all!
The room suddenly became as dark as when they entered last night There was a loud thud sound from behind just as the lights went out.
Basara: Again! The doors!
Ranzo whistled in amusement.
Ranzo: Spooky.
Basara let out a sigh.
So we'll have to leave the same way we did last time?
Basara: We'll have to battle the Demon King himself before we try to leave.
Ranzo: You think I don't know that? I've seen a lot of horror movies and adventure movies that are like this!
Hannah: Hopefully you can put that experience to good use.
They went up the stairs, going through the same way they did on their first encounter.
Hannah: It's this corridor where we fell in, I'm not sure if we might fall here again though.
Basara: The same thing wouldn't happen again. Now let's keep-
(In unison): AH!
They all suddenly fell into a shaft, where they slid through.
Ranzo: Woah! Is this a tomb?!
Basara replied, screaming at him.
Basara: Probably! And I want to leave it!
They all reached the end and were dropped into the same void they were in.
Basara: Here it is...
Ranzo crossed his arms and assessed the room.
Ranzo: Yeah...
He squinted his eyes, looking at everything with a serious gaze.
Ranzo: There's nothing here!
Hannah looked at him with a blank expression on her face.
Hannah: Thanks, as if that wasn't obvious enough.
A burst of loud and deep laughter echoed across the room.
Daring, aren't we? It's you two again.
The Demon King's face appeared before them, monstrous as it has always been.
Here he comes...
Basara grabbed his Bey and clutched it tightly.
It also appears that you've brought in another friend of yours, welcome to him.
Ranzo stepped up to him, unveiling his Beyblade.
Ranzo: So you're that Demon King cara everyone's been buzzin' about just now, eh?
Hm?
The Demon King's got interested and got up close to his face, observing him closely.
Ranzo: Oi, you're in my space. Get outta my face, man.
Ranzo waved him off but it had no effect because his body was similar to smoke.
Well then, I apologize if I ruined your ice cream hairdo.
Ranzo got irritated all of a sudden, a nerve was struck in him.
Ranzo: Huh?! Take that back, idiota! This cut is top of the line, so if you wanna talk smack at me, you better have somethin' just as good as mine!
Ranzo pointed at him, furious, whereas the demon he was facing only laughed out loud.
Ranzo: What's funny?! Shut yer trap! Eu vou te dar uma surra!
W-what are those two doing?
...
Basara: Pfft!
Basara cackled but was holding it in.
Basara (laughing): I-I shouldn't be laughing... but here I am.
Hannah whispered to Basara with a grin on her face.
Hannah: You can laugh, this is actually kind of funny.
Ranzo was shouting at the Demon King in Portuguese while the two were talking to each other.
Ranzo: Você não está fugindo com insultos ao meu cabelo!
Ranzo pulled out his launcher and loaded his Beyblade onto it.
Ranzo: I'll make sure you'll eat Glide Ragnaruk's dust!
He got into position furiously, and as he did a stadium was unveiled.
Hannah: He's going at it! I've gotta record this!
Hannah grabbed her tablet and began recording the battle.
Basara: That might help with data, go ahead.
Ranzo counted down and both Belial & Ragnaruk were about to be launched.
Ranzo: Three... two... one...
(In unison): Go shoot!
Both of them launch their Beys in sync, with Ragnaruk landing with a large impact and Belial quickly picking up speed upon touching the ground.
Ranzo: Go wild, Ragnaruk!
I won't allow you to do that.
A red streak of light circled around the stadium and Belial appeared behind Ragnaruk in an instant.
Ranzo: What?!
Begone!
Belial swept Ragnaruk from below, lifting it into the air with great force.
Basara: That was fast!
Wait a sec, why does his Bey look...
Basara's eyes widened as he looked towards Ragnaruk.
It's the same as the Kiyama Brothers! But it looks battered and bruised! Has even done maintenance on this thing?!
Basara: Kiyama-san!
Ranzo turned back to Basara.
Ranzo: What?
Basara: I don't think you should continue! Your Bey looks really broken!
Ranzo scoffed at him as he landed back into stadium, right along the wall.
Ranzo: Heh, you're just trying to hold me back! This is a sign of every battle we've won!
Hannah had also noticed the state Ragnaruk was in, and called out to Ranzo with concern.
Hannah: No, we're being serious here! If you go any further, you'll just lose!
Ranzo paid no attention to Basara and Hannah's calls.
He's not going to listen!
Ranzo: Watch closely, because I'm about to show ya' how I fight!
Ragnaruk raced along the ridge in order to pick up speed whereas Belial was on the inside.
Ranzo: Come on, blast 'em away!
The Revolve Driver's free-spinning ring latched onto the ridge, increasing its surface area and giving it an immense boost of speed.
Ranzo: Mach Tornado!
A strong wind engulfed Ragnaruk as it moved.
Ohoho! This looks like it's going to be interesting!
Ranzo: You ain't gonna be laughin' when I hit you with this!
Belial and Ragnaruk collided with each other, with the storm that was supporting Ragnaruk knocking Belial towards the wall at full force.
Ooh, that was a big one!
Belial recovered immediately without losing anything at all and continued its assault against Ragnaruk.
Ranzo: I see what you're doing, amigo! To the center, Ragnaruk!
Ragnaruk swiftly ran for the center and stood strong there.
Ranzo: Show me what you got, Demon King!
Wind was building up around Ragnaruk while Belial was about to crash into it.
Belial, make him perish!
Ranzo gave a big grin to the Demon King.
Ranzo: Not on my watch! Ragnaruk!
Belial was nearing Ragnaruk, but all of a sudden a large whirlwind surrounded Ragnaruk.
Ranzo: Glide Tornado!
Ragnaruk parried off Belial's attacks and lifted it into the air.
Basara: That's huge!
This guy's actually the real deal!
Basara: Go get him, Kiyama-san!
Ranzo: I know that!
The Demon King seemed unfazed by this move, despite its power.
Brilliant! But you're lacking something in your defenses!
Belial was several feet in the air then began to descend.
Don't expect a cylinder to fully protect you.
Belial dropped down onto Ragnaruk from above, canceling out its tornado.
Ranzo: Gah! Ragnaruk!
Ragnaruk was flipped into the air and this resulted in Belial being thrown to the other side.
Ranzo: You can do this, Ragnaruk! Stick the landing!
Ragnaruk landed fine on the opposite side of the stadium, just as Ranzo would've wanted.
Ranzo: Man, this was a fun battle!
Smiling, he put on his shades.
Ranzo: But it's about time for the curtains to close!
I'll agree with you on that, Ranzo Kiyama.
Ranzo scoffed and rode the ridge once more.
Ranzo: Ragnaruk!
Belial followed suit and after picking up enough speed, they clashed towards the center, both of their owners roaring out loudly.
Ranzo: GO!
They sent dozens of attacks towards each other. Belial tilted at an angle, causing its rubber ring to make contact with the stadium and allow it to swing at Ragnaruk from underneath.
I'll pulverize you until there's nothing left of your Bey!
Belial immediately picked up the pace and charged at Ragnaruk, which was vulnerable mid-air.
Ranzo: Endure it!
Belial sent a barrage of attacks towards Ragnaruk once more, throwing it to the wall with each hit.
Ranzo: Agh!
Where's that smug face you had earlier on? What happened to it?
Ranzo: Damn you, Demon King!
Belial kept on going, until Ragnaruk eventually broke free by landing on its disc, allowing it to ride the ridge for moment and quickly rejoin the stadium.
Ranzo: I'm takin' back what I just said, cuz' I ain't done yet!
Ragnaruk's Revolve Driver fit the banking of the stadium and grinded the floor, allowing it to crash into Belial once more.
Ranzo: Take that!
Futile!
Belial immediately responded by pushing it towards the center.
Ranzo: I said... that I ain't done yet!
Ragnaruk circled around the stadium, picking up speed before Belial was approaching it.
Ranzo: Ragnaruk!
Belial!
Both Beys would clash again, pushing each other back and forth.
Ranzo: Finish this, Ragnaruk!
Two clicking noises were heard across the room.
Those must've been Belial's locks! He's about to do it!
Ragnaruk pushed against Belial even more.
Ranzo: DO IT!
Ragnaruk pushed Belial out of the stadium, but cracks appeared on Ragnaruk's Ring.
Basara: W-what?
Ragnaruk Bursted due to the damage it received, leaving Ranzo in a state of shock.
Ranzo: R-Ragnaruk!
Belial pierced through the demon king, clearing the smoke and revealing someone behind the shadows.
Basara: Hey... is that?
It was a little boy with pink hair styled into a mohawk, his eyes widened in awe.
You...
Hannah: Is that who I think it is?
Basara: That's definitely got to be him.
The boy gritted his teeth and frowned his eyebrows, while Ranzo smiled.
Ranzo: So my old pal didn't just break for nothing, eh?
[To Be Continued]
RE: Beyblade Burst: Dynamite Battle (Rewrite) - SpeedySuomi - Feb. 27, 2022
Chapter 3 - Now You See Me
Spoiler (Click to View)
Silence fell across the room, as everyone stared at the Demon King's face.
What happened to the shadows? The smoke, illusions- illusions?
Basara gazed at his face in shock.
Basara: This... this kid is the Demon King?
Ranzo, even though in defeat, had a grin on his face.
Ranzo: Right before yer' eyes, amigo.
The child averted his eyes to the ground and closed them.
Basara: So you're just a child after all. Why are you even doing this? You're causing a lot of trouble for others, you know?
He kept on closing eyes while Basara complained, but his eyebrows slightly furrowed.
Hannah: Yeah, you shouldn't be messing with this stuff too.
Hannah walked around the room, looking at the equipment and picking them up, observing them.
Hannah: Seriously, is your mom and dad here-
He opened his eyes and let out what he thought with a raised voice.
And? What about it? Are you gonna cry because I turned into a big, spooky demon?
All three of them stared at him with even more shock.
Basara: Huh-
He cut Basara off immediately, his voice echoing through the room.
Now you see me, my name is Bell Daikokuten. Did you hear me? Good, now get out of here.
Bell turned his back on them, going up the stairs behind them.
Bell: And never tell anything about me.
Basara: Hey, wait up! What about Kiyama's broken Bey?!
Basara approached Bell but he stared him down and stomped the floor as he turned back, stopping him in his tracks.
Bell: What now, are you going to lecture me about how I'm so evil? How I broke your friend's little Bey?
Basara attempted to reach out to him but pulled back.
Bell: I have no concern whatsoever about whether I screwed over his Beyblade, that was his fault for attempting to go against me in the first place.
This caught Ranzo's attention.
Ranzo: Whaddya say? Take that back!
Bell: You guys are also something too, you're only a year or two older than me, but acting like adults.
Bell continued walking upward.
Bell: Whatever then; pack your bags, pick up your broken pieces and never come back.
Ranzo: You've got some nerve too, eh?
Ranzo pointed at him and screamed at him. Bell, however, gave him not one ounce of attention.
Ranzo: Thinkin' you're the victim of all this when we're the ones that got affected, how are you gonna pay for this, huh?
Ranzo also came for him, but from behind, there was something else.
Bell: Goodbye.
Basara: Goodbye?
Shadows pulled them from behind and dragged them out in an instant, leaving all of them outside of the house with Ragnaruk's remains on the floor.
Ranzo: Dang it... pirralhinha!
Ranzo picked up his shattered Bey from the ground, looking at it.
Basara: Kiyama-san, are you...
Ranzo immediately responded to Basara.
Ranzo: Yeah, I'm feelin' alright. Also call me Ranzo, will ya'?
He stood up, his Bey in his hand and looking at Basara.
Ranzo: Drop the formalities, it ain't like I'm your boss or somethin'.
Ranzo wrapped both his arms around them with a big smile on his face.
Ranzo: We're amigos, okay?
My, my. It looks like there are some visitors here early in the morning.
An old man spoke, trimming the bushes near the fences.
This person, could this be the Demon King's butler?
It's nice to see that you young people still enjoy Blading.
Basara approached the old man who was still doing his work.
Basara: Umm, excuse me sir?
The old man stopped his work and shifted his gaze onto Basara.
Yes, how may I help you?
Basara: I was wondering, are you related to the Demon- no, Bell Daikokuten?
He stroked his chin, chuckling.
Oh yes, indeed I am. I'm his grandfather, Jinemon.
Grandfather, so they're definitely related then.
Jinemon: Ahh, well... But I do also serve my little boy as a butler, as you can see right now.
...
Basara was silent for a moment, thinking about what to do.
If this man is his grandfather, then there might be a chance we can restore Ragnaruk!
Basara: Sir!
Jinemon: Yes?
Basara: Do you know about the Bey Bell is using?
Jinemon: Hmm, it was a very interesting Bey indeed. But I have nothing to do with that aside from assisting him, so I would assume you would want to use something similar to his Beyblade?
Basara nodded his head in agreement.
Basara: I think you read my mind, sir.
Both of them smiled at each other.
Ranzo: Hold on a minute, so does that mean I could bring back Ragnaruk from the dead?!
Ranzo exclaimed joyfully in the back, his eyes wide open.
Jinemon: While I'm not particularly sure how any of his equipment works, I'm sure you're able to. Because I know where he always works in, hoho!
Gleefully, Jinemon chuckled.
Jinemon: Follow me, kids.
Ranzo: Hey, you hear that? Sounds like we got a new Bey on our hands!
Ranzo slapped Basara's back happily.
Basara: GAH! Ranzo... what was that for?!
Ranzo: Hey, hey, chill out! I'm sorry!
He raised his hands, smiling awkwardly.
Hannah: You two, do you want to leave or do you want to get that new Beyblade system?
They looked at each other and Basara let off a sigh while Ranzo just shrugged it off.
Jinemon: Come on!
They all followed Jinemon inside the mansion.
Basara: This is the entrance... aren't we going the same way we went earlier?
Jinemon: Maybe, but this is still my mansion. It's just that my boy took control earlier.
Jinemon turned on the lights in the main room, exposing the interior's details even further.
(In unison): Woah!
This place really looks like a ballroom with the lights on!
Basara: I thought the interior was already good enough when I went in, but they're even better with the lights on.
Hannah: Same here. Honestly, it gave off the feeling of an abandoned mansion when we entered, though the furniture was properly cleaned.
Jinemon: Well, as I said...
Jinemon approached a bookcase and pulled a book around the second shelf.
Jinemon: This is also my mansion.
The bookcase split into two and revealed a door within it.
Ranzo: A hidden door!
Hannah: I shouldn't be surprised by this, since this house is riddled with traps. But here I am.
Jinemon opened the door for them, a light shining past.
Jinemon: After you three.
The group passed the door and was greeted with a garden surrounded by what seemed like a European academy's corridors, and a white patio in the center.
Okay, now you're just showing off. This house is really amazing!
Basara looked around the place then crouched down, touching the grass which was well-trimmed.
Hannah: No wonder why thy interior looked fantastic, you were also taking care of the house!
Jinemon: I always do, a mansion should not look abandoned when you're living in it.
Jinemon walked to the left, to another door.
Jinemon: This is it!
He opened it, letting them enter a room with machinery and blueprints scattered across the walls.
Ranzo: Ooh-wee! Que maneiro!
The group observed the place, and Basara approached a table with more blueprints.
Basara: These blueprints...
He picked them up, and it featured Belial's design on them.
Basara: Belial?
He turned towards Jinemon, showing him the blueprints.
Basara: Sir, are we even allowed to use this? Because I think he might...
Jinemon: Use whatever you need to make your friend's Beyblade.
A small smirk curled upon his face.
Jinemon: Bell might even like it, now that there are two of the Beyblades he made.
Basara stared at him for a moment before laying the papers down on the table, calling the other two to him.
Basara: So, I think we all know what to do here.
Ranzo: These are the blueprints for the system that damn kid was using!
Ranzo smiled widely.
Ranzo: I'm gonna beat him up until he cries!
Jinemon: Oh no, not so fast.
Jinemon reached out to Ranzo and grabbed his shoulder gently.
Ranzo: Gramps?
Jinemon: Call me sir.
Ranzo had a bit of a puzzled expression on his face, but it seemed like he was about to listen to him.
Jinemon: He's just a child, okay? And if that was an expression or not...
Jinemon looked at him like a father would talking to his son.
Jinemon: Please try being friends with him, alright?
Ranzo's mouth was left open, and he was silent.
Ranzo: Yes, sir.
...
The three began progress on the Bey, starting with the blueprints themselves.
Basara: Based on what these say, this is called the DB System...
Ranzo: I already read that earlier, amigo. I wanna know what's inside of it.
Basara read into the second paper.
Basara: It says here that the layer is separated into three parts; the Blade which acts as its contact points, the Armor which seems to be the weight on it, and the Core which holds it all together.
Ranzo: I see... what's up with that Disc though?
Basara looked at the disc and observed it, examining its features.
Basara: Two layers, there are two layers on the Disc.
Basara read another blueprint, showing how the Armor and Core's positions are interchangeable and how it affected the Disc.
Basara: High Mode and Low Mode...?
Ranzo read into it and whistled.
Ranzo: This is crazy, isn't it? I've got the vision about what I gotta do earlier, but now it's just been screwed all over.
Basara: Same here.
Hannah went to the two boys and examined the blueprint even further.
Hannah: I think we'll have to make each individual part.
Hannah let off a sigh.
Hannah: Until they work.
Basara: No, it's alright Hannah. We're just trying to figure this out first before we even start.
They paused for a bit, thinking about what to do.
The Armor looks like it could fit underneath the Blade and the Core goes on top, but what's up with that mode change?
Basara picked up the blueprint once more, looking at the third blueprint where the designs for High and Low Mode were located.
Basara: ...Hm?
His eyes widened, looking at a diagram of the Bey's underside.
Basara: This... I think I've figured it out!
Ranzo and Hannah were alarmed and got back to where Basara was.
Ranzo: You got somethin' Basara?
Hannah: What did you see?
Basara turned back on his chair and showed them the diagram.
Basara: Do you see how the Blade and Armor fit together here? And this disc too... I've figured out how it works!
Ranzo: Explain it to me man! I can't read all of this stuff!
Basara pointed to the blueprint, specifically to the Low Mode and High Mode illustrations.
Basara: If you put the Armor underneath the Blade and the Core on top, there's going to be a gap inside of the Bey and that's where the second layer of the Disc fits in so it's going to have a lower center of gravity by having the Armor and the second layer of this Disc be synergized. That's Low Mode, do you understand?
Ranzo: Oh... I gotcha. Move on, amigo!
Basara: Okay... Now if you do the opposite by placing the Armor on top and the Core on the bottom, the lower part of the Core fills in the gap I just mentioned and shows the second layer of the Disc, making it taller. And this time, the Armor and the Disc's second layer are separated - and when paired with that height and focus on weight, you get a higher center of gravity. Hence the name, High Mode.
Hannah and Ranzo nodded their heads.
Ranzo: I didn't understand 50% of that.
Basara groaned and pulled his head back on his chair.
Ranzo: But I think I get the gist of it, thanks for explainin'!
Basara straightened his back and calmed down.
Basara: If you get it, then that should be enough.
Basara cracked his knuckles and shook his hands up & down.
Basara: Let's do this!
(In unison): Alright!
Ranzo and Basara got to work on the design of the new Ragnaruk, drawing it while Hannah got to work finding whatever they needed to make all of the parts.
Ranzo: A circular shape, two Stamina Wings, a free-spinnin' axle, and a heavy Disc!
Basara: A big deviation from what you had last time, it seems.
Ranzo: Well, sorta. But I ain't strayin' away from what my primo had!
Basara smiled a little and continued drawing it.
...
Later on, Basara and Ranzo finished their work.
Ranzo: Oh yeah! She's one hell of a beauty, alright!
Hannah: Is it done?
Ranzo passed it to Hannah.
Ranzo: See for yourself, kiddo!
Hannah looked at it for a moment and nodded in approval, before scanning it on the computer to be converted into a 3D model before being created by the metal printer.
Ranzo: Nice, nice, nice!
Basara: And now, we wait.
The machine began printing out what was shown on the PC - A while later, the PC finished and left an unpainted layer.
Ranzo: Aha! There it is!
Basara: We're not done yet, but I can see how this will end.
Ranzo: Perfectly or in disaster?
Basara: It's either both.
Ranzo scoffed at him and continued waiting for the finished product.
Basara: While we wait, do you remember what Mr. Jinemon told you earlier?
Ranzo looked at Basara with his brows raised.
Ranzo: Yeah, that was just an hour n' a half earlier.
Basara: Mhm.
The room was silent for a bit until Basara spoke.
Basara: What if he was just doing so that he could drive us off?
Ranzo's brows lowered and his expression turned into a bit of a somber one.
Ranzo: Y'know, I didn't think about that.
Ranzo took a seat.
Ranzo: Ain't nobody should isolate themselves in their houses, away from the world - you feel me?
Basara: Huh?
Ranzo: What I was sayin' was that whatever happened to him, it might've been a lil' gnarly. But nobody should stay like that.
Basara stared at him in silence, before bursting out in laughter.
Basara: You...
Ranzo: Oi, what's funny?
Basara: I wasn't expecting you to be that wise!
Ranzo looked away and puffed up his cheeks, pouting.
Ranzo: I didn't say nothin'.
He calmed down a little.
Ranzo: Well, I guess that's the perks of bein' the eldest in my family back in Brazil.
Basara: How old are you to begin with, anyway?
Ranzo: I'm turnin' 15 this year, that should give ya' an idea.
While they were talking to each other, Hannah called out to them.
Hannah: Basara-nii, Ranzo! The Disc and the Driver's done.
Ranzo: It is? Alright!
Ranzo stood up and quickly went to where Hannah was.
Ranzo: Just a bit of detail left...
Hannah: Care for a bit of paint?
She handed out a spray gun and a few cans of paint to Ranzo.
Ranzo: You read my mind.
They started detailing Ragnaruk and painted it in an orange coat of paint, with the Stamina Wings being painted in a metallic yellow color while also having a red flame on each. The Core's frame was painted in candy blue and the Driver in the same color as the Stamina Wings.
Ranzo: Hee-hee!
Ranzo had a big grin on his face.
Ranzo: Finally... it's done.
Ranzo put it all together when the paint dried up.
Ranzo: Cyclone Ragnaruk is what I'll call 'em.
Ragnaruk gleamed, shiny and new.
Ranzo: Welcome to the club!
As Ranzo was admiring his newly made Beyblade, someone opened the door.
I'll need to... what the?! You three?
Bell entered and was surprised upon seeing them.
Bell: How'd you get in here?! Didn't I tell you all to get out?
Bell was greatly angered for no particular reason, gritting his teeth.
Ranzo: Your grandpa gave us permission, but I don't think that matters now.
Ranzo showed off his new Beyblade, Cyclone Ragnaruk.
Ranzo: I'm havin' redemption for what happened!
Bell's expression shifted from an angered one to an intrigued expression, even though his eyebrows were still frowning.
Bell: Even though I made it private, you still made a DB Bey.
He emanated a strong aura across the room, intimidating the three.
Bell: Do you want me to destroy you again?
[To Be Continued...]
RE: Beyblade Burst: Dynamite Battle (Rewrite) - Hollowmind13 - Feb. 27, 2022
"Ranzo: Ooh-wee! ***This place looks louco!***"
I would have used "Que lugar massa!" (which translates to something like "what a awesome place") or "Que daora/maneiro!" (beysically "cool, awesome").
The "louco" feels outta place, I do know what you meant by it, but it just don't fit very well on the half english sentence.
2nd option would be adding "..." between "looks" and "louco" to show he didn’t found the word for that and used the portuguese one.
Also, good job with the expressions, all of them fit well (except the one above) imo
.
And about the whole rewrite, I think it is going well.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Dynamite Battle (Rewrite) - SpeedySuomi - Feb. 28, 2022
(Feb. 27, 2022 4:27 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote: "Ranzo: Ooh-wee! ***This place looks louco!***"
I would have used "Que lugar massa!" (which translates to something like "what a awesome place") or "Que daora/maneiro!" (beysically "cool, awesome").
The "louco" feels outta place, I do know what you meant by it, but it just don't fit very well on the half english sentence.
2nd option would be adding "..." between "looks" and "louco" to show he didn’t found the word for that and used the portuguese one.
Also, good job with the expressions, all of them fit well (except the one above) imo
.
And about the whole rewrite, I think it is going well.
Yeah, my bad. I was using DeepL because it seems like Ranzo's part-Brazilian so he'd definitely know Brazilian Portuguese. (I kinda saw this coming from a mile away too)
Spoiler (Click to View)
![[Image: sw9vrvnxsls51.jpg?auto=webp&s=d243bdd87d...695ace6d1a]](https://preview.redd.it/sw9vrvnxsls51.jpg?auto=webp&s=d243bdd87d471a2f14991588890ef0695ace6d1a)
RE: Beyblade Burst: Dynamite Battle (Rewrite) - Hollowmind13 - Feb. 28, 2022
(Feb. 28, 2022 1:58 AM)SpeedySuomi Wrote:.(Feb. 27, 2022 4:27 PM)Hollowmind8 Wrote: "Ranzo: Ooh-wee! ***This place looks louco!***"
I would have used "Que lugar massa!" (which translates to something like "what a awesome place") or "Que daora/maneiro!" (beysically "cool, awesome").
The "louco" feels outta place, I do know what you meant by it, but it just don't fit very well on the half english sentence.
2nd option would be adding "..." between "looks" and "louco" to show he didn’t found the word for that and used the portuguese one.
Also, good job with the expressions, all of them fit well (except the one above) imo
.
And about the whole rewrite, I think it is going well.
Yeah, my bad. I was using DeepL because it seems like Ranzo's part-Brazilian so he'd definitely know Brazilian Portuguese. (I kinda saw this coming from a mile away too)
Spoiler (Click to View)
It happens, you can't get most expressions or vocabulary when translating english
(example: "que massa" = cool, but if you do the reverse you'll get "legal" or "frio" (which is cold))
.
Portuguese (br) is just pretty weird, I'm actually glad it is not confirmed which area from Brazil he is from, because you would have a bad time depending on the location. The north-ish is a nightmare to translate lo, too many unique expressions with unique words.
.
But at least you only messed up one in idk how many you did, so those are good odds.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Dynamite Battle (Rewrite) - PinkRose - Mar. 18, 2022
Huh, this looks pretty good so far! I'm not usually into canon rewrites, but the way you're doing it cuts on the meaningless filler and puts more emphasis on character depth and mechanic detail, which is quite the good thing. I'll be sure to follow, even if with just a like.