real beyblading (story)

Poll: wadda ya think

this is great mutch better than youy last one
0%
0
this is mutch better than your old one it's good
6.67%
1
is ok not mutch better but it is better
20.00%
3
this is very bad almost as bad as the last
6.67%
1
this aint sparta its horable
66.67%
10
Total: 100% 15 vote(s)
Great. Another Mario Blocks.
Its not bad but keep writing so you can get better, keep up the good effort
Take this test, it will help improve your storyline (Having the side characters get hurt but not the main is SO mary-sue).

I'd write a review but you'll probably just throw my advice right back at me Uncertain.
(Aug. 25, 2011  10:00 AM)qwertxj3 Wrote: Too many spelling errors.

i used the microsoft because it ran this time so i fixed the spelling errors that it told me so i don't know what your talking about
(Aug. 25, 2011  10:05 AM)天翔翼 TenshouYoku Wrote: Great. Another Mario Blocks.

what?
(Aug. 25, 2011  10:06 AM)mailz0rr Wrote: Its not bad but keep writing so you can get better, keep up the good effort

thanks and i thought this part was much improved over previous
(Aug. 25, 2011  9:13 PM)Sparta Wrote: Take this test, it will help improve your storyline (Having the side characters get hurt but not the main is SO mary-sue).

I'd write a review but you'll probably just throw my advice right back at me Uncertain.

they aren't side caterers because there parts have not come up we are currently viewing from Jakels eyes but in the next part or the other the view point will shift and you wont know who until a wile later in the chapter so they will become more important later and in the fight later Jakel will feel some serious pain so dont critisise me on that yet
You should still take the test.
(Aug. 26, 2011  3:09 AM)strseeker105HFS Wrote:
(Aug. 25, 2011  9:13 PM)Sparta Wrote: Take this test, it will help improve your storyline (Having the side characters get hurt but not the main is SO mary-sue).

I'd write a review but you'll probably just throw my advice right back at me Uncertain.

they aren't side caterers because there parts have not come up we are currently viewing from Jakels eyes but in the next part or the other the view point will shift and you wont know who until a wile later in the chapter so they will become more important later and in the fight later Jakel will feel some serious pain so dont critisise me on that yet

Did I call that or what? Did he not just fight my advice?

Ugh, that's IT. I give, I'm not going to comment on your story anymore. I'll say something but you'll just put it right back in my face.

When you start to wonder why your writing won't improve, please don't come back to me and ask for advice.
Good job enforcing the 12-14 year old stereotype of being a bad writer and creator of a Mary Sue. Even when he predicted your reaction, you totally surprised him by doing exactly what he said. Props to you, chap.

In nicer terms (which I usually don't do), please take the criticism with pride and improve.
(Aug. 26, 2011  3:09 AM)strseeker105HFS Wrote: [quote='qwertxj3' pid='765019' dateline='1314262841']
Too many spelling errors.

i used the microsoft because it ran this time so i fixed the spelling errors that it told me so i don't know what your talking about

"Number twenty...fuive sorry my bad I meant 25
Five, I think youre talking about....
(Aug. 26, 2011  4:39 AM)Sparta Wrote:
(Aug. 26, 2011  3:09 AM)strseeker105HFS Wrote:
(Aug. 25, 2011  9:13 PM)Sparta Wrote: Take this test, it will help improve your storyline (Having the side characters get hurt but not the main is SO mary-sue).

I'd write a review but you'll probably just throw my advice right back at me Uncertain.

they aren't side caterers because there parts have not come up we are currently viewing from Jakels eyes but in the next part or the other the view point will shift and you wont know who until a wile later in the chapter so they will become more important later and in the fight later Jakel will feel some serious pain so dont critisise me on that yet

Did I call that or what? Did he not just fight my advice?

Ugh, that's IT. I give, I'm not going to comment on your story anymore. I'll say something but you'll just put it right back in my face.

When you start to wonder why your writing won't improve, please don't come back to me and ask for advice.

i am not asking for specific advice from anyone i also was not intending to "throw it back in your face." im just telling you thanks for the advice and giving my logic and the last part was intended to fix a large amount of problems that you among others had given my and i do wish to thank you and all others and i am sorry if i offended any of you
(Aug. 26, 2011  4:46 AM)NoodooSoup Wrote: Good job enforcing the 12-14 year old stereotype of being a bad writer and creator of a Mary Sue. Even when he predicted your reaction, you totally surprised him by doing exactly what he said. Props to you, chap.

In nicer terms (which I usually don't do), please take the criticism with pride and improve.

well dude i 14 and im only doing this for fun and i don't know what a "marry sue story' is so please back off with this and i don't write story's every day so im not that good and i don't read that often and im accepting criticism im giving my reasoning and ideas on a subject that is my story so that the person giving me the advice doesn't tneed to over complicate things i know this story better than you because im writing it and im trying to help others understand it better from my view point your not me ant no one other than me is me so you wont understand how it will be but im trying my best and if you dont like it dont read it also i hate comments like yours because they are quite rude to me and some others so think before you post read it it will help in the end from having overly long discussions like this i put 2 weeks into that part and read over it 12 times before i posted and looked over this page several times his before posted this



Trust me listen to what sparta says he knows what he's doing! and btw sparta what does 'mary-sue' mean ive never heard that phrase before Smile
(Aug. 26, 2011  11:52 PM)strseeker105HFS Wrote: well dude i 14 and im only doing this for fun and i don't know what a "marry sue story' is so please back off with this and i don't write story's every day so im not that good and i don't read that often and im accepting criticism im giving my reasoning and ideas on a subject that is my story so that the person giving me the advice doesn't tneed to over complicate things i know this story better than you because im writing it and im trying to help others understand it better from my view point your not me ant no one other than me is me so you wont understand how it will be but im trying my best and if you dont like it dont read it also i hate comments like yours because they are quite rude to me and some others so think before you post read it it will help in the end from having overly long discussions like this i put 2 weeks into that part and read over it 12 times before i posted and looked over this page several times his before posted this

...I'm resisting the urge to scream a thousand words that would all be replaced my "carp". Instead, I will be as nice as possible and say PLEASE, STOP backtracking, take the advice, and work on it. If you don't write everyday, then start to. If you want critique, then accept it.If you're writing the story, then you have the power to change it and make it better. If you worked on this for 12 weeks, then work a bit more.

I didn't become a great writer overnight, and it surely wasn't handed to me on a silver platter. I had to work my TAIL END OFF. You should see the first story I ever wrote. And you expect to become better by ignoring my advice? It's laughable, just plain laughable.

I promised I would stop posting advice for this story, and I'm staying true to it. I'm done, that's it. Last post.

Sparta out.
...I have nothing to...no, let me stop lying. Rant time.

This. Is. TERRIBLE. I've let this story slide for a while now, and I'm sick of it. Please, just TAKE THE DAMN ADVICE. It'll make you better, yet you continue to whine. Geez, it's pathetic. You claim to have put effort into this, but you OBVIOUSLY didn't, it looks bad, the grammar sucks, the spelling is off, the pretense is horrid, and the characters make me want to run away and hide in the nearest Dumpster. Writing for fun is the same as writing for pay. You do something to be GOOD at it. You hate these comments because you want to protect your precious little ego, and you hate it when someone doesn't praise your bad story. You may know the story, but that does not excuse it being bad. We're trying to explain what's wrong, but when you complain about that, you simply try to make us out to be the bad guys, while you continue to write worse than my 11 year-old brother. AGE IS NOT AN EXCUSE. I JUST turned 15 this week, and I've been writing since I was six. You don't have to WANT to be a writer, just stop writing things like this. It hurts all of our eyes, and the idea is not a competent one. And everyone else? DON'T PRAISE A BAD STORY.
(Aug. 27, 2011  12:54 AM)Temporal Wrote: ...I have nothing to...no, let me stop lying. Rant time.

This. Is. TERRIBLE. I've let this story slide for a while now, and I'm sick of it. Please, just TAKE THE DAMN ADVICE. It'll make you better, yet you continue to whine. Geez, it's pathetic. You claim to have put effort into this, but you OBVIOUSLY didn't, it looks bad, the grammar sucks, the spelling is off, the pretense is horrid, and the characters make me want to run away and hide in the nearest Dumpster. Writing for fun is the same as writing for pay. You do something to be GOOD at it. You hate these comments because you want to protect your precious little ego, and you hate it when someone doesn't praise your bad story. You may know the story, but that does not excuse it being bad. We're trying to explain what's wrong, but when you complain about that, you simply try to make us out to be the bad guys, while you continue to write worse than my 11 year-old brother. AGE IS NOT AN EXCUSE. I JUST turned 15 this week, and I've been writing since I was six. You don't have to WANT to be a writer, just stop writing things like this. It hurts all of our eyes, and the idea is not a competent one. And everyone else? DON'T PRAISE A BAD STORY.

im tired of comments like this so no more comments and if i see one more comment after this on not of my own i will report it i should report this one if dont like it dont read and grr you know what im done im tired of all you not giving me a break i tried to start this and being rude wont help the only reason im not reporting the above post is that im a nice guy but im furious and it took me 20 minutes just to wright this after i read the above comments not just this one here i am so done with this i dont want your comments i don't need them because i dont really care about it but i am a nice guy and i was trying to avoid this large mess i am not writing anymore story's because i am tired of all your repetitive comments i thought the last part was much better if you dont like dont read but dont worry im done with this i am so frustrated with this i do not want to see any more comments after this if your so good then make me feel better that my story's are not yet up to par or help offer to help edit and improve untill i get to a good story piece so i may get a better idea of how to improve you cant tell someone to learn and not help them when they dont know what is wrong just telling me my story's bad or that i have bad grammar is not going to help i use the best words i know to wright thees i never would have even started this if i knew what you simons were like im done writing no more i am done!!!!
I dont understand, im all about writing but what happened here? Its hard to follow and there isn't much substance to it. Also why no paragraphs?
Essentially, Strseeker is a bad writer that refuses to take advice and blows up any time someone tried to help him, now he's saying that he'll report anyone criticizing his story, EVEN THOUGH HE PLAINLY ASKS FOR IT. In a nutshell, he wants praise but refuses to put in the effort, so he blames us.

On your "Why not help me write instead of criticizing?" point, that's not our job. It's YOUR story, so improve and stop crying "No fair!" whenever someone tells you what's wrong with your story. Frankly, you really shouldn't be writing if you can't spell "write". It's not spelled "Wright". That's a last name, not a word meaning composition of language in a professional or conventional manner.
The report button only works on posts that have truly broken the rules. The mods don't want to waste their time, so please, for their sake, stop reporting posts that have not broken any rules.
strseeker105HFS, you need to just accept criticism sometimes. Look at your post even :

strseeker105HFS Wrote:im tired of comments like this so no more comments and if i see one more comment after this on not of my own i will report it i should report this one if dont like it dont read and grr you know what im done im tired of all you not giving me a break i tried to start this and being rude wont help the only reason im not reporting the above post is that im a nice guy but im furious and it took me 20 minutes just to wright this after i read the above comments not just this one here i am so done with this i dont want your comments i don't need them because i dont really care about it but i am a nice guy and i was trying to avoid this large mess i am not writing anymore story's because i am tired of all your repetitive comments i thought the last part was much better if you dont like dont read but dont worry im done with this i am so frustrated with this i do not want to see any more comments after this if your so good then make me feel better that my story's are not yet up to par or help offer to help edit and improve untill i get to a good story piece so i may get a better idea of how to improve you cant tell someone to learn and not help them when they dont know what is wrong just telling me my story's bad or that i have bad grammar is not going to help i use the best words i know to wright thees i never would have even started this if i knew what you simons were like im done writing no more i am done!!!!

No periods or commas anywhere, way too many grammatical mistakes, etc. Look at a book, look at some of our announcement posts : you will never see an endless stream of words that is supposed to be ten sentences put into one continuous paragraph. We are not at school and obviously you are not noted on your posts, but just imagine if you had to hand that out as a homework; what mark would you get ? If you are really proud of your work, then you should not be afraid to show it to anybody, including a teacher who would want to rate it. And if you are really proud of it, you should make it as beautiful as possible.
(Aug. 27, 2011  4:58 AM)Kai-V Wrote: strseeker105HFS, you need to just accept criticism sometimes. Look at your post even :

strseeker105HFS Wrote:im tired of comments like this so no more comments and if i see one more comment after this on not of my own i will report it i should report this one if dont like it dont read and grr you know what im done im tired of all you not giving me a break i tried to start this and being rude wont help the only reason im not reporting the above post is that im a nice guy but im furious and it took me 20 minutes just to wright this after i read the above comments not just this one here i am so done with this i dont want your comments i don't need them because i dont really care about it but i am a nice guy and i was trying to avoid this large mess i am not writing anymore story's because i am tired of all your repetitive comments i thought the last part was much better if you dont like dont read but dont worry im done with this i am so frustrated with this i do not want to see any more comments after this if your so good then make me feel better that my story's are not yet up to par or help offer to help edit and improve untill i get to a good story piece so i may get a better idea of how to improve you cant tell someone to learn and not help them when they dont know what is wrong just telling me my story's bad or that i have bad grammar is not going to help i use the best words i know to wright thees i never would have even started this if i knew what you simons were like im done writing no more i am done!!!!

No periods or commas anywhere, way too many grammatical mistakes, etc. Look at a book, look at some of our announcement posts : you will never see an endless stream of words that is supposed to be ten sentences put into one continuous paragraph. We are not at school and obviously you are not noted on your posts, but just imagine if you had to hand that out as a homework; what mark would you get ? If you are really proud of your work, then you should not be afraid to show it to anybody, including a teacher who would want to rate it. And if you are really proud of it, you should make it as beautiful as possible.

Kai-V im not trying to be rude but i was so enraged i didn't have time to run it through spell check so i dont care, seccondly i dont care i dont want to care and i dont want another post on this thread so i vave to go through this proses the reason it took me 20 min wasent because i was spell checking it and fixixng gramer and puntual placement it was because my radge had made my hands shake vilontly i wanted to bunch a wall to get out my frustrations i am done with this story and all others i dont want anymore post on this i will not wright here anymore other than a regular post and i am not takeing help anymore on my wrightings i am done and i didnot run this through spell check either so DEAL WITH IT and that was one of my curent best works so thanks for hurting my feelings
look, stop going on a hissy and take the advice and stop moaning that your 14 and can't help it im 14 and iv'e got a story and i took help and advice from sparta and i improved because of it so stop moaning take the advice or stop writing altogether, because im getting tired of this.
...What's a fixixng? There's a difference between screwing up and lazy spelling. This is lazy spelling. If this is your "Best Work", I feel SO sorry for you. And you're welcome. Glad we could attempt to get through your apparently thick skull.
I think this thread should just be closed already he said he is not continuing this story so the only things that will be posted here is people arguing.