One word:BAD
Ok.so first of,no one is talking.ok,some are,but do we understand what they are saying?no.
Second,fix up your grammar.seriously,if you want to be good like other story tellers,be careful with grammar.(dont give me that I-used-microsoft-word thing.it wont work on me)
erm, to be honest with you, the story you wrote have so many weak points:
grammar, plotting,your arrangement of stories is still quite weak. but on the other hand, you have the idea of your story just that you need a little research on the grammar and planning of your plot.
overall, good effort. keep it up. you can be much better next time. just make some improvement in your weak points.
And i cant believe you dont know how "beyblading" is spelled correctly
he's still learning bro. give him sometime to learn
(May. 25, 2011 2:05 PM)peace Wrote: [ -> ]he's still learning bro. give him sometime to learn
thank you peacesecond i know how i missed that on my editing and i had to get that part out of the way the next part in so it would fit
(May. 25, 2011 11:01 PM)bladerJAKS Wrote: [ -> ] (May. 25, 2011 2:05 PM)peace Wrote: [ -> ]he's still learning bro. give him sometime to learn
thank you peacesecond i know how i missed that on my editing and i had to get that part out of the way the next part in so it would fit
no prob man, we learn from mistakes, no one sets perfect stories all the time. what you need to do is read and read and read more on story books and other sources of written essay. try to improve your weaknesses. hope you can do better next time....
keep it up. nice effort. i loke your enthusiasm..keep on improving, i know you can
(May. 25, 2011 11:19 PM)peace Wrote: [ -> ] (May. 25, 2011 11:01 PM)bladerJAKS Wrote: [ -> ] (May. 25, 2011 2:05 PM)peace Wrote: [ -> ]he's still learning bro. give him sometime to learn
thank you peacesecond i know how i missed that on my editing and i had to get that part out of the way the next part in so it would fit
no prob man, we learn from mistakes, no one sets perfect stories all the time. what you need to do is read and read and read more on story books and other sources of written essay. try to improve your weaknesses. hope you can do better next time....
keep it up. nice effort. i loke your enthusiasm..keep on improving, i know you can
thank you very much and for people like you i'm happy to write but for people like this guy named dude on my old story said this
"Here's a feedback:
The story sucks.
It's not the worst I've read, meaning there's still hope, but it really needs work.
Also, you don't need requests for the Beyblades. Just think of some yourself."
i mean come on man being rude only hurts feelings not helps others am i right!
(May. 26, 2011 3:23 PM)bladerJAKS Wrote: [ -> ] (May. 25, 2011 11:19 PM)peace Wrote: [ -> ] (May. 25, 2011 11:01 PM)bladerJAKS Wrote: [ -> ] (May. 25, 2011 2:05 PM)peace Wrote: [ -> ]he's still learning bro. give him sometime to learn
thank you peacesecond i know how i missed that on my editing and i had to get that part out of the way the next part in so it would fit
no prob man, we learn from mistakes, no one sets perfect stories all the time. what you need to do is read and read and read more on story books and other sources of written essay. try to improve your weaknesses. hope you can do better next time....
keep it up. nice effort. i loke your enthusiasm..keep on improving, i know you can
thank you very much and for people like you i'm happy to write but for people like this guy named dude on my old story said this
"Here's a feedback:
The story sucks.
It's not the worst I've read, meaning there's still hope, but it really needs work.
Also, you don't need requests for the Beyblades. Just think of some yourself."
i mean come on man being rude only hurts feelings not helps others am i right!
yeah, i know the feeling when people commented rudely on your works. i used to get it all the time back then. but i learn from my mistakes, improvise my style, improve on my writing. i study and read a lot of other peoples work and try to figure out how to counter my weaknesses. that's how i make the people look down on me back then eat their own words. try to improve on your weaknesses. i know you can write better than this man.
(May. 25, 2011 1:46 PM)DX Wrote: [ -> ]One word:BAD
Ok.so first of,no one is talking.ok,some are,but do we understand what they are saying?no.
Second,fix up your grammar.seriously,if you want to be good like other story tellers,be careful with grammar.(dont give me that I-used-microsoft-word thing.it wont work on me)
i've been to busy to read this post before but now that i have i am slightly offended by your comment. plus only one person is really important currently so there is no need for much speaking and im not going to have my main carter talking to himself it would only seem to make him seem like a fool or very weird when my carter is not suppose to be looked at like that. plus i don't use Microsoft word i wright without it and if i am satisfied with the product i post it MR.DX THE ENGLISH TEACHER! plus the punctuation of your first sentence is very odd "Ok.so first of,no one is talking.ok,some are,but do we understand what they are saying?no." when i believe it should be "Ok so first of,no one is talking ok. some are,but do we understand what they are saying?no." if i am wrong or you view this as rude it is not intended and after periods you put a space
Listen bro, accept the criticism. It's supposed to
help you. Use it to improve your story, ever heard of that? And second, you
should be using Microsoft Word to correct all the mistakes! Just taking the time to even
copy and paste it into Microsoft Word should fix it if you correct what it tells you to! It really takes about thirty seconds to copy and paste your "story", click Tools, Spelling and Grammar, fix everything, and then paste it back. REALLY.
(Jun. 11, 2011 4:02 AM)NoodooSoup Wrote: [ -> ]Listen bro, accept the criticism. It's supposed to help you. Use it to improve your story, ever heard of that? And second, you should be using Microsoft Word to correct all the mistakes! Just taking the time to even copy and paste it into Microsoft Word should fix it if you correct what it tells you to! It really takes about thirty seconds to copy and paste your "story", click Tools, Spelling and Grammar, fix everything, and then paste it back. REALLY.
i think noodoosoup is correct , when i was writing tmy story most members told me my weakness and thus now i m getting comments that i m improving well bladerjaks the more u write and learn from others the more perfect u will become
dude, no offense, but this story needs a TON of improvements, i agree with DX
I am not offending you. If you wan't, ill give you a good thing:
It has plot. THAT is some thing a story needs, even when its bad.
Second: some chapters can sometimes add suspense. It will make your story "mysterious"
third: did already read God's pawn? That story is exactly the same with the way you right(with some "not suppose to be offending" problems) you see, adding some paragrhaphs in your story is better cause your story can be read easily without problems.
ok i have thought this through but i cant use Microsoft noodlesoup my laptop is broke and this hunk o junk im using right now doesn't have a well working Microsoft that doesn't open some times and dex wait a minute before posting so you can read through your post as so it will not cause a fight or offend any one i do see that i need a large amount of improvement and im trying to evolve my writing from where it is now i know i need improvements but rubbing my face in it doesn't plus i haven't heard of this "gods hand" story dex so give me time and i am working on the next part but i haven't got any set in stone ideas so when i get it done i will post it but till that happens no others may post on this thread so i don't have to be distracted and so i may focus on improving my story OK
You call it real beyblading but you can't even spell the word (beyblading)...\
1. He forgot his name? Really? Haha, it's ok, I do that sometimes...
2. Your punctuation seems to be at the wrong place, at the wrong time. You should only use 'and' once in a sentence, if that. I'm not a fan of 'and', so I try to use other addition words.
3. If you're putting parenthesis to explain things, then that's bad. It should all be explained in the text.
4. Try to describe scenes, not just putting text in there. Use the senses, picture a scene, take it in, grab hold of it, and try to put it into words.
And thanks for the reference to me in your poll
Wow, my eyes jammed after reading this.
did i not ask for people to not comment on this and ldrago that was rude and now whoever comments will be reported I AM SEROUS
(Jul. 02, 2011 6:43 PM)strseeker105HFS Wrote: [ -> ]did i not ask for people to not comment on this and ldrago that was rude and now whoever comments will be reported I AM SEROUS
So what do you want us to do? You can't post something publicly on the internet and ask for people not to comment on it. That's like buying peanut butter even though you are allergic. See what I'm saying?
Also, I apologize if I was rude, but just know that anytime you post something people will get all worked up about it. Take them with a grain of salt and move on.
(Jul. 08, 2011 8:06 PM)Sparta Wrote: [ -> ] (Jul. 02, 2011 6:43 PM)strseeker105HFS Wrote: [ -> ]did i not ask for people to not comment on this and ldrago that was rude and now whoever comments will be reported I AM SEROUS
So what do you want us to do? You can't post something publicly on the internet and ask for people not to comment on it. That's like buying peanut butter even though you are allergic. See what I'm saying?
Also, I apologize if I was rude, but just know that anytime you post something people will get all worked up about it. Take them with a grain of salt and move on.
i meant for the time being so i could improve my story without having to answer to you or other posters wall k and i didn't see your message till you sent me that pm so i didn't report you but thanks for whoever did cuz im busy right now and trying to keep up with this is hard
you can now reply w/out worrying about being reported tell me what you think
Too many spelling errors.