my first beyblade story

here i go
chapter 1
i hope you liked i will right chapter 2 soon!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I'm not a criticist but,
Capitalization on names and beginnings or sentences.
And longer chapters
^Ditto at above post^

Give your characters, a lot of character as well.
Thanks for the advice I should really give the characters more background. Haha
Dialog works like this:
"That's a cool bey, James"said Jake as he looked at James's hand.
"Thanks! I customized it with help from the WBO" replied James
I wasn't really trying all that hard on this one I didnt think that many people would even read it.
You should still put forth an effort. I didn't think people would read my story, but I put an effort into it...

So yeah, maybe you should make the next chapter better...
There I made chapter 2 much better than one. Hope that everyone likes it
Ok here goes chapter 3 I hope someone reads it

Chapter 3
I hope someone reads this and likes it I want some feedback on this please and thank you.
Okay, this is just getting sloppy. There's such a thing as an "EDIT" Button, you know that right? Can you fix chapter 2?

Also, you're just jumbling all the words, which makes the story hard to read...
So... Many... Errors...
You really need to put effort into this. I'm not trying to be rude, but, you need to fix those mistakes. Put the story through whatever little-story-writer-thing (Ex: Windows 95) you have on your computer and fox the errors. It's really jumbled up. And if someone gives you advice, don't be rude.
Rudeness Angry :

Beyblade mau5 Wrote:Ok fine whatever Ill change it k

Sorry if you weren't trying to be rude. it just seemed rude to me.
They're just trying to be friendly and help. DefStamina88 is an AMAZING writer. And you can be, too, if you put the effort in. Take this from a writer with expereance. I've been writing for a long time. Just read my story or PM me if you want help. Grin
(Jul. 14, 2012  7:55 AM)Beyblade mau5 Wrote: I wasn't trying to be rude bro just calm down

I'm not getting mad. I just thought it was rude... Sorry. Anyways, I hope you take my advice. I'm only trying to help, trust me. Smile
Ok I'll work harder on the next one I geuss they suck cuz I'm writing them on my phone haha I guess I'll start typing them on the computer.
Yeah. Try to type it on a computer. Check out my story.
I want yours to look organised. And also, your missing a few quotations in the dialog.
Bad spelling, lotta dialogue, no transitioning.

Okay, I'll clear that up. Your spelling needs some work. "putts" I think you meant "Puts," "citie" is spelled "city," and "none" you most likely wanted to say "non-" Also, you have a lot of dialogue and not a lot of describing the events and such. Describe the training; describe the emotions; describe the battle...we want to live your story.