here i go
chapter 1

Spoiler (Click to View)

"go paladin liger finish him off" seth yelled. with one hit he sent his opponents bey into the pocket on the zero g stadium. seth and his paladin liger metal claw160 wide defense were third strongest beyblader in town behind cody and alex. He had been training in the mountains for months and was back to challenge the second place alex.the only problem was he couldn't find him anywhere but finally after waiting for hours there he is. "alex i want to battle you and assassin shinigami". "ok i can spare a few minutes to take you down". 3.2.1. GO SHOOT!!!!!!!!! they yelled. there beys clashed and a shockwave rocked the stadium. the recoil almost knocked both of them into the pockets. "GO BARRAGE ATTACK LIGER". the attacks were not doing anything."you need to do better than that to take me down " alex yelled. fine how about this" seth yelled. "special move ligers roar" the liger started spinning faster the stadium started to shake and a pillar of fire erupted from liger. "shinigami counter it special move death hurricane". there was a huge explosion when the smoke cleared shinigami was outside of the stadium and liger was wobbling in the stadium. "i won" seth yelled. "I'm number two".

i hope you liked i will right chapter 2 soon!!!!!!!!!

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill

Okay, I'm not a criticist but,
Capitalization on names and beginnings or sentences.
And longer chapters

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"I'll solve equations with my right hand and write names with my left. I'll take a potato chip... and eat it!"- Yagami Light

^Ditto at above post^

Give your characters, a lot of character as well.

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still posi

Thanks for the advice I should really give the characters more background. Haha

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill

Dialog works like this:
"That's a cool bey, James"said Jake as he looked at James's hand.
"Thanks! I customized it with help from the WBO" replied James

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I wasn't really trying all that hard on this one I didnt think that many people would even read it.

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill

You should still put forth an effort. I didn't think people would read my story, but I put an effort into it...

So yeah, maybe you should make the next chapter better...

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Come check out my Youtube Channel here! It's all about video games!

spoiler (Click to View)

He had finally beaten Alex. They had been friends since they were four but he had never ounce beaten Alex. "good game". Seth said shaking Alex's hand.
"I always knew you would be me one day". Alex said " you have always had more potential and bladers spirit than me or anyone i have ever met". "Now I guess we will have to train to beat Cody now". Seth said grinning. Cody was number one in town number four in America and ten in the world the only problem with fighting him was that he was never in town he was always at these big pro tournaments.
They made it to the mountains there old training spot. There was a large crater where they trained at from all the battles they had at that spot. They had rigged up a pulley system to lift rocks to strengthen there arm muscles. There was a path they carved out with there beys so they could race. There was rubble from where they launched their beys at rock. This place contained many memory's. They had their first beyblade battle at that spot. "So how about another battle". Seth said grabbing his bey. "Sure I won't lose this time". Alex said with a smile. 3.2.1. Go shoot!!!! They both yelled at the top of there loungs. They collided in midair causing an explosion. The two beys hit the ground. Seth was always a aggressive blader he treated his balance type like it was a attack type. He wouldn't let up his attack but it was like it didn't phase the defense type shinigami. Finally shinigami countered hitting Liger with extreme force they kept exchanging hits and just when it looked like a draw there was a huge explosion. Both bets were k Ickes out and spinning at the center was a new bey. "what was that" they both said confused. Before they could even finish their sentences a shadowing figure jumped from a cliff landing in front of them. "That was my sniper ghoul" the mysterious man said. "Who are you". Seth questioned. " I will tell you when you beat me I will even let you two shyncrom" the man said in a maniacal voice. They synchromed their beys together into shinigami liger. 3.2.1. Go shoot. All three of them yelled as Seth and the masked man launched there beyblades. This dude is a total idiot Seth thought iv never seen a nine synchromed bey lose against a synchrome before. Seth and Alex went on the defense as synchromes are so good at. Go sniper ghoul the masked man said. Ghoul clashed into liger and pushed him to the edge of the stadium. "How is this possible". Seth thought looking closely at the enemies bey and realized that ghoul had a wide extreme flat tip the strongest attack tip that is as wide as wide defense. Liger pushed back heading for the center of the stadiu
But this time ghoul hit him again harder than before the shockwave left cracks in the ground but somehow Liger avoided a stadium out Seth realized the only way to win this was with his special move " go shinigami roaring liger Flaming hurricane" Seth yelled you could see the energy from his blader spirit around his body. The battle was over and they had won by a landslide and at that moment they realized they were one step closer to beating Cody.

There I made chapter 2 much better than one. Hope that everyone likes it

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill

Ok here goes chapter 3 I hope someone reads it

Chapter 3

spoiler (Click to View)

"Ok masked man who are you" Seth said
"the name is Kyle I'm from a citie near hear where there are no strong bladers so I figured that I would come here because I heard this town is known for having good bladers and someone in town sai you guys were two of the best"
"yea but we arnt the best yet" Seth said "we are traing right now to beat the guy that is".
" can I train with you I have a crazy training method that really boosts your power like crazy".
"sure someone else to train with can't hurt" they replied.
So for the next month the three of them trained none stop so that they could get strong enough to beat Cody. Ounce they had finished their training they started the hunt for Cody and found that he would be at a pro tournament in a week. "great the only problem is we arnt pros so we can't enter" Seth said quietly.
"yea but week can go to the WBBA headquarters and try out for the pro league" Kyle noted.
"Awesome so I geuss we are of to the WBBA headquarters then" Alex said cheerfully.
After a long 18 hour road trip they had finally made it to New York citie where the WBBA headquarters were located. "We are here for the pro league try outs" Alex said to the lady at the front desk.
"this way please" she said. We were guided to a door that said WBBA American head Zeo Abyss. Everyone knew the WBBA head when he was young he almost won the world championships and he was a friend of the legend bladers.
"Welcome" Zeo said. "So you are here for the pro try outs what you have to do to qualifie is quite simple, you must beat me" he said with a serious look.
"great this will be really hard to beat him" Alex said.
Zeo pulls out his beyblade emperor kyubii tr230md. It was known as one of the most powerfull beys ever.
First up to fight him is Kyle. He pulls out sniper ghoul and putts it on his launcher. 3.2.1. Go shoot!!!! They both head for the middle of the stadium ghoul smashes kyubii sending it close to one of the pockets in the stadium. "Knock him out ghoul" Kyle yells. Before kyubii can be knocked out kyubii counters it hitting him back sending ghoul flieing across the stadium already ghoul had slowed down a lot because of poor stamina from his performance tip. "We will have to end this quick or lose from a sleep out, ghoul special move sniper barrage". Ghoul began to circle so fast he became invisible then suddenly out of nowhere he appeared and smashed kyubii at full force sending it flying into a pocket for a stadium out.

I hope someone reads this and likes it I want some feedback on this please and thank you.

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill

Okay, this is just getting sloppy. There's such a thing as an "EDIT" Button, you know that right? Can you fix chapter 2?

Also, you're just jumbling all the words, which makes the story hard to read...

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Come check out my Youtube Channel here! It's all about video games!

Ok fine whatever Ill change it k

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill

So... Many... Errors...
You really need to put effort into this. I'm not trying to be rude, but, you need to fix those mistakes. Put the story through whatever little-story-writer-thing (Ex: Windows 95) you have on your computer and fox the errors. It's really jumbled up. And if someone gives you advice, don't be rude.
Rudeness :

Ok fine whatever Ill change it k

Sorry if you weren't trying to be rude. it just seemed rude to me.
They're just trying to be friendly and help. DefStamina88 is an AMAZING writer. And you can be, too, if you put the effort in. Take this from a writer with expereance. I've been writing for a long time. Just read my story or PM me if you want help.
~China

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I Have No Idea What I'm Doing With My Life Right Now

I wasn't trying to be rude bro just calm down

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill

I wasn't trying to be rude bro just calm down

I'm not getting mad. I just thought it was rude... Sorry. Anyways, I hope you take my advice. I'm only trying to help, trust me.

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I Have No Idea What I'm Doing With My Life Right Now

Ok I'll work harder on the next one I geuss they suck cuz I'm writing them on my phone haha I guess I'll start typing them on the computer.

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill

Yeah. Try to type it on a computer. Check out my story.
I want yours to look organised. And also, your missing a few quotations in the dialog.

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TUMBLR

/r/YoutubeLetsPlay

Thanks for the help everybody

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Falconry|MTG Decks

Sig Shop|Bey Photography|Team in For the Kill

Bad spelling, lotta dialogue, no transitioning.

Okay, I'll clear that up. Your spelling needs some work. "putts" I think you meant "Puts," "citie" is spelled "city," and "none" you most likely wanted to say "non-" Also, you have a lot of dialogue and not a lot of describing the events and such. Describe the training; describe the emotions; describe the battle...we want to live your story.

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"Life isn't about how hard you can hit;
it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"
{[YT]} [|BEYBLOG|] (â—ŠSoG-My Bookâ—Š)/<DA>\