White Flame [A Story]- Ch.1 in OP!

Poll: What ya'll think?

If you don't continue, I will kill.
83.33%
10
It's Ok, needs some work.
16.67%
2
Not good at all.
0%
0
Total: 100% 12 vote(s)
This is my first non-beyblade story. Please give constructive critisism on how I can improve.

Prolouge
Chapter 1: Sangue



I also have drawings of the characters in manga style. I will put them here sometime.

Please post if you read it.
This is a really nice start! I'm looking forward to reading more.
Thanks, I am starting school tomorrow so I won't have much time on my hands, but I will continue.
wow this is a great start i love it!!!
This is amazing, and yes, I will kill if more is not posted. Some minor spelling mistakes here and there, but overall excellent work. You should really sign up for PenPad forums! They will give you serious reviews Smile
I'm not surprised in the spelling mistakes. I havent been in school for 2 months, lol.
I only found one spelling mistake but i suck at speling(ha) hid=his I believe. It's in the 3rd line if you include the dear line.
its a really gr8 story
its a really gr8 story
I wonder what the thing does? Maybe it gives him superpowers or something!
would love to see the drawings
Oh god, I'm sorry. I forgot all about doing that since school started when I first started writing this. I might do some drawings.

And I'd better continue the story or else Insomniac will kill someone! (Referred to post at top)


Chapter 1 in now in the OP! As for the drawings, I will do them tonight and will post them tonight or tomorrow.
(Aug. 11, 2012  11:21 PM)Tri Wrote: I also have drawings of the characters in manga style. I will put them here sometime now.

Fixed Serious

And excellent new chapter. Looking forward to more (no duh).
Thank you! That means a lot coming from a great pretender...

(Sep. 29, 2012  12:26 AM)Tri Wrote: That means a lot coming from a great pretender...

I can be a lot of things. And honest is one of them. Really, keep up this story or die.
I want to keep my posts on this site primarily beyblade, so if you wish to see this story more, go to the PenPad forums where I will add more.
I think I'll continue this here for Spring Break. Expect new chapters every day or couple days! I MAY add drawings.