Chapter 1 (Click to View)

Cyo was just a 10 year old boy who was addicted to Pokemon. He would play Pokemon games all day long, and be ignorant to everything around him while he played.
One day Cyo was at Walmart, looking at the Pokemon cards they had in stock.
“Cyo come see this!” exclaimed Cyo’s brother Roy.
“What do you want Roy?” Cyo yelled.
“Beyblades” said Roy.
“Ugh.” Cyo sighed. “Are they those dumb tops that hit each other in a red frying pan?”
“Yeah.” said Roy.
Cyo looked at all the Beyblades they had. They pink ones, blue ones, black ones, green ones, orange ones, and every other color you could think of. The packages were labeled with stuff like ’Hades Kerbecs‘, ‘Twisted Tempo‘, ‘Storm Capricorn‘, ‘Rock Aries‘, and ‘Hyper Aquario.’ They also had some dumb terms like ’ultimate stamina‘, ‘MS tip helps you spin longer‘, and ‘230 is really tall’.
Cyo could see his brown hair and green eyes in the reflection of the transparent packages.
“Wanna get one and try it out?” asked Roy.
“Sounds good.” said Cyo.
“I’m gonna go to the loose parts section.”
“Heh heh heh, We’ll steal them all!”
The school bulies, Billy and Rick, were walking toward the ‘loose parts’ section of Walmart. Cyo and Roy tiptoed behind them to make sure they wouldn’t steal anything.
“Here they are!” yelled Rick.
Rick and Billy took a bunch of parts and put them together.
“Counter Lacerta WA130MS!” barked Rick.
“Ray Aries GB145Q!” exclaimed Billy.
Cyo took one part from each bin, found what to put it together with, and messed around trying to figure out how to put it together.
“Hey, look who decided to follow us here.” said Billy.
“Heh heh heh!” yelled Rick.
Cyo assembled the Beyblade. The Face Bolt looked like a bear. A scary one.
“That’s a Grand Orso ED145WB!” yelled Rick. “I’m gonna beat you up!”
Roy also had a Beyblade ready to launch.
“Vulcan Pisces ED145HF.” Roy said calmly.
Vulcan Pisces was as black as the night sky. It looked like a new moon in his hand.
“3!” Rick barked.
“2!” exclaimed Billy.
“1!” yelled Cyo and Roy.
“ LET IT RIP!”

I will try to make more chapters as soon as possible.

It's pretty good I liked maybe make your chapters a bit longer and, try to make it your own if you do that you'll be well on your way!

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Thank's Blood for the cool sig!

Really nice job there! I really like it. KIU!

OK, just a few things:
*Try to avoid using "stuff," "Like," and other non-specific, slang words. Makes your story seem less authentic. Instead, use your subject (In this case, "Beys").
*The ending was good. INstead of using yelled for each one, you changed the word-into good words, too. I couldn't see any way you could've avoided not using a subject after your dialogue, so that was well done.

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"Life isn't about how hard you can hit;
it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"
{[YT]} [|BEYBLOG|] (â—ŠSoG-My Bookâ—Š)/<DA>\

Sparta
Thanks, I'll work on that. Have I improved from last time? Haha.

I like the story!I was mad while I was reading it.It calmed me down c:

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Legendary Sprayer - TheSprayBoss

#1 beybladebattles player

When are you continuing this?

Mars, so when are you continuing this? I asked this question twice now. It's a good story.

I like it. It has good grammar. The fact that it was centered made it hard for me to read though.

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I think I will continue it over the weekend. Sorry, I havn't been active for a while.

Great job! I love the idea. Its great! And I agree with Fakir Duck, it's kinda hard to read.

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TUMBLR

/r/YoutubeLetsPlay

School is finally over for me! I plan on ing chapter 2 tomorrow!

Walmart fight ftw! I like that story! I think it might be more interesting if Cyo wins his first match but looses his third, so that he can understand how beyblade is not only hard, but difficult, then he can really get into beyblade!

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Signature was too large. Read the rules.

really nice story
i look forward to more chapters

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Wait is there really a loose part section of walmart?

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|Testing Thread|

Spoiler (Click to View)

Goreim Saramanda 230MB

Wait is there really a loose part section of walmart?

Nope I made it up. Also to all of you waiting for new chapters, there probably won't be any because I wrote the first half of chapter 2, and I lack creative characters. So, I'll take character requests, but I will only accept ones that I think will help the story.

Awwwww... I wish there was a loose parts section...

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|Testing Thread|

Spoiler (Click to View)

Goreim Saramanda 230MB

Awwwww... I wish there was a loose parts section...

Yeah that would be pretty cool

I have a solution! Sombody become the CEO of walmart and then make a loose parts section! XD

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|Testing Thread|

Spoiler (Click to View)

Goreim Saramanda 230MB