Unnamed Beyblade story

Chapter 1 (Click to View)
I will try to make more chapters as soon as possible.
It's pretty good I liked maybe make your chapters a bit longer and, try to make it your own if you do that you'll be well on your way!
Really nice job there! I really like it. KIU!
OK, just a few things:
*Try to avoid using "stuff," "Like," and other non-specific, slang words. Makes your story seem less authentic. Instead, use your subject (In this case, "Beys").
*The ending was good. INstead of using yelled for each one, you changed the word-into good words, too. I couldn't see any way you could've avoided not using a subject after your dialogue, so that was well done.
Sparta
Thanks, I'll work on that. Have I improved from last time? Haha.
I like the story!I was mad while I was reading it.It calmed me down c:
When are you continuing this?
Mars, so when are you continuing this? I asked this question twice now. It's a good story.
I like it. It has good grammar. The fact that it was centered made it hard for me to read though.
I think I will continue it over the weekend. Sorry, I havn't been active for a while.
Great job! I love the idea. Its great! And I agree with Fakir Duck, it's kinda hard to read.
School is finally over for me! I plan on POSTPOSTPOST ing chapter 2 tomorrow!
Walmart fight ftw! I like that story! I think it might be more interesting if Cyo wins his first match but looses his third, so that he can understand how beyblade is not only hard, but difficult, then he can really get into beyblade!
really nice story
i look forward to more chapters
Wait is there really a loose part section of walmart?
(Aug. 01, 2012  2:59 PM)AnsonihArrow Wrote: Wait is there really a loose part section of walmart?
Nope I made it up. Also to all of you waiting for new chapters, there probably won't be any because I wrote the first half of chapter 2, and I lack creative characters. So, I'll take character requests, but I will only accept ones that I think will help the story.

Awwwww... I wish there was a loose parts section... Unhappy
(Aug. 01, 2012  6:39 PM)AnsonihArrow Wrote: Awwwww... I wish there was a loose parts section... Unhappy
Yeah that would be pretty cool

I have a solution! Sombody become the CEO of walmart and then make a loose parts section! XD